I left her -- confused.

[unnamed]

Okay guys/girls, my turn for some help.

 

I just broke up with my girlfriend. I just cannot handle her sexual past at all. Everything relates to it, it seems, everything reminds me of it. I am down/depressed nearly all day, to the point where my ex-girlfriend is sick of it.

 

To add on to this, it seems like she's giving up on me all the time. I do not blame her sometimes, but still, I cannot get through this alone. Also, she kicks me around a lot. I take it in, I hide it, and rarely speak of it again. I let a lot of things go in the hopes of keeping her happy.

 

I had another problem with her past this morning (I saw one of the guys she was with sexually), and it struck up the pain. I do not know what to do!

 

I love her dearly, and we have plans to get married, but I just cannot handle the pain! The images, the videos that loop in my mind, the thoughts, the feelings of inadequacy, and so much more just correlate daily to provide me with the most intense heartbreak. Daily!

 

I wake in the morning, my thoughts are on her past. It is the same for the rest of the day, up until I go to sleep.

 

Guys, I need help. I just broke up with her, but I told her that I want her to change before I come back. I need to work on things to, and try to get over some obstacles.

 

Is it right what I did? The thing, I want to know if the pain from her past dissapears if we are not together. If it does, perhaps I shouldn't be with her. But I know that it will bother me not being with her.

 

Sorry for the ranting and screwed up sentencing, I'm just frustrating, depressed, and looking for an out, or an answer.

 

Thanks in advance.

[Rob]

Ok dude,

 

THis is ROB speaking! I understand your problem brother!

 

I have had insomnia for 2-3 months, waking up at 4 am, how about that. I have had to take some pills too. My firneds do not understand this, even my mother inquired about it , and when found out that it was related to my GF, she strongly urged me to leave her alone, since it was not worth the pain. I am very sensitive person, and also I have been treated in the past for compulsive obsessive behavior, maybe it is related to that. Anyway, If I leave her, yes, most likely I will forget about that, but I CAN NOT! I love her..I really do.

 

But in your case, if you already broke up, and not planning to get together with her again, then you I guess are a strong person, and you should just move on and find someone else, and try not to find out anything about her past, but one day or the other, you will still find out, and it might bother you again.

 

As I said, I am fine with the fact that she is not a virgin, just the details that i found out were eroding my mind.

 

Well, I guess, for people like us, we need to find virgins, and live with peace of mind.

 

So if you decide to get back to her, and still notice that you just can not handle it, I say just get out of her life (Easier said than done )

 

and find yourself someone else

 

I have this feeling that if this state of mind, which I am in, last for few more months, I am gonna bail out , brother!!!

 

Good luck to you!! post your ICQ # again, maybe we will talk

 

 

[Yumi]

You asked her to CHANGE? She can't change her past, what's done is done. If you can't live with that, that's fine and very normal, but you just need to let her go and move on. If you DO want to make it work... forget her past. It's called the past for a reason. She can't change it, but just remember that NOW she only wants to be with you. I know guys have a problem with that... it's not shameful or anytihng if you can't deal with it, it just means you need to find a girl without that kind of past. But it sounds to me that she already HAS changed by having a comitted relationship with you.

 

There is nothing wrong with her "giving up on you" if you broke up! She has ever right to choose NOT to get back together, as do you. If you both want it to work, I urge you to tell yourself that she is with YOU now, whoever she was with in the past. But you migth be better off finding someone who suits your needs better. No offense meant by that, I guess I sound kind of blunt but if you have that many problems with this girl there is no shame in calling it off for good.

[Tony T]

You are one confused dude. First, I take it that you have already broken up with her. I think things should stay that way and that you should move on. The fact that you are so obsessed about this entire matter indicates your inability to deal with it at any point.

 

YOU WRITE: "I love her dearly, and we have plans to get married, but I just cannot handle the pain!"

 

Let me remind you. You have broken up with her. You cannot marry someone you are not seeing...well, you could...but it's not a practical thing to do. It is not fair to her to lead her on when you cannot handle things. You must let her go now.

 

YOU WRITE: "I just broke up with her, but I told her that I want her to change before I come back."

 

You broke up with her because of her sexual past, yet you want her to change...change what??? How can she change the past? Also, it is just too much to ask people to change aspects of themselves. If you can't accept her like she is, you must let her move on to someone who can.

 

YOU WRITE: "Is it right what I did? The thing, I want to know if the pain from her past dissapears if we are not together."

 

What you did is what you did. You acted correctly if you cannot live with her past. The rest of your question makes no sense. However, just guessing about its meaning, if you are not with her and you move on, her past will be completely irrelevant in your life.

 

YOU WRITE: "But I know that it will bother me not being with her."

 

Everything seems to bother you. Being with her because of her past bothers you. Not being with her bothers you. You need to get yourself together. Perhaps a good counsellor can help you sort all of this out.

 

Something like this is particularly difficult because you broke up for things she did before she met you and not because you were having an unsatisfactory relationship. This doesn't happen often but all things are possible in the human realm.

 

I think it will be very possible that you will find someone excellent for you in the future. Make sure you tell them right off the bat that you don't want to hear anything about their dating history...and don't ask them.

 

You would not have taken such a drastic step of breaking up if you didn't feel very strongly about her past. Just go on with your life, heal from this, learn from it and go forward.

 

Maybe the best idea is to give yourself some time to get your head on straight. Meanwhile, this lady needs to heal and go on with her life. I hope she has learned not to be so forthright and descriptive about her past sex life.

[catt]

Okay guys/girls, my turn for some help. I just broke up with my girlfriend. I just cannot handle her sexual past at all. Everything relates to it, it seems, everything reminds me of it. I am down/depressed nearly all day, to the point where my ex-girlfriend is sick of it.

 

To add on to this, it seems like she's giving up on me all the time. I do not blame her sometimes, but still, I cannot get through this alone. Also, she kicks me around a lot. I take it in, I hide it, and rarely speak of it again. I let a lot of things go in the hopes of keeping her happy.

 

I had another problem with her past this morning (I saw one of the guys she was with sexually), and it struck up the pain. I do not know what to do! I love her dearly, and we have plans to get married, but I just cannot handle the pain! The images, the videos that loop in my mind, the thoughts, the feelings of inadequacy, and so much more just correlate daily to provide me with the most intense heartbreak. Daily! I wake in the morning, my thoughts are on her past. It is the same for the rest of the day, up until I go to sleep. Guys, I need help. I just broke up with her, but I told her that I want her to change before I come back. I need to work on things to, and try to get over some obstacles. Is it right what I did? The thing, I want to know if the pain from her past dissapears if we are not together. If it does, perhaps I shouldn't be with her. But I know that it will bother me not being with her. Sorry for the ranting and screwed up sentencing, I'm just frustrating, depressed, and looking for an out, or an answer. Thanks in advance.

[Rogue]

I can understand how you must feel.And given the circumstances, I think you made the right decision.

 

For one thing, you couldn't just pretend that you were ok with her past, because it bugged you.Breaking up now is a lot better than getting married then fighting over this constantly. So you are saving the both of you a lot of heartache by your decision.

 

Now, I have to ask you, is her past really in her past? What I mean is, is she still the same type of person who slept with all those men or has she changed since then?

 

Does she still keep in touch with former lovers on a regular basis?

 

What I'm trying to say is that the past is only relevant for understanding the present and judging the future. If her behaviour back then has nothing to do with how she would act today, or tommorow, then it's better to simply forget what she did. So your only real concern is how her past affects you today. Does it really affect you, aside from your personal feelings? Will those guys from her past show up for dinner every night? And what is her attitude towards her past?

 

If her sexual past will not be coming back like bad movie sequel, then you really should let it go. Yes, what she did bothers you, but it's over now. The dinosaurs were a pretty nasty bunch, but they exist in the past, so I can walk the streets assured I won't get gnawed on by a T-rex. It's the same thing with your girlfriend's past, it could be just as extinct as the dinosaurs.

 

But if you feel that a lot of that past still exist in her today, then you should think twice about your relationship. Either way, it would do both of you some good to take the time and work this out before going on any further.

[unnamed]

I asked her to 'change' because she was treating me pretty bad. I thought I mentioned that, did I not? Obviously it was not clear, sorry.

 

The thing, I want to know if the pain from her past dissapears if we are not together."

Here I was wondering if the suffering I go through while I'm with her would remain if I wasn't with her.

You would not have taken such a drastic step of breaking up if you didn't feel very strongly about her past.

I have to agree with this... but the thing is, I want to be with her. I love her, and we talked an hour later after I split with her. To us, when we split up, we actually don't. Its like there is no breaking-up of a true love, and she's right -- and I agreed.

 

I just don't know what to do guys. By the way, my girl and I are back together now, but its just hitting hard every hour of the day. I just can't handle it! I cry on the busride home, in my bed, all the time. Its too overbearing, and the funny thing is most people are thinking that my girlfriend has slept with other men. Well, she hasn't. She only fooled around, nothing more!

[unnamed]

nt

[catt]

You really need to get some help and fast. Breaking up and getting back together every hour on the hour is not helping matters at all. You can not deal with your own thoughts and feelings. A therapist is in order immediately. Call one and make an appointment today.