Read H's Journal [2 year update]

[Lion Heart]

Eyesopen,

 

Sorry for your pain. The loss of "family" was far worse for me than ever losing the STBexVWH (complete, extreme Narcissist) here.

 

D Day had me getting my ducks in a row, albeit so slowly because of my devastation.

 

Mostly terrified because law gives 50/50 access immediately if not contested. VWH was an incredibly inattentive father. NPD. The King and his servants. Not a loving father in a family.

All the rules in the world for us.

No rules for him.

I had all the responsibility.

 

You WILL be fine. You have to know that.

 

Luckily for me I found loopholes to law. Waited like I had to do. The kids refused 50/50 custody to his face. In fact have spent MONTHS this year not even responding to his texts.

 

Yes. He is that much of an entitled Ahole.

 

STBexVWH INSISTED on staying on living here and DID HIT on me relentlessly after I announced Separation and definitive divorce.

 

Luckily I'd had locks put on ALL the internal doors. I would lock myself and my DD in our room at night. If I EVER left the door ajar, he would waltz straight in. No privacy at all.

 

It's been a over a year since announcing D. I was FINALLY able to get him out of my home. Tbh by that stage I DIDN'T CARE WHAT I LOST (children excluded ofcourse lol). He had to get out.

 

STBexVWH did not take it. He did so much crazy shyte!

 

He has known I've had a bf for almost the entire sep time. Made NO DIFFERENCE to STBEXVWH at all.

No matter how clearly I stated BOUNDARIES ie "3 metres" and "do NOT TOUCH me", he just kept on doing it.

 

He has threatened ALL SORTS to break up my relationship with my bf. He does nothing BUT threaten everything important to me.

 

A few weeks ago he tried again to "heal our relationship" saying things about the benefits of him living here again and we could both benefit in pleasurable ways. He is SICK.

 

I triggered for days. Stated clearly that we communicate via text only. I refuse to be in his physical presence. He's a sexual predator.

 

I'm telling you this because EVEN THOUGH EXVWH SAID repeatedly that he was "gonna D my filthy a$$", once I WAS DONE then he went berserk. Yelled that he'd stop the D blah blah blah.

 

WATCH for escalating behaviours.

 

Narcissists NEED control.

They need control over their KINGDOM.

 

A king isn't a king without people to rule.

 

He wants D. Give it to him asap.

Get separate rooms!

Secure your room. Bathroom. Toilet.

 

Then work out ways to get him out. Asap.

 

Your kids may be old enough to have their say in court. Find out. If he's good to them. They will spend time with him.

I've only had 2 weekends in Australia without my children.

A number of weeks overseas with my bf.

 

Luckily I've been preparing us ALL for this time. For over a year. The writing was on the wall since D Day.

 

Prepare as MUCH as you can. Legally. Financially. Emotionally most especially.

The kids too!

 

Best wishes

Lion Heart

[EyesOpen]

Thank you for the responses.

 

This weekend was the first weekend I was away from my boys and it was very difficult at times. He went on a business trip to Florida and he decided to take the kids with for a few days. I felt so lonely and sad at times and then peaceful at times. It was very surreal.

 

He returned the boys yesterday, we met at the airport and he returned to Florida to finish his trip. I made a big deal out of seeing my boys and didn't really say much to him. I just gave him a nod and said, ok, we're all set. We left and he stayed at the airport to catch the next flight.

 

A few hours later he called and asked how the kids were doing. I said all is well, we are out buying our Cubs shirts since we're watching the game tonight. He then asked how I was doing. I said I was doing well. He then asked what I did with my free time. I was very short with my answers and got off of the phone. He the. Sent me a text saying he was trying to connect with me and I wasn't being receptive to it. Again, this is so confusing. I explained that based on our impending divorce, it is not healthy for me to connect with him in that way as I need to move on. It ends up making me angry when I feel ,Ike we connect and he says. Yeah, we're still going through with the divorce. I told him I would not be his source of support during this time and I won't be turning to him for support either. He said this hurts him tremendously because we have been married for 12 years and he doesn't have many close relationships so he values the ones he does have. What??? What does this even mean?! I feel as if he is trying to drive me crazy, he wants to see some sort of emotional response from me.

[pteromom]

Thank you for the responses.

 

This weekend was the first weekend I was away from my boys and it was very difficult at times. He went on a business trip to Florida and he decided to take the kids with for a few days. I felt so lonely and sad at times and then peaceful at times. It was very surreal.

 

It will get better as you get used to them going and coming back. This is very normal.

 

I told him I would not be his source of support during this time and I won't be turning to him for support either. He said this hurts him tremendously because we have been married for 12 years and he doesn't have many close relationships so he values the ones he does have. What??? What does this even mean?! I feel as if he is trying to drive me crazy, he wants to see some sort of emotional response from me.

 

Yes - he is trying to get a response out of you. That's it exactly. He wants to know you are hurting and that he still has control.

 

If he says again that he is hurting because you won't connect with him, tell him that the disconnection is part of divorce. Divorce doesn't just mean that you are no longer intimate and committed. It also means you pull away from each other emotionally. Tell him very clearly that your only relationship with him now is as a co-parent.

[BetrayedH]

Keep detaching, regardless of his crazy.

 

With my exwife, we make nearly all of our arrangements with each other via email. We only text if it's time sensitive. We only speak on the phone when it's an emergency. And we only see each other in person at drop-off/pick-up or at school conferences and extra-curriculars. We aren't rude; we're cordial. But it's pretty much all business. We respond in a timely manner and keep it professional.

 

I think it has done a world of good for both of us. We've moved on in separate directions and neither is impeded by the other.

 

I'd suggest you put an end to trying to figure him out. It's not easy. You have a long-standing habit to break since he was your partner for all things in life for a good dozen years. But the reality is that you're not going to make sense of irrational behavior. And what good would it do you?

 

Look forward to your second life. It's hard to drive forward with your eyes always in the rearview mirror. And otherwise make the most out of the time and influence you have with your kids.

 

Anyway, I'm rambling but I really suggest giving the email thing a good effort.

[Marc878]

They all want to be friends but if it's D then go no contact except short civil texts only about business, D or the kids. You deserve a better life and maintaining any relationship will just keep you down or in limbo. Your present experience should tell you this.

 

You can do a 180 even with young kids. A friend of mine does this extremely well and after 9 months he's feeling great.

 

Definition of friend = loyal, trusting and honest. He's not your friend.