urge to settle down/ give love

[youaremysunshine]

I'm a 24 year old female and I have never been in relationship I would call serious.. I was in love with a guy I dated for a year but he was shifty about commitment and eventually buzzed off to south America to live in a hammock. He begged me to come but I couldn't bear to leave my family and my dog actually.

 

I have been living on my own since 18, working to pay my own rent and ut myself through university for social work. I haven't found work in that field and honestly the placemeny experience was pretty heartbreaking. I feel really disillusioned with my ability. To help people. I am so lost. I cook in a diner now full time and its fairly well paid and not to stressful.

 

I go out almost every night with my friends, and I have almost more friends than I can make time to see. I'm always meeting single men who seemingly interested but it rarely goes past a few casual meet ups and seeing each other around at parties. Guys just don't seem to want to get serious with me. Moreover, I havent been very motivated to see guys casually. I have been dating for kicks for years, when I was younger. Never asked my self "is this. An appropriate partner? Is there a future here?"

 

But lately I have been wanting someone special to have a close bond with. Not someone to meet at the bar now and again. I want to cook diner together and watch a movie and manybe give each other back rubs. Someone to relax and be emotionally intimate with. My friends and the men I meet are all about having a wild. Time. Thing seems lame and needy

[awesome0]

If this is truly what you are looking for it seems mature for your age to me. My small suggestion if you haven't is date a little older. Late 20's early 30's guys? And they will be at the bar as well the just leave before 11

[youaremysunshine]

I guess I am pretty entrenched in this independent woman thing. My friends think I'm crazy for wanting to get all homey. Never lived with a partner before just a million room mates in a million apartments over the years. I want to make a home.

 

Recently my dog passed away and now I feel like I have no one to love at all. I grew up with her and it really got me thinking about my childhood and all the special times. My family home has aged and doesn't feel the same. I never thought I would feel this way but. I am yearning to start a family but not anytime soon. I know I am not nearly ready but I am terrified I will never get to have one. My mom was my he when she had me and was a single mom so I guess I don't need a man but I want have someone to love....

[youaremysunshine]

Also I have dated a few late 20s early 30s dudes recently. Maybe I am meeting the wrong kinds of guys in my social circles but i haven't found anyone looking for. Anything serious.

 

Had a couple over educated wannabe professor types tell me I'm a sell out and a bad feminist for wanting monogamy, a family and not being bisexual

[Woggle]

Also I have dated a few late 20s early 30s dudes recently. Maybe I am meeting the wrong kinds of guys in my social circles but i haven't found anyone looking for. Anything serious.

 

Had a couple over educated wannabe professor types tell me I'm a sell out and a bad feminist for wanting monogamy, a family and not being bisexual

 

You aren't a sellout. These feminists think women should be free to live their lives as long as they live the way feminists think women should live.

 

Just live your life and be open and you should meet a guy that is worthy.

[awesome0]

Had a couple over educated wannabe professor types tell me I'm a sell out and a bad feminist for wanting monogamy, a family and not being bisexual

 

.

Seriously? I guess the world is just strange to me lol. There are plenty of guys who want exactally that. Just gonna have to keep looking. Its been my experience that women I've been with find those quality's in a man "boring". But they are out there. not sure about the bi-sexuality part though

[youaremysunshine]

I guess the catch here is I am an anarchist and so are my friends and roommates, I do organizating with some anti-capitalist and anti-racist groups. I got into it through my social work program and its my main means of meeting people. I find these dudes are very happ to reject monogamy as being sexist and tell me I just brain washed into believing I am straight. I have plenty of respect for that though

[youaremysunshine]

But that's besides the point. I just want some one to hug and kiss and share things with. I have friends but I feel so alone in the world. People always tell me I should live myself and enjoy being single. But I DO love myself and I have enjoyed being single. But now I want something more

My life feels empty

[Teraskas]

But that's besides the point. I just want some one to hug and kiss and share things with. I have friends but I feel so alone in the world. People always tell me I should live myself and enjoy being single. But I DO love myself and I have enjoyed being single. But now I want something more

My life feels empty

 

You know, I feel exactly the same way.

Your post more or less depicts the female version of myself.

Quite mature for my age, also willing to settle down, knows what he wants from life, dates with women never leading to anything, however only 22.

 

I agree with what Awesome said: The majority of the time when a guy describes himself as a person who believes in monogamy, has morals, the desire to start a family, not a commitmentphobe he is instantly shunned and deemed "boring" by women.

 

I mean sure, Single life has its benefits, but after a while that desire to find a partner again starts to re-emerge.

Trust me, such guys are out there but they're hard to find as plenty of them are getting rejected left and right because they apparently don't measure up to "society's standard" where such qualities are not desirable in the age of 20+.

[travelbug1996]

YOu just have to enjoy your life and continue doing things towards other goals outside relationships. If its meant to be that person will come but in the meantime enjoy your singleness.

[youaremysunshine]

Yeah, I know I need to focus on my life goals. I have no idea what I want to do and I'm still paying off loans for four years of uversity in a field that depresseds me to much. I don't hates my diner gig though.

 

I'm sick of moving from shabby undecorated rooming house to shabby undecoraterd rooming house. Its killing me. I can't even have pets

[d0nnivain]

Perhaps it is time to expand your social circle.

 

 

Can you afford to live in a more traditional apartment / housing situation? I can't imagine a lot of settle down types find themselves in shabby undecorated rooming houses.

 

 

If the majority of your social circle is comprised of anarchists, people who do not value monogamy & bisexuals, again, you may have more difficulty finding somebody who wants traditional home-cooked meals.

 

 

Perhaps you can get a pet when you move? As you are out walking the dog you may meet other dog lovers who are looking for what you want.

[youaremysunshine]

It's hard cause I live in one of the most expensive cities in north America (born and raised). I am lucky to have a job working 50 hours a week. For a few bucks over minimu

m wage. I am so exhausted and stressed though and it would be so nice to come home to someone, even a cat.

 

Unless I want to move to the far suburbs I can't afford my own place. I live walking distance from my work in the heart of the cities hip young. Neighborhood.

I could try to save up for some things to jazz the place up, since I think I will actually stays : here more than a few months. At least a bigger bed, I still sleep on the same twin sized bed from when I was a kid.

 

Maybe I am just depressed. I have a fine life. Exciting Bohemian friends, I'm surrounded by music and art and good food. I just want to share it with someone special

[d0nnivain]

Can you get a different job to earn more money? Can you at least keep searching on line for a new place to live that will let you have a cat?

 

If you want more time with animals volunteer at a shelter.

 

I live in a high cost of living area too so I do understand the pressures.

[Potz4prez]

But lately I have been wanting someone special to have a close bond with. Not someone to meet at the bar now and again. I want to cook diner together and watch a movie and manybe give each other back rubs. Someone to relax and be emotionally intimate with. My friends and the men I meet are all about having a wild. Time. Thing seems lame and needy

 

24 must be the magic age, because I've reached the same point as well

 

For me, it's part to do with wanting something solid to come home to. So that I can concentrate on my goals and not have to worry about finding someone. Maybe you're just tired of the game?

 

However, it sounds like you need a change of scenery really. Why not put your degree to use and get a job someplace new?

 

Yeah, I know I need to focus on my life goals. I have no idea what I want to do and I'm still paying off loans for four years of uversity in a field that depresseds me to much. I don't hates my diner gig though.

 

I'm sick of moving from shabby undecorated rooming house to shabby undecoraterd rooming house. Its killing me. I can't even have pets

 

This makes it sound like maybe you should get your life in order first, instead of trying to fill whatever void you have with a person.

[youaremysunshine]

I really really REALLY hate the social work industry. Its not about helping people at all. It really crushed my soul and made me bitter. Besides, I would make less than I do now in that field and have no hope for a full time job (almost unheard of with out a master's)

 

I have always loved cooking and certainly there is plenty of restaurants in the city I live in. I could go to chef school if I save up but I worry I couldnt handle the pressure. Like I mostly make salads at work and sometimes I get too stressed! !! Also standing all day most says since I have been 15 is rough on my body. At 24 I have foot problem and varicose veins like an old lady.

 

I do make a great wage though 16/yhr because the boss knew me as a kid.

 

I need to figure out what I want and go back to school before I try to find a mate but I worry. By the time I finish school, find a stable job and pay off school debt I will be almost too old to start a family.

 

Also I'm scared no one will want me when I am not young and pretty any more

[Potz4prez]

I really really REALLY hate the social work industry. Its not about helping people at all. It really crushed my soul and made me bitter. Besides, I would make less than I do now in that field and have no hope for a full time job (almost unheard of with out a master's)

 

I have always loved cooking and certainly there is plenty of restaurants in the city I live in. I could go to chef school if I save up but I worry I couldnt handle the pressure. Like I mostly make salads at work and sometimes I get too stressed! !! Also standing all day most says since I have been 15 is rough on my body. At 24 I have foot problem and varicose veins like an old lady.

 

I do make a great wage though 16/yhr because the boss knew me as a kid.

 

I need to figure out what I want and go back to school before I try to find a mate but I worry. By the time I finish school, find a stable job and pay off school debt I will be almost too old to start a family.

 

Also I'm scared no one will want me when I am not young and pretty any more

 

A friend of mine (now in grad school) says she misses the money from waiting tables, but would never want to go back to that stressful environment. Maybe a pay cut is worth it?

 

And yeah, figure out what you have a passion for, and go for it. Who cares how long you'll be in school. My mom didn't meet my dad till she was in her post-doc at around 30-35.

 

Looks just spawn lust... what a man will really love about you will never get old

 

Honestly, it just sounds like you're a little confused about what you want out of life. Take a trip... physically and mentally. Take some time to figure out who you are becoming and what you want. Find your passion and follow it. Everything else will come easier when you do.

[youaremysunshine]

I find school way more stressful than cooking and I have to pay off my loans for my later fours years in school first. I graduated a year ago.

 

I think I am just lonely and frustrated and especially sad about my dig and want some manto appear and squeeze me and talk about our feelings. Pretty delusional.

 

It's nor hard for me to get sex, I have a couple guys o could call in my social circle but they never want to stay the night and I think would laugh in my face if I said I sad I can't help the poor and adopt stray dogs

[Potz4prez]

I find school way more stressful than cooking and I have to pay off my loans for my later fours years in school first. I graduated a year ago.

 

I think I am just lonely and frustrated and especially sad about my dig and want some manto appear and squeeze me and talk about our feelings. Pretty delusional.

 

It's nor hard for me to get sex, I have a couple guys o could call in my social circle but they never want to stay the night and I think would laugh in my face if I said I sad I can't help the poor and adopt stray dogs

 

It's funny... I want a girl to squeeze and talk about our feelings... but I find most girls to be very reluctant to open up.

 

Sounds like everyone was right that you need to expand your social circle then. You seem to have dug yourself a social hole. Meet some guys who aren't total douchebags that hide behind ideologies. Find a new group hobby... meet some new people. Hell, volunteer at some animal charity. You obviously recognize that something needs to change... keep prodding till you break out of whatever it is you're stuck in.