Too emotionally attached, now what? broken-hearted

[endgame]

Hi all, my first time here and posting. I never thought I would find myself doing this but I need advice or guidance as to what to do, I have nobody to talk to about this so I hope you guys can give me some wise words J I am at a loss. I’ll try to make this as brief and summarize as much as possible!

I have known this guy about 8 years, met through a co-worker. We dated here and there, but nothing exclusive. That’s fine, I liked him but I never felt a whole lot, if that makes sense. Well, I didn’t know it but he believes in open relationships, and that’s OK, I just wish he would have told me because he does not believe in condom use and the b/c is up to the female.

With that said, here goes. So we have become closer in the past 2 years since his father passed away. We’ve been talking more, and exposing our little secrets (family stuff, etc.) and I was his shoulder to lean on when he fell into a deep depression when his dad passed away and broke up with a girlfriend (which I didn’t know he had). But I was willing to lend an ear and figured well, to each their own and if it works, fine. Ultimately he ended up moving 3000 miles away because of this girl. Apparently he screwed up because she found out she was ill and needed surgery and extensive aftercare in which he was not going to care for her because he didn’t want to hinder his freedom. He bought an RV and moved, had a job ready (lucky him) but he knew someone so it worked out. He now lives in the RV parked at a friend’s house and has a decent job. I am glad that he is getting his life back on track.

However…. (there’s always a however or but)

Well, we have shared some stuff that we would never have told anyone else. I helped his mom go pick up his dad’s ashes, he’s asked me for advice, I’ve asked for advice and whenever he visits, of course we end up having sex. I know it’s a FWB thing going on, and I’ve know that for a long time but recently he sent me a picture with the text, “here’s me and my girlfriend”

He told me they are going to some retreat over the holiday weekend and that she is intelligent and driven and all this great stuff. I tried to be upbeat and saying, “oh you look cute together” “She’s pretty”…. All the while my heart breaking inside.

The bottom line, I had become too emotionally involved with him. He had said things to me like during the summer, he wants me to spend time with him…then said that although he has a gf doesn’t mean he won’t stop talking to me. He has said things like “one night my friends and I did nitrous, absinthe, cocaine, mushrooms and MDMA.” Since all this talking we’ve done in the past couple years since he moved away, I’ve caught him in a lot of lies, not huge ones, but none the less, lies. I have called him out on them, but he tap dances around them and poo-poo’s them off or completely ignores my questions.

So, now the low down is that I feel sad, lonely and yes, jealous that he is spending time with someone else (Yes, I knew he would eventually find someone) but it hurts, I hurt and I feel like all I want to do is cry. But keep a happy face for him.

He’s even told me in his past relationships that he likes to make sure his gf’s don’t get too ‘fat’ other than the monthly bloat and that he will only date in open relationship situations. (which is fine, I’ve nothing against that as long as it is mutual I guess, but the ‘fat’ thing gets me)

I have had relationships in the past and I never have felt like this before. Two past bf’s got married, and another one moved on…I am OK with it, I am over it. Yes, at first there was some sadness but nothing like I am feeling now.

Question is, what do I do to get over him. I mean I feel like I’d be rude if I just cut him out of my life after spending so much time sharing talks, etc. But at the same token, I feel if I just let him go I would better be able to live my life and get on.

What do you think? Any advice please, it would be very helpful !!

Thanks!

[littleplanet]

First thing: look out for you. Nothing you can really depend on him for.

He appears to be doing fine without you.

 

The FWB thing works fine until you fall.............................

and then you've fallen.

And then it ain't fine anymore.

 

You know yourself, that you need to move on.

If something was bound to happen that struck him that you were more important to him than you are now - it would have happened already.

 

In a way.......your history together makes it like (for you, anyway) as if that bond was more powerful than it actually ever was.

And it may feel that way to you, sure.

But it doesn't for him.

And that's where you get stuck.

 

So now you have to 'unstuck' yourself. (For your own good.)

Because that kind of emotional investment doesn't work when it's all on one side, only.

You're looking for something more.

And you probably will never find it, with him.

 

It can feel rotten, burning a bridge.

But not so - if you know you can't go back.

Then.......the bridge doesn't mean anymore, what it once did.

 

So after all that - to answer your question:

Rude is one thing.

Dying inside is another thing altogether.

A better life to live is what you need, no doubt deserve.

So give yourself a chance to live it!

[endgame]

Thanks LittlePlanet, for your input. Yes, it's true what you said, rude is one thing but being crushed under all this emotional roller coaster junk is another thing and I just need to burn that bridge and get on with my life.

 

Again, thanks