I don't know whether to believe her?

[Zelias]

Here is the story

 

I was with my gf friday night out. She's 20. I'm 25. I dropped her off and everything was the same, she was smiling, happy, a goodnight kiss and that was that, nothing out of the ordinary.

 

the following day, I send her a text with some pictures of me and by the end of saturday, I hear nothing. So I assumed she was busy with work, because she works doubles at a restaurant. That's fine. Come Sunday, I still get nothing. Come monday, I still get nothing. Tuesdays is our hang out day. Come tuesday at 3-30 (that is the time we agreed upon for her to pick me up) she didn't arrive. I assumed at this point, that she was doing the no contact breakup, where a female does not have the guts to call her bf up and break up with him over the phone. So I assumed this. I sent her a facebook text saying if there was something she needed to say to me, anything at all?

 

I get no reply.

 

Within 15 minutes, she arrives at my place. I enter her car and she approaches to kiss me, saying, I'm sorry I'm late. I hold off on the kiss and ask her straight up, how come you did not answer my text or my facebook message?

 

She says that she has been working doubles and coming home at midnight, both saturday and sunday, plus monday. She got a message from a second employer that she received the job (a new one, which she never told me). She got this message at her first job. She called them during break and they wanted her to come in on tuesday morning for orientation. So after she went from orientation, she came to my house and was late because they held her a little bit longer b/c they wanted her to get some training in.

 

Fine.

 

Regarding the text, she said that she saw it and sent it back. She has an old phone, no smartphone, I have an iPhone. My phone would tell me when someone has read a message (the little words at the bottom right on a phone screen saying "read at 6:12 pm" something along those lines). She swears she sent it. I asked her to see her phone, she found it and apparently it was dead because she did not put her charger in her car. I said, give me the phone and I looked at it. It was dead, but I could not confirm anything at this point with the message she supposedly sent. I told her, when you come home, take a picture of it with your iPad (her iPad was left at home because she has no locks on her door) and send it through facebook. She did later that night. I asked her, let me see the full message, she apparently replied with "I can't without it asking me if I wanna edit or resend it." Hmmmm.......now in my mind what is going through is, "unlock it, and edit it" apparently she was getting to it, but had to cut it short because she had to pick one of her friends up at work and told me she would right as soon she got back, I'm still waiting right now.....

 

 

I told her lets go somewhere and talk, this next part I'm about to tell was before I ended the night with her, this took place after she came to pick me up.

 

We went to a park. I sat down with her and asked her questions. She started t cry because she is stressed out. I asked her why? She said I was looking for a second job (she told me today about this job) because she needed to fill her bank account b/c someone was stealing her money since January.....hmmmm.........sh**ty bank. A little background on her parents, they are divorced b/c her mother cheated on her husband (I just found out today, she cried in tears telling me this). I thought in my mind it would run in the family....could happen, I just can't confirm it......yet.

 

I told her this, you lost my respect, and my trust in you has dropped to 60%, if it goes under 50%, we are done.

 

Now on to her iPod

 

She has an iPod which is suckish. Whenever she posts something from her iPod using wi-fi, it says her current location. She posted something yesterday around 10 pm from HER WORK, although it said she posted it from her home. This happened on sunday night. Also, she worked double that sunday and did not take a break till 9:30 pm, she started her shift at 10 AM, and she was telling me she did not take a break till 9:30 pm...hmmm.....

 

anyway, little background on her.....she is what I consider a 5 out of 10, she does NOT draw much attention from other guys compared to lets say a 9 out of 10. She is weird, people have called her crazy, but I see through that, she's different when she is around me, and we have been together for 8 months so far

 

I don't know what to believe anymore, any advice or help I can really appreciate

[firmness]

I have come up with a new rule in this regard - if I feel jealous, nervous, anxious, worried, or insecure we have a problem and the relationship must end.

 

If it is all me and it is not warranted, then I indeed have the problem and need to work on myself before I can be in a real relationship.

 

If is is indeed her fault, then I can never trust her and trust can never truly be rebuilt - at least not with me.

 

So just these feelings alone are reason enough. I know it sounds harsh, but check around this website and you will learn the basic rules I have from the amazing women here:

 

1. Where there is smoke there is fire

2. Trust your instincts

3. Have a zero tolerance policy on cheating or dishonesty of any sort.

 

Good luck. You know what you have to do.

[Keenly]

While It is a huge red flag for a girlfriend of 8 months to just vanish for 3 days without a single text, your post / story rubs me the wrong way.

 

You are concerned for all the right reasons, but I definitely disagree as to the method of going about it.

[mrs rubble]

She sounds incredibly busy! I don't think she's cheating, but you are harassing her big time with all your accusations. Plus you're pretty nasty about her in the end of your speal. saying she's a 5/10 and crazy.

 

I'd like to rate your attitude at 2/10. I hope she dumps you.

[Keenly]

She sounds incredibly busy! I don't think she's cheating, but you are harassing her big time with all your accusations. Plus you're pretty nasty about her in the end of your speal. saying she's a 5/10 and crazy.

 

I'd like to rate your attitude at 2/10. I hope she dumps you.

 

 

That's a pretty messed up thing to say.

[mammasita]

While It is a huge red flag for a girlfriend of 8 months to just vanish for 3 days without a single text, your post / story rubs me the wrong way.

 

You are concerned for all the right reasons, but I definitely disagree as to the method of going about it.

 

Agreed. Just all wrong to ask for her phone and for pictures as proof of a text she supposedly sent.

 

Id say the 3 day disappearing act is evidence enough....of what..we have yet to find out.

 

30 seconds to call or text. No reason to disappear like that.

[Poppyolive]

Going from your post alone,

 

It comes across that she is very busy and stressed. Money going missing from her bank, second job, not texting for 3days...all equal this lady has a stressful life. She should of been able to take a picture of the "sent" text....

 

Anyways the fact that you feel you have to talk to her, discuss what % she is at in regards to you trusting her, you thinking she's crazy and giving her low marks out of10 indicates red flags.

 

What if she was really busy, what if she replied to your text, what if she was running late to pick you up Tuesday, what if she did start a new job.... Would you completely trust her?

 

I think this may very well be a super unhealthy relationship.

[Zelias]

Going from your post alone,

 

It comes across that she is very busy and stressed. Money going missing from her bank, second job, not texting for 3days...all equal this lady has a stressful life. She should of been able to take a picture of the "sent" text....

 

Anyways the fact that you feel you have to talk to her, discuss what % she is at in regards to you trusting her, you thinking she's crazy and giving her low marks out of10 indicates red flags.

 

What if she was really busy, what if she replied to your text, what if she was running late to pick you up Tuesday, what if she did start a new job.... Would you completely trust her?

 

I think this may very well be a super unhealthy relationship.

 

UPDATE: I just spoke to her on facebook, we fought, yes.

 

I asked for the full conversation I sent to her and her reply, she sent me that taking a pic using her iPad of her phone. This was before she had to go pick up her friend.

 

After she came back, she sent me another pic saying something else but this time on a new phone, her iPad

 

Now wait......the original pic does not match up, b/c she has an old phone and the new one she sent me is clearly from an Apple product.

 

I sent the text to her PHONE, not an Apple product, because all she owns is an iPad and an iPod, but the phone number is linked to the little phone she has, she told me, NO, it's from her phone.......now come on, that is total BS, an old phone will not have an interface of an Apple product, it makes no sense, I told her I will see her thursday and I need to see her in person with the phone and her iPad & iPod....something is up, I just can't place my finger on it, but this is our first argument ever, we barely fight, I only see her twice in a week, and it has been working so far up until now.

 

When I rated my gf, what I meant was to say that I date only girls 6 and under, that's why i chose her, I do not date girls that are 7 and up, they draw too much attention to themselves, not my thing.

 

This is the first time this has ever happened, I'm just wondering why now?

 

I'll keep you guys updated come thursday, this should be interesting.

[ThatMan]

This is the first time this has ever happened, I'm just wondering why now?

 

Honestly?

 

Maybe for once you've chosen poorly. Out of all those 'six and under' women out there, you choose the one who actually possess a shred of dignity, and she stood up for herself. Next time go for those 'under two' women out there who are fire burn victims, convince them if they don't love you that they'll die alone, hire a private investigator to grill them about any lapses in communication, or simply chain them to a radiator in your mother's basement.

 

Seriously, Zelias, I'm truly amazed this is the first time anybody has stood up for themselves by taking exception to your outlandish behavior.

[ExpatInItaly]

Honestly?

 

Maybe for once you've chosen poorly. Out of all those 'six and under' women out there, you choose the one who actually possess a shred of dignity, and she stood up for herself. Next time go for those 'under two' women out there who are fire burn victims, convince them if they don't love you that they'll die alone, hire a private investigator to grill them about any lapses in communication, or simply chain them to a radiator in your mother's basement.

 

Seriously, Zelias, I'm truly amazed this is the first time anybody has stood up for themselves by taking exception to your outlandish behavior.

 

Exactly. I would not tolerate this for a second. Maybe that's the reason she went off the radar. It's harassing and emotionally distressing to feel like you're being interrogated. You're her boyfriend, not a forensic investigator. If you feel you need to behave like that, you are in the wrong relationship. Get out.

 

You don't trust her. You clearly look down on her. Let her go. The relationship is dead in the water.

[soccerrprp]

She would be equally benefited by this relationship ending. You are controlling and frankly, insulting. Do you tell your gf that she is less than a 7? Your reason for dating someone 6 or lower sounds like your own screeching insecurities....makes sense, thus the accusations, controlling behavior and insults.

[lolablue17]

You didn't mention her response to "you investigating her, checking her phone, ect..."

 

She clearly understands that you suspect her cheating on you. So, what's her response to that?

[Zelias]

Ok guys, let me update you on something's, first and foremost I apologized to her for putting her through this, and I told her that I do not need to see the phone or anything else of that matter

 

Second, let me explain some stuff about me, I'm not controlling, I don't expect anyone to believe, but I know I am not, it has been 8 months, this is the first time ever that she has done this, no contact for 4 days, nothing, zip, nada, it doesn't take long to write a 30 second text. I got worried about her, maybe something happened, maybe she decided she longer likes me, but that would be odd since that Friday, everything was normal.

 

Now regarding the phone, she has a small cell phone, really old little thing, she showed me that she sent a message to me with that phone. After she dropped her friend off, she decided to show me another text message from a whole different complete phone? It was an apple interface, I got suspicious of that because I only sent it to her little phone. Then she sends me another pick with the full convo, this time with everything in it, and her saying she was angry at someone at her work, the problem came in when her little phone said that she was sad instead if angry, those are 2 different convos. She slipped when she said she doesn't remember what she actually sent, wether it was mad, angry, or sad. The second pic she sent me just had a message that said she was angry. The word, she sent this, "I'm angryyy", and it was that simple line of text, nothing above it with my convo. The third pic message was my text message above with her reply at the bottom with. "I'm angry" but the word "angry" had only 1 letter "y", plus don't forget the other message with the black phone she apparently sent me, the one that said, "I'm sad" so, I got confused and suspicious on what to believe, plus the fact that I did not receive any of those messages. Now it could be my phone, sometimes messages have not come through, I don't know.

 

Now regarding my rating system. This is something personal for me. I just have a preference to do date girls who are 6 and unders. I want to make myself clear, my gf to me means a lot, and to me she is a perfect 10 both inside and out. The rating system is based on looks alone. Girls hotter looking and who drink are not worth dating because they draw too much attention to themselves inviting other guys. I just avoid these types, again it's just my own thing, nothing big here. My gf does not drink nor smoke nor party, and I'm proud of her for that. Her and I both do not love each other because we both agreed that those are just words used by everyone too much. People throw it around like it's no big deal. Not in our books. When we are ready to say those words, we will say them. This is something both her and I agreed upon. Again, some of you guys out there must agree with me on this, that the word "love" does get thrown around a lot. I have seen couples who say they love their partners within 3 months and then 6 month later, poof, someone either cheated, left or the relationship does not work.

 

I see my gf twice a week, and we are both fine with that b/c it gives the heart time to miss the other. It works in my relationship. All I did was worry and in that worry, I went overboard, yes, even over a stupid text, but sometimes you just never know, I'm not a bad guy, I care, show my respect to my gf and I'm there, but when you disappear with 4 days of no contact whatsoever, something is up.

Edited May 21, 2014 by Zelias

[sumathi]

Your long summary shows that you do not trust your girl friend. Why are so suspicious of her? When you question her too much she will not like it. She might have been busy as she told you.Since she her parents were divorced she is bound to feel depressed and dejected. This too could be the reason for her weird behavior. Unless you truly love her, trust her and want to marry her, do not allow this relationship to continue.You and your girl friend are bound to be hurt.

[giblesp]

Rating women out of 10 is pretty degrading. Especially if you regard your own girlfriend as a 5.

[Zelias]

sigh........ok,

 

let's go over this a little bit more clearly.

 

I trust my girlfriend. I did not trust her over this weekend, JUST this one weekend, everything before that, she had my complete trust.

 

I apologized to her because I came to hard on her. I came off as controlling and over generalized on the situation.

 

She said that it was understandable and that she understood where I was coming from.

 

At this point in time, right now, this moment. She has regained my trust because I really think she was stressed out and overwhelmed with everything.

 

We are still together.

 

She said, she was feeling really bad b/c she did not text me and that she will never do it again.

 

My rating system is something just for me. Again, my gf is a perfect 10 in my eyes. My gf is not a victoria's secret model, those women I consider a 10. It's just a dumb rating system I came up with. It works for me.

 

if you still do not understand,

 

Everything is ok now, I over reacted, looked like a fool, looked controlling, and was suspicious. 4 days without any text or calls is something you just wonder, "hey, what the hell is going on here" She would always, up until this weekend text, call or send me something making sure she was saying, "hey, I'm still alive here."

 

All is well

[fiatflux]

Well how did you reconcile the fact that she manufactured the text message that she supposedly sent you? I agree that the whole forcing her to send you a screen shot of the text message in question was not the right way to go about things, but it did seem you uncovered evidence of dishonesty on her part as a result. If she does this again (behaves weirdly and makes excuses instead of being honest), break up w her rather than going through this rigamarole of demanding evidence from her.

[Spectre]

Okay so there are so many problems here on both sides. First I want to comment on the people getting on him for his rating system of her. On one hand I can see the problem, on the other hand I can see he is just trying to give us an honest portrayal of his gf. Let us face it, some people are more physically attractive then others. Still, no matter WHAT number your girl is, if you love her she will be the most beautiful girl to you, and the OP never actually said that wasn't the case. I think he was trying to say then number most guys would rate her.

 

Anyways to the OP: I get your suspicions, but you definitely went about it all the wrong way. Her vanishing for several days IS suspicious. I don't care how much she is working, she can't take out even one minute to just give you a call or something? Also what is this thing with someone stealing money from her? That is a pretty huge thing, why did she never mention this to you?

 

Also, someone said she manufactured a text to you claiming it was one she sent early. So okay, amidst ALL your craziness and demands, she did lie to you though. So you still have some red flags now, but you need to really calm it down. It sounds like you have calmed a bit, but you also can't just forget about her making up fake texts for you, that is suspicious. So calm yourself, but also confront her. It seems like it is more then just stress, but it might not be specifically she is cheating.