OLD and dating distance/geographical desirability

[irc333]

I was wondering, considering I live an a rather rural/suburban area about an hour away from am major city and everywhere else the opposite that city in the other direction from my towns you have to travel a good distance to meet someone who has all their teeth hopefully, lol.

 

And if you live in an area not entirely geographically desirable, how far are you willing to correspond/date someone that you meet online?

 

I'm considering exploring other cities perhaps even an hour and a HALF away as a possilbity. However, the person I correspond with or send an email to may say, "Sorry, you're just too far".

 

Also, how far IS to far? Perhaps you've reached a point that dating within 15 to 20 mins away may not be working for you and consider spreading your wings further? Unfortunately, the other person may not be willing to do so.

 

The reason I ask this, is that I've been exploring such avenues but on OK cupid I see women who select "Near Me" as dating distance and "Want a LTR locally, but willing to only be friends if you live long dist (but who wants a pen pal, right?)

 

Any thoughts on this?

[sillyanswer]

Any thoughts on this?

 

If you live in the sticks you'll have to cast your net wider than someone who lives in the next city... and that can lead to the situation you've discovered where the person in the city thinks you're too far away (because they want someone in the city, and can probably realistically find such a person if the city is large).

 

I don't think I'm telling you anything you haven't worked out for yourself, though.

[Better]

I live in a big city where even 15 miles can be a 30-45 minute drive, so I usually try to date women who are fairly close to me. It's even better if they are reachable by public transportation. I find that it is a lot easier to be spontaneous when you can both get home from work and plan an easy date at the last minute, especially after establishing a relationship.

 

I recently dated a woman that I really liked but who lived in the next city up from me, about an hour away. The drive was a bit of an inconvenience, but even more so was the change of venues. Her activities and social circle were centered there, and mine were all here. There wasn't any overlap, so we were always trying to decide who would go where. It eventually didn't work despite both of us being a good match for each other besides the disparity in location.

 

My longest relationship over the past few years was with someone who lived about 15 minutes from me on a bad traffic day. Being close by, sharing friends and favorite places to go, and generally having the ability to do things at the drop of a hat was extremely beneficial. Ultimately it didn't out, but I definitely would prefer to date someone who lives close by due to those reasons.

 

Is moving a possibility? There are no shortage of dating opportunities in the larger cities.

[TheBladeRunner]

Although I am not doing OLD and dabbling with IRL, I try to stay within 10 miles.

[Salvatore85]

My ex and I stayed together whe she moved to another state for school. It was 1700 miles away and we made it nearly two years before breaking up.

 

I'm fascinated by English women and I'm an American so for me I honestly don't care about distance. If two people like each other enough it will work itself out.

[irc333]

My ex and I stayed together whe she moved to another state for school. It was 1700 miles away and we made it nearly two years before breaking up.

 

I'm fascinated by English women and I'm an American so for me I honestly don't care about distance. If two people like each other enough it will work itself out.

 

Yeah, I think the ONLY time people tried to date long distance, was when it was NOT from meeting online.

 

Usually POST high school where they try to long dist. date in futility when they both went to separate universities or one stayed home and the other went to college, dedicating their entire weekends to each other alternating trips. Eventually it would fizzle, usually the person at the college ends it with the one back home because they starrted up with a NEW social circle.

[Michelle ma Belle]

Usually people who are looking for partners within a 100 mile radius do so because they are indefinitely tied down due to family and/or career commitments. They know their limitations and therefore opt to only consider those profiles where meeting and dating is realistic. Not everyone is open to LDR after all.

 

If on the other hand you're open to LDR and/or are in a position where travelling and even moving at some point is an option then expanding your distance preference on your OLD profile is wise.

 

For me, when I was doing the online dating thing, I originally posted that I was looking for men who lived within 50 miles of me. Eventually that well dried up and that's when I decided to try expanding the distance to see what came of it. This small adjustment gave me a whole new crop of men to consider but it also came with mixed results.

 

In the end, my current boyfriend is from North Carolina, 11 hours and an international border between us. We met online and have been together for about a year and half. It works because we make it work and we do have plans to come together within the year.

 

It's all good in my books

[Imajerk17]

It's flexible. I'd be willing to drive a ways to meet up with a woman who really intrigued me. But she would have to really intrigue me for me to drive that far. I'd be more willing to give a woman who lived much closer a shot even if I wasn't as interested (going by her profile, our communication, and even a first meet).

 

That you live an hour away from the big city is quite a disadvantage for you, irc333, if you want to date women in that city. Even if a woman in that city is willing to give guys you live where you are a chance, she has a far larger number of desirable prospects near her than you have desirable prospects near you. Even if you are both equal on the attractiveness scale (whatever that means) she has way more options than you do. That definitely works against you big time.

 

I get you are tied to your general area due to your career. I do think your dating chances would improve if you were to move say 20 miles closer to the big city though.

Edited May 21, 2014 by Imajerk17

[irc333]

It's flexible. I'd be willing to drive a ways to meet up with a woman who really intrigued me. But she would have to really intrigue me for me to drive that far. I'd be more willing to give a woman who lived much closer a shot even if I wasn't as interested (going by her profile, our communication, and even a first meet).

 

That you live an hour away from the big city is quite a disadvantage for you, irc333, if you want to date women in that city. Even if a woman in that city is willing to give guys you live where you are a chance, she has a far larger number of desirable prospects near her than you have desirable prospects near you. Even if you are both equal on the attractiveness scale (whatever that means) she has way more options than you do. That definitely works against you big time.

 

I get you are tied to your general area due to your career. I do think your dating chances would improve if you were to move say 20 miles closer to the big city though.

 

Actually, no, my job is located about 30 mins in the opposite direction from the larger city.

 

Most of the Meetup events I have attended have been in that city as well, and also my dating prospects. I actually dated a woman on the OPPOSITE side of the "Big CIty" in a rural area SOUTH of that city (I'm north of said...city). 60 mile drive on the toll road.

 

I was hoping since she was single, no kids, that a woman like that would be willing to relocate herself since she works for the post office....usually people in that area can transfer anywhere.

 

But she has 5 dogs and was pretty much in love with HER small town venue (the OTHER small town).

 

Currently though, my suburbia has been growing every so slightly, even a NEW Meetup at my location (within mins from me) has gotten started. I"m hoping to organize events there. The first Meetup was quite the sizable turn out, I'm just hoping its momentum carries forward.

 

I figured women without kids would be willing to relocate since nothing is tying them down, but I think when people get to a certain age, they find themselves pretty well settled in their area.....usually they've curried friendships over time, family is in their area, too. And the local small town drinkin' hole is the only place they've fell in love with.

 

However, if someone is in their 20's, they'd have no qualms of dumping the place their end, their min. wage job and so forth to parts unknown with someone they've met online.

 

Bonus points though, and I'm actually surprised this woman I know from Meetup, met a guy ONLINE (not in the local big city Meetup group) that lives in the "big city" is actually seriously into a guy that lives 30 mins NORTH of me. (go figure...the irony, lol)

 

I do attend Meetups in the Big city, so a woman who meets me in person is likely to be "bonded" with me more so than online. So they'd be willing to date someonen, long distance, IF they've met them in person.

[Allumere]

I have never dated someone less than 60 miles away. My ex-husband was 5 hours away during college (on the 6 year plan) and then when he returned to the state he was still almost 2 hours away from me. Farthest away was 14 drive or a 3.5 hour flight and closest has been 62 miles. I live in a rural area so I have to look to DC, No. VA etc. to find someone I have something in common with. It makes things more challenging, especially in my age group as many men still have children and therefore chances of them moving if things were to get serious given custody arrangements are zero. The advantage is getting out of the sticks and getting to play in the city. And if you breakup the chances of running into them by accident is also about zero.

[D.Mc.]

I've received several OLD "flirts" & messages from men that I've simply rejected due to their location. I'm in the suburbs of NY but I spend a lot of time in NYC. I don't drive, so it doesn't make sense for me to spend any time talking to them since the end result is that we can't meet. People in the 'burbs work in the 'burbs too, & around here EVERYONE is car dependent. I think that's why I'm not getting many responses, the men don't want a woman without her own car. Public transportation is a step down on the socio-economic ladder for Westchester residents, so I don't bother, (it also means they didn't read my profile since I specifically state my pedestrian status). It works the same in any preference: location, looks, offspring - we are looking for very specific things on OLD & the system of OLD is set up to encourage that "pickiness".

[irc333]

I have never dated someone less than 60 miles away. My ex-husband was 5 hours away during college (on the 6 year plan).

 

Wow, and never once he wanted to explore his options while he was away those 6 years?