Emotional affair is over, but wife won't leave me alone!

[StomachFlu]

This is my first post - sorry if it's a little lengthy!

 

Last fall, I had a 2-3 month EA (complete with erotic texts) with a MM. The whole thing made me really uncomfortable - he and his wife were technically my "bosses" (I'm a contractor), the MM was intent on a PA and weirdly obsessive, and I was betraying my seriously mentally ill BF of 7.5 years. Though it doesn't matter now, I put the skids on our sexting months before his wife found out. I never pursued him; actually, I rejected his request for a romantic relationship!

 

The "feces hit the fan" nearly three months ago. Contact between MM and I quickly stopped, but his wife continued to call for weeks afterward and I provided her with everything she requested. Initially, this was due to threatening to harm my boyfriend and destroy my career. When she caught MM in three other affairs (CLASSY guy!), I spoke to her for hours out of pure sympathy, believing she just wanted to vent/cry to someone. When the threats re-started - along with name-calling and bizarre accusations about my sex life - I (politely) texted that I wanted no more contact. The calls continued. Again, I texted that I wanted no more contact. When the calls still continued, I had a third party respond on my behalf to tell her I'd obtain legal protection if contact didn't cease.

 

The calls stopped...along with panic attacks every time the phone rang. After almost a month of silence, I received a voicemail from BW, asking to "talk." I ignored it, hoping it was a one-time mistake. Tonight, I received a slew of repeated voicemails from BW. They centered around obtaining recordings of an interview I conducted with MM - in addition to "discussing what you did with my husband" - and conclude with "if you don't pick up, I'll just keep calling until you do."

 

As she called, I emailed/texted her the work-related interview (which she already had) and another request to stop contacting me or I'll take legal action.

 

Except...when do I take legal action? It feels wrong to say "stop or I'll seek legal action" then not give the chance to stop. On the other hand, a lot of these calls occur because she's a.) blackout drunk, b.) in the middle of marital fighting...both frequent occurrences.

 

Any advice - or similar stories - from anyone much appreciated!

[Hope Shimmers]

Wow... I'm so sorry.

 

BS is a complete whack job. I would take legal action now. File for a restraining order. This woman is unstable to the point that you have no idea what she might do.

 

Do you still work for them? That would be the first thing I would change, if you do.

[StomachFlu]

Thanks for the quick reply!

 

I don't work for them, anymore. She "fired" me (though I'd already told MM "I quit") and was sure to remind me what a great job I was losing - coming from someone who, the day she suspected her husband was having an affair, had her whole staff fired until MM handed over every text message between us.

 

I initially had a lot of empathy for her position but bargaining the livelihood of innocent people to get your way (i.e. using my boyfriend's unstable mental condition to barter sending her text messages) is unconscionable. And her husband "standing by" that kind of behavior put him in a new light, too.

 

I'm looking up the laws in Illinois - my phone did keep going off as I was typing "if you contact me again, I'll seek legal guidance."

[RickFox]

In Texas it would be telephone harassment at the point you're describing. Keep records of all incoming calls and texts, print them out if you can and contact local law enforcement and file a report and request charges be filed.

[Whisper Quiet]

Can you block her or change your number?

[StomachFlu]

Update:

 

Last night, one of her calls referenced someone named "Andre." This morning, I receive an email from him clarifying what she meant by "Andre." When she initially accused us of an affair three months ago, it was after he drove me home from an industry event I'd been invited to by another company - Andre gave the centerpiece presentation. MM is now writing me (and CCing BS) to provide proof that I attended on assignment and not "just to see him." He's also asking which company asked me to cover the event...neither of which include their company!

 

There's been discord between them and other people in the industry and I know this is an attempt to suck me back into their drama while fishing for information. I have "proof" that I was there for legitimate reasons but asking me to provide my professional materials and correspondence to buoy MM's attempt to "put this to rest" with his wife is outrageous! And I highly suspect she won't drop this issue until she gets answers, even if it involves risking my relationship with my other clients.

 

Regarding blocking her - for some reason, my phone doesn't have a block function. It does have "Call Reject," which has allowed me to save all her voicemails. I've kept a complete paper trail of everything in case things got ugly, including some pretty damning voicemails and text messages from her.

 

In Illinois, her correspondence falls very clearly under "telephone harassment" and an order would also prevent contact via a third party (i.e., she can't use her husband as a conduit). I can file an order today, but I also know restraining orders can backfire. In this case, she knows my boyfriend is mentally ill and would likely harm himself if he knew of my sexual conversations with MM. She's threatened to reveal our text correspondence to him - and my professional clients - as blackmail multiple times, already.

 

Does anyone have experience in this area? An order of harassment would protect me, but not people who aren't immediate family. What should I do?

 

Sorry for the repeated questions - this almost caused a nervous breakdown months ago and I can't stand the thought of it continuing!

[whatatangledweb]

I would go to the police about the harassment and the blackmail. She could tell your boyfriend either way. Hopefully it would make her stop. You have put up with it way longer than I could have. Do you have a smart phone ? You can download apps to block her.

Edited May 22, 2014 by whatatangledweb
spelling

[Goodbye]

Yes, the time is now to end this. Be very clear with the police about your worries of her targeting your boyfriend, so if it happens, they were forewarned. Keep us posted and good luck.

[snappytomcat]

yes go to your local police,and file a report.

I had to for the xow,she went nuts and she stopped for a bit,but has started to harass again,i just make sure I save everything.

[gettingstronger]

Let me first say no one should be harassed for any reason-period-its wrong and against the law BUT I do think you may be playing the victim a bit much here-you had an affair with a "boss" while your long time BF was struggling, those are some pretty bad choices with some pretty bad consequences-so own up to those AND take a stand against being harassed- don't care what you did, no one has the right to harass anyone else-

 

I would suggest a pretty simple cease and desist letter as a start that gives her fair warning that enough is enough and then if contact continues-call the police and go from there-

[StomachFlu]

...you had an affair with a "boss" while your long time BF was struggling, those are some pretty bad choices with some pretty bad consequences-so own up to those AND take a stand against being harassed

 

I just spent all day at the courthouse, but I wanted to respond to this, first:

 

I have owned up numerous times. I've apologized to BW repeatedly along with providing any information she requested or that could be of use. I've willingly talked over the phone with her multiple times and freely allowed her to vent to me, offered references to counseling services, and all prior "do not contact" messages have been of the "My deepest apologies for my regrettable actions and I wish you the best" variety.

 

The polite "cease and desist" letter was first sent mid-March ("For all of our benefits, I believe it's best that I cease communication immediately") and followed by three other similarly-toned requests. Now, the WS has twisted the story and - as per my last conversation with her - I'm falsely accused of "dressing like a slut for meetings," being a "chronic home-wrecker" and "compulsively masturbating to the point that I can't have an orgasm with your boyfriend." I still responded with another polite "I'm sorry but it's best we not speak" message. And this is still going on!

 

No offense to anyone, but not all affairs are the same. The idea that WS are passive objects waiting to be seduced isn't necessarily true, nor the idea that the OW is "after" the husband. This dude chased me for months - even after I rebuffed him and even after his wife found out - but the response is "lay off my husband"? Don't worry about it!

[Hope Shimmers]

The idea that WS are passive objects waiting to be seduced isn't necessarily true, nor the idea that the OW is "after" the husband. This dude chased me for months - even after I rebuffed him and even after his wife found out - but the response is "lay off my husband"? Don't worry about it!

 

This is very common from what I have seen - that the BS wants to blame the OW for "pursuing their H". Not all... but lots of them do. I had the same experience as you and the same blame aimed at me.

 

In my opinion you don't need to "admit" to anything just because someone did not like your behavior. You posted specifically about how to deal with this harassment, and she is a complete nutcase.

 

I would do everything in my power legally to get rid of this whacko woman and her wayward husband. Good for you for getting out of it.

[StomachFlu]

After three "any further contact and I will take legal action" notices were ignored, I finally went to the courthouse and filed an order for protection. Unfortunately, I was only able to file it against her - I'd wished to file against both of them - and anyone who isn't my family wouldn't be protected.

 

I brought up my fear that she'd take more extreme measures and was told that this was, in fact, a risk. But, gauging from her last "if you don't respond, I'll keep calling until you do" voicemail, I get the impression they won't stop unless something solid happens.

 

While I thought I'd fill out some papers and leave, I ended up in front of a judge and answered everything truthfully. I told the judge with "I don't want to harm her, I just want contact stopped and I don't believe that will happen without legal orders." The judge seemed on the fence, seeing as her recent contact hadn't yet grown profuse. It was decided that my case is "pending further evidence." She'll be served with papers and we'll both appear before a judge in about three weeks when I can more fully present my case.

 

Regarding blocking their numbers: I considered downloading an app, but keeping them on call reject has allowed me to collect a paper trail of voicemails and text messages. This, in my opinion, is a good thing as it means I have evidence to present in court, either in this instance or should anything else occur.

 

I'm currently too exhausted to be nervous after a day's worth of panic attacks. But I went through her older voicemails and they're pretty creepy. I'm sure I'll wake up thinking "Oh my God, she's going to kill me."

[Hope Shimmers]

I'm sure I'll wake up thinking "Oh my God, she's going to kill me."

 

It's a horrible feeling. My ex-MM's wife said that to me - and at the time they were both separated and dating other people!

 

You never know what people will do. She is acting way outside of the bounds of rationality. Be careful.

[StomachFlu]

This is very common from what I have seen - that the BS wants to blame the OW for "pursuing their H".

 

I agree - and it seems the H does everything in their power to push that notion. I don't know if it's common (is it?), but it also seems she wants to believe I was romantically interested in him. On the contrary, I refused to accept any gifts and pushed him off when he tried to kiss me. I've sent her documentation of the large haul of Christmas presents I turned down and him sitting outside my house in his car, and him lying about my apartment being on his route home. Yet she continues to refer to "what you did with my husband."

 

Her WS is probably seeing someone else and letting you take the blame.

 

This is what really gets me - I'm pretty sure he's "trying to save his family" right now but he was caught in four affairs...why not go after someone who actually had sex with him?! Come to think of it, might he be putting a lot of the focus on me to divert away from he fact that he was chronically unfaithful?

 

I have no means of contacting him - he's blocked me on virtually every platform. Plus he's frequently standing beside her when she calls me. This woman is known for being controlling and manipulative and he has a history of "jumping when she says jump." I almost get the impression that she feels I "owe her" because of what "you did with my husband."

 

She's used to getting her way (or getting her H to do her bidding). A mandatory order to appear in court isn't going to go over, well.

[StomachFlu]

My last post was kind of a rant, but I actually have a few questions, as it seems more than a few people have gone to court for restraining orders (whether for OW, BS, or otherwise):

 

Do records of legal hearings end up in public records...or online? ? I don't want future clients Googling my name and seeing this.

 

Does being served with papers usually incite the person? I'm afraid she'll take action against me (she is, after all, a mentally unstable alcoholic) but perhaps she might lay low for fear of bolstering my case against her?

 

Aside from records of her calling/texting/emailing and my repeated requests to stop, is there anything else I should bring? I've been told "just ignore her" but I can't deal with the panic attacks, anxiety, and loss of work hours from the stress of her correspondence. I'm thinking of requesting records from my therapist.

 

On second look, H's last email clearly an attempt to gain information about another company under the guise of getting me to defend myself. Does this fact hold any water?

 

There's really nothing I can do (but mull) until the papers are served. Best case, they just don't show up and the case is automatically decided in my favor. Frankly, the thought of having to look at both of them makes me want to puke.

 

I'm sure writing her "distinguishing features" as "long brown hair with streaks of grey" won't help, but I couldn't resist!

[whatatangledweb]

My last post was kind of a rant, but I actually have a few questions, as it seems more than a few people have gone to court for restraining orders (whether for OW, BS, or otherwise):

 

Do records of legal hearings end up in public records...or online? ? I don't want future clients Googling my name and seeing this.

 

Does being served with papers usually incite the person? I'm afraid she'll take action against me (she is, after all, a mentally unstable alcoholic) but perhaps she might lay low for fear of bolstering my case against her?

 

Aside from records of her calling/texting/emailing and my repeated requests to stop, is there anything else I should bring? I've been told "just ignore her" but I can't deal with the panic attacks, anxiety, and loss of work hours from the stress of her correspondence. I'm thinking of requesting records from my therapist.

 

On second look, H's last email clearly an attempt to gain information about another company under the guise of getting me to defend myself. Does this fact hold any water?

 

There's really nothing I can do (but mull) until the papers are served. Best case, they just don't show up and the case is automatically decided in my favor. Frankly, the thought of having to look at both of them makes me want to puke.

 

I'm sure writing her "distinguishing features" as "long brown hair with streaks of grey" won't help, but I couldn't resist!

 

They are public records but they won't just show under a google search. They could pay a company to do a search for you and they would find it. Or by going through the courthouse. But a simple search will not.

[AmyBamy]

My advice would to be to not contact him either. He may just turn around and tell her that you are still chasing him further making her believe it was you doing the pursuing. Yes, it is very common for the BS to place all blame and anger on the AP. It is some sort of defense mechanism for them I think that allows them to continue living with and being married to someone who obviously cares nothing about them or how they feel. It's mind gymnastics. I didn't go through it when my exH had an affair but I see a lot of people go through it especially on here.

 

I wouldn't have any contact with either of them. The other APs probably won't respond to her and since you did she thinks that she can bait you back into her weird drama. And don't let anyone tell you that this is out of character for her because this is exactly in character for her or she wouldn't be doing it. I would stay as far away as possible.

 

As for your boyfriend, I'm not sure what I would do about that. Am I understanding that he does not know about your texting with the MM at all? If not, maybe you telling him that it happened would be better than her getting to him and spewing it out with all the exaggerations that I'm sure she will add to it from the sounds of her.

[StomachFlu]

As for your boyfriend, I'm not sure what I would do about that. Am I understanding that he does not know about your texting with the MM at all? If not, maybe you telling him that it happened would be better than her getting to him and spewing it out with all the exaggerations that I'm sure she will add to it from the sounds of her.

 

He knows everything but the overt sexting. He knew how often MM and I texted and that MM had a long-time crush on me, but wasn't bothered by it. He trusts nothing occurred other than mild flirtation. Her access to graphic sexual conversations scares me. MM saved the best/worst material in an online "spank bank" and reading the material paints a vivid picture. Naturally, "I want to stop", "I can't do this, anymore", and particularly "I'm bi-polar and off my medication" didn't make it to "the bank."

 

My advice would to be to not contact him either. He may just turn around and tell her that you are still chasing him further making her believe it was you doing the pursuing.

 

I also got this impression, particularly considering one of her voicemails stated "call me back...or call [H]. You've got his number." Um, what? The last time I spoke to him was months ago, when she put him on her phone to tell me "This is the last time you'll speak to me but I want you to know I only pretended to be your friend because I wanted to have sex with you. Also, I thought it was hot that you're so slutty."

 

Here's a thought I've been pondering:

 

A lot of WHs obviously portray themselves as "seduced" to divert blame, I wonder if they kind of get off on it, too. The stuff he told her about me was close to a male fantasy of a sex-crazed younger woman, unable to orgasm with her boyfriend (MM's rival) but compulsively masturbating so she can orgasm for MM, alone. And imagining someone as chasing you is a big ego boost compared to admitting you did the chasing.

 

Sorry if all these posts are annoying! I've been stewing over this for three months with no feedback outside a therapist's office!

Edited May 24, 2014 by StomachFlu
Edited for clarity

[gettingstronger]

As far as what will make it go away-only time and her deciding to do so-I have found as someone that is also being harassed (by our OW in this case) that you can follow all of the advice, do all the legal things, etc... and they will just find another way in to your life- she is now doing everything anon and really, people can say what they want, but there is no way to actually prove it to the point that you can do anything about it-I can't change my work email, I can not prevent her from opening fake accounts to email me, I can't get her banned from gmail-its just so annoying- all I can say is that eventually it will become just part of your day, as sad as it is, you learn to live with it and hope that one day they just run out of steam and leave you alone-I know that probably is not comforting because knowing someone else can do that to you and you are powerless in a sense is a horrible feeling- I am living it, it takes a toll on me in ways I probably have not even processed-so- good luck and I hope everyone in our situation weathers it and is able to hang on until it passes-

[carhill]

Since this MM apparently enjoys a minor harem of ladies, your issue should resolve when his spouse turns her attention to another in the group.

 

My main focus would be to document actual damages, like to person, property or business and move on in the most efficient manner possible. For myself, being a business owner with specific clients, I simply would wholesale change my contact info, provide it to them and notate incoming contacts as identified to them or as unknown and simply ignore unknown. I generally do that anyway. People, clients and friends, who I wish to have contact with know how to contact me. The rest is a big wide world of not my problem.

 

Perhaps this is where men and women differ. We know a confrontation with a male will get violent or deadly so we weigh those potential outcomes when choosing to pursue such lines of interaction as discussed here. Women, generally, war with words and social denigration. That's relatively easy to stop. A deadly weapon, with the full force and intent of another male behind it, not so much.

 

Disclaimer: fOM and fMM and have seen the gamut.

[StomachFlu]

I have found as someone that is also being harassed (by our OW in this case) that you can follow all of the advice, do all the legal things, etc... and they will just find another way in to your life

 

My apologies for your hardship, too. I've seen a lot of advice directed toward BS when the OW refuses NC and it does seem restraining orders only fuel the fire. Particularly when someone is harboring romantic attachment, it seems any sort of attention - even negative - fuels their desire to keep the affair going. Sort of like a bored cat scratching furniture just to get their owner to scold them. Certain people are clearly addicted to drama and can't stand the idea of moving on...or knowing a third party has moved on. In my case, both WS and BS seem to thrive off their own constant fighting and have a history of pulling others into their various battles.

 

Taking her to court probably won't make a difference - honestly, I don't even think I'll win the case! I just want them to know I'm serious when I say "I will take legal measures if this continues."

 

Slight update: The company BS/MM referenced in their correspondence is an industry consortium which BS/MM are members, but often stir up drama. After MM tried to covertly gather info from me, I called the company - a client of mine - to give them a head's up. Apparently, BS lied about leaving the consortium and - considering they've tricked me into giving up inside info before - I'm sure they'll try again.

[AmyBamy]

He knows everything but the overt sexting. He knew how often MM and I texted and that MM had a long-time crush on me, but wasn't bothered by it. He trusts nothing occurred other than mild flirtation. Her access to graphic sexual conversations scares me. MM saved the best/worst material in an online "spank bank" and reading the material paints a vivid picture. Naturally, "I want to stop", "I can't do this, anymore", and particularly "I'm bi-polar and off my medication" didn't make it to "the bank."

 

 

 

I also got this impression, particularly considering one of her voicemails stated "call me back...or call [H]. You've got his number." Um, what? The last time I spoke to him was months ago, when she put him on her phone to tell me "This is the last time you'll speak to me but I want you to know I only pretended to be your friend because I wanted to have sex with you. Also, I thought it was hot that you're so slutty."

 

Here's a thought I've been pondering:

 

A lot of WHs obviously portray themselves as "seduced" to divert blame, I wonder if they kind of get off on it, too. The stuff he told her about me was close to a male fantasy of a sex-crazed younger woman, unable to orgasm with her boyfriend (MM's rival) but compulsively masturbating so she can orgasm for MM, alone. And imagining someone as chasing you is a big ego boost compared to admitting you did the chasing.

 

Sorry if all these posts are annoying! I've been stewing over this for three months with no feedback outside a therapist's office!

 

I have my guesses on why she is targeting you and I stated them earlier. As for the MM I have my guesses about his goals in this too. Mostly it sounds like diverting blame which seems to be working well for him since his wife is completely focused on you. While she's so busy stalking and harassing you it gives him some breathing room and gives her the impression that it his him and her against you as a united front which probably gives her warm fuzzies at this point since she has identified you as the problem in their marriage. I obviously disagree with her that you are the problem in their marriage but it probably helps her sleep at night and she is going to hang onto it as long as she can to avoid the reality that her husband betrayed her of his own accord because from the sounds of it she is so fragile that she likely would be devastated if she admitted that to herself.

 

Their games are serving them a very real purpose here. If I was you I would not give her any further information at all. It sounds like you have given her far more than she really deserves at this point anyway considering her wacky behaviors and instability. I don't think it really matters what you do and that she will or will not tell your boyfriend regardless of your reactions and actions. I would tell your boyfriend before she gets a chance to. It gives you several perks. One, that you are honest with your boyfriend which will alleviate some of your guilt and open the lines up between you and he. Two, it allows you to stop her blackmailing you because your boyfriend will already know. Three, it puts you and your boyfriend as a united front hopefully and takes her ability to wedge the two you away rendering her powerless. And finally it will allow you to handle your boyfriend's reaction without her need for drama escalating it to a level that is unmanageable.

 

Or you could play dirty too. You could find out how to contact her family and friends and his. Threaten her to release all that you have at your disposal to all of them. Reverse the tables on her. I wouldn't do anything illegal but it's not illegal to share your own information with whomever you please including his and her family and friends. Honestly most people are going to agree that she is severely over reacting to you and he sexting some. Sexting is pretty benign with all things considered. She wants to shame you, but you have the power to shame her too by bringing all of her crazy reactions to surface for everyone over something silly like sexting. You could find out who his other girlfriends are too and reveal that to everyone. Shine a spotlight on his behaviors which his wife is working so hard right now to ignore and paint all pretty.

 

I don't think that playing dirty is the way to go but her actions have consequences too. No matter how upset or hurt she is there is no justification for her behaving the way that she is. She is feeling out of control and trying to get power and doing so in a very unhealthy and illegal way. I guess if reasoning with her doesn't work then take the whole damn thing down with you in flames the way she seems to want it to go only in her head she sees her and hubby coming out unscathed and that's not necessarily how that has to go.

[StomachFlu]

My main focus would be to document actual damages, like to person, property or business and move on in the most efficient manner possible. For myself, being a business owner with specific clients, I simply would wholesale change my contact info, provide it to them and notate incoming contacts as identified to them or as unknown and simply ignore unknown.

 

While I'd rather not change my info - I'm also a small business owner and current/past/new clients contact me rather frequently - how might I document damage to business? I originally considered suing them (a lawyer even offered to represent me) when they threatened my livelihood but opted to forget about it when she promised to leave me alone. They've also paid for a portion of lost work during her first week of calling incessantly but ended up costing me about three more weeks of lost work afterward.

 

The most major damage is obviously psychological - whenever they contact me, it pushes my anxiety disorder into overdrive (and I have this documented) - but are psychological damages considered legitimate? It's awful feeling like you can finally relax, then having your brain unexpectedly hijacked and back into high alert.

 

Has anyone actually sought damages beyond a restraining order?

[jellybean89]

This is my first post - sorry if it's a little lengthy!

 

Last fall, I had a 2-3 month EA (complete with erotic texts) with a MM. The whole thing made me really uncomfortable - he and his wife were technically my "bosses" (I'm a contractor), the MM was intent on a PA and weirdly obsessive, and I was betraying my seriously mentally ill BF of 7.5 years. Though it doesn't matter now, I put the skids on our sexting months before his wife found out. I never pursued him; actually, I rejected his request for a romantic relationship!

 

The "feces hit the fan" nearly three months ago. Contact between MM and I quickly stopped, but his wife continued to call for weeks afterward and I provided her with everything she requested. Initially, this was due to threatening to harm my boyfriend and destroy my career. When she caught MM in three other affairs (CLASSY guy!), I spoke to her for hours out of pure sympathy, believing she just wanted to vent/cry to someone. When the threats re-started - along with name-calling and bizarre accusations about my sex life - I (politely) texted that I wanted no more contact. The calls continued. Again, I texted that I wanted no more contact. When the calls still continued, I had a third party respond on my behalf to tell her I'd obtain legal protection if contact didn't cease.

 

The calls stopped...along with panic attacks every time the phone rang. After almost a month of silence, I received a voicemail from BW, asking to "talk." I ignored it, hoping it was a one-time mistake. Tonight, I received a slew of repeated voicemails from BW. They centered around obtaining recordings of an interview I conducted with MM - in addition to "discussing what you did with my husband" - and conclude with "if you don't pick up, I'll just keep calling until you do."

 

As she called, I emailed/texted her the work-related interview (which she already had) and another request to stop contacting me or I'll take legal action.

 

Except...when do I take legal action? It feels wrong to say "stop or I'll seek legal action" then not give the chance to stop. On the other hand, a lot of these calls occur because she's a.) blackout drunk, b.) in the middle of marital fighting...both frequent occurrences.

 

Any advice - or similar stories - from anyone much appreciated!

 

I don't think I would pursue legal action for mental anguish -- considering she has proof of the mental anguish you have caused her.

 

Send her a cease and desist letter. IGNORE her. IGNORE him.

 

Any damage to your mentally ill boyfriend unfortunately is because of your actions. You put his mental health in jeopardy when you chose to have a relationship with your married boss. This doesn't give her the right to harass you - but just remember you participated in this and possibly would still be participating if you two hadn't gotten caught. I would be worried if she could hurt your professional career and damage your reputation....especially if she still has the texts/emails between you and her H.

 

Like other suggested, I would change my contact information. She sounds incredibly angry -- and who knows what her H is saying to her trying to dig himself out of the mess he created ("I didn't do anything ,she started it, she wouldn't stop" etc).

 

She wants to upset you and when you show her that she has done that, she has control over you. You owned your actions and apologized. There isn't anything else YOU can do to help her heal. She has to go through it and if she has an alcohol issue (which you implied in your post by saying she was "blackout drunk"), I am sure this situation hasn't helped with her substance issues.

 

Stand firm with not responding to her and send an official "do not contact" letter or have an attorney send one on your behalf. I don't see what legal action will do besides cause more issues. Plus, attorneys will take on ANY case as long as they get paid. That's what they do...doesn't mean you have a true cause of legal action. I also don't think it is right to take up a judge's time because some lady keeps calling you. She isn't threatening violence - she is just a nuisance. Changing your phone number will stop the calls. And please do not contact her husband. This will only lead to more drama and that is the last thing you need. If you stop reacting, they will go away.