jbelle6 Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 Trust me OP, I get where you are coming from, my mother would tell me I was fat at 115 lbs, wore a strapless white beaded gown to my wedding, I wasn't allowed to clean floors with a mop, had to hand wash, the vacuuming had to be done in a certain pattern, then we weren't allowed to walk on it lol. My friends called her Mommy Dearest. But she owned that house where I was allowed to live and she paid for that wedding so I kept my lips zipped and got over it. When your Mama says I love you, you tell her you love her too. You might not agree with her on things but she let you stay in her home for a LONG time. I understand it's hard for this generation to get a job in their field, but all of my friends in that situation have A JOB. You were living at home rent free so even retail could have been taking a chunk out of your debt, sick of your mom? Work full time and ask for extra shifts, pays more of your debt and you'd never be home. I had a job in my field but at the time I was not yet making enough to save anything. I wanted a down payment on a condo or townhouse. I was sick of paying rent. So, I got a job on top of my day job as a server/bartender. Sure I didn't get to go out EVER but you do what you have to do, that's the adult way. Have you thought of that? There must be a ton of restaurants, wine bars etc. near you. Hell, even bus boys get tips. There is no shame working below what you are qualified for till you get your dream job. Then when you get that job you can keep a couple of shifts at the restaurant or wherever and ALL of that bonus money could go to that debt. Do it now while you are young and have energy. Wishing the debt away ain't gonna happen. And quit wasting your money on quack supplements. If you want focus and mental clarity, WORK OUT and do cross words. I think you are being a bit cold to your mother from what you have said. You seem to lack empathy for her and can't see things from her point of view. Why is it that shocking that your mother wanted more for you than a high school education? I know parents might not get it's different today than it was for them, but surely you must see she meant you no harm. You might not be in debt without college but you wouldn't be in a great situation either. And yes, she might be having a disagreement with you then put on a happy face for the neighbors but their generation didn't air dirty laundry like this one seems too. My mother is the same. It is a lot more budget friendly to pool resources for food, it is cheaper per meal the more you cook for, and there is no point buying 2 things of milk. If you pulled that food stamp stuff on me, I'd have changed the wifi password and started making you pay half the utilities. Frankly, I am surprised this thread has pretty much been all sympathy for you, I am not trying to be mean. There are kids covered in bruises, left hungry, left in their filth in cribs alone all day, they would DO ANYTHING to have your Mom. Remember that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SpiralOut Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 Frankly, I am surprised this thread has pretty much been all sympathy for you, I am not trying to be mean. There are kids covered in bruises, left hungry, left in their filth in cribs alone all day, they would DO ANYTHING to have your Mom. Remember that. It's true that for many of us here, including the OP, our circumstances could be worse. However, that doesn't negate the difficulties we face. It's not easy to be raised by an emotionally unstable mother. It causes damage in its own way. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
makeithappen Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 Frankly, I am surprised this thread has pretty much been all sympathy for you, I am not trying to be mean. There are kids covered in bruises, left hungry, left in their filth in cribs alone all day, they would DO ANYTHING to have your Mom. Remember that. I find this very insulting. Just because someone does not harm another person physically, they should consider themselves lucky and blessed? Parents can pay for your education and give you free rent, but make your life hell by their behaviour (controlling, making sneaky comments, putting you down...). Sometimes I wonder if these favours they do (paying for education and providing lodging) is not meant to put us in a state of gratitude, and make us slaves to their desires... Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted June 12, 2014 Share Posted June 12, 2014 No one is making you accept it. Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 I agree. His mother isn't required by law to give him any notice. That seems pretty silly to say hotpotato. Actually, it depends on where you are. I didnt know they had laws like that either until I was forced out of someones home after hurricane Katrina. So yes, depending on the law in your area you have to give someone notice. Even if their not on the lease and theyve been living there awhile, in some places notice is required. Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 Good grief. He's a grown man with a college degree. Who refuses to grow up, who, after being told to get food stamps since he contributes nothing to her household, chose to suspend job hunting for a few days while he 'invested money in a nootropic regimen' so he could be in a 'better place.' sunrise just needs to grow a pair and start living like an adult. She's doing him a favor. Yes, he needs to grow up, but im concerned about him being penniless. Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 Actually, it depends on where you are. I didnt know they had laws like that either until I was forced out of someones home after hurricane Katrina. So yes, depending on the law in your area you have to give someone notice. Even if their not on the lease and theyve been living there awhile, in some places notice is required. Even if its a house you own, you still must go through procedure and give adequate notice to the persons you are evicting. Thats true even if they havent been paying bills. Its based on how long they have been living there, too. Once again, it varies by state. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted June 16, 2014 Share Posted June 16, 2014 Yes, he needs to grow up, but im concerned about him being penniless.meh, my mom moved away the week after I graduated high school. I had two weeks to get a full time job, find an apartment, and figure out how to afford groceries. People survive. It's when they aren't CHALLENGED that they end up having useless lives. It sounds like it will be good for him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sunrise24 Posted August 15, 2014 Author Share Posted August 15, 2014 Today is my 27th birthday. My mother told me that she wants to have a party for me; she considers birthdays very special. Since my last post, the heated confrontations with my mother that I indicated in past posts have been toned down dramatically; they are now more of the rare exception (about a few times a month) than the norm. While she still has volatile emotions in terms of dealing with the outside world in general, her mood in terms of our direct interaction with each other has overall become significantly healthier. During the writings of my past posts, I was usually in a very bad mood; no doubt influential on my phrasing and how I was interpreted. My mood has since largely stabilized; what few bad moods I still have are considerably less pronounced than before. While there are still unresolved issues between us, the relationship dynamics appear to be evolving such that life will continue to look up. We shall see how my birthday (weekend) goes... Link to post Share on other sites
Author sunrise24 Posted September 3, 2014 Author Share Posted September 3, 2014 (edited) Updates: My birthday was a rather ordinary day, though my mother and I were overall in happy moods. The close friend of my mother's, who I mentioned in my June 5th post, arrived for her visit last Tuesday and departed today. By my account as well as hers, it was a nice time (IMO, the details are beyond the scope of this topic, but you're welcome to inquire if you're interested); she and I got along very well. I'm no longer considering ending my relationship with my mother. If anyone is still interested in learning more about what has happened over the past 3 months, or updates regarding the evolution of the relationship dynamics, let me know; if I sense enough interest, I'll then create a part 2 of this story. Feel free to ask any relevant questions you may have; I can incorporate them into a Q & A for the intro to a part 2 (should I decide to create it). *** Special thanks to Trimmer, littleplanet, and Tayla, for their relatively insightful input regarding how to make the most of my time with my mother, and for adding in extra layers of perspective in an educational, civil fashion. Also of note is pink_sugar, for taking the time to ask questions in a civil fashion, to learn more about me and aid in providing helpful/informed feedback. Edited September 3, 2014 by sunrise24 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted September 3, 2014 Share Posted September 3, 2014 I'm glad things are going well sunrise! I hope things have improved for the better for you. Please do let us know about the positive changes. Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted September 3, 2014 Share Posted September 3, 2014 I hope you are working and becoming independent. Living life according to your mom's moods seems completely codependent and unhealthy for a grown male. Earn money, get out on your own and socialize with others your age. Do things that bring you happiness. Tell your mom it's your life to live the way you see best. It's painful to read people taking assistance when they are working and lying about earning money. Try to live an honest life - your mom hasn't been a positive example of that. Become proud of what you accomplish with hard work. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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