R3d Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 I don't know...I have been dreaming of it for years but it seems like such a distant circumstance...like will it ever happen...with my short height...and race...and just... --- I know we have already covered this, but this thought process is still wired into my brain and really wonder if I will ever experience having a girlfriend. It seems like a fantasy, literally (no really, literally, it does). I have almost never even been flirted with. A lot of guys have the problem where a girl flirts with him only to find out that she was just ducking with him and didn't really like him. Me, girls don't even do THAT with. I think if normal physically attractive guys (no homo) don't even have the confidence or can't get girls easily, then what position am I in to have the confidence? I have a 6'1 friend who is white and buff and really chill and HE tells ME (a 5'3.5 Indian dude) that he doesn't have confidence and that's why he can't get girls, when I was talking to him about approaching my crush (who is hot). He told me he will have massive respect for me if I do it (haven't gotten the chance to - been busy, but will eventually) and that all I need to do is not be creepy and have confidence, which is something he doesn't have (which is almost mind-boggling for me for reasons stated above). So anyway, my point is that I feel like getting a girlfriend is some unattainable fantasy and question if I will ever experience it. And not just any girl, but a girl who I actually like both physically and as a person. Otherwise, what's the point? Link to post Share on other sites
normal person Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 Don't sweat it too much. I know high school seems like the most important part of your life, but it's really almost insignificant in the grand scheme of things. Odds are you'll have a growth spurt, get into a great college, develop some great qualities, and make some serious money. Then you won't have many problems finding a girlfriend. I know it's not a convenient answer for you right now, but keep that in the back of your mind. Link to post Share on other sites
organizedchaos Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 You're only 16 years old. You have your whole life in front of you. Stop with all the wallowing and misery. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 Many people don't really start dating until college or beyond. You will be fine. Link to post Share on other sites
Author R3d Posted May 23, 2014 Author Share Posted May 23, 2014 Odds are you'll have a growth spurt, get into a great college, develop some great qualities, and make some serious money. How can you predict the future and say that these things are more likely than not to happen to me? I am not asking this rhetorically but critically, as in "what makes you say that?" sort of way. Link to post Share on other sites
normal person Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 How can you predict the future and say that these things are more likely than not to happen to me? I am not asking this rhetorically but critically, as in "what makes you say that?" sort of way. Most people hit puberty around your age and shoot up a few inches in a short amount of time. You seem articulate, literate, and dedicated enough that I can only assume it reflects in your schoolwork too. So I imagine your plan is to go on to college, grad school, etc. Do that and you'll likely land a nice job and have a good reason to feel good and be confident. It'll be attractive. Right now in high school you don't have too much social mobility and your place is largely determined by superficial factors. In a few years your place in life will be largely determined by what you work for and accomplish. For the most part, things might be out of your control now. But I don't think it'll be like that in the future if you're as dedicated as you seem to be. Link to post Share on other sites
Potz4prez Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 How can you predict the future and say that these things are more likely than not to happen to me? I am not asking this rhetorically but critically, as in "what makes you say that?" sort of way. Dude, you've got until your mid 20's till you'll be fully developed. I didn't hit my peak in physical development till around 23/24. Hell, apparently even my voice dropped more. Stop worrying about what you can't control. Just make sure you stay active and get into weight-lifting. Link to post Share on other sites
Author R3d Posted May 23, 2014 Author Share Posted May 23, 2014 Dude, you've got until your mid 20's till you'll be fully developed. I didn't hit my peak in physical development till around 23/24. Hell, apparently even my voice dropped more. Stop worrying about what you can't control. Just make sure you stay active and get into weight-lifting. Yeah, Indians are known to be on the later side in terms of finishing development, which is why I still have a baby face. Then again, I do have a lot of hair (and facial hair). My father was saying that I will probably look most handsome in my mid-twenties. Anyway, I can't do weight lifting until I finish growing because I don't want to stunt the growth - just not a risk I want to take at all (my dad says he stopped growing instantly after lifting weights and same happened with my friend's dad). However, once my growth plates close, I will be hitting the gym and working on a decent build definitely. For now, I just do cardiovascular and stretching exercise. Link to post Share on other sites
Author R3d Posted May 24, 2014 Author Share Posted May 24, 2014 Well, so much for having a late growth spurt: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/off-topic/personal-rants-confessions/478426-today-i-find-out-i-got-all-short-genes Link to post Share on other sites
hasaquestion Posted May 27, 2014 Share Posted May 27, 2014 Ok, so here's some advice. 1. You're SIXTEEN years old, calm down. 2. Just because you don't want to "stunt your growth" lifting isn't license to put off exercise. Hill sprints, jumping rope, ladders, box jumps, planks and all kinds of core - there are a million ways to become a leaner, meaner, more explosive athlete without picking up a weight. You would be wise to start a more sophisticated program than "cardio" (which is pretty useless frankly) started right away. Knowledge is power when it comes to working out. 3. Top grades = $$$. Don't take your eye off the ball. B****es can wait. 4. Just talk and have some fun. Socializing doesn't need to be a chore. Don't worry about talking to girls you want to bang, or guys you want to be friends with. Forget about the things you want and just talk to people. Don't be that awkward dude who only talks to people because he wants something, and doesn't even realize it. Just get to know people, make them laugh, and relax. Link to post Share on other sites
regine_phalange Posted May 27, 2014 Share Posted May 27, 2014 I never had a boyfriend at 16 either and felt like I would never have one. One of my high school crushes also was shorter than me, he was around your height actually. Be patient, but at the same time, a try doesn't hurt. Talk to the girl you like and try to get to know her better. Link to post Share on other sites
Author R3d Posted May 27, 2014 Author Share Posted May 27, 2014 2. Just because you don't want to "stunt your growth" lifting isn't license to put off exercise. Hill sprints, jumping rope, ladders, box jumps, planks and all kinds of core - there are a million ways to become a leaner, meaner, more explosive athlete without picking up a weight. You would be wise to start a more sophisticated program than "cardio" (which is pretty useless frankly) started right away. Knowledge is power when it comes to working out. Can you recommend me a specific routine that I can do 4-5 times a week? Link to post Share on other sites
hasaquestion Posted May 27, 2014 Share Posted May 27, 2014 Can you recommend me a specific routine that I can do 4-5 times a week? The following are lessons from my experience. Form is everything -Do your exercises EXACTLY right -Otherwise you'll either hurt yourself or not get max results -Seek out instructional videos, the internet is your friend Dynamic stretching works - There's a world of literature out there about the flaws of static stretching - Incorporate a warm-up and dynamic stretches and you'll get better flexibility gains Planks work - Do them everyday, its hard to overtrain your core - Get the form right... body perfectly straight, clench your stomach - Both standard planks and side planks - Infinitely more useful than crunches or sit-ups - From my experience its better to do intervals of them (15 seconds, get down for 3 seconds, 15 seconds, get down for 3...) then to try and do one for 2 minutes or something like that. Past the 10-15 second mark you stop using your core/trunk and start using your arms to hold it. This keeps it a core workout Jumping rope works - Great cardio - Gets the heart rate up - Do intervals (for example, 1 min on, 1 min off, repeat) - You should be barely jumping (1/2 inch off the ground), until you can get that right don't do a lot of it - More efficient way to burn fat per minute than "jogging" - Good for coordination Box jumps work - These will shred up your legs - Do low reps (six sets of 3?) and don't do them often, make them INTENSE when you do them - You are using your legs to lift your weight (150 lbs?) into the air violently in a split second - its about quality not quantity - Get the form right, jump out of a shallow squat land in a shallow squat - If you can't land in the same position you took off in use a lower box Hill sprints with a sled work - Your High School probably has sleds - Also shreds up your legs - Like with the box jumps, quality > quantity - Avoid the parachute its dumb Pull-ups and dips work - Don't need weights to do these - Need equipment for this (go to the school gym) - close-grip dips for triceps, wide-grip dips for chest - close grip pull-ups for biceps, wide-grip pull-ups for back/lats - Pretty good facsimile of weightlifting minus the weights for the time being There's no routine (other than the core type stuff) you do 4-5 times per week. Quality > quantity, and you need to give your body a chance to recover, especially from brutal stuff like box jumps and hill sprints. Anyway there's people who are 100x more knowledgeable than me out there, and they're on the internet and a click away. Educate yourself and make it happen. There's all kinds of ways you can get more athletic without picking up a weight if you have the initiative. Link to post Share on other sites
Author R3d Posted May 30, 2014 Author Share Posted May 30, 2014 Just talk and have some fun. Socializing doesn't need to be a chore. Don't worry about talking to girls you want to bang, or guys you want to be friends with. Forget about the things you want and just talk to people. Don't be that awkward dude who only talks to people because he wants something, and doesn't even realize it. Just get to know people, make them laugh, and relax. I think this is my downfall. I am that awkward dude you described. I don't really have a social circle. I am quite alienated at school. High school is also naturally clique-y. Because of these factors, I have like no social mobility as normal person said. This is also probably why talking to my crushes is so difficult. If I sort of had more of a social "basis", I would have a much better time. And there isn't anything I can do now - the year is coming to an end anyway. I can only hope for next year to be better, which I do have plans for. I think it would be in my best interest to forget having a social life and focus on finishing strong academically since we are just 2 weeks away from finals anyway. There's just nothing I can really do now and it wouldn't be worth anyway due to the year coming to an end. Though I am doing stuff in the summer, so it's not like I will have absolutely no chances to socialize until the beginning of next year. Link to post Share on other sites
hasaquestion Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 I think this is my downfall. I am that awkward dude you described. I don't really have a social circle. I am quite alienated at school. High school is also naturally clique-y. Because of these factors, I have like no social mobility as normal person said. This is also probably why talking to my crushes is so difficult. If I sort of had more of a social "basis", I would have a much better time. And there isn't anything I can do now - the year is coming to an end anyway. I can only hope for next year to be better, which I do have plans for. I think it would be in my best interest to forget having a social life and focus on finishing strong academically since we are just 2 weeks away from finals anyway. There's just nothing I can really do now and it wouldn't be worth anyway due to the year coming to an end. Though I am doing stuff in the summer, so it's not like I will have absolutely no chances to socialize until the beginning of next year. People have problems. Don't be ashamed of that. Step 1 of problem solving is knowing what the problem is. Reading the question. Some dudes want the answer - but they never take the time to understand the problem. Your problem - not having a girlfriend - isn't really the problem. Its a symptom of areas in which you can improve. Reading your posts, one of those areas is body image/self confidence. So step 2 of problem solving is to stop talking and get in the gym. Everything you can accomplish in life takes time. Life's a marathon not a sprint. There's no quick fixes. Nothing happens overnight. You put in the hard work for a long time? and the results appear. Gradually. Ever so slowly. Its hard to tell you're changing, but it happens and happens, at that slow pace, and if you're patient and work hard, you see it one day. If you start today? You will get there eventually. Eventually feels unattainable. But if you're disciplined and work hard, next thing you know? Time flies, and it is eventually. And you made it. If you don't start today. Next thing you know it is eventually anyway, and you are in the same place you were a long time ago, staring down a marathon you haven't started yet. What will you look like tomorrow? Not any different regardless. But in two years you can look VERY different because you worked hard today. That marathon is waiting for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author R3d Posted May 30, 2014 Author Share Posted May 30, 2014 Yeah I realized that, which is why I have decided to temporarily stop trying to get a girlfriend and first work on my problem areas. In my personal opinion, I don't think it's even a lack of confidence as much as a lack of social life. And by the way, I am doing a better workout now (http://www.loveshack.org/forums/mind-body-soul/physical-fitness-health-weight-management/478858-great-15-minute-workout-routine-requires-no-weights). See, if I just had a social life, everything would be better and then getting a girlfriend wouldn't seem as unattainable. And I don't want a social life just because I want a girlfriend. I am just ****ing lonely man, to put it bluntly. Remember this: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/transitioning/search/475084-being-indian-descent-really-detrimental-even-if-you-americanized-6.html#post5692870? organizedchaos nailed it. For the past four months, I have been so fixated on getting a girlfriend, and while I still do want one pretty bad, I have decided to put that aside right now and instead just focus on my social life in general for now. Of course, if a girl does show up during this time, all the better, but I am not going to actively go out hunting for a girlfriend at least for right now (like I have been for the past few months), at least until I reasonably better my social life. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
organizedchaos Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 Yeah I realized that, which is why I have decided to temporarily stop trying to get a girlfriend and first work on my problem areas. In my personal opinion, I don't think it's even a lack of confidence as much as a lack of social life. And by the way, I am doing a better workout now (http://www.loveshack.org/forums/mind-body-soul/physical-fitness-health-weight-management/478858-great-15-minute-workout-routine-requires-no-weights). See, if I just had a social life, everything would be better and then getting a girlfriend wouldn't seem as unattainable. And I don't want a social life just because I want a girlfriend. I am just ****ing lonely man, to put it bluntly. Remember this: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/transitioning/search/475084-being-indian-descent-really-detrimental-even-if-you-americanized-6.html#post5692870? organizedchaos nailed it. For the past four months, I have been so fixated on getting a girlfriend, and while I still do want one pretty bad, I have decided to put that aside right now and instead just focus on my social life in general for now. Of course, if a girl does show up during this time, all the better, but I am not going to actively go out hunting for a girlfriend at least for right now (like I have been for the past few months), at least until I reasonably better my social life. Well done! You really have no idea what lies ahead for you. You have SO much time ahead of you to grow and become a MAN! Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 16? Oh boy, Highschool Musical isn't accurate. GFs don't start magically appearing out of nowhere once you hit a certain age. Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 You are 16. I know that the desire for a girl is strong and desperate, but the more work you put into yourself now, the better your entire future will be. Not just working out, but doing well in school, working on what you want to do as a career, reading, volunteering, and taking up hobbies that make you a more rounded, balanced, interesting person. As far as whether you will ever get a girlfriend, nobody can predict the future. But if you look at the older adults around you, you can see that most of them are married, and almost ALL of them have dated or been married. So the odds are in your favor. And the more you do to improve yourself socially, physically, and financially, the more your odds go up. You can't control your height or your race. So focus on the things that ARE within your control. Link to post Share on other sites
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