Hey Catt!

[Rob]

I can deal with the fact that she has had boyfriends, and was sexually involved, but when I found the details, such as having sex in public bathroom ( WHere is decency in that?)

 

Or "behind some van in the parking lot or a restaurant"? or on the roof, or in a movie theater? That sort of gives me a not very PURE impression about the girl, for whom I have written LOVE letters, and have called angel or sunshine, etc...

 

I love her too much, but these things have tortured me.

 

Thats all I said, and the only choice I have is to forget her past, but how can a person get over it, completely???

 

Unnamed probably had the same problem. That is why I am torn, she is a great person, but this aspect of her past sort of overshadows her good qualities. I understand she was 16 years old, but that kind of tells me, that she is or may not be as pure as I have imagined her to be. When I met her, I thought of her as a Goddess, well, maybe that's what my problem was!

 

THank you for your comments though

[catt]

and not so harsh ones since I have calmed down a little. It seems more apparent to me that the problem might lie in the way that you view sex. Were you taught as a child that sex was bad, dirty, disgusting? Is this where your sexual hangups stem from?

 

It seems that your girlfriend had quite an active sex life however, nothing you have written is even remotely unusual to what many have done. Have you ALWAYS had sex in the missionary position on a bed? If so, I think you could learn a few things that might not find so "unpure" from your girl.

 

If you didn't know all the details, would you still call her 'angel'? Of course you would. So what is it, exactly, that is your problem with this? Because, frankly, this is not her problem, it is yours and yours only. You need to do some soul searching and figure out why you have such irrational associations with her sexual past. Why do you have such trouble with this? (how old are you both, by the way?)

 

How is your relationship going now? Does she know that the thought of her in a public bathroom makes you sick? Have you told her these things? Or are you silently punishing her? I just can't get the thought out of my mind that she might be punished and put-down for having an active, adventurous sex life. Please, tell me you are not doing this to her?????

[sparkle]

I met her, I thought of her as a Goddess, well, maybe that's what my problem was!

Bingo.

[Rob]

Yes when she told me that, I was really surprised, I did not expect that from her. Not from her, maybe my previous girls, but not HER!

 

I am 23 and she is 19 now, and i let her know that these sort of things are usually kept in privacy, and she did not have to brag about how many positions and places she did it....

 

and not so harsh ones since I have calmed down a little. It seems more apparent to me that the problem might lie in the way that you view sex. Were you taught as a child that sex was bad, dirty, disgusting? Is this where your sexual hangups stem from? It seems that your girlfriend had quite an active sex life however, nothing you have written is even remotely unusual to what many have done. Have you ALWAYS had sex in the missionary position on a bed? If so, I think you could learn a few things that might not find so "unpure" from your girl. If you didn't know all the details, would you still call her 'angel'? Of course you would. So what is it, exactly, that is your problem with this? Because, frankly, this is not her problem, it is yours and yours only. You need to do some soul searching and figure out why you have such irrational associations with her sexual past. Why do you have such trouble with this? (how old are you both, by the way?) How is your relationship going now? Does she know that the thought of her in a public bathroom makes you sick? Have you told her these things? Or are you silently punishing her? I just can't get the thought out of my mind that she might be punished and put-down for having an active, adventurous sex life. Please, tell me you are not doing this to her?????

[catt]

Well that sheds a completely different light on the subject. She's actually been bragging about this? Hmmmm . . . seems to me that she might be pushing your buttons, especially if she knows that it bothers you. Still, what would make her do such a thing?

 

Did you ask her to divulge her past to you? Or did she 'offer' it?

 

If she uses her past experiences to get a rise out of you (forgive the pun), then I am truly sorry for jumping the gun and calling you manipulative. It's just the way you painted her, she seemed to be really sweet, kind, caring, and committed to you (and committed to what I assumed was your happiness). This sheds a whole 'nother light indeed. . .

[sparkle]

I am 23 and she is 19 now, and i let her know that these sort of things are usually kept in privacy, and she did not have to brag about how many positions and places she did it....

Well then she's VERY immature for bragging about various positions and places, and she's pretty stupid for even mentioning her past to begin with. Who wants to go out with an immature chick anyway?

[Rob]

about 6 months ago, we were having this converstaion about sexual experiences, and she aksed me whether I have had sex in the car, so I said once, the rest being the bedrooms.

 

THen she started telling of all sorts of things...I dont wish to go into them now, makes me very sick to my stomach. Well, that night I did not sleep. Then one week passed. We were sitting in a park, and then again she goes "Once we did ir right there behind that tree" Well,ok

 

Then again we were walking upstairs to her appartment, then she goes "Once we did it right here, at 2 am, in the staircase"

 

I was like "SHUT THE F&&& UP!!!" and left...

 

Yeah, just keep it to yourself. I did not specifically ask WHERE and HOW...

 

And even now, once in a while she blurts out something about, how much SEMEN i have, and how far it goes, as compared to her EXs....

 

So that's how it goes

 

She has been getting better lately about what she says about her EX, but what has been said is deeply engraved in my head,

 

One other thing I know is that : She loves me truly, maybe she is just young and does not understand...

Well then she's VERY immature for bragging about various positions and places, and she's pretty stupid for even mentioning her past to begin with. Who wants to go out with an immature chick anyway?

[unnamed]

My girlfriend becomes sick to talk about her past. She never had sex, but fooled around. She has never once compared me to the other guys, and that I thankful for.

 

I don't know man. She showed a total lack of respect and understand for you. That was just stupid, I'm sorry. I do not know what kind of woman would do that.

 

But the important thing is if you love her, you will get through it. If you believe you were made for each other, then you will pull through. I know my girlfriend and I will, I have but a few doubts.

 

I'm still shocked...

[girl's view]

rob,

 

i think your girlfriend has some major insecurities and wants to come across as the "wordly woman" here.

 

i'm sorry, but i find it disgusting that someone can make comments and comparisons about semen. to say that you've done it in a car or in a park is one thing, but to point out the exact place? if she knows how much this bothers you, she should have shut her mouth the moment she was aware of how it made you feel - out of simple respect for your feelings.

 

personally, when i told my boyfriend how many people i had been with, i didn't think there was anything wrong with it. but i didn't say a word about "this position, that position" or ANYTHING about the act itself. he told me about his past and we were having a laugh oneday about bits and pieces of our stories, and it was just unfortunate that the more time he spent with me, the more he couldn't handle the fact that i had been with other people. there was never anything disgusting about my past, but he blew it out of proportion in his own mind and i don't know why. it was as though the more his feelings developed for me, the more inadequate he felt. why? i have no idea. i only brought up my past once. but he stewed on it and it became his problem. he has hang-ups about one-night stands and about me having had a few.

 

but like i said, i find it disgusting that someone can point out such details when they know how much it upsets you.

 

about 6 months ago, we were having this converstaion about sexual experiences, and she aksed me whether I have had sex in the car, so I said once, the rest being the bedrooms. THen she started telling of all sorts of things...I dont wish to go into them now, makes me very sick to my stomach. Well, that night I did not sleep. Then one week passed. We were sitting in a park, and then again she goes "Once we did ir right there behind that tree" Well,ok

 

Then again we were walking upstairs to her appartment, then she goes "Once we did it right here, at 2 am, in the staircase" I was like "SHUT THE F&&& UP!!!" and left... Yeah, just keep it to yourself. I did not specifically ask WHERE and HOW... And even now, once in a while she blurts out something about, how much SEMEN i have, and how far it goes, as compared to her EXs.... So that's how it goes She has been getting better lately about what she says about her EX, but what has been said is deeply engraved in my head, One other thing I know is that : She loves me truly, maybe she is just young and does not understand...

[girl's view]

spot on sparkle.

 

he's put this girl on a pedestal, only to find out she's only human and he hasn't been marco polo and discovered new territory, and now he can't accept that.

 

searching for the idea of "perfection" will only result in not finding it. why should someone conform to what they believe is ideal? someone is ideal when you can accept them for all their imperfections and still love them just the same.

Bingo.