Atticus9292012 Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 I asked a guy friend of mine for an absolutely huge favor. I am kind of desperately in need of someone to ride with me to Texas from Tennessee (10-11 hours) to take my son to my ex's parents while I prepare for the bar exam. A toddler in the car for that long by myself would be really hard to swing. The longest I have done is 6 hours and the last 2 he screamed even with stops and me doing all I could think of. Having someone just play with him or entertain him while I drive would be a huge help. I have been asking friends, and since its July 4th weekend, everyone has plans understandably. There is a guy I know that I had a thing with a long time ago. We're just friends now. We get along really well. He is always offering to help me with things since I am a single mom living alone. I could see myself in a car with him for ten hours and I think my son would like him. Well, I asked him if he would do it. He has never responded other than his brother might be visiting that weekend. Was that too much to ask him? Would that make you really uncomfortable? Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 I don't know if it would be uncomfortable, but it seems to lack any kind of serious upside for the guy. Most aren't even looking to sit there and entertain their own kids for 10 hours. You would have to dangle a pretty big carrot to go along with that to get him to go I think. Unless he's in love with you. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 I don't know if it would be uncomfortable, but it seems to lack any kind of serious upside for the guy. Most aren't even looking to sit there and entertain their own kids for 10 hours. You would have to dangle a pretty big carrot to go along with that to get him to go I think. Unless he's in love with you. Nailed it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Atticus9292012 Posted May 23, 2014 Author Share Posted May 23, 2014 Yeah, I kind of feel like anyone, even him going, is going to be like that. Its a lot to ask someone unless they just love my kid (or me). I have been very selective about who I have asked, because it is such a huge favor. I don't think this guy is in-love with me. He does care about me. When we hang out he always tells me to call him if I need anything, and he remembered my birthday out of the blue. He doesn't have facebook or anything to help him remember. Just not sure if he would do it. I think him saying his brother might come into town was his way of saying no, without actually saying no. I think I may just pay someone at this point. Sigh. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 Is there any reason the Ex's parents can't meet you half way to defray the time/cost involved in this venture? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 Presuming you have no other business in Texas to attend to, IMO the meeting halfway suggestion has traction. In your original scenario, were you going to drop off your son then turn around and drive 10-11 hours back? That's a bit of a stretch for a friendship, even a good one, essentially a full 24 hour day on the road with little rest and him likely doing some of the driving. As to his answer, perhaps his brother is visiting, perhaps not. That he added no comment regarding the extent of the favor asked leads me to believe he's being polite, rather than 'are you nuts?', which I could certainly see a guy who is a casual friend saying. Especially a friend, and apparently former lover, who apparently has had zero contact with your son. The un-polite comment would be what my exW would hear if she made such a request, even though we're 'friends'. My thought process would be 'what has she done for me lately?'. Yup, marriage taught a lot about quid pro quo. Girlfriend travel partner or meet halfway. Maybe this guy will change his mind. I wouldn't count on it. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
OnlyHonesty Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 Given this is such a huge favour, where is the incentive for this guy to invest 10-11 precious hours from his life to do it? Since you have already asked him this without providing even a hint of an incentive or payoff for him, it might be seen as you not considering this thereby only seeing his time as a utility. If this was a small favour then it wouldn't really matter so much. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 It's a lot to ask of anyone. Get the BarBri lectures in some audio format you can listen to while driving. Get your kid a portable DVD player & make it a 2 day trip . . . 5 hours one day 2.5 in the morning, long energentic lunch break to tucker your child out & then as long as the kid is alseep in the afternoon. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Atticus9292012 Posted May 23, 2014 Author Share Posted May 23, 2014 The halfway idea sounds attractive. Only problem is I have committed to taking my ex's niece to just outside of TX on the way back so I have to make it all the way there or at least into the state. I had planned to drive all night and drive back either the 4th or 5th. Kinda depends on who I can wrangle into going. Believe me, this guy was not my first choice. I have asked female friends and they all have prior commitments, it is July 4th weekend so I anticipated this to some extent. I am driving at night on the way down so my son will be asleep for most of it, I hope. That worked when he was a baby on long road trips. I also am going to download some movies on my ipad for him to watch and hope I can keep his attention that way while he is awake. I may end up doing this alone. Anyway, hopefully my guy friend doesn't think I am nuts. I guess I probably should have thought a little more about it before asking. Just kind of running out of people that I think would do it. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 Don't get all upset about the ask. Believe me I have asked all sorts of people for all sorts of favors. Asking is no big deal. Pressuring & not taking no for an answer is the problem, but you are not doing that. You are fine. Have a safe drive & good luck on the bar. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
TAV Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 Can I suggest you stop doing everyone a favour and choose to do what's best for you and your child? Why would your ex's niece be more important than the welfare of your child? You are putting him through a long car journey that he obviously does not like. Which will make you stressed out and consequently will make the child even more unhappy. If the ex's parents were decent grandparents they would make sure the stress on the child is cut to the minimum, so they either pay for plane tickets or cut the drive in half. Or come to see him where you live. You sound to me like a typical giver. Nothing wrong with that but there are boundaries. There are a lot of problems you can avoid by saying NO. And I agree that nice guy is probably in love with you when he agrees to go with you. Or an extreme giving person too 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Atticus9292012 Posted May 23, 2014 Author Share Posted May 23, 2014 This isn't a leisurely visit to my ex's parents. My former in-laws are taking care of my child for free so I can prepare for the bar exam. The bar exam will open up doors for me eventually to provide a better quality of life for my son. They are doing me a huge favor by doing this. My son has been through this car ride four times now. Only difference was his dad and I were together and someone could sit in the backseat with him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 This goes way beyond "favor." You're asking people to do something only a close family member would do or be obligated to do. I wouldn't pay some stranger to do that. You might get kidnapped. Why on earth don't you just pay for a babysitter while you're studying?? That seems the logical solution, not driving forever for "free" ones. Get a babysitter and have them out running around a lot or leave them at the house and go study at the library. It wouldn't cost any more than all that gas. Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 You're asking someone to babysit your kid for ten hours in the car! Offer payment! Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 You're asking someone to babysit your kid for ten hours in the car! Offer payment! She mentioned hiring a stranger to accompany her and that has been advised against! Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 I presume the poster meant to offer payment to the man she was asking the favor from. I'd start at 100 bucks plus meals/beverage if making such an offer. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 I presume the poster meant to offer payment to the man she was asking the favor from. I'd start at 100 bucks plus meals/beverage if making such an offer. Yes. Not a stranger. That would obviously not be safe. I mean c'mon OP, a 10 hour trip ONE WAY? You are asking someone to give up at least 2 days of their life to...play travel games with your kid? as a FAVOR? That isn't a favor....a favor is "can you give me a ride to pick up my car at the mechanic". This is a JOB. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted May 24, 2014 Share Posted May 24, 2014 Trains , bus's, and airplanes are alternative means to get to the destination. Based on gas prices, id opt for a train or plane. Be safe and consider some choices in getting to grandparents. Link to post Share on other sites
Always Pondering Posted May 24, 2014 Share Posted May 24, 2014 If you're still determined to pay someone to accompany you, why not offer some to your male friend you originally asked as veggirl has stated. This way your friend has an incentive to go if his brother isn't coming into town and you wouldn't be in the car with a total stranger! (Assuming you were even crazy enough to actually go through with that) Link to post Share on other sites
johnpatric Posted May 24, 2014 Share Posted May 24, 2014 Yeah you can ask him its not a big deal.. if he has a time for that then as a friend he will like to help you so don't think negative and just ask him.. Link to post Share on other sites
Smilecharmer Posted May 24, 2014 Share Posted May 24, 2014 This isn't a favor, it's a job. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Atticus9292012 Posted May 27, 2014 Author Share Posted May 27, 2014 Thanks for the responses. Well, the babysitter idea was my original plan, but I priced it out and it is more than I can afford. I just graduated law school and I am already having to supplement my income with loans so I can even study for the exam. Its already a tight situation. I didn't mention when I asked my guy friend, but I had planned to pay for everything and give whoever went with me some money on top of that since it is such a huge chore that I am asking. Not to mention giving up a holiday weekend. I wouldn't have paid a stranger to go with me. I think what I am going to do is just break the trip up into segments and just be gone longer than I had planned. I would have never asked my guy friend if he we hadn't just had this long conversation about an instance where I really needed help with something, and he lectured me about not calling him and he would have been there if I had, etc. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 27, 2014 Share Posted May 27, 2014 See those logic games from the LSATs paid off. . . you solved your own problem. Have a safe drive & good luck with the bar. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts