Sleep'g w/W??

[MsMree]

Ok, ladies (and MM's if you dare) - this has been bothering me for quite some time and if i can't get feedback from the OW on this site... you know what i mean.

 

When your MM sleeps w/W, how do you deal with it - and also, is it a case of their keep'g-up the facade at home that everything is FINE? Is it because it is available?

 

This is bothering me - my MM is due to see his Wand C at the end of this month - i know if i ask him he'll tell me the truth but i dare not ask - i already know.

 

Of course the "woman" in me wonders if he enjoys it, does he go ALL NIGHT w/her? UGHHHH!!!

 

I also believe that i don't have the right to even mentally go there - after all, she is his W and he does love her.

 

(I would love to be in a place to say "shove it" when he returns.)

 

Pls. don't use this topic as a way of convinc'g the rest of the OW here that your relationship is "special" "unique" or otherwise - we all believe that to some extent - if you believe your MM is only having sex w/you... good for you.

[izzybelle]

for me, two different situations and different thoughts. with MM #1 i knew he was still sleeping with his wife although he complained like many men, that it wasn't as "good" as it should be nor as frequent. for some reason, perhaps because the A was more brief than many it didn't bother me as much as i thought it would. i'm not sure why...... perhaps it's also because i know his W and i used to always hear her complain about how she wished so many times he'd just leave her alone!!!

 

and yes, i'll fall into the "i thought mine was unique" category for the 2nd. i was definitely given the impression that MM#2 and his W had not had sex for years. not just that it was infrequent, that it never happened. they had very different work schedules, she worked nights, him days and he travels a lot so they weren't even home and in the same bed for more than a few nights every week. and he'd been clear with me that (and OK i believed this) they slept under different layers of the covers. whether or not that was true doesn't much matter any more. but the thought of them having sex never even crossed my mind. and who knows.... i asked him a few months ago if that had changed, his response was "no", mind you'd we'd been "broken up" for about 4 mos. at that point. so would he lie to me.....don't know, nothing to gain there. but for his sake, if his marriage is going to survive, i hope he was lying!!!!

[Leaf]

You cant go there in your mind.

[newby]

with my mm i knew one night he came round that he had just slept w her cos he looked really guilty which was strange, he said they had had a fight but they had made it up now, i think that was the point that he realised he didnt want to leave her too

i have asked him before whether that side of their relationship was still going on he said he had only slept w her once since me an him

i dont really believe him but i dont know, he cant get it up with me, its quite possible that the problem isnt only with me

and lots of married couples dont have sex anymore

i looked at it more that he would have to to keep up a facade but that it was better with me

quite often tho i would feel like he was trying to recapture the past with her with me

he would say things like how come you dont do this or that

eventually i said how come it bothers you that im different and he said i love it that youre different

if i really truly knew that he was having passionate and loving sex at home i wouldnt have been able to handle that at all, i wouldnt have stayed there

as with all things YOU JUST DONT KNOW THE TRUTH OF IT

[LadyRLD]

Think of it this way. If sleeping with his wife was soooo special than why is he sleeping with you too? He is a man. Men can sleep with women they have no emotional attachment to. Even it's their wife. I don't know how he feels about his wife but I bet he loves both of you or maybe he's just selfish. Unfortunately that won't make you feel any better but you have to see it for what it is. He has the best of both worlds. He has to sleep with his wife because he wants to and he "thinks" he loves her and he doesn't want her to leave him. He sleeps with you to for the same reasons. He likes each of you for the roles you play. So him sleeping with his wife isn't anything special, it's routine. It doesn't make him love her more or less. It doesn't make him stop messing around with you. He was sleeping with her before he met you and he still decided to go outside of his M. Some men are straight up dogs. I hope you find the desire to let go of him. When you start to feel depressed because he's sleeping with his wife then it's time to let it go.

 

You can get addicted to pain if you let it keep haunting you. Sometimes you think of things to feel the pain because it makes some of us feel alive and it's familiar. Stop thinking about meaningless painful thoughts. Stop idealizing his life for you do not know what's really going on. All you know is what you are doing. All you know is at least you have the better end of the stick than his wife. You totally know what he's doing unfortunately she doesn't. Be happy you have a choice. You should be totally happy that you aren't married to this man. Stop hurting yourself. Let the thoughts go and think of how you are going to get your needs met without this loser. Start making a plan on how you are going to help yourself get off of this terrible drug called "pain."

[lynnered]

i dont think my mm did often ,if he did i mean i know he did occasially sometimes i mean at first i thought not at all he was working in another state 2 hrs away rented a room &i could just tell &sometimes when we wouldn't see each other in awhile had be like its been 3 weeks since he had any so i don't know ,he said he wasn't even physically attracted to her &even when he stopped renting room they work oppiste i think if they don't commincate anymore most likely their not having that much ,&unless he's just a whore if he was getting those needs met he wouldnt have ow,also 1 more thing i think alot of married people are not sexuallly compatible ,i mean my xmm &me were but comments he made as far as most woman dont do that or like that i think he probly meant her ,towards the end thats one of the things that helped me end it anybody that wants to leave mm that was helpfull just think about what he does with her even if its once a month &other stuff its not easy being ow i think its a mix of low-self esteem but oddly theres strenght because alot of stuff ive dealt with would drive most people crazy were a tough bunch

[newby]

"theres strength"-quote

i quite agree

its always good to take the positives and leave the rest behind

i think we are a tough bunch and going through this teaches one to be less demanding and more objective in other relationships and sometimes all thats required is perspective

think of the relationship as a classroom

[lynnered]

Originally posted by newby

"

i think we are a tough bunch and going through this teaches one to be less demanding and more objective in other relationships and sometimes all thats required is perspective

think of the relationship as a classroom

so right live learn wont do it again!!

[newby]

LOL

[tiredofbeingtheother]

my mm had sex with his wife at first but when he started to feel seriously about me it stopped. i just tried not to think of it. and i KNEW i had no right to say anything because i was the OW. what right did i have? but i never asked him about it and he never volunteered the information. we did get caught i might add and the one thing that she told him was that she knew because he hadn't touched her in a long time.

[aloneinTX]

As being the W, DH & I still have sex. Yet he won't tell the OW about it, or so he says. Seems strange that he left me for her yet of the last 2 weeks he has been here 11 days.

[StillHurtin]

Originally posted by aloneinTX

As being the W, DH & I still have sex. Yet he won't tell the OW about it, or so he says. Seems strange that he left me for her yet of the last 2 weeks he has been here 11 days.

 

My H was still coming over and having sex w/ me every other day when he was seeing the OW. He would come over to "see our kids" but we always ended up sleeping together. I was still in denial of the A and thought wild sex would change his mind about the D. Also, I think it was a way to get back at the OW. He told her he had slept w/ me one night (our anniversary) but I don't know about the other nights. He was w/ me more than he was w/ her at the beginning. After me and our children moved away the sex stopped b/c he couldn't just come over and have his cake and eat it too.

[Shiraz]

Originally posted by MsMree

 

 

When your MM sleeps w/W, how do you deal with it - and also, is it a case of their keep'g-up the facade at home that everything is FINE? Is it because it is available?

 

 

Ya, it hurts, I feel jealous... (call me stupid).... But some one said already. IF things were so great at home, why are us OW in the picture.

 

My MM said he slept with his wife 2-3 times a week. Well, I'll tell you the schedule. He normally calls me 2-4 times a week to say good night at 1 or 2 a.m. in the morning, because he fell asleep on the couch. He sleeps with me 2-3 times a week, so I doubt he has a lot left to offer his wife when he gets home. Plus...... his wife works has 4 children, he works full time. Being a mom and work full time, I know I was exhausted a lot of times, and sex was not on my mind.

 

AND... (then I'll shut up).... Again, if their sex was so wonderful, he wouldn't need it from me. They probably do have sex still he does love her, I know that, but I'd say it's probably so routine, he's a little bored of it.

[brashgal]

My MM said he slept with his wife 2-3 times a week. Well, I'll tell you the schedule. He normally calls me 2-4 times a week to say good night at 1 or 2 a.m. in the morning, because he fell asleep on the couch. He sleeps with me 2-3 times a week, so I doubt he has a lot left to offer his wife when he gets home. Plus...... his wife works has 4 children, he works full time. Being a mom and work full time, I know I was exhausted a lot of times, and sex was not on my mind.

 

there is always morning sex...

[Shiraz]

Good point!

 

there is always morning sex...

[StillHurtin]

Originally posted by Shiraz

Ya, it hurts, I feel jealous... (call me stupid).... But some one said already. IF things were so great at home, why are us OW in the picture.

 

My MM said he slept with his wife 2-3 times a week. Well, I'll tell you the schedule. He normally calls me 2-4 times a week to say good night at 1 or 2 a.m. in the morning, because he fell asleep on the couch. He sleeps with me 2-3 times a week, so I doubt he has a lot left to offer his wife when he gets home. Plus...... his wife works has 4 children, he works full time. Being a mom and work full time, I know I was exhausted a lot of times, and sex was not on my mind.

 

AND... (then I'll shut up).... Again, if their sex was so wonderful, he wouldn't need it from me. They probably do have sex still he does love her, I know that, but I'd say it's probably so routine, he's a little bored of it.

 

I never knew if H was w/ the OW on the nights he wasn't w/ me. I am sure he was. On the nights he didn't have golf he was w/ me. I am sure he went to see her after he got done golfing. On the weekends I was usually back in my hometown getting support from my family. His weekends were basically w/ his friends playing stupid card games, racing, or other things.

 

H didn't have an A b/c our sex life was boring, or lack of it, that is one thing that was great in our M (when I wasn't exhausted from working). What was missing in our M that he looked to get from the OW was the attention. If his sex life was so great w/ her why was he still coming to see me if our sex life was boring or not good? Of course he is a man and wanted his cake and eat it. But if I was getting better sex from some other guy I surely wouldn't want it from H if it was boring.

[Shiraz]

Originally posted by StillHurtin

 

 

H didn't have an A b/c our sex life was boring, or lack of it, that is one thing that was great in our M (when I wasn't exhausted from working). What was missing in our M that he looked to get from the OW was the attention. If his sex life was so great w/ her why was he still coming to see me if our sex life was boring or not good? Of course he is a man and wanted his cake and eat it. But if I was getting better sex from some other guy I surely wouldn't want it from H if it was boring.

 

Something you said hits clsoe to home. He has 4 kids, and his wife is super busy. I believe he does like the attention I give him. He has commented that he likes the way I care for him.

 

His wife does love him, and I think she is amazing how she holds the family together.... but she only has so much of herself she can give 5 people.

[MsMree]

His wife does love him, and I think she is amazing how she holds the family together.... but she only has so much of herself she can give 5 people.

 

 

And that should be enough...

 

The more i read the more sick i get of men who feel their needs are not met at home - POOR BABY!!!

 

We as women (i'm not talk'g about OW) have entirely more to deal with than men - especially us work'g mothers -when i was married you can bet that my needs were not met - but funny thing is, my needs weren't sexual or the fact that i needed attention - I NEEDED THE LAUNDRY DONE, DINNER STARTED AND KIDS BATHED!!! And i needed not to constantly ask for those needs to be met.

 

Sorry for the rambling but it just makes me nuts that that is the common theme to MM straying -

 

So for the MM's who feel their physical needs are not met at home - DO THE F*CK'G DISHES, GIVE YOUR W A BACK RUB AND TELL HER HOW REMARKABLE SHE IS FOR ALL THAT SHE DOES -

 

Perhaps, then, you will have your needs met!

[Shiraz]

Originally posted by MsMree

His wife does love him, and I think she is amazing how she holds the family together.... but she only has so much of herself she can give 5 people.

 

 

You make me laugh. You are bang right on! Now that I have left my husband. He use to critize me for the boots not being lined up at the front door, and the counters not wiped properly or the bed not made perfect. Now I go to pick up the kids, the house is truely written off. Men don't realize how much we do that goes unnoticed.

 

I was one of those wives who did not give my husband much physical attention, but I wasn't stimulated by him at all. All I got was yelled at, except when he wanted sex, then I was a good person.

 

Men don't see the whole picture ever. (I guess I can't say all men)....There are some good ones out there.... But I think they're all taken, and hopefully appreciated.

[StillHurtin]

Originally posted by MsMree

His wife does love him, and I think she is amazing how she holds the family together.... but she only has so much of herself she can give 5 people.

 

 

And that should be enough...

 

The more i read the more sick i get of men who feel their needs are not met at home - POOR BABY!!!

 

We as women (i'm not talk'g about OW) have entirely more to deal with than men - especially us work'g mothers -when i was married you can bet that my needs were not met - but funny thing is, my needs weren't sexual or the fact that i needed attention - I NEEDED THE LAUNDRY DONE, DINNER STARTED AND KIDS BATHED!!! And i needed not to constantly ask for those needs to be met.

 

Sorry for the rambling but it just makes me nuts that that is the common theme to MM straying -

 

So for the MM's who feel their physical needs are not met at home - DO THE F*CK'G DISHES, GIVE YOUR W A BACK RUB AND TELL HER HOW REMARKABLE SHE IS FOR ALL THAT SHE DOES -

 

Perhaps, then, you will have your needs met!

 

 

Your exactly right! Maybe if they would help out around the house and help w/ the children, maybe the W would have more time and energy to give their H's the attention they need/want.