Ok, NOW I'm confused.....

[blind_otter]

Originally posted by Stone

It started last night because T wasn't there!! ( teasing)

 

Greg used to be my best friend, I was never attracted to him untill one day he just grew on me. he made me feel comfortable and I USED to be able to tell him everything. He was my best bud for 3 years before I decided to date him.

 

I don't think you we're ever really in love with your last Ex B/f he and his mother we're assclowns your we're better than them and you always knew it. You have to go thru some bad relationships so you can enjoy the good ones...

 

( God I should take my own darn advice!!!)

 

The boy can't go without calling me anyways. Dumbass. I don't know why he felt the urge to call me at 7am. To check in and make sure I hadn't gone and f*cked bouncer boy.

 

I'm in a foul mood today.

[Stone]

So why don't you try not speaking to Mr T for atleast 1 week ( no you can't warn him!) and see if you miss his friendship or his Mr. T Body!! LMAO

[blind_otter]

Originally posted by Stone

So why don't you try not speaking to Mr T for atleast 1 week ( no you can't warn him!) and see if you miss his friendship or his Mr. T Body!! LMAO

 

He is such a guido. He has a tattoo of a heart with barbed wire around it that says "Mom" and below it says "Dad", over half of the left side of his chest. The bouncer had a much hotter bod, being that he's a boxer. He was very heavy, though, on top of me.

 

Anyways I am going out tonight but I am NOT looking to hook up or anything like that. i just want to get completely smashed and pass out at 5am.

[Stone]

God I miss those days

[blind_otter]

Originally posted by Stone

God I miss those days

 

Hee hee well admittedly it's self-destructive, but it's self-destructive fun!

 

Otter needs to get trashed tonight. She's been good all week. Except sunday night and monday night.

[blind_otter]

 

I lost my bestfriend this weekend and it hurts so bad.

 

Friday night we went out, to eat, to get drunk. I had fun, relatively speaking. I don't remember much.

 

After the bars closed Mr.T, our mutual friend, and me, went to T's house and I was really drunk. I had seizure (I have epiliepsy and haven't been taking my meds - I have no insurance and the pills cost $250/month w/o insurance, which I simply can't afford until I declare bankruptcy).

 

I just sorta did it. Went back to his bedroom and took care of myself. I don't like bothering people. Anyayways our friend got freaked out and left, T took me home and stayed with me, which was whatever he was just doing coke and smoking my weed anyways.

 

He left the next day and left his dog here. He and our friend K (a guy) went out, they ended up both hooking up with chicks, and T called occassionally telling me he would be by to check on me at 1am, 4am, etc.

 

He never did show up.

 

So I dropped his dog off this morning. I was upset, I feel just like I did when psycho-ex would leave and not come back for days because he was partying. I am not that fun when I am sick I am groggy and it's hard for me to make completely sentences when I've had a seizure, it's just not fun.

 

Anyways whatever, he met some chick who was in his house so he wouldn't let me come it. I dropped his dog off and said my piece about him hurting me with his drug use and the way I give and give and give and he doesn't appreciate it.

 

He made stupid promises I know he won't keep.

 

I just realized last night that his drugs are more important to him than me. So in essense I have no bestfriend. I have no person who I though I could always count on.

 

I feel really really really alone, I feel like I have nobody.

 

And stupid me, like some girlfriend that seeks solace from an ex, I call him this morning and hear the same stupid litany of "you're wrong, people care about you, I'm sorry, I made a mistake, blah blah blah" - it's hollow, f*cking hollow. No one cares about their friends as much as I do, and the sad part is that I let this happen.

[blind_otter]

I let myself start to feel like this is a relationship and it can't be, with his daily coke habit and flat out non-attraction to me.

 

THat must be it. We've had sex, slept in the same bed, but he just doesn't want me in that way and that's ok i guess. it hurts to be rejected in such a subtle way.

 

i was stupid to let this happen and i'm verrrrrrrrry depressed. but that might be all the drugs from friday night

[younged78]

blind otter,

 

i feel for ya. i know it sux to be feeling what ur feeling - and i know it sux even more when ppl tell u "nooo - ur a great person - and people just dont see what a wonderful person u r, and there are much better people out there for u" routine.

 

but ppl like this friend of urs, are just not WORTH ur time. U need to work on urself and doing things that make u happy - WITHOUT needing someone else to make u happy. Don't even think about this friend of urs, he really sounds like a screwed up person... u've made a mistake so far, but do urself a favour and don't continue at making it....

 

this sounds like a stupid suggestion - but go work out or get some exercise - it really helps me when im feeling way down...

[blind_otter]

(Chet Baker)

 

The thrill is gone

I can see it in your eyes

I can hear it in your sighs

Feel your touch and realize

The thrill is gone

 

The nights are cold

For love is old

Love was grand when love was new

Birds were singing, skys were blue

Now it don't appeal to you

The thrill is gone

[Stone]

OK BO get ready because I am going to YELL at you like your my kid!!!!

 

WTF are you thinking??? WHY WHY WHY are you partying so hard all the time knowing you have a sezuire disorder?? ( I never knew this about you my son has a sezuire disorder to) It is nothing to F with, you could die, you could have a stroke and you could end up in a comma, ect. I am sure you know the reprocussions of your disease, and not treating it, and doing drugs instead is going to get you killed. It's not even a game anymore or an escape at this point you are seriously going to hurt yourself. At what point do your friends, who are High on whatever know when your sezuire has gone on to long, when will they know it's time to call 911 when it's to late??

 

Are you TRYING to hurt yourself? You are a smart beautiful girl, and you've been thru hell and back and you will get thru it, but if you get sick, or end up in ICU that's a long nasty road you don't need right now. Your not putting yourself 1st if you we're you would put your health 1st.

 

( you can be pissed at me all you want but I don't care, I do care about you and hate hearing when your hurt, BUT you are seriously skrewing up)

[blind_otter]

 

I know, it's excessive, it's a passive method of suicide, my neurologist yelled at me on saturday because I had to call him at home.

 

I'm doing the loading dose of dilatin because I had some leftover and I think they'll switch me back to depakote next week.....

 

It has been a long, stupid, self-destructive road and my body says FULL STOP, so I have to do it. In a way I do just want to blowout my brain in a seizure. I just don't want to hurt over and over and over again. It's hard, I fight a lot, but my life has been somewhat difficult. I keep falling over and over, I keep getting up, but sometimes I lay with my face in the dirt for a few months secretly wishing the horse would just step on my head and put me out of my misery.

 

Heather you are right, I don't think you're yelling at me.....

[Stone]

I am glad there putting you on Depakote, it also helps with depression. The Dilantin will give you mood swings.

 

Believe me, your luck you won't blow out your brain with a seizure, you'll have a stroke and have to learn how to walk talk and eat again. ( my son did) It's no fun you spent years in college, you could put your self to a point where everything you learned will be forgoten YOur way to good for this crap, you still need a vacation. And why doesn't you job offer health insurance?

[blind_otter]

My supervisor "forgot" to tell me about new employee orientation, at UF you have to do it within 3 months of starting work, or you have to wait for, er what is it called, open enrollment? in november.

 

So I am ****ed and i have to get on emergent medicaid until then - I have medicaid from my pregnancy, even though I miscarried, until june (my due date)....

 

I'm already kinda dealing with the seizure disorder issue, because I have no short term memory to speak of (and no it's not the pot, pot really honestly helps me deal with the seizures, if I smoke a tiny bit after it's over, it helps my muscles relax and stop twitching randomly....but anyways, I live out of two notebooks. One at work, one in my purse. I write down important things I need to remember. If I lost one of those books I would be totally lost!!!

 

I remember old things, like driving directions to places I went a lot before the disorder (is, UF, the gas station, my parents house, my sister's house, the grocery store, my friends houses) - but for new places I have bits of paper scattered all over my car with driving directions.

 

With grad school, I had only just started last year in the spring term, and I really struggled. I wasn't making good grades, I had to register with the students with disabilities office and get a note-taker, and longer times to take my exams. I also got a waiver that allowed as many absences as I needed.

 

I'm still bummed, maybe because of the dilatin - I am bummed that my bestfriend chose drugs over me, that he didn't love me like I love him....I feel like, when I'm on my meds, that no one would ever want to date me because it IS really HARD to be with someone who (a) has random, scary seizures, and (b) who forgets everything all the time.

 

[Barby]

I'm still bummed, maybe because of the dilatin - I am bummed that my bestfriend chose drugs over me, that he didn't love me like I love him....I feel like, when I'm on my meds, that no one would ever want to date me because it IS really HARD to be with someone who (a) has random, scary seizures, and (b) who forgets everything all the time.

 

 

I'm sorry but I don't think he "chose" drugs" over you...I mean in a sense yeah...but I don't think it shows how much or how little he loves you. As we *both* know all too well....an addiction is a powerful thing and until he's ready to deal with it and over-come it, no *one* can make him stop.

 

 

However much it hurts though, I'm glad you're trying to keep yourself clean. I didn't know about your disorder either, girl that's some scary stuff! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE take care of yourself and avoid the *stuff* the best you can.

 

 

Depression makes us do things maybe we wouldn't normally do...so I hope once they get your medication changed you'll be able to feel a lot better! Medicaid does cover your meds doesn't it? If so take FULL advantage of being able to obtain them while you can!

 

 

I feel like, when I'm on my meds, that no one would ever want to date me because it IS really HARD to be with someone who (a) has random, scary seizures, and (b) who forgets everything all the time.

 

But once they get to know you, it may freak them out a bit...BUT if they indeed care about you..your disorder won't have any affect on how they feel about you. Gotta find yourself a real true man who isn't into all that partying and who will be a POSITIVE and STABLE influence in your life! (((Hugs to you)))

[blind_otter]

I found out in a letter early this morning that my exHusband never sent the divorce ppapers in (in FL we have a "no fault" divorce where you both just fill out a packet. I did my part and sent it to him, and he just never sent it back, so I thought he had sent it to the courthouse and was waiting for some kind of confirmation.

 

For some reason his sentence has been commuted and he is getting out on probation in a year. I don't understand why, because he and I both acknowledge that we cannot get along. I am writing a letter today to ask him the the hell is up but snail mail is a bitch.

 

I guess T didn't chose drugs over me, but he definatley didn't return the affection I had for him. If he did wouldn't he answer my phone calls? I call ed a few times yesterday and I know he was there (I called a mutual friend and heard him in the background) . I left a message apologizing, but I really just think its over between us and that makes me immensely sad./

 

I have been having trouble with my coorination and walking in a straight line,,,,,I keep running into things....I hate this when it happens i go back to the neurologist - medicaid covers my meds but not all the tests he has to do or wants to do. I am going to try to ask if he can just prescribe what i was on before but with the walking probles he may want to do other tests.

 

I am so so so depressed. I cried myself to sleep and woke up early and cried and cried and prayed and I said, "I give up. I don't know waht else to do. I feel like I've lost everything, my relationship, my vest friend, I'm declaring bankruptcy, I can't drive anymore until I stop having seizures....I am helpless again and it sucks.

 

I jjust wish he would answer his phone and TELL me he desn't ever want to talk to me again. I am totally and utterly crushed my support system is gone. Normally I would call him any time of thenight and he would be there for me. Now, nothing, I have no one anymore....THIS hurts more than breaking up with any relationship I've ever broken up with.

[Israfil]

Though my circumstance is quite different, I know exactly how you feel about the loss of that support system. I too feel like I have lost my whole support network. Its scary being on your own.

 

But Blind, we have to do it. We have to get out of bed every morning and just get through the day. We have the ability to do this - to live life alone. Soon, it will get easier.

 

YOU have a strength, blind. I know you do.

[blind_otter]

Feh.

 

I am having a ****ty day.

 

My neurologist won't see me or release my medical records because I owe him money.

 

I can't get a referral to another neurologist from the health department until march.

 

ALL I NEED IS MY MEDICATION.

 

Otter is having a complete emotional breakdown.

[Barby]

I'm so sorry that you're going through this..honestly! As they say "when it rains, it pours" but in this case someone "up there" is trying to drown you!

 

 

I'm sorry that your support system is temporarily out of service! Since you've been friends with him so long and he was there when no one else was...that has to be the absolute hardest!

 

Can you at least go and have your Mom as a back-up support system? (I know things weren't great between the two of you) but maybe she can be there for you now?

 

 

I can't believe with the problems you're having, regardless of the fact that you owe him money, that your *N* wouldn't see you...that medication is really really important! Did you explain everything to his office? Let them know how bad off you are right now with coordination and everything?!?!

 

 

Hang in there, things can only get better from here!

[Stone]

Your neroligst is breaking the law he has to release your medical records, have another doctor request them. he can get in deep ****

[blind_otter]

I got a new neurologist. Went to health department.

 

Apparently my right side is not functioning normally and my right pupil isn't reacting normally to light.

 

And my ex-bestfriend still won't talk to me.

[blind_otter]

Well, after reviewing the records from my old neuro, and I have a CT scan today to rule out stroke (because I've had coordination problems and my right side has become now noticeably weaker)....my new neuro thinks that I have migranes which can cause convulsions because they are very intense, and very short.

 

I'm not sure I understand everything yet. The PA and neuro kept asking me questions, then leaving the room, then coming, then leaving, etc. I was there for like 4 hours!! (although I'm sure 1.5 hours of that was spent in the waiting room since I had a triage appointment so they sorta "fit" me in).

 

True to form, otter still has a date for wednesday and one for thursday - funny thing I thought epilepsy was a dealbreaker, I think these two guys definately have a white knight complex.

 

I must see a movie tonight about the collapse of the ARgentinian economy and the subsequent almost communist revolution (in practice if not theory) - normally I would get Mr. T to come with me but I suppose I'll get someone else to do it....since my drivers license was taken away for a little while (which I agree is safer, although I still drive short short distances, like to the grocery store - can't have mummy delivering food every day!). My friend K (our mutual friend) is hanging with me a lot more. He has a close femal friend who was to him as I was to Mr. T, so he understnads how hard this is for me and has been for me.

 

I told him (K) that this was worse than any breakup I can remember and he agreed, but he also told me that I am doing the right thing, that Mr. T is seriously "f*cking up" right now and I would do better to separate myself from him at least until he gets his downward spiral under control.

 

I was freaking out yesterday about my neurological problems. And about Mr. T....my Mom said, well that's probably the straw that broke the camel's back, since I usually have problems directly after especially stressful times in my life.

 

I doubt I'll ever be best friends with T again. I have trust issues to begin with and his abandonment of me when I really needed him just shows me what an a**h*** the coke has made him.

[Stone]

Going thru similar problems with my little guy I know quite a bit about seziures, stroke, anti meds ect.

 

BO you have to tell your neuroligist about any drugs you have been using and excessive drinking you may have done.

[blind_otter]

Don't worry Stone, I'm totally honest with my doctor. With a family of nurses and other types of healthcare professionals I know that you have to be honest in order to receive the best care.

 

My old neuro actually never really told me to quit smoking pot. He said, I can't tell you to do it, smoking anything is bad, but I also don't think it's bad in moderation so take that however you want to.

[Stone]

I don't think you have to worry about pot either

[Grinning Maniac]

*reads through thread*

 

Mental Note: "Kevin, if you ever become interested in a woman who happens to have a bestest-best-best "guy friend", who's just the "sweeeeetest guy"...RUN. Don't question me. Don't think it over. Just put on some sneakers...and start running. You run far, far away...and conceal your escape with smoke grenades. Because you have likely entered the most gigantic vortex of female delusion and double-speak ever.

 

BO, I'm aware that existance has taken somewhat of a nosedive(no pun intended) for you, and my sympathies, of course. I'm also aware that what I'm about to say would've sounded less cold and uncaring, had I came in on...*thinks*...page one. But hey, I'm compulsive beyond belief. It's never stopped me before.

 

Am I the only one who thinks male/female friendships don't make any real sense at all, and the only who tends to ignore all of the crap about a guy being "insecure" or "controlling" when he raises an eyebrow over a woman having a ton of close male friends? I sometimes hear little murmurs of objection here and there, but as usual, most of us hear the whip of political correctness cracking away in the background and just shut up. I'm clearly the exception, but that's beside the point. I'm on a tangent...

 

What caused me to post this was that I've realized a huge contradiction on the concept of "guy friends" and the arguments people make for it making sense. I'm making generalizations here, but guys tend to get the "omg we're just friends" and "omg stop trying to run my life" speeches from the ladies when we dare to suggest that thier "best buddy" seems to have a little more than "friendship" on the brain. But shockingly...in real life, as well as on this very forum, you also have tons of women saying that the BEST relationships come from crossing the line...with...your best guy friends.

 

Is it just me, or does that not make a lick of ****ing sense? Your current boyfriends should not be the least bit suspicious of your best pal who loves giving you backrubs for no reason at all, yet by your own admission, close "guy friends" are the best candidates for great boyfriends (or "soulmates" or whatever you nutty broads are after THIS year)? Are you ladies still with me? Guys shouldn't be at ALL paranoid about someone who is very likely their competition, either currently and directly, or in some creepy "sleeper cell" fashion, just counting down the seconds until he professes his undying love for you?

 

I know this isn't an intentionally humorous thread by any means, but as I kept reading about BO's "FWB" situation, I couldn't stop laughing. I'm serious. It's like looking at the poster child for "guyfriendsaretrouble.org" or something. It's just too good. Don't tell me that none of you snickered at the fact that "Mr. T" was giving BO "relationship advice" and vice versa. It's like Ronald McDonald and Mayor McCheese giving me advice on nutrition.

 

"Oh man...I had no idea that vegetables were really so bad for me! But when you put it that way, it all makes sense! I'm so glad you guys were here to stop me from making a bad decision. I knew I could trust you. Yes, I'll take 5 Big Macs, please!"

 

conflictofinteresthuhsaywhat?

 

This is too good. Be honest with me. Do you ladies really not see that huge elephant in the room, or is it just an unwritten rule that you have to just deny, deny, deny it's there, but slip Dumbo a peanut or two on the sly, so he'll continue to happily nap behind the couch? I'm not saying it's just women who are guilty of this. We do it too, sometimes intentionally, among the less honorable of us. I even have a couple of female friends, but I keep them far, far away. Sure, it's possible to be friends with a woman but the circumstances are pretty limited if your intentions are 100% honorable. I think there are only seven conditions under which I could maintain a close, completely healthy and non-sexual friendship with a woman:

 

1. If she was uglier than sin and/or could launch me into orbit on a see-saw.

2. If she was a very butch lesbian...(although on a really horny day, the thought's still briefly crossed my mind...)

3. If she was psychotic and self-abusive...and ugly.

4. If her body was a herpes platter with a side order of AIDS.

5. If she was a quadrapalegic...and also had an unnattractive mouth.

6. If my genitals were lost in an industrial accident or chemical fire. Both testicles must be gone. BOTH.

7. If I was blinder than Ray Charles in a blackout.

 

Men have "intuitions" too. We can tell when guys want to bone...because we're guys...who want to bone. We know our own moves. Maybe you don't...and maybe you do. But regardless, I just find it real strange that women, generally speaking, will give two different answers to the same question and act like it really makes sense. But to review:

 

"Yeah, I have plenty of male friends. Guys just make the BEST pals in the world! They're so much less complicated than girls, and funny, and have pretty eyes... *ahem* But you shouldn't be at all suspicious of their motives. Sure, Bruno likes fondling me a little bit and calls me twenty times a day, but that doesn't mean anything. So what if I use him as a human pillow during our late-night movie marathons, and you've heard me tell my girifriends that best friends can make great boyfriends? That doesn't mean it applies to ME as well. You're just being silly and jealous. Oops, hold on. My cell's ringing. *pause* Teehee...aww he's so sweet. But like I was saying, you have no reason to question the nature of my friendship for even a second. Doing so makes you controlling. Got it? A jeeallllousss pricccckk. You don't want people to think that about you now, dooo you? ...Stare into the watch...that's it. Good [puppet] boyfriend."