Devastated1969 Posted May 21, 2014 Share Posted May 21, 2014 I need some support today from my LS friends... I have no idea why I am feeling such a strong need to contact him right now but feeling so alone :-( he was my rock and helped me so much when we were together. Being a single mum to my 2 teenage daughters is so hard right now and I miss having someone to give me a hug. Please just help me stay NC as I know that is what I have to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Yoko72 Posted May 21, 2014 Share Posted May 21, 2014 I need some support today from my LS friends... I have no idea why I am feeling such a strong need to contact him right now but feeling so alone :-( he was my rock and helped me so much when we were together. Being a single mum to my 2 teenage daughters is so hard right now and I miss having someone to give me a hug. Please just help me stay NC as I know that is what I have to do. I know how you feel but stay strong. Exercise. Do 30 jumping jacks. Go for a walk but don't give him the satisfaction of knowing you miss him. Your feeding his ego. I'm sure ur a lot stronger then you feel. Ugh! I feel for you. It's so tempting but you have to remember that this is like an addiction and right now ur in withdrawal. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
blue963 Posted May 21, 2014 Share Posted May 21, 2014 Hugs to you. I also am the mother of two teenage daughters. Sometimes that can be challenging with all of those hormones! Esp when they get flying with yours. We are here to support you. Dont contact him. You are the most important thing in your life and keep the NC for yourself and no one else. You deserve peace of mind. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
anabel32 Posted May 21, 2014 Share Posted May 21, 2014 Don't contact. It is understandable that you need support and you wish someone was just there near you, but don't contact him. Call your friends or family if you need to talk but you will only disappoint yourself if you break NC. Be strong and think strong... but cry if you need to, kick if you need to, shout if you need to but DO NOT CONTaCT HIM! You will appreciate it when your emotions pass and you wake up tomorrow morning. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Devastated1969 Posted May 21, 2014 Author Share Posted May 21, 2014 Thank you... I have done 10 weeks and been pretty strong so far.. Your kind words really help so thank you, I know I need to stay NC, think its just a tough week. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
anabel32 Posted May 21, 2014 Share Posted May 21, 2014 Thank you... I have done 10 weeks and been pretty strong so far.. Your kind words really help so thank you, I know I need to stay NC, think its just a tough week. Don't let the tough week define you... it is ok to feel week and feel like you need support but it is the way you react to these feelings. You are strong and be strong. You will be proud of yourself when the storm pass and you look back thinking that you didn't give in. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mickey1982 Posted May 21, 2014 Share Posted May 21, 2014 NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO you cannot contact him!!!!!!!! You have to stay with me beacuse if you fall, I fall with you and I lost count of my weeks...15 or 16 maybe????? I still have my BAD days...I still think about him all the time.....I still love him.....BUT, I still will NOT contact him. If ever it is going to happen, he needs to come to me. Stay Strong--you can!!! Mickey 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Ronnie33 Posted May 21, 2014 Share Posted May 21, 2014 I am right there with you. My first week of NC and today was awful. It's ridiculous how much I miss him but I know if I text him we will go right back where we are and my heart can't take it. I'm so proud of you that you went ten weeks. I went 8 weeks the first time and broke. No matter what you do don't break NC because once you do it feels like you are right back to the beginning. You are one step closer to putting it behind you and I hope to get there too. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Devastated1969 Posted May 21, 2014 Author Share Posted May 21, 2014 NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO you cannot contact him!!!!!!!! You have to stay with me beacuse if you fall, I fall with you and I lost count of my weeks...15 or 16 maybe????? I still have my BAD days...I still think about him all the time.....I still love him.....BUT, I still will NOT contact him. If ever it is going to happen, he needs to come to me. Stay Strong--you can!!! Mickey I am not going to contact him I promise Mickey... I am totally staying with it just a dreadful week.. I am being made redundant and my kids going throguh tough times too so feeling very alone and have to try somehow to pick myself up, find another job, be there for my kids and get through this. Thanks for the support, much needed xxx Link to post Share on other sites
harrybrown Posted May 21, 2014 Share Posted May 21, 2014 Find someone that you can have in the future. all the time. someone that you do not have to share. Be a good example to your daughters and show them how strong and independent you are. You have made it this far. You will find someone new, with this strength that you have and it will be attractive to your new friend. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Devastated1969 Posted May 21, 2014 Author Share Posted May 21, 2014 Find someone that you can have in the future. all the time. someone that you do not have to share. Be a good example to your daughters and show them how strong and independent you are. You have made it this far. You will find someone new, with this strength that you have and it will be attractive to your new friend. Thanks HB, I want to have a future with someone who I can really 'have'... Thought I had that with him but wasn't to be... I am trying very hard to be a good example to my children and show them the right path but not easy with teenagers when you are on your own without support. I am fiercely independent in a lot of ways but facing redundancy after 10 years in my current job is tough when I have full responsibility for my kids and no financial assistance from their father. I guess I'm just feeling a little vulnerable and have a lot of weight on my shoulders right now but I will not contact him and know I need to pick up, face up and deal with this.. Thanks again, I need this focus 1 Link to post Share on other sites
movingon45 Posted May 22, 2014 Share Posted May 22, 2014 DoN'T! NC means no new hurt. If you make contact then you'll face the agony of waiting for his response. If he doesn't it's painful. If he does it will set you back to first step. I'm almost a month in NC. There's not a day that I don't think of him. I miss him but we don't have to act on our feelings. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sweet_pea Posted May 22, 2014 Share Posted May 22, 2014 I think it's sometimes natural to want to reach out to someone after a break-up/end in the relationship, affair or not. The important thing is not to! It will more than likely set you back and then you'll be upset for ever reaching out in the first place. Hold strong, you will be much more proud of yourself for not contacting and you will be able to continue healing! If you feel alone, do you have any close friends/relatives that you can talk with? Someone you can trust & confide in about your problems/feelings (related to this relationship or not), or even just talking about the everyday things? If not, have you thought about maybe an IC? Link to post Share on other sites
jwi71 Posted May 22, 2014 Share Posted May 22, 2014 I need some support today from my LS friends... I have no idea why I am feeling such a strong need to contact him right now but feeling so alone :-( he was my rock and helped me so much when we were together. Being a single mum to my 2 teenage daughters is so hard right now and I miss having someone to give me a hug. Please just help me stay NC as I know that is what I have to do. Is there something specific that triggered you today? Just a rough day? Put it here - how about many substituting the voice of OM "comfort" for the many voices of LS? Link to post Share on other sites
Scorpio Chick Posted May 22, 2014 Share Posted May 22, 2014 Okay, girl, you do it!! You are fierce, and tough! I'm another single mother, no support in any way, shape or form from her father and it is tough. Not everyone can do it. You may feel weak and alone, but in your strength, in fighting the weakness and loneliness, you are serving as an example of strength to others, myself included. That's important! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Devastated1969 Posted May 22, 2014 Author Share Posted May 22, 2014 Is there something specific that triggered you today? Just a rough day? Put it here - how about many substituting the voice of OM "comfort" for the many voices of LS? Yes I think the trigger was a close friend of mine confiding in me that a MM she works with has been flirting with her and she really likes him... I felt so many emotions and tried so hard to warn her off but could tell she was already lost in the rush of it all. I guess it just brought a lot of thoughts of him back to me. I won't contact him, I will stay strong, it was just a blip and I came here rather than go to him. Thank you all, today will be a better day. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
P1nginLOVE Posted May 22, 2014 Share Posted May 22, 2014 DoN'T! NC means no new hurt. If you make contact then you'll face the agony of waiting for his response. If he doesn't it's painful. If he does it will set you back to first step. I'm almost a month in NC. There's not a day that I don't think of him. I miss him but we don't have to act on our feelings. It's been 4 days since his BS emailed me and I emailed her back explaining that I was only his friend. I cc-ed him and he never responded...and I cracked... I emailed him today..asking why he hasn't said something or checked up on me...I know I shouldn't have contacted him. But today I made a closure of our friendship. Who am I to fool? After the PA and EA we went through...the normal friendship thingy was only in my illusion. We kept on seeing each other in the last one month over dinner...or lunch...it was probably his ways of waiting for me to be vulnerable again. (Damn**!!!) And after this am determined to not contact him again. YOU ARE SO RIGHT! WE DON'T HAVE TO ACT ON OUR FEELINGS! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
anabel32 Posted May 22, 2014 Share Posted May 22, 2014 (edited) It's been 4 days since his BS emailed me and I emailed her back explaining that I was only his friend. I cc-ed him and he never responded...and I cracked... I emailed him today..asking why he hasn't said something or checked up on me...I know I shouldn't have contacted him. But today I made a closure of our friendship. Who am I to fool? After the PA and EA we went through...the normal friendship thingy was only in my illusion. We kept on seeing each other in the last one month over dinner...or lunch...it was probably his ways of waiting for me to be vulnerable again. (Damn**!!!) And after this am determined to not contact him again. YOU ARE SO RIGHT! WE DON'T HAVE TO ACT ON OUR FEELINGS! P1nginLOVE and Devastated, I am also a single mum with 3 year old. I think since we are left alone we are much more vulnerable to slip back in the affair. We feel like we would be happy with just getting crumbs from them since this would be better than nothing... This is I guess how you and I feel quite often recently, especially after break up. We feel like the connection was good enough to justify that we could carry on... although hardly get anything decent back from them. Let's not feel like we are the victims here of our circumstances and willing to accept anything to have someone, anyone in our life. i truly believe we deserve the best, we deserve to be the priority rather then an option in any person's life. We need to take the power back in our hands and decide that our situation, our circumstances is not going to define us and define the quality of relationship that we would allow in our lives. We deserve true love and let's belive it will come. Someone who can be just for us. FULL TIME. If we don't let go of these.. PArt time relationships and close this door for good, we would never make space for anything new to come. The beginning is hard but I think it will be worth all the effort. "Difficult roads... beautiful destinations" This is my hope. Stay strong girls and I am getting strong with you too. Edited May 22, 2014 by anabel32 2 Link to post Share on other sites
P1nginLOVE Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 P1nginLOVE and Devastated, I am also a single mum with 3 year old. I think since we are left alone we are much more vulnerable to slip back in the affair. We feel like we would be happy with just getting crumbs from them since this would be better than nothing... This is I guess how you and I feel quite often recently, especially after break up. We feel like the connection was good enough to justify that we could carry on... although hardly get anything decent back from them. Let's not feel like we are the victims here of our circumstances and willing to accept anything to have someone, anyone in our life. i truly believe we deserve the best, we deserve to be the priority rather then an option in any person's life. We need to take the power back in our hands and decide that our situation, our circumstances is not going to define us and define the quality of relationship that we would allow in our lives. We deserve true love and let's belive it will come. Someone who can be just for us. FULL TIME. If we don't let go of these.. PArt time relationships and close this door for good, we would never make space for anything new to come. The beginning is hard but I think it will be worth all the effort. "Difficult roads... beautiful destinations" This is my hope. Stay strong girls and I am getting strong with you too. Thank you! I do want to move on! He replied, wanted us to meet and to discuss what had hapspened. I just told him, what's fair for everyone is for us to stop meeting each other. I told him that I've realised that we will never be normal friends. He didn't reply and yes, I will try to carry òn. I'm going totreat myself better ^^ Link to post Share on other sites
Author Devastated1969 Posted May 24, 2014 Author Share Posted May 24, 2014 Thank you everyone for your responses, I haven't made contact and will not. Seem to have gone through a week of struggling for some reason which was hard to deal with as I was doing ok and thought I was truly moving on... I guess sometimes those triggers hit harder than you expect and you have to dig deep to find the inner strength to keep focused on the right path. He has been in my thoughts a lot more this last week which has set me back a little but I know it's done, he made his choice and I have to keep going, focus on finding a new job, looking after my two children and hopefully, one day, a new relationship with a SINGLE man. Thanks again for the support x 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedMarriedOW Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 Don't contact. You will only be left upset after. I tried contacting after just one week and my xMM ignored my email and I am left even more broken than I was before. Impossible connections are impossible and there is nothing that will change that. Healing, time and no contact is the only way. If they wanted to talk to you, they would be. Link to post Share on other sites
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