Dan4476 Posted May 20, 2014 Share Posted May 20, 2014 Hey all, So I'm after some advice I've been dating a girl for 6 moths now - we hit it off straight away and quickly started to spend most of our time together outside of work. We've already had holidays together, trips away etc. All great. But there's one aspect of her behaviour that really p*sses me off. She's always checking out other guys - to the extent that sometimes she'll even take us on a brief detour of wherever we're going on the pretense of wanting to look at something, when she's really just just wanting to check out some good looking guy she's seen. A guy sitting outside a cafe, or hanging out with his friends in a bar, or whatever. She doesn't seem to realise how obvious this behaviour is, or that I can see what she's really doing. Now I've never considered myself an insecure guy. Sure, I'm not the best looking guy around but I can get female attention from time to time But this habit of hers is royally p*ssing me off and taking the shine off things. I consider it pretty rude and inconsiderate. I know everyone likes to look, but it aint good form to do it in front of your other half. I'd never do the same to her. So should I call her up on it and risk sounding like an insecure dick? Or should I just dump the girl. I think the world of her in all other respects, but there's no way I want to be with someone who'd rather be with someone better looking. All thoughts appreciated - particularly from the ladies. Should I be worried about this or is it just harmless flirtation to eye up other guys? Cheers! Link to post Share on other sites
mammasita Posted May 21, 2014 Share Posted May 21, 2014 Hell no that's not harmless flirtation!!!! It's perfectly normal to check out others, everyone does it. However, at no time should anyone ever make their partner feel inferior with comments or behavior including behavior that you describe. That's just major dealbreaker material my friend. I would have called her on it the 3rd or 4th time when I realized it wasn't a fluke....if it didn't stop......goodbye. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted May 21, 2014 Share Posted May 21, 2014 Everyone likes to look, so why would you want her hiding it from you? She is natural and honest. i think it's an advantage for a girl. Link to post Share on other sites
soccerrprp Posted May 21, 2014 Share Posted May 21, 2014 Everyone looks, but your gf is going a couple of steps further. Ugh. Tell her how you feel and see if anything changes. Disrespectful at best. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
TAV Posted May 21, 2014 Share Posted May 21, 2014 No, it's not ok, it is disrespectful. Seems almost as if she is actively looking if she can get someone better while literally and figuratively holding on to you. And if she does it in front of you who knows what she does when you are not there?? Does she also get attention from the guys in return? If so, it may be the case that she needs a lot of validation and that you will never be enough for her. I'd have a really good talk with her and if she does not change her ways seriously reconsider the relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted May 21, 2014 Share Posted May 21, 2014 Everyone looks, but your gf is going a couple of steps further. Ugh. Tell her how you feel and see if anything changes. Disrespectful at best. Totally agree.. I would also throw in that it seems like immaturity to me, she also could be doing it on purpose to evoke a response of some sort from you. I dated a girl once that used to try those type of tests to see how I would react.. that relationship didn't last long. In the end it doesn't matter why she is doing it, just the fact she is going too far is all I would need to make a correction in the relationship and see where she sits with it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
harrybrown Posted May 21, 2014 Share Posted May 21, 2014 Talk to her calmly. If that does not work, start talking to her about how this girl looks and that girl looks. She how she likes it. Get the roles reversed. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted May 21, 2014 Share Posted May 21, 2014 I wonder how she would feel if you did it to her......i also dont think its respectful and i dont like it when guys do it when they are with me.......so i think you should talk to her and tell her it disturbs you...it is natural to look but not drag you so she can look....thats just weird and highly awkward for you ...it must be....... i actually dont like it when my girlfriends or my sister try and point out a hot guy to me and i go where because i am not looking at hot guys and then when i say where it always seems to be too loud ...... they look straight at me when i catch who they were talking about and then i have to worry that he thinks i was checking him out when i wasnt.....the guys normally always smile i think i have the owl look going on....because i have been zoning out....... it makes me uncomfortable........because i was actually looking at the spider web hanging on a broken light on a lamppost or the homeless person with fatigues and slippers on with a beard like rip van winkle............then my friends go deb you're really hopeless... .i think what she is doing is actually quite disrespectful.......and i seem to be normal in thinking this as everyone else is following the same trail of spiderwebs ,lamp posts , rip van winkles and disrespectfulness.............yay..for normalcy........deb 2 Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted May 21, 2014 Share Posted May 21, 2014 Start doing the same in front of her! I had an ex who used to date mostly old cucks before me and on occasion when we were out she'd stop to make 30 seconds of small talk with one old cuck or another. Strangest thing I ever saw. But I wasn't the most sensitive person either so it usually worked out even steven. And it never really bothered me. Even it out and maybe it won't bother you either. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
martaldn Posted May 21, 2014 Share Posted May 21, 2014 checking out other people ( boys) is very common among gay guys and they dont have absolutely any problem with that. I have plenty of gay couples friends that when we are out check out and make comments about guys more that me than I am single and straight lol I always found this amazing because they dont get jealous at all or anything like this.. when if i was me having my boyf checking other girls out i would be like a tiger on a cornered rabbit lol I think you should tell her because there is a difference between a casual checking out and a proper hunting tour! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
J2911 Posted May 21, 2014 Share Posted May 21, 2014 I completely agree with the other posters . It's rude and disrespectful to you . If you wouldn't want it done to you then don't do it to others . Shakes head on this one. Don't talk to her just find a mature woman who only has eyes for you !!!!! Good luck friend 2 Link to post Share on other sites
giblesp Posted May 21, 2014 Share Posted May 21, 2014 Hey all, So I'm after some advice I've been dating a girl for 6 moths now - we hit it off straight away and quickly started to spend most of our time together outside of work. We've already had holidays together, trips away etc. All great. But there's one aspect of her behaviour that really p*sses me off. She's always checking out other guys - to the extent that sometimes she'll even take us on a brief detour of wherever we're going on the pretense of wanting to look at something, when she's really just just wanting to check out some good looking guy she's seen. A guy sitting outside a cafe, or hanging out with his friends in a bar, or whatever. She doesn't seem to realise how obvious this behaviour is, or that I can see what she's really doing. Now I've never considered myself an insecure guy. Sure, I'm not the best looking guy around but I can get female attention from time to time But this habit of hers is royally p*ssing me off and taking the shine off things. I consider it pretty rude and inconsiderate. I know everyone likes to look, but it aint good form to do it in front of your other half. I'd never do the same to her. So should I call her up on it and risk sounding like an insecure dick? Or should I just dump the girl. I think the world of her in all other respects, but there's no way I want to be with someone who'd rather be with someone better looking. All thoughts appreciated - particularly from the ladies. Should I be worried about this or is it just harmless flirtation to eye up other guys? Cheers! Thats what she does in front of you. Think about whats going on behind your back. If your partner is taking you on a detour to check out someone else, I'd really advise you to stick her in the proverbial garbage, and get a woman who only has eyes for you. We're in a society where its deemed ok to flirt with other people. If its not ok for you, then its not ok. There are women out there who wouldn't ever dream of taking a detour to look at another man, because they're with you. Be clear in the early stages with someone, what you're after in a relationship. This is secure and strong of you. Women will actually respect the fact that you know what you want, as opposed to a man who will go along with whatever in the hope things work out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
J2911 Posted May 21, 2014 Share Posted May 21, 2014 Thats what she does in front of you. Think about whats going on behind your back. If your partner is taking you on a detour to check out someone else, I'd really advise you to stick her in the proverbial garbage, and get a woman who only has eyes for you. We're in a society where its deemed ok to flirt with other people. If its not ok for you, then its not ok. There are women out there who wouldn't ever dream of taking a detour to look at another man, because they're with you. Be clear in the early stages with someone, what you're after in a relationship. This is secure and strong of you. Women will actually respect the fact that you know what you want, as opposed to a man who will go along with whatever in the hope things work out. Completely agree ...... Guess what is going on Behind his back. Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted May 21, 2014 Share Posted May 21, 2014 No point in doing a tit for tat especially if you're only checking out girls to get a reaction from her, she might just react by taking the flirting/ogling a step further! You sit her down and tell her in no uncertain terms that it is not cool she does that, and you will not tolerate being disrespected like that any further. She does it again, you simply say that's it I'm gone and leave. Let her know you aint for disrespecting and that disrespecting you will bring that hammer down hard! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 21, 2014 Share Posted May 21, 2014 Harmless flirtation is looking up & seeing an attractive member of the opposite sex & silently appreciating their aesthetic. Changing your location to follow them or get a better view and openly oogling them in front of your SO is disrespectful. Since everything else seems to be good, talk to her. Tell her that her behavior bothers you & you'd like her to stop. If she does not, decide whether you want to put up with it or walk away. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dan4476 Posted June 1, 2014 Author Share Posted June 1, 2014 Hey all, Thanks much for the good advice and thoughts here. Good to get different perspectives on this stuff - can be hard to know whether you're being irrational when you're stuck in the thick of it. So we've had a talk and I think we're good on the fact that I don't like this sh*t, especially when it's blatant. And I think I've got my own back once or twice It's reassuring to know it bothers her as much as me. I reckon things could be back in the balance. Cheers everyone, great forum. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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