DRN Posted May 21, 2014 Share Posted May 21, 2014 Hi I have a guy friend who I have been intimate with off and on for over 14 years and I have known him since he was in elementary. I cared about him but was never in love with him. For the past 10 years I have been in a serious relationship with my bf. Over the summer my bf and I had some serious relationship problems and I began to spend more time with the guy friend. We've always went out on dates to the movies, out to eat, to shoot pool, and just hanging out. And this increased over the summer. I spent quality time with his family and we even made several trips out of town together. I stayed a night at his home numerous times, he cooked for me, has given me money, bought me roses, and has always provided a listening ear! Throughout our 14 year friends with benefits plus extra relationship he has had 2 serious relationships that ended badly. I was honest about my long term bf and he seemed okay with it. Well over the summer he knew that my bf and I was no longer on good terms and I actually lied and told him that the bf had moved out! Well the bf did no such thing. I was dishonest because the guy friend and I were beginning to become serious and I planned to move into my own place once the lease was up where me and the bf lived. When he asked to come over I would tell him that the bf refused to be taken off of the lease and still had a key to my place so it wasn't safe for him to come over. Well eventually the guy friend fell back and the contact, the dates, sex became infrequent. But by this time I had fallen hard for him. I had already told him that I loved him and he had told me the same during that summer. We recently hooked back up and went out. He wanted to come home with me and I being under the influence of alcohol decided to fess up and told him my bf never moved out and is still living there with me but we are like roommates and don't even have sex. Ever since then I initiate all of the contact and he seems cordial and cool when we do talk but all of a sudden he is acting distant again and like he's super busy!! This guy has got to know that I really love him because I've shown him in more ways than one. I care about my bf like roommate but I LOVE the guy friend!! I don't understand why he can't understand my situation. I have fallen for him and my relationship with my live in roomy/"sort of" bf is close to nothing and when my lease is really up I am going to move on my own. But I feel like I have really loss any chance of seeing where me and the guy friends relationship can go. Am I wrong for expecting him to understand then getting upset when he does not?? I am beginning to think I should just be single after all of this because I am really feeling disappointed and hurt! I want to stop trying and initiating contact with the guy friend but right now I just can't!! What is your opinion about this situation cause it is currently driving me crazy!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Hope Shimmers Posted May 21, 2014 Share Posted May 21, 2014 Sorry, but my opinion is that you are a liar, if what you said is true. And this guy figured that out (good for him!) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted May 21, 2014 Share Posted May 21, 2014 So you've been sleeping with two guys for 10 years and you wonder why the guy that knows is backing off? If I'm being honest, most guys wouldn't be OK being in a relationship with a woman who is living with a guy who she says is a roommate but still calls him her boyfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DRN Posted May 21, 2014 Author Share Posted May 21, 2014 SOME married men have mistresses for decades and SOME men have multiple women and the women are just fine with it....so there is definately a double standard! For the past 2 years I have not been intimate with the guy that I live with and our relationship has turned into more of a roommate situation(he pays half of the rent and bills etc..). I LOVE the guy friend and only care about the guy in my home! I'm just in a situation that I need to get out of once the lease is up but I understand where you both are coming from...yes I lied and he probably is very skeptical of me. But show me one person on this Earth who has not lied at some point in their lives. I never expected to fall for guy number 2 but I guess I need to count my losses, move on, and do better next time! Thank you for your honest opinions!! Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted May 21, 2014 Share Posted May 21, 2014 How does this guy know you are going to leave your boyfriend? You have already lied to him about it. Can't you see that to him it is as if you are married, living with your partner and claiming you are 'separated' really. It might be true in many cases but until you are completely separate, living apart and not seeing each other, it would be hard to believe you mean any of what you say. Your long-term friend is keeping distant now because he's lost trust in you and has no idea whether you really are going to split from your boyfriend. If you want him back, you'll have to make sure you or your boyfriend leave that apartment and then hope the long-term friend will come to trust you again. Personally, I think that would be hard. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 22, 2014 Share Posted May 22, 2014 Nobody likes a liar. Even if they're open-minded about your long-term dual relationships, no one can trust anything once someone has lied to them. You've basically done what so many men do, and if you read this board enough, you'll know what a mess it creates trying to date one person while you're still seeing the other or living with them and lying about it. Possibly, if you'd told him up front "It's only until the lease is up," he'd have chilled, but the truth is -- he knows you're a cheater because you've cheated with him on the other guy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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