coastalconfusion Posted May 22, 2014 Share Posted May 22, 2014 hi, before i get into my story i want to just say, what i done i know was wrong, so please no lectures.... im in a confusing situation where i need clarification.. so 18 months ago a girl at work developed feelings for me, around the same time i did for her. now part of the confusing situation is, i was married (not happily), and she was in a relationship with her girlfriend (not happily either) for 3 years... anyway over the few weeks, we talked to one another, about our issues, but what we realised was we had a connection. talks turned into hugs, which turned into kisses which eventually turned into sleeping with one another, twice... the following day her gf found a pic of me on her phone, and our feelings for one another were exposed. because we had strong feelings, we couldnt stop seeing one another, so although we kept things on the hush, we still slept with each other another 6 times throuhout the next month. finally things stopped between us, but we still talked, occasionally flirted, but the it heated up again in dec when we slept together again... the past few months have heated up again. we talk on the phone secretly, we flirt, hug etc.... she says she loves her gf, which im sure she does, but every chance she gets to contact me she does. help? what is she thinking/wanting??? btw, im now separated, was heading that way anyway... thx Link to post Share on other sites
daisydook Posted May 22, 2014 Share Posted May 22, 2014 Well her words and actions say she loves her partner more or has more security with her and she is a cheater who wants to have her cake and eat it too. The thing with people is, if they want to, they will. She doesn't need to, nor does she want to engage in a full time relationship with you and looks quite comfortable staying like this. By "this," I mean keeping you as a side piece to her failing and miserable relationship. In my opinion, your best chance with her is to end all things affair right now. If she wants to be with you, she will arrange her life and priorities around being with you, and only you, properly. You would hurt people a lot less this way too. She is doing this with you to keep you trailing around after her, so when her relationship does fail, she has a back up plan. You're it, Buddy. I know that hurts to hear but you aren't her plan. You are the back up plan. If this is what you think love is, you're mistaken. Back away, get your head on straight and acknowledge this woman doesn't care for you the way she claims to. If she did, you wouldn't be sitting here asking strangers if she wants you or her girlfriend. She seems to be making no effort to remove herself from her "miserable" relationship where she is dreadfully unhappy. I mean logically speaking, if she was so unhappy, you would seem like the better choice, right? I feel for you but you have to remove yourself from the toxicity of this. It isn't healthy. Move through with your divorce, live your own life and if and when she decides she wants to be with you and ONLY YOU, then consider it. I would drop this woman like a bad habit if I were you. She is feeding you just enough bs so you stick around. This cannot possibly be the happiness you strive for when you leave an unhappy marriage. I mean, you were unhappy married, and now you're unhappily separated and will be a miserable single person shortly. Find someone who loves you and ONLY you. Whatever this is, is not love. Link to post Share on other sites
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