beatcuff Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 OP i am calling you out: how long have you been 'applying' for county benefits. seriously this appears to be an ongoing saga. if it really takes that long to APPLY.... maybe mom is "tired" of your constant stream of excuses. college - her dream? maybe at first, but --- you could have dropped out without her input or even knowledge (hint: you were considered an adult while there). either with a formal sign the paper withdrawal or straight Fs would do it administratively. AND you complaints are minor. where's this where's that, why is this not done. her house her rules. sounds like you have NEVER grown up, never worked a job, never made a decision, never followed up and worse never cared to. and that is all fine but stop complaining while eating her food, under her roof, using her car. Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 OP i am calling you out: how long have you been 'applying' for county benefits. seriously this appears to be an ongoing saga. if it really takes that long to APPLY.... maybe mom is "tired" of your constant stream of excuses. college - her dream? maybe at first, but --- you could have dropped out without her input or even knowledge (hint: you were considered an adult while there). either with a formal sign the paper withdrawal or straight Fs would do it administratively. AND you complaints are minor. where's this where's that, why is this not done. her house her rules. sounds like you have NEVER grown up, never worked a job, never made a decision, never followed up and worse never cared to. and that is all fine but stop complaining while eating her food, under her roof, using her car. While your points are all reasonable, the effect of your post is just to personally attack the OP. Those on this thread who think it's her mother's "fault" still conclude that she hasn't grown up, and needs to move on and become a responsible adult. Those who think it's her own fault (seems you are in this camp, with your "constant stream of excuses" and "...worse [you] never cared to" comments) conclude that she hasn't grown up, and needs to move on and become a responsible adult. I think it's safe to say that after reading these discussions, even the OP has concluded that she hasn't grown up, and needs to move on and become a responsible adult. The fundamental thrust of your post is to argue about where to assign the blame, but once we reach the conclusion that she needs to grow up and become a responsible adult, that becomes irrelevant. Wherever the blame gets assigned, her parents didn't successfully guide her to adulthood, and they aren't going to now. Irrespective of assigning blame for this, I think it's safe to say that you and I would agree that the responsibility and motivation now falls to her. To the OP: You have to take over your progress. And it's going to seem hard because already have a place to stay and someone presumably watching over you, so it will be uncomfortable stepping outside this world. From this perspective, it's probably good that you are having friction with your mother, as this will provide some kind of a push to make you take action on your own. Even though it may seem hard or even impossible, lots of people in your position manage to do this - some make the jump on their own, some are driven out by the arguments and discomfort of the situation, and some are flat "kicked out." (A good friend of mine claims it was the best thing his parents ever did for him, to kick him out of the house as he got older.) Sometimes we don't really, fundamentally change without some kind of trauma, so this kind of discomfort can serve its purpose. But I do agree with beatcuff to the degree that you now know what the situation is, and you know it's going to be all on you to change it - complaining about what your mother "should do" won't help you, but let it be motivation to realize that it's time to get out there on your own and start making your way. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sunrise24 Posted June 1, 2014 Author Share Posted June 1, 2014 (edited) Updates: It took 3 more days (Wednesday-Friday), but all the County paperwork is now turned in; it's simply a matter of periodically checking in to make sure my food stamps arrive on schedule. Thursday was by far the most stressful day of the week. What started as my plan to take the bus 8 miles to get the EDD stamp and then loop back around to the County building fell apart when I forgot my ID and had to go back home to retrieve it, missing the bus. My mother was in a particularly sour mood while I was regaining my composure and reorganizing my paperwork; among her comments (paraphrased): "I know you're trying to be more independent, but this isn't right; you don't hug me, you don't say I love you..." "You should have just done things the way I told you, but no; you're just going to keep doing it your way even though it's not the right way." "I get better treatment from strangers. You are the coldest person who could possibly be my child!" "My potatoes got overcooked; you KNEW they were sitting on the stove cooking." (I actually didn't know; I was occupied with mapping out a bus route to finish my errands) "I'm not offering to offer any help anymore! I'm done!" But a short time later, when a neighbor stopped by, my mother was smiling and said to her, referring to me, said "he's my baby." Later that night, as I was watching a movie (having accomplished all but turning in the completed bundle of paperwork), my mother said to me, out of the blue, "You are aware that I love you, right?" After a few moments of silence, I awkwardly replied something to the effect of "I don't really respond to traditional phrases of endearment." She also mentioned that she had gotten behind on her work for her new job working for a private investigator. The reasoning she was disclosing to her boss and others? "I had to worry about my son's issues." What did she do Friday morning after telling me the day before she was done offering help? She offered to give me a ride to the County. I told her she didn't have to worry about me and she can just focus on her work. Overall, it was a much healthier mood than the previous day. Saturday was even more peaceful overall; I helped her move two old TVs out of the apartment; they're going to be turned in for some cash. My mother is not in an angry mood all the time; it's alternating calm and stormy periods. Typically, Monday-Thursday are the "stormy" days, the mood calms down on Friday, and it's relatively peaceful through Sunday. *** turnera: I'm not on LinkedIn; what about it? ** hotpotato: Lesson learned. A little training in self-confidence, a few little self-adjustments each day... it adds up long term. ** Trimmer: As I continue my transition into responsible adulthood, numerous questions remain. > How can I tell my mother, who to this day insists that my going to college was the "right thing" that I was never meant for college? > How can I tell her that I'm desensitized to traditional phrases of endearment due to having so much hype and overuse, that such phrases don't mean much to me? > How can I tell her that she continues to treat me like an incompetent child, and her self-determined "need" to supervise me has been distracting her from her own priorities? It's difficult to phrase such an emotional subject in a civil manner, but my intention here is not to complain or assign blame; it is to give an illustration of the day-to-day dynamics that I'm dealing with en route to more responsible adulthood, so that I can gain insight regarding how to deal with them. Thus far, my strategy has been to stay detached, keep my emotions in check, and make as many of my own decisions as possible, in spite of her continuing emotional protests (though they seem to have toned down since Thursday). There may be more effective strategies of which I am not aware. P.S. My strategy for dealing with personal attacks arising in this thread is to simply ignore them; there is already a solid base of constructive feedback for us to build upon. *** P.P.S. Several posters referred to me as female; I am actually male. Edited June 1, 2014 by sunrise24 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 P.P.S. Several posters referred to me as female; I am actually male. Hmmm - that would include me. Sorry - I just formed that picture and stuck with it. Don't quite know why, but it's duly noted. I see your questions, and the one overall philosophy that comes to mind is "choose your battles." Let me address them individually... Trimmer: As I continue my transition into responsible adulthood, numerous questions remain. > How can I tell my mother, who to this day insists that my going to college was the "right thing" that I was never meant for college? One approach is to not even engage in this battle. Just don't get into this argument; if the subject does come up, just accept her assertion that college is a generally good thing, without having to strike back and convince her that it wasn't right for you at the time. You know what you know about yourself; in the long run, it won't matter to your journey whether you convince her or not, and it will only add fuel to the discord between you. Fake it if you need to, or find a middle ground that you can live with, like "yes, college is a good thing" and leave it at that. Don't engage when it doesn't matter. > How can I tell her that I'm desensitized to traditional phrases of endearment due to having so much hype and overuse, that such phrases don't mean much to me? Again, don't have this battle. It almost seems like you're picking a fight by saying this. In spite of whatever the dynamic is between you two, it's clear that she's trying (perhaps clumsily) to reach out to you in some way here. By saying what you did, you basically shoved it back in her face, and created more discord, when you could have just treated it like you would an unexpected gift that you feel neutrally about. In that case, you would generally try to recognize that the gift was offered in good spirit, and try to be gracious about accepting it. I would recommend the same here. If you really can't bring yourself to reply with a simple "I love you too, Mom" (even if it's a fake), how about just a simple and genuine "Thanks, Mom", which at least recognizes that she's trying to offer something of emotional value. The whole response about traditional phrases of endearment not meaning anything to you... that's very self-aware, and you're entitled to it, but I think it serves no good purpose to throw that back at her, so I think you would do well to keep that to yourself in this case. Just fake a neutral response. Imagine getting a gift from a relative, and try to be gracious if you can. There's no advantage to poking the bear and intentionally alienating her - this will not advance your own progress. > How can I tell her that she continues to treat me like an incompetent child, and her self-determined "need" to supervise me has been distracting her from her own priorities? Second part first: you don't need to "parent" her, so don't worry about whether she's distracting herself from her own priorities. Just like you want her to allow you to run your life, allow her to run hers. Again: don't have this battle. As far as her need to supervise you, it seems like you are doing fine with your ACTIONS. Keep doing the things you need to do in the way you are going to do them. It seems this is already sending her the message that you're doing things your way, right? Why turn that into a verbal fight. Just keep doing it and moving forward. Don't have a fight where you don't need to. Don't poke the bear. Choose your battles. Thus far, my strategy has been to stay detached, keep my emotions in check, and make as many of my own decisions as possible, in spite of her continuing emotional protests (though they seem to have toned down since Thursday). There may be more effective strategies of which I am not aware. I would suggest staying on course. Keep taking care of your own business, but once again: don't let this "detachment" turn into pokes that fuel the discord. If she says she loves you, why not just say it back and be done with it - no need to stir the pot and talk about how traditional endearments are meaningless. Being an adult also includes being diplomatic. You don't need to strike blows, or get back at her for anything. Make sure you keep your focus on your progress forward, and save your energy for that. Choose your battles. My strategy for dealing with personal attacks arising in this thread is to simply ignore them; there is already a solid base of constructive feedback for us to build upon. Generally a good idea. And even within a post that may get personal, you will often still find pieces of useful advice and truth. Read it all, thoughtfully consider, and move forward. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SpiralOut Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 Updates: Later that night, as I was watching a movie (having accomplished all but turning in the completed bundle of paperwork), my mother said to me, out of the blue, "You are aware that I love you, right?" After a few moments of silence, I awkwardly replied something to the effect of "I don't really respond to traditional phrases of endearment." Have you seen the movie Coraline? I bolded that sentence because it reminds me of the "Other Mother" from the movie, who says that to Coraline while trying to trap her so she can eat her. She is trying to make you show her affection, but you don't owe her that. So long as you are civil and respectful (regardless of how rude she might act) that is all that matters. Ignore all the posters who tell you that you need to say that you love her. Some people prefer to show their love through their actions, not through words and that's fine. How can I tell my mother, who to this day insists that my going to college was the "right thing" that I was never meant for college? She insists that you did the right thing because she doesn't want to admit that she made a mistake when she pushed you into it. This is about her ego. You could say something like "I know that college is a good choice for lots of people, but it wasn't for me. " Or you could say "that might be your opinion but I disagree." Try not to be surprised if she ignores you. Just continue to correct her and don't take it personally if she never agrees with you. There is a good chance that she will never understand your point of view. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 Later that night, as I was watching a movie (having accomplished all but turning in the completed bundle of paperwork), my mother said to me, out of the blue, "You are aware that I love you, right?" After a few moments of silence, I awkwardly replied something to the effect of "I don't really respond to traditional phrases of endearment."What was behind that? Anger? Embarrassment? Shame? That was a really weird thing to say to your own mom. I think people see you as female because the way you describe your...weaknesses or issues, they seem those more typical of females. We usually expect males to be more ... upfront and forceful and sure of what you want and willing to go get it. Don't know your history, so don't know why that isn't so for you, but it may be something to think about. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 I'm not on LinkedIn; what about it? Just that anyone who is seriously looking for a job would have known by now that you NEED to be on LinkedIn to get most jobs requiring college degrees these days. If not for getting the job there or getting a referral then to at least show that you are seriously looking for a job by having a linkedin account/URL that you can refer hiring managers to. Link to post Share on other sites
beatcuff Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 While your points are all reasonable, the effect of your post is just to personally attack the OP. <snip> But I do agree with beatcuff to the degree ... i just got whiplash. OP "i forgot my ID" --- seriously. its time you move out. its time you live in the real world. PS --- the rent and utilities are due EVERY month. good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 i just got whiplash. Sorry if I confused you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sunrise24 Posted June 3, 2014 Author Share Posted June 3, 2014 (edited) Updates: Sunday My food stamps arrived in the morning; my mother was in a relatively good mood. I took the opportunity to begin another major step toward responsible adulthood: buying my own food & water. I started by going to Trader Joe's, spending about $32; I did some calculations later and found that I was on track to barely stay within budget. On my way back home that evening, I texted my mother: "I will be buying my own food now; you are free to focus on your own food shopping needs." Her response was a simple "ok." Monday In the morning, my mother brought up the subject of food shopping; the conversation went roughly as follows (this is paraphrased): *** Her: So when you said you'll be buying your own food, does that mean you won't be eating anything that I buy? Because I find that very hard to believe. I thought we were a team. My food stamps aren't coming in until the 8th; we still need milk and water. That statement you made to me last night was inappropriate. (she was referring to my text message about buying my own food) Me: I asked you last night if you needed anything while I was still out. Her: But you can't carry that much stuff. Well, I'll just have to budget more carefully from now on. I mean, are we going together today, or am I going by myself? What's going on? You know, if you're going to be buying all your own food, whatever. I don't want to put you in an situation you won't be comfortable with. Me: *pulling out $20* This should be enough to get some milk, water and anything else you can think of for the time being. Her: No, I'm not taking your cash; it's not right. We use what's on our EBT cards for food and that's it. Me: Fine *** I decided to drop the conversation. However, a couple of our neighbors stopped by to visit minutes later; my mother's mood brightened immediately. When the get-together was winding down, I decided to set out on my own errands. During the afternoon, I used some money in my stash (made from doing a one-time errand for an acquaintance) to order an 80-day supply of what will be the beginning of my nootropic regimen. I then resumed my job search (I had taken a break to focus on getting the County errands completed) with a modified strategy. Instead of strict quotas, I decided to just pick a job category (I'm starting with non-profits) on Craigslist, read all the listings, and weed out what I didn't qualify for. What's left would then be researched in greater depth to then customize a resume & cover letter for each opening. In the evening, I decided to try Food 4 Less for groceries; I got much more food for $18 than what I got for $32 at Trader Joe's. Now, I'm on track to stay well within budget. My mother and I didn't speak much when I returned (later than I anticipated); she went to bed soon after. Today (Tuesday) It was a relatively peaceful morning for a Tuesday. Shortly after I woke up, my mother announced that she just got another fitness client (who happens to be one of our neighbors who visited the day before); the client arrived shortly afterward. As with past occurrences of get-togethers with neighbors/friends, my mother was in a relatively bright mood. My mother and the client departed for a local gym; she tasked me with making a copy of the contract, which I completed in a few minutes. I then finished reading the non-profit job listing on Craigslist, narrowing it down to 16 openings from a list of 290 (new openings are frequently posted; I'll be checking back periodically). In the apartment, there's a wall decoration depicting a money tree; my mother says that whenever money is put on it, more money comes to her. It may sound superstitious, but it means a lot to her; I added a dollar from my own stash and departed for the day before my mother returned. *** pink_sugar: Currently, the government assistance breakdown is: > $185/month in Food Stamps, which I am scheduled to receive on the 1st of each month > ~$220/month in General Relief, which is set to begin on the 28th. (these figures are about the same as for my mother) The rent is $1,150/month, but we have been making all of our money under the radar. From reviewing the paperwork, my understanding is that these amounts start to be affected when income (traceable by the County) is around $200/month; by $600/month (which in my case would get taxed, plus garnished due to overdue student loans), the aid is essentially cut off. I initially used this as another reason why continuing my job search was pointless (since it's quite difficult to find anyone willing to pay under the radar), but now I see that the least I can do is dive in and experiment, determining what kinds of jobs I'm able to get replies for and the strategies that worked. ** Trimmer: You made an excellent point about me picking fights, however unintentional it was. Also, this goes back to the classic adage: "fake it 'till you make it." I disagree with it in principle, but my experiences suggest that it may actually be the most effective strategy for me while I'm rebuilding. There are many significant occasions over the past few years where I decided to just be myself, and I got royally screwed in return. Regarding the disparities in attitude & worldview betweenmy mother and I, being honest with her offends her, but ignoring her also offends her. Also, I tried the neutral response of "thanks Mom;" she was also offended by this. The aforementioned adage remains largely untested; duly noted. While I also agree with your point about diplomacy as a part of responsible adulthood, it hasn't been a top priority for me yet. From my experiences, diplomacy tends to be more effective when the power dynamics are relatively balanced; when there is a severe imbalance of power, the powerful often refuse to take the powerless seriously. Hence, my own empowerment has been my main focus thus far, it appears to be coming along nicely. ** SpiralOut: I haven't seen the movie Coraline (the movie I was watching Thursday night was "The Fountain;" the last movie I'll be watching for a long time) I do communicate with my mother mainly through my actions, but when the topic of love comes up; she expects me to say "I love you too." Yes, my going to college was definitely about her ego; it was a way for her to use me as an extension of herself to fulfill her dreams (she never finished college but wishes she did), as well as to score bragging rights (never mind my discomfort). In a related fashion, I have found it extremely difficult to comfort her during times when she cries. She cried when I told her I wanted to drop out of college, and then more recently as I described in an earlier post. From these and other firsthand experiences, I know why she cries: because her ego is hurt. However, I disagree with the recommendation of correcting her. What I also know from experience is that my mother strongly dislikes being corrected on anything unless she specifically requests it; as correctly noted by Trimmer, this has the effect of further fueling discord. His overall recommendation of faking it if I have to stands as a course of action worth pursuing. Edited June 3, 2014 by sunrise24 Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 (edited) My husband and I had a combined income of $1100 a month, but we probably only got $15 a month because our rent is only $300. TBH though, as much as I love Trader Joes, I couldn't afford to shop there much when I was unemployed and on assistance. Think outlet stores when your income is extremely limited...Big Lots, 99 Cent Store, Dollar Tree, Grocery Outlet, Walmart, Winco or any discount grocers. Your money will go a bit further. Our monthly bill for food was just $200 for the two of us when shopping primarily at Grocery Outlet and coupon clipping. Edited June 3, 2014 by pink_sugar Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 What was behind that? Anger? Embarrassment? Shame? That was a really weird thing to say to your own mom. I think people see you as female because the way you describe your...weaknesses or issues, they seem those more typical of females. We usually expect males to be more ... upfront and forceful and sure of what you want and willing to go get it. Don't know your history, so don't know why that isn't so for you, but it may be something to think about. I'll admit, I thought the op was female. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 I'll admit, I thought the op was female. Same here! Link to post Share on other sites
Author sunrise24 Posted June 4, 2014 Author Share Posted June 4, 2014 hotpotato & pink_sugar: Well, now you know. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 You have a college degree, don't you? Then why are you looking on Craig's List for jobs? Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 You have a college degree, don't you? Then why are you looking on Craig's List for jobs? Actually, it's very useful. I've found my last 3 "professional" office jobs through CL. I've found that a lot of the other job sites have resumes going into a black hole. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 Really? Around here no one uses CL for anything serious. Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted June 5, 2014 Share Posted June 5, 2014 Really? Around here no one uses CL for anything serious. Yeah, a lot of companies use it to save money or reach more of an audience. I've even seen ads for larger companies on there. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted June 5, 2014 Share Posted June 5, 2014 Huh. I went to look, and you're right! It's changed a lot in the years since I've gone there. Ignore my comments, guys. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sunrise24 Posted June 5, 2014 Author Share Posted June 5, 2014 (edited) This will be my last post to this thread for a while. Maybe I'll start other threads about other parts of my life in the interim; maybe not. I have 2 months to move out. My mother's good moods have been mere illusions disguising the unavoidable reality that she's still trying to dictate how I run my life. While telling me that "we need to have a timeline for you, otherwise you'll just be complacent" and "we need to get you working," she continues to insist that I do research for her and be involved in her business ventures. Aside from $40 a few weeks ago, I haven't been paid a penny for it; I'm her "assistant" who has been working for free. In 2 months, a close friend of hers is coming down for a visit. However long that lasts feels irrelevant; my mother says "I can't have her coming over and my son is on the couch" and "there's not enough room for everyone." All I know is that unless I'm diligent and resourceful enough to have my own work and housing by then (which has been the overwhelming consensus here from the start), the rug is going to be yanked from under me. This is it; it's going to be time for my mother and I to go our separate ways. For now, I'm going along with her demands as an application of "fake it 'till you make it," but my focus is clear. I'm very anxious, but I've gotten enough helpful feedback; the key now is to simply trust that I'll know what to do, and correct course along the way. Still have questions or interested in how I'm doing? Feel free to PM me (no guarantee of a prompt response). Edited June 5, 2014 by sunrise24 Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted June 5, 2014 Share Posted June 5, 2014 This will be my last post to this thread for a while. Maybe I'll start other threads about other parts of my life in the interim; maybe not. I have 2 months to move out. My mother's good moods have been mere illusions disguising the unavoidable reality that she's still trying to dictate how I run my life. While telling me that "we need to have a timeline for you, otherwise you'll just be complacent" and "we need to get you working," she continues to insist that I do research for her and be involved in her business ventures. Aside from $40 a few weeks ago, I haven't been paid a penny for it; I'm her "assistant" who has been working for free. In 2 months, a close friend of hers is coming down for a visit. However long that lasts feels irrelevant; my mother says "I can't have her coming over and my son is on the couch" and "there's not enough room for everyone." All I know is that unless I'm diligent and resourceful enough to have my own work and housing by then (which has been the overwhelming consensus here from the start), the rug is going to be yanked from under me. This is it; it's going to be time for my mother and I to go our separate ways. For now, I'm going along with her demands as an application of "fake it 'till you make it," but my focus is clear. I'm very anxious, but I've gotten enough helpful feedback; the key now is to simply trust that I'll know what to do, and correct course along the way. Still have questions or interested in how I'm doing? Feel free to PM me (no guarantee of a prompt response). 2 months? Yikes. I'm assuming you have no savings, so my advice would be to join as many temp agencies as you can and look for work as if your life depends on it. You may just have to take anything you can find for now, find a roommate and move out. Wishing you luck. Once you do move out, please update us. I know Safeway usually will hire just about anyone as long as you pass your background check and drug test. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted June 6, 2014 Share Posted June 6, 2014 Good. You NEED to move out. You'll never grow up until you do. My mom told me the week I graduated high school that she was moving away and that I could either move with her to the middle of nowhere or get my own place. I had 2 weeks to prepare. And I did fine. In fact, learning how to take care of myself like that was a GREAT way to grow up and become confident in myself and my abilities. You'll be fine. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted June 6, 2014 Share Posted June 6, 2014 This will be my last post to this thread for a while. Maybe I'll start other threads about other parts of my life in the interim; maybe not. I have 2 months to move out. My mother's good moods have been mere illusions disguising the unavoidable reality that she's still trying to dictate how I run my life. While telling me that "we need to have a timeline for you, otherwise you'll just be complacent" and "we need to get you working," she continues to insist that I do research for her and be involved in her business ventures. Aside from $40 a few weeks ago, I haven't been paid a penny for it; I'm her "assistant" who has been working for free. In 2 months, a close friend of hers is coming down for a visit. However long that lasts feels irrelevant; my mother says "I can't have her coming over and my son is on the couch" and "there's not enough room for everyone." All I know is that unless I'm diligent and resourceful enough to have my own work and housing by then (which has been the overwhelming consensus here from the start), the rug is going to be yanked from under me. This is it; it's going to be time for my mother and I to go our separate ways. For now, I'm going along with her demands as an application of "fake it 'till you make it," but my focus is clear. I'm very anxious, but I've gotten enough helpful feedback; the key now is to simply trust that I'll know what to do, and correct course along the way. Still have questions or interested in how I'm doing? Feel free to PM me (no guarantee of a prompt response). two months? Look up the laws in your state. In some places, you must give someone 6 months or more to move out. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted June 6, 2014 Share Posted June 6, 2014 two months? Look up the laws in your state. In some places, you must give someone 6 months or more to move out. Good grief. He's a grown man with a college degree. Who refuses to grow up, who, after being told to get food stamps since he contributes nothing to her household, chose to suspend job hunting for a few days while he 'invested money in a nootropic regimen' so he could be in a 'better place.' sunrise just needs to grow a pair and start living like an adult. She's doing him a favor. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted June 6, 2014 Share Posted June 6, 2014 Good grief. He's a grown man with a college degree. Who refuses to grow up, who, after being told to get food stamps since he contributes nothing to her household, chose to suspend job hunting for a few days while he 'invested money in a nootropic regimen' so he could be in a 'better place.' sunrise just needs to grow a pair and start living like an adult. She's doing him a favor. I agree. His mother isn't required by law to give him any notice. That seems pretty silly to say hotpotato. Link to post Share on other sites
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