Regretting break up after 8 months

[DianeBenessi]

Hi everyone, Sorry if this would be a bit long post I would try my best to make the story short so you won't get bored.

 

I wanted to share my story and hopefully I could get some good advice on here.

 

Me and my ex boyfriend been together for 3 years. He is a great guy..

 

We broke up 8 months ago. October of 2013... I was under lots of stress because of work so the last months of us being together is really rocky.. I didn't want to have sex with him. Felt like I didn't love him anymore..

 

When we broke up he ask me If I am sure of my decision.. I told him yes and I told him I am very sorry for hurting him. after that day he totally disappeared from my life. He cut me off in everything.. facebook, Viber, Skype etc.

 

And I was fine with it. I tried contacting him to be friends with him but he ignored me and told me he doesn't want to be friends and That's ok with me and I wish him the best.

 

I finally loving my single life during the first 3 months of our break up... I went to parties, Travel with my friends.

 

last January of 2014 he contacted me basically he wants me back. I rejected him again because I'm totally fine and happy being single.. He never contacted me again after this.

 

fast forward now everything has changed after I saw his brother post on facebook 2 weeks ago.

 

He has a new girlfriend and it's just not a girlfriend she was very pretty like a Victoria secret model pretty she was gorgeous and hot..

 

When I saw this I feel sick to my stomach and very hurt.. I felt very insecure on how I look because his new girlfriend.

 

I've been crying all day for the past 2 weeks since I saw that picture.

 

I keep asking myself why did I let him go.. He was such a great guy and I miss him badly.

 

I thought I was fine being single but I am not.. I want him back so badly..

 

Maybe I thought the grass was really greener but it's not and now I want what I can't have.

 

I don't know what to do.. I didn't want to contact him anymore because he has a girlfriend now and he might just ignore me again but I can't keep him out of my mind.

 

I know I made some mistakes. I took him for granted while we are together.. Any advice would be great.

[FortunateSon]

I think you are confusing your ego being hurt by the fact that he appears to have a "gorgeous and hot" girlfriend to you actually wanting him back. In your post you clearly stated you didn't want to have sex with him and "felt like you didn't love him anymore." Why would do you suddenly want him back after feeling like that? Because he has a "hot" girlfriends you want him back? Seems to be a foolish reason to get back with someone. Think about it...

[DianeBenessi]

That time I was under lots of stress because of being promoted at work. That's why I felt like I wanted to focus on my career than being with him.

 

I want to rest and sleep than to have sex I hope you get what I meant by that..

 

Basically I was confuse that time and I took him for granted.. Him having a new girlfriend probably trigger my feelings for him again and remembered all the good times when we are together...

 

 

 

 

I think you are confusing your ego being hurt by the fact that he appears to have a "gorgeous and hot" girlfriend to you actually wanting him back. In your post you clearly stated you didn't want to have sex with him and "felt like you didn't love him anymore." Why would do you suddenly want him back after feeling like that? Because he has a "hot" girlfriends you want him back? Seems to be a foolish reason to get back with someone. Think about it...

[FredJones80]

Pff, your loss, his gain.

 

Think before you leap.

 

Tough.

[forever_lost]

Hi everyone, Sorry if this would be a bit long post I would try my best to make the story short so you won't get bored.

 

I wanted to share my story and hopefully I could get some good advice on here.

 

Me and my ex boyfriend been together for 3 years. He is a great guy..

 

We broke up 8 months ago. October of 2013... I was under lots of stress because of work so the last months of us being together is really rocky.. I didn't want to have sex with him. Felt like I didn't love him anymore..

 

When we broke up he ask me If I am sure of my decision.. I told him yes and I told him I am very sorry for hurting him. after that day he totally disappeared from my life. He cut me off in everything.. facebook, Viber, Skype etc.

 

And I was fine with it. I tried contacting him to be friends with him but he ignored me and told me he doesn't want to be friends and That's ok with me and I wish him the best.

 

I finally loving my single life during the first 3 months of our break up... I went to parties, Travel with my friends.

 

last January of 2014 he contacted me basically he wants me back. I rejected him again because I'm totally fine and happy being single.. He never contacted me again after this.

 

fast forward now everything has changed after I saw his brother post on facebook 2 weeks ago.

 

He has a new girlfriend and it's just not a girlfriend she was very pretty like a Victoria secret model pretty she was gorgeous and hot..

 

When I saw this I feel sick to my stomach and very hurt.. I felt very insecure on how I look because his new girlfriend.

 

I've been crying all day for the past 2 weeks since I saw that picture.

 

I keep asking myself why did I let him go.. He was such a great guy and I miss him badly.

 

I thought I was fine being single but I am not.. I want him back so badly..

 

Maybe I thought the grass was really greener but it's not and now I want what I can't have.

 

I don't know what to do.. I didn't want to contact him anymore because he has a girlfriend now and he might just ignore me again but I can't keep him out of my mind.

 

I know I made some mistakes. I took him for granted while we are together.. Any advice would be great.

 

People are going to slam you here. Take that as indication on how your ex might've felt when you chose you over him. It's not saying your decision was wrong - it's just saying that that's how he might feel towards you.

 

At the same time, though, you have nothing to lose by reaching out. He might still care about you in the same way despite having a girlfriend. Don't assume he knows about your feelings.

 

Just make sure you actually do want him back before you say something that might not be true.

[FredJones80]

People are going to slam you here.

 

Damn right. This is like a dumpee's wet dream story

[forever_lost]

Damn right. This is like a dumpee's wet dream story

 

But we'll never know how common this is unless the dumpers speak up.

[sly_fly1]

well i have seen this a hundred times., with women, not saying they all do this, but alot of them do. in their relationship they start of with not much, maybe high school education. maybe you have a basement suite. then you meet your boyfriend. and you start getting more on your plate. he helps you with this and that. you have to help him with that and this. and eventually one side buckles because they cant make their relationship work with their career and life. even though the other half has been doing it since the day you met.

 

and most of the time it is the women who buckles. so dont feel bad about that part. i think women are naturally designed to take other types of stress. like crying babies and what not. men can take physical like work and very little rest.

 

your instincts told you that he was the problem but in reality the problem was not him. it was you, you couldnt handle work and you came home to find yourself exhausted and when he wanted to make love to you, you would shut him down.

 

now that victoria secret is riding him you want him back. i have seen this pattern with women so many times.

 

all i can say is. theres 2 options. number one. message him everything you feel and need to say. and wait to see if he rejects you or takes you back, number two. live with your mistake and always ask what if , for the rest of your life.

 

the way i look at relationships. if your brother, sister, daughter, mom, dad , argued with you or stressed you out sometimes, would you get rid of them? no, but you look at your bf and say, i can do w,e i want with him. who knows, maybe he feels the way about her he used to feel about you, sorry but this is the only info and advice i can give you

[FredJones80]

But we'll never know how common this is unless the dumpers speak up.

 

True, but I doubt most dumper's would seek out a site like this for such a thing. I'm surprised the OP has.

 

Nothing but bitter dumpee's here

[chris21422]

kudos to the guy. He did no contact the best way he possible can.

 

My advice?? deal with the loss. if you contact him right now nothing would good will come out of it. You will just gonna get hurt more and more because basically you want relationship and he doesn't because he has already someone else.

 

He basically just moved on without you and you just need to do the same. Let this be a learning mistake for you so next time you won't make the same mistakes again

[FortunateSon]

well i have seen this a hundred times., with women, not saying they all do this, but alot of them do. in their relationship they start of with not much, maybe high school education. maybe you have a basement suite. then you meet your boyfriend. and you start getting more on your plate. he helps you with this and that. you have to help him with that and this. and eventually one side buckles because they cant make their relationship work with their career and life. even though the other half has been doing it since the day you met.

 

and most of the time it is the women who buckles. so dont feel bad about that part. i think women are naturally designed to take other types of stress. like crying babies and what not. men can take physical like work and very little rest.

 

your instincts told you that he was the problem but in reality the problem was not him. it was you, you couldnt handle work and you came home to find yourself exhausted and when he wanted to make love to you, you would shut him down.

 

now that victoria secret is riding him you want him back. i have seen this pattern with women so many times.

 

all i can say is. theres 2 options. number one. message him everything you feel and need to say. and wait to see if he rejects you or takes you back, number two. live with your mistake and always ask what if , for the rest of your life.

 

the way i look at relationships. if your brother, sister, daughter, mom, dad , argued with you or stressed you out sometimes, would you get rid of them? no, but you look at your bf and say, i can do w,e i want with him. who knows, maybe he feels the way about her he used to feel about you, sorry but this is the only info and advice i can give you

I agree with all of this Sly Fly, but I would strongly caution the OP to really think about her intentions and true motivation in getting her ex back is before contacting him. If it if purely for ego or loneliness, please let him be...he's moving on and found someone else. Please do not selfishly ruin that for him because you are lonely or hurt that he has a "gorgeous" girlfriend.

 

I learned this lesson the hard way in the past when my dumper reached out to me after she found I was moving on. I took the bait to, worked to get back together, and even got engaged only for it to fail again a year and a half later. I didn't my part, she didn't. I gave up on someone really great to give my ex a chance again and now I am here almost a year after a second chance failed.

[somedude81]

Good for your ex.

 

I hope you learned a lesson from this.

[wwwwww]

Hi everyone, Sorry if this would be a bit long post I would try my best to make the story short so you won't get bored.

 

I wanted to share my story and hopefully I could get some good advice on here.

 

Me and my ex boyfriend been together for 3 years. He is a great guy..

 

We broke up 8 months ago. October of 2013... I was under lots of stress because of work so the last months of us being together is really rocky.. I didn't want to have sex with him. Felt like I didn't love him anymore..

 

When we broke up he ask me If I am sure of my decision.. I told him yes and I told him I am very sorry for hurting him. after that day he totally disappeared from my life. He cut me off in everything.. facebook, Viber, Skype etc.

 

And I was fine with it. I tried contacting him to be friends with him but he ignored me and told me he doesn't want to be friends and That's ok with me and I wish him the best.

 

I finally loving my single life during the first 3 months of our break up... I went to parties, Travel with my friends.

 

last January of 2014 he contacted me basically he wants me back. I rejected him again because I'm totally fine and happy being single.. He never contacted me again after this.

 

fast forward now everything has changed after I saw his brother post on facebook 2 weeks ago.

 

He has a new girlfriend and it's just not a girlfriend she was very pretty like a Victoria secret model pretty she was gorgeous and hot..

 

When I saw this I feel sick to my stomach and very hurt.. I felt very insecure on how I look because his new girlfriend.

 

I've been crying all day for the past 2 weeks since I saw that picture.

 

I keep asking myself why did I let him go.. He was such a great guy and I miss him badly.

 

I thought I was fine being single but I am not.. I want him back so badly..

 

Maybe I thought the grass was really greener but it's not and now I want what I can't have.

I don't know what to do.. I didn't want to contact him anymore because he has a girlfriend now and he might just ignore me again but I can't keep him out of my mind.

 

I know I made some mistakes. I took him for granted while we are together.. Any advice would be great.

 

 

 

 

 

 

So. If he was still single, would you still feel good about your decision to not want him in your life?

[DArtagnan2]

So. If he was still single, would you still feel good about your decision to not want him in your life?

 

of course she would, she has felt good until 2 weeks ago when she saw the pictures. If this is a true story that is.

[lop98]

I can sympathize with you... never been in your shoes but sometimes I feel bored with my boyfriend and wonder and would definitely feel hurt to see him move on (another reason why I couldn't break up)... you made a decision and sometimes we don't see the real impact of them until much later, so you're seeing it now and you have no other option but to do what he did, just accept the relationship ended and move on, hopefully to someone hotter too!

 

That said, you know in your heart the good looks of someone say little... it has nothing to do with you or what he felt for you or what he feels for her so just try to focus on yourself and drop these insecurities, they're useless...

 

 

Stay strong!

[organizedchaos]

of course she would, she has felt good until 2 weeks ago when she saw the pictures. If this is a true story that is.

 

Agreed. Something just doesn't seem right. It's like it hits every point in what dumpees hope will happen. Too cookie cutter if that makes sense.

[lauri]

I bet you even if you did contact him and got him back, the same reasons why you ended it with him in the first place will still exist.

 

I think you are just feeling this way because you have not been able to find someone else yet. I suggest if you contact him, tell him you miss him and that you wish you took him back. Don't play games, just be honest. He will probably reject you but at least you tried and reached out.

 

Best of luck.

[DianeBenessi]

Its not only when I saw his pictures 2 weeks ago..

 

I secretly kept thinking about him for the past months but I didn't want to reach out because he might ignore me.

 

 

Agreed. Something just doesn't seem right. It's like it hits every point in what dumpees hope will happen. Too cookie cutter if that makes sense.

[DianeBenessi]

Thank you for your input. I don't think same things will happen again. I took him for granted when we are together but I did love him and I did so much for him my stress level and my career got on the way..

 

 

I bet you even if you did contact him and got him back, the same reasons why you ended it with him in the first place will still exist.

 

I think you are just feeling this way because you have not been able to find someone else yet. I suggest if you contact him, tell him you miss him and that you wish you took him back. Don't play games, just be honest. He will probably reject you but at least you tried and reached out.

 

Best of luck.

[inlin]

Thank you for your input. I don't think same things will happen again. I took him for granted when we are together but I did love him and I did so much for him my stress level and my career got on the way..

 

You're either a troll or just delusional. You first broke up because of you being busy. You had fun being single but now you know you wont meet someone like him (or maybe you will). The world doesn't revolve around you and the fact that he even wanted to come back and you denied him just shows how much you loved him.

 

I secretly kept thinking about him for the past months but I didn't want to reach out because he might ignore me.

 

Then you spew this bs to confirm your feelings for him now. Because it has nothing to do with the fact that he has a victoria model gf now. You didnt want to reach out because he might ignore you? Now he will for sure. The ship has sailed and unfortunately it was docked for a long time for you but you missed out.

[STM206]

I'm sorry but you had a chance to take him back and you still shot him down because you were enjoying the "single" life.

 

Like Fred said, think before you leap.

 

At this point, gather your thoughts and figure out a way to move forward.

 

Best wishes.

[somedude81]

Be completely honest with yourself.

 

The only reason you want him back is because he has a new pretty girlfriend. That's it.

[FredJones80]

So really you've done him a favour by splitting up, he may thank you if you reach out.

 

If you had never dumped him, he would never have his new hot gf.

 

Bonus.

[nerdlingZA]

All the replies showing sympathy towards are happy in the inside , so a i'm. think b4 u dump, hope he never takes u back.

[hudson701]

Lol what goes around comes around.

 

Good luck to him! I hope this happens to all us dumpee's one day!

 

You had yor chance and turned him down. Now leave him be.