Heartbroken. After 22 Years, How My Story Ends [update]

[TwoTowns]

Never wanted to return to this board with this kind of update, but I'm hopeful to get the support and/or 'tough love' I need to make it through and stick to permanent NC. Maybe writing it out will be the only wake-up call I need. I guess mine is a cautionary tale.

 

Involved with a MM back in early 90s. When we were at our closest he abruptly ended the affair to work on his marriage and remained married until wife left him in 2012 for another man. He rebounded through two short flings and had been 'casually' dating someone for four months when he reappeared in my life. We are long distance. On my end - I rebounded weeks after our first ending into a relationship with the man I ended up marrying and having kids with. Dysfunctional, emotionally abusive marriage.

 

My second affair with the now divorced AP quickly became emotional and we talked every day. My daughter discovered, my husband was made aware. I am currently separated.

 

After my separation, the affair became physical. Saw each other on average once every three months. As our affair intensified, the now divorced AP simultaneously remained involved with his girlfriend, and moved her into his home three months after re-entering my life. So he had a passionate thing on the side with me, who he knew always loved him and would never leave - and he had a secure, loving warm home life with the girlfriend to replace what he lost with his wife.

 

My (flawed) position was that I had loved this man half my life and would stick it out with him because we both felt that there was a good chance we'd end up together one day. The AP is living with a woman who cheated on her husband with a man who she then left weeks before getting involved with AP. She wants to get remarried, my AP is adamant that he does not. To me, it just seemed a situation that would ultimately end and leave a door open for me. What I SHOULD HAVE DONE was leave the day she moved in and just let their relationship play out however it was going to.

 

But I stayed in it, and last week went up there to spend a few days with him at his invitation. She was going out of town. This is where I found out how much I truly mattered to him. Certain things happened that led him to believe he was imminently going to get 'caught.' And he abruptly left me, told me to let him go - that he was sick to his stomach at the thought of losing HER. He made me feel like I should have seen it coming, that he had wanted to leave me for some time but I wouldn't 'let him,' that I had no right to feel blindsided or heartbroken. He got angry when I told him I felt misled, and told me to lose his phone number. A few days later, he was a little kinder and told me he would be 'honored' to keep me as his friend.

 

Even after my own dday, I loved him and did not turn my back on him. I can't believe I loved this man for more than half my life, missed him for all the years in between our first and second affair, and now with no warning after talking to him every single day find myself alone so he can be happy with somebody else. And yet, in our last conversation, AP was telling me he doesn't love anyone more than me, that his feelings for me have not changed. :-/ But now, he says, he cannot be a cheater and continue living a double life.

 

I know I should have ended my marriage long ago - so I am at peace with my separation. It was wrong to use my husband to help me 'get over' the first loss of this AP. However, not only do I now have to cope with losing AP a second time - I have to accept that I broke my daughter's heart in the process.

 

My dad went into the hospital yesterday with heart failure. I have three school-aged children and a job. I feel like I can't make it through the day - I feel grief stricken all the time. I feel like I have no self respect. I want to text the AP and try to retain our friendship, when I know I need to stay NC.

 

Doing the right thing is so damn hard. All I can think is that I am never again going to see, or touch, or speak to this man I've loved for 22 years. When what I SHOULD try to feel is something feistier that will help me focus on making my life and my children's lives better for all of us.

[blue963]

I am so sorry that he treated you this way. You didnt deserve that.

[BeautyInDisaster]

I've been lurking for months but haven't posted anything or been compelled to share my story. But I feel your pain in particularly, I've been involved with the same man on and off for over 21 years. Although not all of that was adulthood and most of it wasn't an affair. Childhood playmates, high school sweethearts, adult rebounds, oldest friend, now full blown affair. Always differently, always in different situations or points in my life. When someone is apart of your life for so long it becomes hard to distinguish if you're soul mates who keep missing each other or if your in the throes of some kind of Stockholm Syndrome. I'm sorry you're going through this I know it feels like closure is next to impossible because I feel the same.

[TwoTowns]

I've been lurking for months but haven't posted anything or been compelled to share my story. But I feel your pain in particularly, I've been involved with the same man on and off for over 21 years. Although not all of that was adulthood and most of it wasn't an affair. Childhood playmates, high school sweethearts, adult rebounds, oldest friend, now full blown affair. Always differently, always in different situations or points in my life. When someone is apart of your life for so long it becomes hard to distinguish if you're soul mates who keep missing each other or if your in the throes of some kind of Stockholm Syndrome. I'm sorry you're going through this I know it feels like closure is next to impossible because I feel the same.

 

I'm sorry for your pain, too. It's hard because only now am I starting to pick up on certain personality traits of his that I either didn't notice or ignored the first time around when we were first involved. He has a tendency to say cruel things when he is upset or feels backed into a corner. Then, later, he is apologetic about it.

And it particularly SUCKS that I have allowed this one man to affect my entire adult life. There's only ever been HIM and MY HUSBAND. In the immediate aftermath of both relationships - I feel like I was never chosen by either of them. And it feels like neither of them ever really loved me.

[Speakingofwhich]

TwoTowns, so sorry to read what you're going through but one thing I noticed in your post is that you seem to be thinking very clearly in that you know what's important, your children; your family.

 

You realize your emotions aren't where they need to be and that you need to heal. It will take time but you'll do it.

 

Twenty-two years is a long time but it's not thirty-two or forty-two years! Be glad you now know what he's like and also that you didn't divorce because of him. You now have the opportunity to heal and move on and look forward to a future that includes a healthy partner at some point.

[2sunny]

Hopefully after wasting 22 years - you will now move forward.

[TwoTowns]

Hopefully after wasting 22 years - you will now move forward.

 

Trying to take things one day at a time.

 

The ending came abruptly on Thursday last week. I then had an excruciating 10-hour drive back home, and then yesterday (Monday) my dad went into the hospital in heart failure.

 

So much happening all at once and I am heartbroken at all of it and just trying to make it from sun-up to sundown.

 

I'm hopeful, though. I'm hopeful.

[2sunny]

Work on taking your power back. You've handed him too much of your power.

[road]

Never wanted to return to this board with this kind of update, but I'm hopeful to get the support and/or 'tough love' I need to make it through and stick to permanent NC. Maybe writing it out will be the only wake-up call I need. I guess mine is a cautionary tale.

 

Involved with a MM back in early 90s. When we were at our closest he abruptly ended the affair to work on his marriage and remained married until wife left him in 2012 for another man. He rebounded through two short flings and had been 'casually' dating someone for four months when he reappeared in my life. We are long distance. On my end - I rebounded weeks after our first ending into a relationship with the man I ended up marrying and having kids with. Dysfunctional, emotionally abusive marriage.

 

My second affair with the now divorced AP quickly became emotional and we talked every day. My daughter discovered, my husband was made aware. I am currently separated.

 

After my separation, the affair became physical. Saw each other on average once every three months. As our affair intensified, the now divorced AP simultaneously remained involved with his girlfriend, and moved her into his home three months after re-entering my life. So he had a passionate thing on the side with me, who he knew always loved him and would never leave - and he had a secure, loving warm home life with the girlfriend to replace what he lost with his wife.

 

My (flawed) position was that I had loved this man half my life and would stick it out with him because we both felt that there was a good chance we'd end up together one day. The AP is living with a woman who cheated on her husband with a man who she then left weeks before getting involved with AP. She wants to get remarried, my AP is adamant that he does not. To me, it just seemed a situation that would ultimately end and leave a door open for me. What I SHOULD HAVE DONE was leave the day she moved in and just let their relationship play out however it was going to.

 

But I stayed in it, and last week went up there to spend a few days with him at his invitation. She was going out of town. This is where I found out how much I truly mattered to him. Certain things happened that led him to believe he was imminently going to get 'caught.' And he abruptly left me, told me to let him go - that he was sick to his stomach at the thought of losing HER. He made me feel like I should have seen it coming, that he had wanted to leave me for some time but I wouldn't 'let him,' that I had no right to feel blindsided or heartbroken. He got angry when I told him I felt misled, and told me to lose his phone number. A few days later, he was a little kinder and told me he would be 'honored' to keep me as his friend.

 

Even after my own dday, I loved him and did not turn my back on him. I can't believe I loved this man for more than half my life, missed him for all the years in between our first and second affair, and now with no warning after talking to him every single day find myself alone so he can be happy with somebody else. And yet, in our last conversation, AP was telling me he doesn't love anyone more than me, that his feelings for me have not changed. :-/ But now, he says, he cannot be a cheater and continue living a double life.

 

I know I should have ended my marriage long ago - so I am at peace with my separation. It was wrong to use my husband to help me 'get over' the first loss of this AP. However, not only do I now have to cope with losing AP a second time - I have to accept that I broke my daughter's heart in the process.

 

My dad went into the hospital yesterday with heart failure. I have three school-aged children and a job. I feel like I can't make it through the day - I feel grief stricken all the time. I feel like I have no self respect. I want to text the AP and try to retain our friendship, when I know I need to stay NC.

 

Doing the right thing is so damn hard. All I can think is that I am never again going to see, or touch, or speak to this man I've loved for 22 years. When what I SHOULD try to feel is something feistier that will help me focus on making my life and my children's lives better for all of us.

 

 

 

 

You gave away 22 years for a man that was willing to say anything to string you along for some side action.

[KaliLove]

I'm so sorry about your dad. I hope he's ok.

 

As you said, I think the best thing to do is to throw yourself into taking care of your kids and making sure they're ok with everything that's happening. But take care of yourself as well.

 

I'm glad you're finally able to do the right thing and walk away. You should feel proud of yourself for that.

[Minnie09]

Sorry you're feeling such pain. You can choose to focus on the good things now, though. It's not going to be easy to stay focused on those, but you have them in your life. Be thankful for that.

 

You left an abusive M. Kudos. You got a job, so can take care of yourself financially. Kudos. You're a strong woman. I hope the relationship with your daughter hasn't suffered too terribly due to her finding out. How did that happen, and have you been on speaking terms? That's important right now.

 

As to om.....he switches you on and off as he pleases, seems to be making the rules as he goes......that is unacceptable. Of course, you know that. The connection and love you've felt towards him is an illusion. He doesn't seem to care much. Letting you drive home for 10 hours after this? Just......wow. NC is the answer. And I'm sure he'll be back for more drama. Be thankful he hasn't tried yet. It's not going to get better when he does. Watch his actions, don't listen to his words. Actions are all that matters. Look back onto 22 years of careless actions on his part and draw your conclusion. Disregard your emotions. They're just emotions and not based on reality. Good luck.

[beach]

My hope is that you'll continue posting here - to help some OW understand what it feels like to wait.

 

Hopefully you can help them move forward more quickly by taking care of themselves first and foremost.

[AmyBamy]

I wouldn't consider it wasted time or energy. Love is never wasted even if it isn't always returned at the same level. I do think that you deserve far more than this man can ever offer you. Grieve the loss that is necessary. But if you look at it like wasted time you will forever regret it and that will hurt. Find what you can take away from it because there is always something that you learned or figured out that makes everything worthwhile even if it had to end.

[Cocochai]

Never wanted to return to this board with this kind of update, but I'm hopeful to get the support and/or 'tough love' I need to make it through and stick to permanent NC. Maybe writing it out will be the only wake-up call I need. I guess mine is a cautionary tale.

 

Involved with a MM back in early 90s. When we were at our closest he abruptly ended the affair to work on his marriage and remained married until wife left him in 2012 for another man. He rebounded through two short flings and had been 'casually' dating someone for four months when he reappeared in my life. We are long distance. On my end - I rebounded weeks after our first ending into a relationship with the man I ended up marrying and having kids with. Dysfunctional, emotionally abusive marriage.

 

My second affair with the now divorced AP quickly became emotional and we talked every day. My daughter discovered, my husband was made aware. I am currently separated.

 

After my separation, the affair became physical. Saw each other on average once every three months. As our affair intensified, the now divorced AP simultaneously remained involved with his girlfriend, and moved her into his home three months after re-entering my life. So he had a passionate thing on the side with me, who he knew always loved him and would never leave - and he had a secure, loving warm home life with the girlfriend to replace what he lost with his wife.

 

My (flawed) position was that I had loved this man half my life and would stick it out with him because we both felt that there was a good chance we'd end up together one day. The AP is living with a woman who cheated on her husband with a man who she then left weeks before getting involved with AP. She wants to get remarried, my AP is adamant that he does not. To me, it just seemed a situation that would ultimately end and leave a door open for me. What I SHOULD HAVE DONE was leave the day she moved in and just let their relationship play out however it was going to.

 

But I stayed in it, and last week went up there to spend a few days with him at his invitation. She was going out of town. This is where I found out how much I truly mattered to him. Certain things happened that led him to believe he was imminently going to get 'caught.' And he abruptly left me, told me to let him go - that he was sick to his stomach at the thought of losing HER. He made me feel like I should have seen it coming, that he had wanted to leave me for some time but I wouldn't 'let him,' that I had no right to feel blindsided or heartbroken. He got angry when I told him I felt misled, and told me to lose his phone number. A few days later, he was a little kinder and told me he would be 'honored' to keep me as his friend.

 

Even after my own dday, I loved him and did not turn my back on him. I can't believe I loved this man for more than half my life, missed him for all the years in between our first and second affair, and now with no warning after talking to him every single day find myself alone so he can be happy with somebody else. And yet, in our last conversation, AP was telling me he doesn't love anyone more than me, that his feelings for me have not changed. :-/ But now, he says, he cannot be a cheater and continue living a double life.

 

I know I should have ended my marriage long ago - so I am at peace with my separation. It was wrong to use my husband to help me 'get over' the first loss of this AP. However, not only do I now have to cope with losing AP a second time - I have to accept that I broke my daughter's heart in the process.

 

My dad went into the hospital yesterday with heart failure. I have three school-aged children and a job. I feel like I can't make it through the day - I feel grief stricken all the time. I feel like I have no self respect. I want to text the AP and try to retain our friendship, when I know I need to stay NC.

 

Doing the right thing is so damn hard. All I can think is that I am never again going to see, or touch, or speak to this man I've loved for 22 years. When what I SHOULD try to feel is something feistier that will help me focus on making my life and my children's lives better for all of us.

 

 

So sorry for your pain OP.. I lost my father recently and even tho my XMM knew he was sick... Did very little to help ease my pain when I reached out to him. Don't look to him for comport it will only hurt you more. Be there for your dad in every way you can and don't waste another single thought analyzing your XMM.

 

Sometimes we have to hear the truth to jerk us back into reality. The fact that he chose another female to live with and possibly plan a future shows how he truly views you and the relationship you two have had off/on for over a decade. Yes it's possible for a person to have sex with a female for YEARS and never have a mutual bond.

 

You are a person with feelings, blood running through your veins. Not a person whose sole purpose is to use and discard on his own terms. Guys for the most part are simple creatures and he's showing you and TELLING you how he feels.

 

As the saying goes... When you love a person more then they love you, the relationship is doomed. He's selfish. Point, blank, period!

 

The best revenge is to move on and never look back. You we both know, you deserve better.

[TwoTowns]

So sorry for your pain OP.. I lost my father recently and even tho my XMM knew he was sick... Did very little to help ease my pain when I reached out to him. Don't look to him for comport it will only hurt you more.

 

XAP's dad is dying of leukemia, and at Christmas time underwent open heart surgery. I was in agony knowing that my lover was in pain at the thought of losing his dad. It was so hard being hundreds of miles away, a secret, not able to be there with him at the hospital to help him through. Of course his live-in girlfriend was there.

 

In ending things with me last week, he told me that she had been there with him through these hard times. It was so frustrating to me, because I was there with him too!!! He made her out to be someone who loves him so selflessly and all I could think of was all the time I spent crying and worrying over him, not able to do a damn thing to help. In fact, he pushed me away when his dad had the surgery - told me he couldn't handle being in the affair during such a stressful time. I'm beginning to GET that I was valuable in his life as long as I didn't threaten his security or cause added stress. When things were hard in his life, he didn't need me. :-(

 

I texted him about my dad being in the hospital with congestive heart failure, and got a generic "sorry about ur dad." I guess maybe my text was intended to get a phone call from him, something to show that he cared about me and was worried about me. When I got the word that Dad is dying and needs to go to hospice care, I texted X-AP again to tell him that my dad is dying. He just ignored my texts.

 

Maybe he thinks he's being kind. But it just compounds my heartbreak.

[SoleMate]

I'm so sorry, TwoT. My best wishes to you, your dad, and your kids. There's only one thing that makes sense right now: (((hugs)))

 

Oh wait, I thought of something better. This may be how your A story ends....I hope it is. :-( But your life story is NOT ending, I believe this will be your new beginning. I hope you find the way to make it a healthy, joyous, overflowingly bountiful life with your family and friends.

Edited May 21, 2014 by SoleMate

[TwoTowns]

Update:

 

We are long distance. Part of our routine was for X-AP to leave me a voicemail each morning on his way to work. It has been hard not getting those voicemails. It has been hard feeling like I was abandoned, whether I have a right to feel that way or not.

 

He left me a voicemail this morning. Said he's been very depressed, one of his key employees has given notice at work...but that he is worried about me and wanted to talk to me to get an update about what's going on with my dad and divorce situation. He told me that he thinks about me constantly, worries about me, and still loves me so much. "I know you probably don't believe that," he said, "but I do."

 

I did not respond to the voicemail. A few minutes ago, he left a text: "hey, how's your dad?" I haven't responded to that either.

 

It's so hard not answering HIS messages. I'm trying to remind myself of the crickets I've gotten for nearly a week from him.

 

Deep down I do believe he loves me. But he is more invested in his relationship with his girlfriend, and if I get sucked back in this painful cycle will just repeat itself, and he will abandon me again and tell me how much he loves HER and doesn't want to lose HER.

 

Trying to stay strong and not reach out to him today.

[beach]

Update:

 

We are long distance. Part of our routine was for X-AP to leave me a voicemail each morning on his way to work. It has been hard not getting those voicemails. It has been hard feeling like I was abandoned, whether I have a right to feel that way or not.

 

He left me a voicemail this morning. Said he's been very depressed, one of his key employees has given notice at work...but that he is worried about me and wanted to talk to me to get an update about what's going on with my dad and divorce situation. He told me that he thinks about me constantly, worries about me, and still loves me so much. "I know you probably don't believe that," he said, "but I do."

 

I did not respond to the voicemail. A few minutes ago, he left a text: "hey, how's your dad?" I haven't responded to that either.

 

It's so hard not answering HIS messages. I'm trying to remind myself of the crickets I've gotten for nearly a week from him.

 

Deep down I do believe he loves me. But he is more invested in his relationship with his girlfriend, and if I get sucked back in this painful cycle will just repeat itself, and he will abandon me again and tell me how much he loves HER and doesn't want to lose HER.

 

Trying to stay strong and not reach out to him today.

 

That's good - stay strong! This is for you - to become stronger and to let go of what doesn't work for you. You know he was looking for his ego stroke from you, right? All at your cost.

 

It will leave room for a man to honor you and to treat you right.

 

You know how he feels - he loves you, but not enough to make you his top priority.

 

Stay NC and stay busy so you don't think of him so much.

You deserve to be a top priority for the right man - his only focus.

[TwoTowns]

That's good - stay strong! This is for you - to become stronger and to let go of what doesn't work for you. You know he was looking for his ego stroke from you, right? All at your cost.

 

Yup. He also is motivated by guilt. I sometimes wonder if he has any other emotion EVER, other than guilt. He's always feeling guilty about something.

 

I say he brings the guilt on himself, and he needs to feel a little bad for a while. He has been acting out and taking things out on ME lately that had nothing to do with me. He needs to feel this guilt.

 

I am feeling stronger and like I have a little bit more self respect. I don't think he has really seen this side of me, because I have always put his needs and feelings first - and I always jumped to respond to contact from him.

 

I have my sick dad, and school-age kids, and job to keep me preoccupied today.

[TwoTowns]

Please read my previous thread if you need a recap.

 

It's been crickets from my long distance x-AP for the last five days - even though he HAD TO KNOW how badly I was suffering from our abrupt ending. I had driven ten hours to see him, at his invitation, last week - only to have him unceremoniously dump me when he became worried he was about to get caught. We've been involved with each other twice over the last 22 years - and guilt was always a serious issue for each of us. He cited guilt as his reason for the ending, but then tried to turn things around and make it MY fault (to make him feel better about how badly he treated me at the end).

 

This morning, he sent a voicemail and a text to see how my dad is doing, and how I am. My dad is in hospital, in final stages of congestive heart failure/COPD.

 

In the voicemail, x-AP stated that he thought of me all the time, was worried about me, and that he still loved me 'so much -' even though he knew I had a hard time believing that.

 

I haven't responded to the voicemail or the text. I still feel strong enough not to respond, but WHY do I feel guilty for that?? He knew I had to drive ten hours home, crying and in pain the whole time after the ending last week - and he knows I've been suffering and grieving since then. He has managed to make minimal replies to any texts I've sent him. So why should I feel guilty for finally asserting myself and NOT running to respond to contact from HIM?

 

Why do I sit here wondering what he's thinking? I guess I already know: I have more empathy for his feelings than he has for mine. I have always loved him more.

 

At the very least, he is not used to crickets from me and is probably trying to figure out what the hell it means. I say GOOD. Let him be the one to wonder for once.

[Ronnie33]

Because it's an addiction. Even though he treated you like crap and ignored you for a week the minute he calls or those feelings come rushing back we want more. Its not guilt you feel it's the withdrawal from not speaking to him. It's one of the worst addictions and never ending cycle of emotional despair but yet we fight ourselves to stay away.

 

Don't feed into it. I know it's easier said then done but he chose his gf and let you drive home ten hours. I would tell him to eff off.

Edited May 21, 2014 by Ronnie33

[movingon45]

I've been lurking for months but haven't posted anything or been compelled to share my story. But I feel your pain in particularly, I've been involved with the same man on and off for over 21 years. Although not all of that was adulthood and most of it wasn't an affair. Childhood playmates, high school sweethearts, adult rebounds, oldest friend, now full blown affair. Always differently, always in different situations or points in my life. When someone is apart of your life for so long it becomes hard to distinguish if you're soul mates who keep missing each other or if your in the throes of some kind of Stockholm Syndrome. I'm sorry you're going through this I know it feels like closure is next to impossible because I feel the same.

 

Oh wow I guess if I count that we were college sweethearts before we had the affair I have been with him on and off for 28 years! We were grade school classmates and he courted me in high school but I don't count those years because I didn't reciprocate his feelings.

 

Beauty in disaster and twotowns, the LONG history is really what makes it tough to move on! Been in your shoes! Hang in there. I'm almost a month in NC.

[movingon45]

I'm sorry for your pain, too. It's hard because only now am I starting to pick up on certain personality traits of his that I either didn't notice or ignored the first time around when we were first involved. He has a tendency to say cruel things when he is upset or feels backed into a corner. Then, later, he is apologetic about it.

And it particularly SUCKS that I have allowed this one man to affect my entire adult life. There's only ever been HIM and MY HUSBAND. In the immediate aftermath of both relationships - I feel like I was never chosen by either of them. And it feels like neither of them ever really loved me.

 

Oh dear, same with me: just him and my husband.

 

You don't deserve to be in an abusive relationship though!!! And now it's just bad timing with your dad in the hospital Find someone else to lean on to.

[movingon45]

Please read my previous thread if you need a recap.

 

It's been crickets from my long distance x-AP for the last five days - even though he HAD TO KNOW how badly I was suffering from our abrupt ending. I had driven ten hours to see him, at his invitation, last week - only to have him unceremoniously dump me when he became worried he was about to get caught. We've been involved with each other twice over the last 22 years - and guilt was always a serious issue for each of us. He cited guilt as his reason for the ending, but then tried to turn things around and make it MY fault (to make him feel better about how badly he treated me at the end).

 

This morning, he sent a voicemail and a text to see how my dad is doing, and how I am. My dad is in hospital, in final stages of congestive heart failure/COPD.

 

In the voicemail, x-AP stated that he thought of me all the time, was worried about me, and that he still loved me 'so much -' even though he knew I had a hard time believing that.

 

I haven't responded to the voicemail or the text. I still feel strong enough not to respond, but WHY do I feel guilty for that?? He knew I had to drive ten hours home, crying and in pain the whole time after the ending last week - and he knows I've been suffering and grieving since then. He has managed to make minimal replies to any texts I've sent him. So why should I feel guilty for finally asserting myself and NOT running to respond to contact from HIM?

 

Why do I sit here wondering what he's thinking? I guess I already know: I have more empathy for his feelings than he has for mine. I have always loved him more.

 

At the very least, he is not used to crickets from me and is probably trying to figure out what the hell it means. I say GOOD. Let him be the one to wonder for once.

 

Don't give in! He's only telling you what you wanted to hear at his own convenient time. You can test his love for you if he's there when you needed him most.

 

Please do yourself a favor and try your best to ignore. You'll get through this!

[TwoTowns]

Ex AP's hatred for social networking goes back to 2011, when his then-wife utilized it to facilitate her affair. She left x-AP for the other man.

 

The ending of my relationship with him came last week, when he feared a Dday and expressed guilt about being disloyal to his live-in girlfriend.

 

Today, I received contact from him, asking me to look at her Facebook page. She told him that someone had asked her out to lunch on Facebook, and he wanted to know who it was and what specifically was said.

 

First of all - I couldn't BELIEVE the audacity. LOL So I didn't respond to his contact, but out of curiosity I did visit her Facebook page. Lo and behold, his girlfriend was NOT asked to lunch - it was SHE who asked a guy out to lunch! She probably figured x-AP would never find out as he hates Facebook and never looks at what she does on it.

Interestingly, she cheated on her husband and left him for another man. She was with that man for three years and - two weeks after leaving him - got with x-AP. I'm sensing a pattern here.

 

My understanding is that the only real conflict between x-AP and his girlfriend, up until now, is that she wants to get remarried while x-AP vows NEVER to get married again. Wonder what he'd think if he found out she lied to him about asking another man out to lunch.