Madrigale Posted May 21, 2014 Share Posted May 21, 2014 Hi everyone, first post here! Well, I guess I'll start from the beginning. I had a colleague that I had a crush on at my new job, and after a while I worked up the nerve to talk to him. Turned out he was very friendly/sweet, but that he was also leaving for another job at the end of the school year. I was crushed, but eventually asked him to coffee before moving (and by eventually, I mean after a couple of months. I'm shy!!) Anyway, it took a while to make it happen, but we ended up having lunch last week, right before I left for the summer, and it was just...perfect. We just got on really well and had so much to talk about...and I felt like every moment spent with him was just full of chemistry...it was one of those days that you just didn't want to end. And it meant a lot to me because my first year in this city had been kind of lonely/depressing and I felt like I finally met someone there who I really clicked with. Oh, and to top it off, he's pretty much the most chivalrous guy I've met...like, ever. Afterward, he invited me back to his place for coffee + to meet his parents (they flew in from abroad to help him move) so I went. I never felt so at home with a guy + his parents before; I had a great time with them. Anyway, when I finally left, he walked me outside, gave me a prolonged hug and watched me leave. I was floating in the clouds the rest of the day! Sure, he was leaving, but I was really glad to have finally hung out with him; and he had given me his card and seemed pretty emphatic about staying touch. Well, since our lunch last week, my euphoria has been replaced with worry and frustration. I don't expect to hear from him because I know he's busy with his move and his parents, but I can't stop thinking about him. I keep wondering if he ever thinks about me, if he misses me at all...will we keep in touch, are our feelings mutual, is there any possibility that we might somehow be able to work something out, despite the distance (roughly 1000 miles, though I'm actively trying to find work elsewhere b/c I don't like this city) and the fact that he's Christian and I'm Muslim, and the fact that we haven't spent *that* much time around each other/don't know each other super well. The logical side of my brain is telling me to move on and get over it because love overcoming all of these obstacles is just the stuff of fiction. The domineering emotional side of my brain is telling me to not give up/stay optimistic b/c maybe our paths will cross again (I occasionally visit where he's moving, so it's possible) and honestly, and maybe it's worth the emotional risk, considering how he makes me feel, and how rarely I meet men that make me feel that way. Sorry about the long post; hope it was coherent! Any suggestions about what to do/which part of my brain I should follow? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Madrigale Posted June 2, 2014 Author Share Posted June 2, 2014 Sorry to double post...but...no advice? :-/ It's just that I'm going to be in his neck of the woods in a few weeks and I'm not sure if I should get in touch with him and/or mention that I'll be around. I know putting myself out there paid off with him once, but I'm afraid to do it again. Link to post Share on other sites
Atticus9292012 Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 Well, you kind of answered your own question. One day doesn't equal anything. Yeah, it sounds great, but people go on "perfect" dates all the time and the guy never calls and he isn't leaving town like in your situation. Maybe you could get in touch with him if you are in his neck of the woods, but honestly I would not make too much out of it. You had a nice time with him. Cherish that. Maybe this will motivate you to speak up sooner when you are interested in someone. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 OK. You just had lunch last week and then he moved. So he's only been gone a week. So now you're going to be "in his neck of the woods." How did you not know that you were going to be in his neck of the woods before he left? Are you planning this trip solely to connect with him? It would creep me out a little if I were him, even if you have some other excuse to be there because seems like you'd have told him about that before when he said he was moving there. If you are going to try to pull of this maneuver, and I'm not saying you shouldn't EVENTUALLY, I believe I'd wait and see how friendly his texts or emails are so you know if he's going to follow up after he gets settled and if it's business as usual or he acts smitten, or whether he quickly seems preoccupied with his new life. I know I'm an old cynic, but this reminds me of a story a rocker once told me about having a one-nighter in the midwest with some girl and her showing up in L.A. as soon as they landed on her doorstep with her bags packed. Please dissuade me from this vivid imagery. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Madrigale Posted June 3, 2014 Author Share Posted June 3, 2014 OK. You just had lunch last week and then he moved. So he's only been gone a week. So now you're going to be "in his neck of the woods." How did you not know that you were going to be in his neck of the woods before he left? Are you planning this trip solely to connect with him? It would creep me out a little if I were him, even if you have some other excuse to be there because seems like you'd have told him about that before when he said he was moving there. If you are going to try to pull of this maneuver, and I'm not saying you shouldn't EVENTUALLY, I believe I'd wait and see how friendly his texts or emails are so you know if he's going to follow up after he gets settled and if it's business as usual or he acts smitten, or whether he quickly seems preoccupied with his new life. I know I'm an old cynic, but this reminds me of a story a rocker once told me about having a one-nighter in the midwest with some girl and her showing up in L.A. as soon as they landed on her doorstep with her bags packed. Please dissuade me from this vivid imagery. No, of course I'm not planning this trip just for him. (b/c YES, that would be creepy as hell!) If you'll notice the date on my original post, it was a while ago. Since then, I decided to visit my sister on the east coast (which I do frequently, and I had told him so too), and it was she who suggested we take a weekend trip to NY (which is near where he lives now) when I get there. My hands are clean of creepiness. Sigh. It's just so rare for me to meet people where everything seems to line up perfectly, and I'm so afraid it'll never happen again that it's hard to let go/move on. Still. I do know there's plenty of sense in withdrawing emotional attachment, even if we do keep in touch (I'm thinking of writing him in a week or two, at which point maybe he'll be settled, and gauge his interest level then)...it's just easier said than done, unfortunately. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 I bet he's still busy getting settled in. Some people do it in a day; others, they don't unpack for months. You should text and see if he's settled in yet. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Potion9 Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 Text him and see what he's up to. But do it BEFORE you show up in his area. Link to post Share on other sites
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