Why can't some people just let it go?

[AmyBamy]

OP, you have clearly, very simply and logically explained why you took your car there to be serviced. It all makes sense if one can look at it objectively.

 

I, too, am a single woman and have people I trust who help me with my car, finances, health etc. I need these people, trust them, and depend on them in order to live my life. I am not about to switch to other providers of services when I have forged trusting relationships with those I use. These people are vital to my security.

 

No ex H, ex fiance, exMM, BS is a reason for me to stop getting help where I need it from people I trust and have established working relationships with. Even for a seemingly small issue.

 

Thank you! I guess most people don't understand how hard it is to find a good mechanic that won't take advantage of you when you are a single female. I have no intentions of changing mechanics. I went to the other person out of town last week and that could have cost me my life and I won't be doing that again if I can avoid it.

 

I do not understand the position of some of you who think OP should have gone to a different mechanic. Ask yourself honestly, is it possible you are looking to nitpick at OP? If not then maybe you might want to rethink her position on this and yours in criticizing her about it.

 

Not to mention, what's next then? That I can't grocery shop where I want or need to? That I can't eat at restaurants that I want to? I can't spend my life avoiding her or him and I'm not going to. I have several other ex boyfriends in this area and we run into each other at different places it's just not that big of a deal.

 

OP, I understand you are here to process your emotions over this troubling situation. I know it is awful to have someone like this in one's life.

 

At the time when I was going through similar crazy behavior by ex H, I processed my emotions by talking about it, a lot! My friends and family must have gotten very tired of hearing about it. But, I didn't have a forum to post on.

 

I am saddened, OP, as I see you being treated this way after DOING WHAT BSs stridently, often, maintain a single woman should do when she finds she is dating a MM. Break up with him! You did this. And then you were empathetic to this person's W.

 

I know! I was shocked when people started telling me that it is my fault for being at my mechanic and for speaking back to exMM! I took a week after I found out to process and then I ended it with him. I don't know how else I could have handled it. I bet had I showed up at the wife's house like she did mine and started following her around and calling her and texting her like she does me that there would be a lynch mob here for me!

 

You are an exemplary example of how a woman should react and behave when she finds she is dating a MM.

 

You are here to process your emotions about it.

 

Yet the posts that are coming at you are astounding to me!

 

You have done nothing wrong by having your car serviced where you have had it serviced for years. Whether or not ex bf is camped out five feet from the property line of your mechanic's place 24/7.

 

Thank you. He isn't always at this business. It's a crap shoot as to where he is going to be and when. I have no idea and I don't schedule my life around his and I see no reason to schedule it around hers either.

 

And you has done nothing wrong by speaking with him when he approached you.

 

Well I thought it was pretty benign myself but jesus she didn't. There were people outside everywhere and my car was very visibly up on a lift. It was obvious that we had not purposely ended up there at the same time.

 

Heck! I speak to both OWs (who stole my exH and my ex fiance) casually from time to time myself. There are other people who behave this way, also, and OP seems to be one them. It's called being gracious, not holding a grudge and having class.

 

And I don't know who said it but someone said that they don't know any shops that don't have somewhere to sit, well this one doesn't. There is a chair by the cash register but it's all oily and yucky and I had on nice clothes and I wanted to be in the sunshine. Normally if my car is going to take a while, I will just have them run me home as they are more than willing to do. But since it wasn't going to be very long I just thought I would wait it out since it was so nice outside. And several other people came over and spoke with me too while I was sitting there and guess what, no crazy people screeched up to us and started screaming at us go figure.

[AmyBamy]

She most likely doesn't even want him but wants her own revenge on both of them, this is what I did after D-Day, emotions are running high and everyone involved isn't thinking properly the wife and ow are only concerned about avenging each other and mm is only thinking of himself and tries to stay out of it completely like the cowards they are.

 

He IS single. I can't say this anymore seriously. THey are legally separated and living in separate houses and the divorce is well under way. It will go through eventually probably even faster now. And when I dated him I thought he was single. I have never in my life knowingly dated a married man. Short of their divorce being finalized that is the only thing that makes him not single right now. Trust me it's just a matter of red tape to make it legal but he IS single.

[AmyBamy]

I do think that you need to really watch your back. This is the kind of extreme behavior that you read about in the papers - she could literally pull a gun out and shoot you on the street.

 

I have family that are police officers (not here in another state) and I have a conceal to carry. I am never unarmed or unprotected. I am watching my back. I will feel some relief if she is sitting in jail as sad as that is but it will mean that she can't call me or text me or show up wherever I am. It would be nice to go buy toilet paper without having to reroute my whole damn life to avoid her chaos.

 

The police are aware of her whereabouts especially since the deal yesterday. She should be picked up on the warrant soon and they will let me know when she is. I also have a really good support system here and am well looked after. Hopefully she will be ordered to get some counseling or something for herself.

[Speakingofwhich]

I did not say a word to her. I simply shook my head. By that point, the mechanics had come out of the shop as they could see there was some sort of something going on. My mechanic stepped between she and I protectively and said a few choice words to her and at that point, I really couldn't see much of her because he is a BIG man and was sort of holding his arm out in front of me and blocking me with his body. He told her to leave his property and then told exMM to get her off of his property too.

 

I didn't move away because I didn't feel the need to and again, there wasn't anywhere for me to go really. I wasn't going to start walking down the street (which has no sidewalks actually) so that she could get in her car and run me over. And I had no reason to leave, I wasn't doing anything but sitting on a bench in the sunshine texting and playing on my phone.

 

She screamed a few things at me, calling me names and such but I just looked at her neutrally. I think I said "Okay whatever" at some point but no, I did not turn away from her. I know better than to turn my back on someone that is acting that way towards me and I knew that legally I had the right to be where I was and she did not.

 

Amy, you have done so much right in this situation but just want to mention that it seems possible that two things you did do inflamed the situation. 1. shake your head and 2. say, "Okay, whatever."

 

From your perspective they are logical reactions but it seems to me it kind of might have sent the message of disdain toward her when you shook your head, though you might not have meant it that way.

 

The, "Okay, whatever," seems to me something that a person does when they're blowing someone else off so maybe she took it that way and perceived it as an insult which is understandable to me. I don't find her reaction to it acceptable but it sometimes helps to gage the emotions of another before expressing one's own.

 

From your posts, you seem to be a very open candid person which is a very endearing quality in a person, imho. By the same token when this type personality gets in awkward situations they might tend to go overboard in expressing their emotions. This is, of course, recognizing the wife went way overboard in hers; however, YOU are looking for ways to diffuse the situations so I'm just throwing this out as something you can try in the future. Not react to her in ways that seem you find her behavior odd, even if you do.

 

Since this has happened, were I in your shoes I would stay as far away from her as possible, though I think you mentioned somewhere you plan to.

 

My heart goes out to all involved, including most of all the kids and the BS. I truly hope she can get some help and become stable enough to be the mom her kids need her to be as they will always need her and benefit from her presence in their lives as long as she becomes stabilized.

 

There is no telling what has gone on in the relationship (and lives) of the MM and BS in this situation that caused it to get to this point.

[artdet]

Reading this thread makes me so sad. Here is a woman whose life is blown up, her husband cheating on her, her kids taken away from her. Here is another woman who was deceived and mistreated and hurting and trying to start clean again. Who is the culprit here? The MAN! All anger, all quest of justice and peace, should be directed at the cheater! Yet I see both women defending him in some way. Poor man that has to endure the impossible crazy wife, poor husband that has to endure temptation from the evil OM.

 

Both of you have to realize who is the culprit here. Just because someone is your competitor/enemy doesn't mean they are not the victims, doesn't mean you can't show compassion to them.

 

Stop hating the victim. Start hating the cheater. That is how you get out of this mess.

[thecharade]

All of these people telling you to get far away from your exMM? It is because you are the OW.

 

When a BS stays with the same lying MM? It is beautiful reconciliation, a "Gift."

 

Prisons are filled with people who committed their crime in a jealous rage. The law does not care about whether or not you are hurting. All of us hurt badly at one time or another, and society expects you to keep yourself under control. If you are a danger to yourself or others, check yourself into a hospital.

 

If you don't mind, I am going to call this BS a bunny boiler. Bunny boilers are made fun of around here, not given sympathy.

 

In truth I do feel sorry for the BS and her pain, which is why I feel sorry for OW and their pain. I do not judge and allow myself to feel compassion for all who suffer. I wish others would do the same.

 

Good luck, OP. I would think very carefully about dating this exMM. His relationship skills seem to be lacking, at the very least. And this BS would become permanent scenery. Seems like too much to overcome.

[Ailsa1983]

What I don't get (and please don't jump on me, I'm actually on your side here) is how you never knew he was married in the first place ? You state you have been going to the same mechanic for years and his and his wife's business is next door, you also state that you will no doubt bump into them so im presume you all live in the same area with known friends/family/businesses etc ?

 

I'm just curious that is all

[snappytomcat]

oh boy,im going through the same thing with the xow,only good thing here though is she lives on opposite coast,i feel bad for this bs but I do feel you need to get a restraining order against her,shes so hurt,and angry doesn't sound like shes thinking clearly.

I also don't think of you as the ow,you and the bs were both being lied to,he was separated at the time,so I don't see you as the ow at all.

just be careful,i hope she can get some help for her kids sake

[Ailsa1983]

All of these people telling you to get far away from your exMM? It is because you are the OW.

 

When a BS stays with the same lying MM? It is beautiful reconciliation, a "Gift."

 

Prisons are filled with people who committed their crime in a jealous rage. The law does not care about whether or not you are hurting. All of us hurt badly at one time or another, and society expects you to keep yourself under control. If you are a danger to yourself or others, check yourself into a hospital.

 

If you don't mind, I am going to call this BS a bunny boiler. Bunny boilers are made fun of around here, not given sympathy.

 

In truth I do feel sorry for the BS and her pain, which is why I feel sorry for OW and their pain. I do not judge and allow myself to feel compassion for all who suffer. I wish others would do the same.

 

Good luck, OP. I would think very carefully about dating this exMM. His relationship skills seem to be lacking, at the very least. And this BS would become permanent scenery. Seems like too much to overcome.

 

The first few sentences ... Spot on and every ow on here knows it

[Hope Shimmers]

In truth I do feel sorry for the BS and her pain, which is why I feel sorry for OW and their pain. I do not judge and allow myself to feel compassion for all who suffer. I wish others would do the same.

 

THIS, one thousand times over!!! Thank you for saying this. It is exactly how I feel and I've been saying this same thing forever, but most others would rather just attack those in other situations than theirs because of their label. It is SO narrow-minded and sad.

[sweet_pea]

I'm not expecting her to get over it. All I am asking is that she handle herself like a rational adult. I really don't feel like that is too much to ask of another adult. Especially considering the circumstances around my "affair" with her husband.

 

Well, you are asking why she won't just let it go which is kind of like expecting her to get over it, especially since the whole affair/ordeal was 8 months ago. That's kind of recent, if you put things into perspective. As I said, people heal at different speeds.

 

But yeah, she's acting very out of line and hopefully she pulls back, for everyone's sake. What she did was very wrong & I don't think anyone is saying otherwise. I will also say that if you do decide to move forward in a relationship with him, to understand that this woman will be in your life for at least however long it takes the children to turn 18, possibly longer in some way or form, as I understand it.

[Minnie09]

I feel sorry for BS, terribly sorry. Nobody wants to lose it like she did. It's when people feel fear and loss of control when they lash out like that. They know it's weakness, but they can't help it. Although I've never been in that emotional state of mind, I believe I know where she's coming from. She was deceived, OP was deceived, and he got away with it. He pulled it off, and now you, the op, is basically siding with the culprit. No matter how rarely you see/talk/contact him or whatever, she catches him red-handed having a friendly chitchat with his mistress, or ex-mistress.......She trusted you and talked to you after d-day. It takes courage for a BS to do that, after being and feeling disrespected and humiliated. And she doesn't know you broke it off. You told her you did ...... But why would she believe you? I wouldn't either, if I saw you standing there with my cheater ex-H, in the middle of a friendly conversation (about bs's crazy behavior during the D etc., which I find extremely disloyal btw......he has no business doing that....and you have no business feeding into that). That just looks wrong.

 

Basically, yes, she lost it. Probably felt super-betrayed by you and him.....double whammy.....and now lost her kids over some drama and a D she didn't ask for (yet). I'm having a hard time calling her a crazy bitch - sorry.

[2sunny]

He IS single. I can't say this anymore seriously. THey are legally separated and living in separate houses and the divorce is well under way. It will go through eventually probably even faster now. And when I dated him I thought he was single. I have never in my life knowingly dated a married man. Short of their divorce being finalized that is the only thing that makes him not single right now. Trust me it's just a matter of red tape to make it legal but he IS single.

 

He's not single until his divorce is final.

 

He may act single - but you can see the hurt that's caused when he claims he's single but not.

 

And his wife knows he's not single yet - that may be what's making her crazy - he may still be giving her a small bit of false hope which would confuse anyone.

[Hope Shimmers]

He's not single until his divorce is final.

 

The United States government/IRS disagrees with you.

 

"A person is considered unmarried for tax related purposes if on the last day of the year the person is not married to any other person or is legally separated from a spouse under a divorce or separate maintenance decree."

 

People who are separated date all the time. The process to divorce can take years. However, it's all moot in this case since she has said over and over that she isn't dating him.

 

And his wife knows he's not single yet - that may be what's making her crazy - he may still be giving her a small bit of false hope which would confuse anyone.

 

So this is what 'confused' people act like? Wow.

Edited May 26, 2014 by Hope Shimmers

[underpants]

Wow Amy,

 

I've read the whole thread and the others.

 

Dang...she is crazy. That behavior is unacceptable and she needs to catch a clue, for her own sake. Loss of control, money, misplaced aggression, cluster b, whatever, she is not cool. From all that I've read you really have held your own the very best you could given what you were presented with. You've handled youself well and continue to do so.

 

I really have to say I don't understand some of the responses you are getting. I was an unknowing woman who cut it off and told then let it go, and I got called "trash" and "crazy" on my thread. A lot of it was removed, but it hurt to read it as I was processing what happened to me.

 

I read a lot of people posting through their own pain and experience, and to an extent that is to be expected. I guess take the advice that feels right to you and try not to feel like you have to defend yourself too much.

 

Recently I watched a documentary and read up on Betty Broaderick. I was flabergasted at some of the comments under a few articles about her. People saying that what she did was wrong, but they understand and other's thinking she should be free. I was horrified at her defenders (a lot), because I don't care... what she did was terrible, and she also had some behaviors leading up to the event that should have been taken more seriously. Anyway, watch your back, and I'm glad you reported the drunken calls.

 

I'm single and an honest mechanic and plumber are worth their weight in gold. Lol, imagine the savings if you dated the mechanic.

 

Here is what I think, and I could be so wrong. It sounds like it was a bad marriage (her words) and it took him being with you to realize that he wanted out. Yes, affairs are bad, but they happen. It was perhaps a wake up call for him (and her) that a unhappy union is at its end. It really is not about you, as she will hate anyone who he moves on with (in the future). It may be that right now it is easier to target you then accept that is is her that he is leaving. I agree that her behavior is only pushing him (his future friendship) and her children away, it will carry over to friends and work if she doesn't get a handle on it. Perhaps she will get some needed couciling through the court system. I hope the children are in some type of therapy as well.

 

Good luck and stay strong.

[2sunny]

The United States government/IRS disagrees with you.

 

"A person is considered unmarried for tax related purposes if on the last day of the year the person is not married to any other person or is legally separated from a spouse under a divorce or separate maintenance decree."

 

People who are separated date all the time. The process to divorce can take years. However, it's all moot in this case since she has said over and over that she isn't dating him.

 

 

 

So this is what 'confused' people act like? Wow.

 

Yes, it's a moot point - so does that mean you intend to quit being hyper critical of everything I post?

 

The fact remains - his divorce is not final yet. That means he's not single.

 

We all know that even married men act single all the time.

 

It doesn't mean a man like that would be a consideration for me.

 

OP - it sucks that he lied. It sucks that his wife is being unreasonable - I hope you can find happiness after her crazy antics towards you.

[AmyBamy]

He's not single until his divorce is final.

 

He may act single - but you can see the hurt that's caused when he claims he's single but not.

 

And his wife knows he's not single yet - that may be what's making her crazy - he may still be giving her a small bit of false hope which would confuse anyone.

 

She knows that he is not going to have anything further with her. She has told me that herself that he told her he wants nothing further than coparenting with her. He is not leading her on he is trying to divorce her and that is straight from her.

 

He is legally separated. There is some sort of waiting period here and the only reason that they are not divorced is because she keeps refusing the details of the custody and property split. Otherwise, the divorce would have been finalized months ago. She told me herself that she is dragging it out because she is hopeful that he will change his mind back when she asked me to not see him because she thinks if I won't see him that he will give her another chance. I cannot make her understand that it's not about me at all. He may love me but if we never continue that will go away and he will move on and love someone else and there is nothing that she can do to stop that. She thinks it is just about me but it's about so much more than that. She just refuses to accept it.

 

He should have just divorced her but as we see his concerns about doing so were very realistic. He had the affair and then fell in love and I think it did give him the strength to seek happiness for himself. I'm sorry that she is hurt I really am but I was hurt too and she has never once given me any sympathy about that not one single time. She is so self involved that she cannot see past her own pain and that is not how a mother acts imo.

[AmyBamy]

Last request - Let it go. Ban button is next.

 

I'm not sure who this is directed at? Is it at me? I was gone for a while and maybe I missed something but I don't want to break any rules?

[AmyBamy]

Wow Amy,

 

I've read the whole thread and the others.

 

Dang...she is crazy. That behavior is unacceptable and she needs to catch a clue, for her own sake. Loss of control, money, misplaced aggression, cluster b, whatever, she is not cool. From all that I've read you really have held your own the very best you could given what you were presented with. You've handled youself well and continue to do so.

 

I really have to say I don't understand some of the responses you are getting. I was an unknowing woman who cut it off and told then let it go, and I got called "trash" and "crazy" on my thread. A lot of it was removed, but it hurt to read it as I was processing what happened to me.

 

I read a lot of people posting through their own pain and experience, and to an extent that is to be expected. I guess take the advice that feels right to you and try not to feel like you have to defend yourself too much.

 

Recently I watched a documentary and read up on Betty Broaderick. I was flabergasted at some of the comments under a few articles about her. People saying that what she did was wrong, but they understand and other's thinking she should be free. I was horrified at her defenders (a lot), because I don't care... what she did was terrible, and she also had some behaviors leading up to the event that should have been taken more seriously. Anyway, watch your back, and I'm glad you reported the drunken calls.

 

I'm single and an honest mechanic and plumber are worth their weight in gold. Lol, imagine the savings if you dated the mechanic.

 

Here is what I think, and I could be so wrong. It sounds like it was a bad marriage (her words) and it took him being with you to realize that he wanted out. Yes, affairs are bad, but they happen. It was perhaps a wake up call for him (and her) that a unhappy union is at its end. It really is not about you, as she will hate anyone who he moves on with (in the future). It may be that right now it is easier to target you then accept that is is her that he is leaving. I agree that her behavior is only pushing him (his future friendship) and her children away, it will carry over to friends and work if she doesn't get a handle on it. Perhaps she will get some needed couciling through the court system. I hope the children are in some type of therapy as well.

 

Good luck and stay strong.

 

Thank you. Yes, I love my mechanic. He is honest and fair and lets me make payments at times when the repairs are too much since I live on one income only. He does everything on my car for me including inspections as needed. He was pretty upset that I had used another guy when I was out of town last week because he said that I literally could have been at risk from the "repairs" that other guy did. He's known me for a lot of years now and I guess he feels pretty protective of me. And yes I would love to date a mechanic or a veterinarian for the money saving! lol I don't know how to make some people understand how much I need to use this mechanic!

 

As for the person who asked how I didn't know he was married. He works near my house and lives elsewhere in another town. So although a lot of people in town know him I am not a person that goes around talking to everyone about who I am dating. He and I dated for just over 3 months and it was still somewhat new and I wasn't talking about it to a ton of people yet because I still considered it a pretty new relationship. I knew he had businesses in town but I didn't look any further than that because I had no reason to doubt him. I am not from here and I don't know all the people that most people know here. I work out of town in another county and so I'm not around here all the time talking to everyone. I found out he was married from a mutual friend who I hadn't seen or spoken to at length for a couple of months. I have a job that keeps me moving and busy 7 days a week so my time to chit chat with people is pretty limited usually.

[AmyBamy]

Amy, you have done so much right in this situation but just want to mention that it seems possible that two things you did do inflamed the situation. 1. shake your head and 2. say, "Okay, whatever."

 

From your perspective they are logical reactions but it seems to me it kind of might have sent the message of disdain toward her when you shook your head, though you might not have meant it that way.

 

The, "Okay, whatever," seems to me something that a person does when they're blowing someone else off so maybe she took it that way and perceived it as an insult which is understandable to me. I don't find her reaction to it acceptable but it sometimes helps to gage the emotions of another before expressing one's own.

 

From your posts, you seem to be a very open candid person which is a very endearing quality in a person, imho. By the same token when this type personality gets in awkward situations they might tend to go overboard in expressing their emotions. This is, of course, recognizing the wife went way overboard in hers; however, YOU are looking for ways to diffuse the situations so I'm just throwing this out as something you can try in the future. Not react to her in ways that seem you find her behavior odd, even if you do.

 

Since this has happened, were I in your shoes I would stay as far away from her as possible, though I think you mentioned somewhere you plan to.

 

My heart goes out to all involved, including most of all the kids and the BS. I truly hope she can get some help and become stable enough to be the mom her kids need her to be as they will always need her and benefit from her presence in their lives as long as she becomes stabilized.

 

There is no telling what has gone on in the relationship (and lives) of the MM and BS in this situation that caused it to get to this point.

 

Yes I was blowing her off because seriously? I cannot believe that she is still on about this at this level. I probably even rolled my eyes. I responded when she was calling me a homewrecker and a whore because I am neither of those things and she knows it. Should I have said anything? Probably not but you know at that point I just can't even deal with her at all. She is making a scene over nothing. Over two people talking in a public place in plain view of a bunch of other people. She is spewing out things that make absolutely no sense and that's my reaction, "okay, whatever". I didn't have a chance to really do much of anything as exMM and the mechanics stepped in and immediately attempted to handle the situation. Probably a good thing because I am at the end of my sympathy rope with this woman and as much as I understand her feelings I don't agree with her actions and I am not going to be pushed around by her. If she breaks the restraining order and assaults me she will be sorry that she did. I'm not a violent person but I can and will defend myself very well.

[AmyBamy]

Just one last update and I'm just not going to update it anymore after this because now the thread itself is getting ridiculous. I spent the day with friends and got myself a nice sunburn and it was a good distraction from all fo this nonsense. I got one text message from exMM asking me to please talk to him and apologizing again for his wife's crazy behaviors towards me. I did not respond simply because right now I want their crazy to be theirs and I want as little to do with it as possible.

 

I got a call from the police department and they told me that they are going to serve the warrant on Tuesday and asked if I felt safe until then with her out and about. I told them that I am fine and have no worries since I plan on being at my own house for the rest of the weekend and that I am fine with Tuesday. I asked them if there was any way that they could avoid putting her in jail and they said at this point no and that they predict that she will be belligerent with them when they serve her anyways and expect to have to deal with that which would be the second time in as many days that she will be defiant with a police officer. In other words she is probably going to jail. They told me to contact them immediatly if she attempts to make any contact with me in any way and I promised that I would do so. The restraining order states that she cannot be within 100 feet of me which would mean that she can't be on my street since I live at the end of a cul de sac.

 

I have no idea what comes next but I am exhausted with it all. I tried for the past 8 months to be understanding and nice and sympathetic and I just can't give her any more. I have an established life here and I am not going to give it up for her. I'm sorry that she is hurt and that she is getting divorced before she wanted to but I can't help but acknowledge that none of that is my problem nor my concern. I've given her all that I am willing and able to give her. She has given me nothing in return but more chaos and craziness so that's it.

 

I am going to call exMM once I know that she is in jail. I am going to have a conversation with him that he and I have needed to have for the past 8 months and have not had. I am going to ask him to not speak to me or contact me until he is well divorced and I have no doubt that he will agree and respect this since he has continuously apologized for her targeting me.

 

In the future I would like to see he and I reconcile even if it is just to be friends. We had a connection that can't be denied and I miss that with him. I don't have to date him and I will be fine if I never date him again. I am dating others in the meantime and intend to continue to do so.

 

I am terribly sad for exMM that he has to deal with this on a daily basis and yes I do have some understanding of why he didn't "just divorce" her and why he had an affair with me. I think that no matter how he chose to take himself out of their marriage that she would have reacted this way. I think he was in a no win situation and he just did the best he could. I am sad for their kids because they are seeing their mother act in ways that no child should ever witness ANY adult acting like. They are safe with their father and I have no doubts about that. I do hope that they can at some point have a relationship with their mother that is not chaotic but I don't think that is possible right now because she is a freaking mess right now and making terrible decisions and choices.

 

As for her I have no idea where she will end up or what choices she will make in the future. I hope that she gets her **** together and makes better choices and chooses to behave like an adult instead of stomping around like a child who didn't get her way. I hope that she can find peace with the fact that she didn't end the marriage the way she wanted to but accept that it is ended.

 

I am going to continue to live my life and go where I need to go and do what I need to do. I will enforce the restraining order strictly since I think that letting it slide with her was not the right thing to do as it seems to make her believe that the rules don't apply to her for some reason.

[underpants]

Here is an idea. It could be an awful one.

 

What if the next (because you know its coming), and that is the worst, because it keeps you there. Her actions are keeping you there, actually bonding you to her soon to be ex. Anyway.

 

What if the next time she calls you or sees you ....you ask non chalant...what about 'Mary' (or another common name) that he dumped you for?

 

Throw her off your track, so to speak.

 

Make sure you are not recorded.

 

Freaking psychos.

Edited May 26, 2014 by underpants

[AmyBamy]

Here is an idea. It could be an awful one.

 

What if the next (because you know its coming), and that is the worst, because it keeps you there. Her actions are keeping you there, actually bonding you to her soon to be ex. Anyway.

 

What if the next time she calls you or sees you ....you ask non chalant...what about 'Mary' (or another common name) that he dumped you for?

 

Throw her off your track, so to speak.

 

Make sure you are not recorded.

 

Freaking psychos.

 

You are exactly right on this. The way that she has acted has made me have MORE sympathy for him than I had before and has made me consider dating him even more than I was previously. And the more she acts like this the more he wants to be done with her and with me. I think too that watching me react and handle this has endeared him to me even more too. I think that the differences between she and I become glaringly obvious when we are stood side to side and she acts the way she sees fit and I act the way I see fit. And I think that he looks at the two of us and it concretes who he wants even more. Sadly though she seems to have no understanding at all that she is cementing this even more by acting this.

[whichwayisup]

I got a call from the police department and they told me that they are going to serve the warrant on Tuesday and asked if I felt safe until then with her out and about. I told them that I am fine and have no worries since I plan on being at my own house for the rest of the weekend and that I am fine with Tuesday. I asked them if there was any way that they could avoid putting her in jail and they said at this point no and that they predict that she will be belligerent with them when they serve her anyways and expect to have to deal with that which would be the second time in as many days that she will be defiant with a police officer. In other words she is probably going to jail.

 

This is where the system fails. This woman is unbalanced and not well. She doesn't need jail, she needs a court order to be admitted into the hospital to be assessed and given help. Throwing her in jail is only going to make her mental health worse. Is it possible to suggest to the officer for that to happen?

 

IF you do text again with exMM, suggest that he get her assessed, for her own good. Maybe in time if she gets help, goes on meds and does counseling she'll get better.

[AmyBamy]

This is where the system fails. This woman is unbalanced and not well. She doesn't need jail, she needs a court order to be admitted into the hospital to be assessed and given help. Throwing her in jail is only going to make her mental health worse. Is it possible to suggest to the officer for that to happen?

 

IF you do text again with exMM, suggest that he get her assessed, for her own good. Maybe in time if she gets help, goes on meds and does counseling she'll get better.

 

When I talked to the police today I was really trying to figure out a way that she didn't have to go to jail. But since she keeps violating the restraining order I think it's unavoidable at this point. I agree that she needs help and not jail. But honestly at this point whatever keeps her away from me for a minute will give me a break from worrying about running into her and what that will evoke in her.

 

I'm going to talk to exMM soon. I wanted to wait until she couldn't intervene in any way so that he and I can talk openly with one another because we have not had a conversation about so many things that it seems we may need to. I will discuss this with him. The police did not say anything about getting her help I think that they are exhausted with her too. But I will see what exMM thinks about it and see what he is willing to do. Honestly if it would keep her out of jail he will probably be in favor of it because I'm sure his kids aren't going to enjoy having their mom in jail.

 

The police didn't seem to open to me trying to come up with other solutions besides jail. Like I said I think that they are just tired of having to deal with her too. She has had other episodes with exMM that have involved the police and not me.