Stressed over wife's constant stream of online friends

[schq8]

Me and my wife have been married since 21 years. Ever since the opening up of the internet and easy/cheap communication though desktop computer or mobiles, she has established links with her old friends and made some new ones through social networking sites (facebook, etc.).

 

She was working during the first few years of our marriage, but after the birth of our daughter, she became a housemaker and spends most of the time at home now.

She had started communicating with her ex-bf which I saw on her phone. I had discussed with her and put a stop to that.

 

Then there was another male (not the ex-bf) whom she became friends on FB (no actual meeting has taken place). She was exchanging double meaning messages and dirty adult jokes and graphics with him. I believe that she and he even talked on the phone a few times. I also saw most of the communication which she had with him on her phone/fb chat and had to also discussed with her and put a stop to that. I had told her at that time that its not right for a mature married woman (& mother of our teenaged daughter) to exchange adult jokes/graphics with males.

 

Now I find out that she’s still doing it but with one of her male classmates from school days. She claims they are just friends and he’s like a brother to her and that many females she knows also do stuff like this.

 

Now with the 3rd guy, I’ve been seeing her communication and know for a fact that she’s been deleting most of them or editing out some of them.

 

Its driving me crazy. How many guys do I have to deal with before I do something extreme?

Edited May 22, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Paragraphs and move to MLP

[PegNosePete]

I would put a stop to this RIGHT NOW.

 

You need to know you can trust your wife but her behaviour is anything but trustworthy.

 

Who gives a carp how many other women she claims she knows do this? You are not married to those other women.

 

Ask her why she feels the need to behave like this, knowing that you have already talked to her about it in the past. Ask her whether she is happy in the marriage and if so, why she feels the need for external and inappropriate attention, and why she feels the need to hide this communication from you.

[soccerrprp]

Ugh. Boundaries. People simply do not respect boundaries and with the advent of social media, people become bolder.

[Clay]

There are really two ways of dealing with this. One tell her the truth it makes you feel uncomfortable and she needs to stop. Tell her if It does not stop then you will have to make choices to take care of you.

 

The other way is to get online and start talking to women. Let her see you do it. Once she throws a fit tell her tough. If she can do it so can you.

 

Either way your going to have to deal with it.

 

I personally suggest you talking to her and setting the situation straight but that will be up to you.

 

Most people fear loosing there SO but if you don't demand respect in your relationship then you have already lost.

 

 

Clay

[Friskyone4u]

If you let this go on, she is eventually going to meet one of these guys and cheat on you. So far, everything you described is on FB. Have you pulled cell phone and e mail records.

She is full of crap. Most married women do not chat with other men and develop relationships with strange men online.

You are headed for trouble if you do not get to the bottom of why she feels the need to do this.

[todreaminblue]

when things get hidden and trust becomes an issue.....you need to get that trust back ...you need her to stop and she needs to know that is the right thing to do for your marriage and want to stop to keep that marriage in trust and honesty.....or i feel if she4 cant do this or understand this concept of broken trust, therapy is needed before it goes much further....deb

[mrs rubble]

Ask her how she would feel if you were doing the same.

[firmness]

As much as I hate to say this, there is nothing you can do to stop her. I keep reading posts here saying that "you have to put a stop to this" etc. But it does not work that way.

 

The average person give into temptation the same as any other average person. Your SO is apparently an average American woman.

 

Do not judge her. And do not try to change her or stop this. The more you try to stop, the more likely it is that you will push her to actually cheat.

 

In the same way that American culture privileged men and fatherhood for the better part of two centuries, it now privileges female prerogative (and with that come the disposability of men and promiscuity for everyone).

 

Your wife has been influenced by this and there is not much you can do except deal with it or leave.

[Speakingofwhich]

One tell her the truth it makes you feel uncomfortable and she needs to stop. Tell her if It does not stop then you will have to make choices to take care of you.

Clay

 

^^^^^^

This

Edited May 22, 2014 by Speakingofwhich

[d0nnivain]

Don't attack her when you talk to her.

 

 

I suspect this started out innocently enough. As a SAHM she was probably lonely & bored. You were out all day working. She only had kids for companionship & no adults to talk to. Social media expanded her world & made her feel less isolated, more connected.

 

 

Find a way to compromise. You can't ban all on line communications but you can talk to her about how the flirting etc. makes you feel.

 

 

If you can find more time to flirt with her during the day & romance her for real when you are together, this should help stop the problem. If she's getting it from you she won't need outside validation.