What is My FWB deal???? ....

[IslandSweetie]

I first started seeing my FWB when I was 25 yrs old. We had amazing sex and of course I go and fall in love with him which yes I know pretty stupid. As years go by we continue to see each other on and off we just started back up after almost 2 yrs. Im 30 and Im finally over him and I can do the sex without feelings things sometimes I don't pick up the phone or I tell him Im busy. Strange enough he seems to be calling more often then he use too just recently I finally picked up he asked me why Ive been giving him the cold shoulder and do I not like him anymore? I said yea I do he went on to ask if I would leave the person Im with (* Im in a relationship but not serious we are more friends then together ) if I ever found someone better I told him yes if the person is willing to seriously commit to me why do you ask he just said he was wondering. I thought it was weird but I let it go he came over and we had one of the best sex ever I don't know what was up with me but I told him about when I was younger and how I use to be in love with him but not anymore he told me without telling me he felt the same feelings. I wanted to ask him if he felt the same way now but I didn't want to ask because I could feel my stomach dropping. I wanted to yell at him why are you doing this to me why are you making me have stupid thoughts when I know it cant be for real. Someone please tell me Im mental someone please tell me hes an ass and hes screwing with my head someone please tell me to leave him alone move on find someone else ( even though I swear sex with anyone else is not the same with others)

Edited May 22, 2014 by IslandSweetie

[stateofgrace]

Well, I mean, I don't think you're crazy...and I don't think he's playing games (on purpose), from what you say, he told you he had feelings for you back then, and it kind of seems like he was trying to gauge your feelings by asking you if you'd ever leave the person you are with for someone else (why would he ask that if he wasn't asking for himself?).

 

Truthfully, I think the best thing you can do for yourself, is come clean with him. Put everything out on the table. Tell him you have feelings for him and don't want to remain FWB because it's messing with your head. Ask him what he wants, if he says he doesn't want anything then you have your answer and you can finally move on. If he says he wants to be with you and has feelings for you, then there you go. Might as well see where the relationship goes, otherwise you'll always be wondering "what if?". But you'll ALWAYS wonder if you don't tell him how you feel.

 

I think that's your only option, otherwise you'll just drive yourself crazy wondering where his head is at. Do yourself a favour and talk to him

[littleplanet]

Okay. This has been going on for 5 years (with a 2-year break.)

You've done the FWB dance.

Which doesn't necessarily teach one too much about the reality of a committed relationship.

 

Love enters the picture.

Not so easy as the horizontal hula with no emotional bonding.

 

If you truly are crazy about him, let him know.

If he's cool with idea, he'll either respond in kind, or let you know where you stand.

You're 30. (I'm assuming he's that age or older?) Old enough to have figured out a thing or two.

 

But I don't get it....

Why is this something that can't be for real?

 

And why exactly was it stupid to fall in love with him when you were 25?

 

Seems to me, you've learned how to do the 'sex with no feelings' thing well enough.

Why?

Is that where your comfort zone is? (and if so - why?)

 

Sex 'with' feelings is of course, the issue.

Sex without feelings is.........................whatever it is.

 

But in the meantime, ask yourself this simple question -

Are you actually in love with him?

Or are you in love with the sex you have together.

(there is a difference)