mercuryshadow Posted May 20, 2014 Share Posted May 20, 2014 FI and I are getting married this weekend. I bring with me to the relationship a 9 year old son from a previous relationship (the relationship ended when my son was only a year old). The closer this wedding has gotten, the more difficult and curt my ex has been with me. Recently, it has felt like he was trying to play some game of tug-o-war with our son, and I don't find it acceptable. In addition, he is very, very late on his portion of payment that goes toward after school care. This was an amicable agreement we made in regards to splitting the payment in half. At first there was no issue, but for the last two months he's become unreliable, difficult and uncooperative. Does it sound as if he is consciously behaving this way? Could it be that he feels threatened by the fact that my son is going to have a new step-father? Is there some constructive way that I could approach this issue with him? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 24, 2014 Share Posted May 24, 2014 He probably is scared of being left out or replaced. Understandable, imagine if the situation was reversed, I'm sure you'd be a little worried and scared about another woman, a step mom to your child, helping raise your son. Be compassionate and talk to him. Tell him nobody is replacing him as a father and not to worry. Has he met your fiance? If not, they need to meet. Your child comes first, so when you talk to your ex, keep the focus on your son. Ask him to be nicer and more considerate, to open up and talk instead of playing games and skipping out on payments..That's not good at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Grumpybutfun Posted May 24, 2014 Share Posted May 24, 2014 Yes, go to court and get child support worked out so it is enforced by law. He doesn't get to blackmail you in life when you hurt his feelings whether or not he contributes to your sons education. Amicable is over because he is being petty with something that is his responsibility. Hire a lawyer if this continues. He gets no say on your life now. Parenthood responsibilities are the only thing he do gets any input or emotional responses about. Your upcoming nuptials are only his business insofar as how it affects your son, not monetarily or emotionally. Best, Grumps 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted May 24, 2014 Share Posted May 24, 2014 It's probably about control, or jealousy. Most likely it's not conscious, probably unconscious. You still need to deal with it though, legally. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 24, 2014 Share Posted May 24, 2014 Grumpy is right but on the theory that you get more flies with honey, I'd give your EX 1-2 months post wedding. Show him that his place in your son's life hasn't changed. Keep track of the money he owes & wheedle it out of him but don't let it pass. Hiring a lawyer is expensive. The court process is slow. It will also feel like throwing gas on a bad situation. If there is any possibility that your EX will go back to honoring the original child support agreement, try that 1st. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BlueIris Posted May 28, 2014 Share Posted May 28, 2014 You could also approach it this way: Talk to child's Dad and express your understanding that he might be worried, so craft a Stipulated Order that you agree to and have it entered. This can ensure both parents' parenting time and custodial rights and financial agreements. No need to hire lawyers. There are forms available online in most jurisdictions. Given the change, this would be an ideal time to formalize things for both parties' and your child's security. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mercuryshadow Posted May 30, 2014 Author Share Posted May 30, 2014 (edited) Thank you for the replies!! Things fell into place after I spoke with him. He says his difficulty was not intentional, but I take that with a grain of salt. Going forward, I don't think the amicable agreement is really the best way to continue. In fact, the amicable agreement was out of my compassion for him because he'd been out of work for a while. I understood that he had bills to catch up on, and so I told him he could pay a reduced amount for a while. It's now been over two years. He's met my H (several times) and approves of him. There's really nothing to disapprove of. My H is very involved with my son...and enjoys being a step-dad. As for custody - joint custody is still in place. For now, that's not going to change, as it wouldn't be fair to our son. It's difficult being away from him for nearly a week at a time, and it's certainly not ideal for a child, but it's what he's accustomed to...and he loves both of his parents, so making any change in the court order in that regard would be detrimental to him. So no, I wouldn't compromise any of his father's parenting time, and he knows that. Edited May 30, 2014 by mercuryshadow Link to post Share on other sites
loversquarrel Posted June 7, 2014 Share Posted June 7, 2014 Be careful of going to court over the child support issue, especially if you have a career in which you make more money - he could end up with 50% physical custody and you could potentially have to pay him support. The only ones that make out with these issues are the Attorney's who will gladly take your money. Link to post Share on other sites
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