Question

[7yearsbroken]

Hello LS community, I have a question for you Cheaters.

I have been cheated on and it lead to the demise of our relationship.

A cheater in my eyes, did not care or love the other person in the relationship enough to not act on their emotions.

 

Cheaters, you seem to have it all, including the rebound relationship, and the single status it brings after the rebound is over. My question is; as a cheater, and a continuing or former cheater, you don't really have to deal with the consequences do you?

 

If you really think about it.The one screwed over is left with the void, you got what you wanted, and most often times will blame the other person saying if they treated you right you wouldn't have cheated in the first place. What bull..

 

Mistakes happen? We are human? How come I didn't cheat then? Comes down to unrequited love once again. So cheaters, you don't feel that bad do you, you get it all. Afterwards you just dust us off like yea I messed up deal with it, or beg for forgiveness knowing damn well you messed up a good thing. You really didn't care did you. (Of course you did)

 

 

So you cheated, do you still regret it after many years? Did you receive forgiveness? And if you regret losing the best thing that has ever happened to you how far would you go to get it back? My exs guilt maybe too much for her to handle, and my bitterness towards her will never pass.

 

So, What are your experiences, if you mind sharing with me.

[campfire]

I was in a relationship for 5 years and the last year we were slowly drifting apart and had changed alot about ourselves since the first year we were together. I ended up cheating and that became the main reason we broke up. Had I not cheated, I might still be in that relationship now 3 years later. Happily so, I'm not sure.

 

I still haven't fully forgiven myself for what I did. Even though I haven't had romantic feelings for my ex since around year 4 in our relationship I still care about her to this day and I'm aware I hurt her alot. Her feelings towards me are mostly bitterness. Your post could just as well come from my ex. I almost havent talked with her since a few weeks after our breakup.

 

I do deal with the consequences, but they are different from the one being cheated on. I feel ashamed and guilty, although much less of it now than two years ago. Occasionally I think about how I could have done things differently and I regret the cheating.

 

I don't blame my ex for my decision of cheating. That would be unfair. She was willing to give me a second chance but I wasn't up for it. Me working to get her back would happen without putting my whole heart into it. In other words I have been desperate for forgiveness (both from myself and her), but not desperate in getting her back as a GF.

 

I'm sure you will find cheaters who feel guilty and wants to do everything possible to redeem themselves, and I'm sure you will find cheaters who don't give a ****.

 

Karma is a b..ch and my next GF cheated on me. I've been in both worlds.

[7yearsbroken]

I just cheated on my gf 2 months ago and its been the absolute worst time in my whole life. We are back together and working on it but only time will tell and its definitely different. it probably will be for a year maybe longer. But I'm willing to go that far to get her back. I just gotta know.

 

See my ex left me and she's not coming back! I always wondered what no contact meant, really.. really I means forgetting and dropping all hopes of her coming back. No contact till I forget is the name of the game huh? How can I forget?

[No Limit]

Mistakes happen? We are human? How come I didn't cheat then?

 

Please please PLEASE never use these terms to excuse anything. It's the same crap like men saying "I'm a guy and have needs"; a normal human being is beyond pure instinct and actually able to think clearly and consciously.

 

Don't throw them all into the same pot. Even though media tells us otherwise there are still plenty of people out there who'd sooner cut their ears off than weakening and degrading themselves by cheating.

[preraph]

I do agree that cheaters get the better end of the stick. They usually end up having a regret or two, but it was their own fault for continuing to look in greener pastures. I think the proof is obvious in the case of the broken hearted. It's a lot of pain. And if you find out you were being lied to and the cheating was premeditated, even worse. The loss of your naivety is a sad life lesson and the loss of your trust sometimes cannot be regained.

[firmness]

But I'm willing to go that far to get her back. I just gotta know.

 

One way or another this is a life sentence. I am sorry to say this. I am speaking from experience. There is no such thing as a man making a mistake. There is only judgment, and scorn, and retribution.

[giblesp]

Cheaters pay the price alright. Karma claims her debts.

 

My last 2 girlfriends cheated on me. Both are now miserable. Karma.

[Darren Steez]

Hello LS community, I have a question for you Cheaters.

I have been cheated on and it lead to the demise of our relationship.

A cheater in my eyes, did not care or love the other person in the relationship enough to not act on their emotions.

 

Cheaters, you seem to have it all, including the rebound relationship, and the single status it brings after the rebound is over. My question is; as a cheater, and a continuing or former cheater, you don't really have to deal with the consequences do you?

 

If you really think about it.The one screwed over is left with the void, you got what you wanted, and most often times will blame the other person saying if they treated you right you wouldn't have cheated in the first place. What bull..

 

Mistakes happen? We are human? How come I didn't cheat then? Comes down to unrequited love once again. So cheaters, you don't feel that bad do you, you get it all. Afterwards you just dust us off like yea I messed up deal with it, or beg for forgiveness knowing damn well you messed up a good thing. You really didn't care did you. (Of course you did)

 

 

So you cheated, do you still regret it after many years? Did you receive forgiveness? And if you regret losing the best thing that has ever happened to you how far would you go to get it back? My exs guilt maybe too much for her to handle, and my bitterness towards her will never pass.

 

So, What are your experiences, if you mind sharing with me.

 

It is messed up when you try to rationalize the situation looking through the eyes of the cheater.

 

You're applying your own values through that person.

Much like a non violent person trying to rationalize why the person they love just hit them "...but I would never do that to them"

 

You're going to be in limbo endlessly asking yourself questions and never moving forward if you except the one truth *the truth shall set you free* and that is

 

It had nothing to do with you.

 

Of course people take it personally when they get cheated on. They ask themselves "How could she/he do that to me" But they are not doing anything to you, yes guilt may play a part, but the pull of attraction/lust whatever you want to call it drives them on. They have already cut that cable and detached, so now it's all about them.

 

So once you accept, you yourself played no role in their decision to betray. You yourself are the same person who if you stepped out into the street and met a caring person who treated you with respect that you would most likely be in a positive and loving relationship.

 

Dirt doesn't decide to make you unclean. It's just there. You get dirty, you can either choose to sit there with that mark cursing why you got dirty in the first place and why that dirt just doesn't up and clean itself or

 

You can take a shower, do some laundry and continue living your life.

[ThatMan]

I agree that trying to rationalize the situation by looking at it through the eyes of a cheater isn't going to help. Sometimes people are irrational, cruel, selfish, disrespectful, unpredictable, you name it. The people you'd meet in life are individually unique.

 

You're clearly a man of integrity and values. Whatever values you bring to a relationship won't necessarily be reciprocated in any fashion. We can only accept people for who they are as they come. Some people are nasty to be around, lower our self-esteem no matter how briefly, and all we can do is accept that they're not good for us. And you will meet plenty of people who aren't good for you. We're all likely to enter relationships, get to know somebody better with time, and only then figure out that they're simply awful to be around. The character of your ex isn't something to take personally, this is just how she is. Your ex isn't a good person and that has nothing to do with you. She'll still be the same horrible person even if you've never met her.

 

There's also a phrase you're bound to hear on occasion, "Look for somebody with similar values." There are countless women who, much like yourself, would never cheat on anyone. Look for those women with similar values. Don't expect anyone to behave certain ways just because that's what you would do in the same situation. Instead, slowly learn about someone else to eventually determine if they value respect in the way.

Edited May 24, 2014 by ThatMan

[No Limit]

Cheaters pay the price alright. Karma claims her debts.

 

My last 2 girlfriends cheated on me. Both are now miserable. Karma.

 

A girl in my old class used to hunt for the boyfriends of others. Half a year later her grades dropped down, she had to leave our school and today she's a barely-paid waitress at her uncle's restaurant. If it weren't for that she'd be sitting at home only. What a bright future, without money or perspective.