Today I let it go.

[OnwardandUpward]

Married 12 years and 3 months ago he called for divorce.

 

I have begged and pleaded. 30 texts per day passing between us. Like a crazy person, I have taken all the blame and said how awful I was, I have hated myself.

 

Today I let it go. I am not a bad person, I am a good woman. Not many women take on 4 kids and make them their own. I got very sick with emotions of overactive thyroid. Stuff happens medically to us all and if he calls a marraige quit for that, then so be it.

 

I deserve better then what I am dishing out to myself. I have deactivated facebook, deleted his number. My last time I see him will be on saturday to get my car signed to me and then again in 9 months time for divorce court.

 

I will not sue, I will just walk away with my head held high and he can do in life as he chooses. I am done.

[Chi townD]

Amen girl! I like your attitude! But, hard days are ahead! If you need support, we're here for ya!

[Strength in Healing]

Chi is accurate.

 

The pain comes in waves. Raise your shield.

 

Some days will be hell, some easier. As time goes on, there will be more easy days and less hell, but the road to Heaven is paved with fire.

[KaliLove]

Are you going to stay in the kids' lives? Are they ok?

[OnwardandUpward]

The kids are all young adults now and only one stands by me. 2 others do not speak to me now as they have sided with their dad ... I guess blood is thicker then water. In all honesty its likely more a case of they live with dad so side with him. The eldest girl has always hated me. I guess my job is done. Kids raised and im out.

 

I have made myself in my head to be the biggest dog. Kids would fight, id crack off and send them to their room. I was just a mum. Ive been left with nothing of me and so I immersed myself in art.

 

Thanks for the support. I get the car signed over saturday. Regardless of anything, I will cook a lasagna for the kids and take it out.

 

I have desperately tried to keep everyone in my life but if they dont see value in me then I have to let it go. Every morning I send the kids a message saying good morning, I love you have a good day. I get nothing back. Im done.

 

Their dad told them I walked out so I guess in their eyes one mum died and one walked out. I have begged him to tell the truth and he says ..I did.

 

I just cant do this anymore.

 

I will immerse myself in art and heal.

[KaliLove]

Oh goodness. Well I'm so sorry for you and I'm sad for them too. I hope you'll keep an open heart in case they decide they want you back in their lives.

 

I'm so glad that you're able to let go. It'll come in waves but hopefully the worst is over for you.

[OnwardandUpward]

I have just told there dad that regardless of anything i will not be loosing my kids. I told him i will drive out on tuesday night and cook dinner for the two remaining there.

 

He said ok.

 

I told him they are my kids and that if they see us in the same room together they may realise everything is ok but i will not loose my two.

 

So i have to find every ounce of strength i have in me and drive out and see these two and try to repair any damage that has been done.

 

I have let go of the father - i will not let go off my kids.

 

I realised after writing all of the above this morning that i have been so caught in grief and having to move 2 hours away that maybe the problem with the 2 is actually me. Maybe they do feel i abandoned them and if that is the case, then i have to go out there and see. If they are just being brats and hating me for now, then so be it.