Daughter's affair with MM - long post

[glowexa9]

I'm concerned about my 23-year-old daughter who has learning difficulties as well as autism. She was diagnosed with autism at the age of 3. She lives at home with us, not independently.

I found out that she'd been having an affair with an MM recently, and a family friend told me he'd seen it. This family friend was out shopping with his wife when he saw it.

 

She's in college studying hairdressing / beauty therapy. She's got a new boyfriend, who's 28, and I've only recently found out he's been married for 2 years - and the man also has a young baby who's 3 years old, as well. This has shocked and upset me. Apparently the man had a big wedding locally which was in the paper about 2 years ago - it was a fairly lavish do that gained some local press! My daughter has had some problems through her school years - bullying etc. but also many good times as well.

 

My wife is upset too, she has tried everything to make her see sense, but nothing's worked.

 

I know my daughter won't ever lead a full independent life only a semi-independent one, that's a sad fact of life, and try not to be overprotective, but not disinterested.

 

My daughter told me she'd seen him kissing her in a local car park outside a fast-food joint in his luxury Buick sedan parked up - and neither seemed to care that people were going past.

 

From what I've heard, my daughter was the one who initiated it, not him, instead of the usual scenario of married-man-seduces-woman. She didn't even know he was married, and he never told her [according to my daughter].

 

She did all the running not him [so I've been told].

 

It's worrying me a lot, and i've taken to overeating to cope. I don't know why she's doing it, but she has few girlfriends, let alone friends, so that could be why but Im not sure.

 

This is a tough problem for me. I want to ensure my daughter lives a full and happy life and is an adult, but also avoid her getting into serious trouble - something she's avoided most of her life.

 

Apparently this MM has actually left his wife for her now, and said he only married her "to fulfil a family business obligation that his dad had with another businessman" (that's what my daughter has told me that he'd said to her, and that he didn't really want to marry her, but his dad forced him to and he had to put on a front of happiness so played at being a dutiful husband and dad when really he liked my daughter !)

This man has left his wife and kid - how sick is that, abandoning your own kid?

 

I love my daughter and want her to be happy, but this situation is stressing me out a fair bit. Now our daughter's talking of moving in with him in 2 years time, but can we really stop her?

My husband is really, really furious about this and says he can't ground her, she's a legal adult, and he disagrees with it, but says he's powerless to stop her really. Here's the irony... our daughter wants us to meet her boyfriend, in a month, no less!

 

Isn't this odd, a MM actually leaves his wife for his lover? Most of the time they say they'll leave but don't, but is this just something you see on The Real Housewives etc.

 

Now she's talking of moving in with him, which I am not happy about, not at all.

If they do move in together and he leaves his wife, what issues is she going to face?

 

Dealing with washing his dirty underwear and socks??

Seeing him in his undies night after night?

Bad habits (smoking/drinking etc.)??

Other issues??

Bills??

Arguments??

Day-to-day life?

Buying the cereal, shopping, etc. ?

 

Isn't she stuck in the affair bubble thingy you mention on here? When it does go out of that phase, won't things get worse?

 

Where do we go from here next? Their relationship just plain wrong but will it last? What if it does last, what about the son the man already has [who he's had no contact with since], sorry, for all the questions, but I need help!!

 

In this sort of situation, what would you do about it?

 

How many MM's have actually gone off with the OW and coped with day-to-day life?

 

I do worry for my daughter and just am not sure how to deal with it.

[anika99]

I'm concerned about my 23-year-old daughter who has learning difficulties as well as autism. She was diagnosed with autism at the age of 3. She lives at home with us, not independently.

I found out that she'd been having an affair with an MM recently, and a family friend told me he'd seen it. This family friend was out shopping with his wife when he saw it.

 

She's in college studying hairdressing / beauty therapy. She's got a new boyfriend, who's 28, and I've only recently found out he's been married for 2 years - and the man also has a young baby who's 3 years old, as well. This has shocked and upset me. Apparently the man had a big wedding locally which was in the paper about 2 years ago - it was a fairly lavish do that gained some local press! My daughter has had some problems through her school years - bullying etc. but also many good times as well.

 

My wife is upset too, she has tried everything to make her see sense, but nothing's worked.

I know my daughter won't ever lead a full independent life only a semi-independent one, that's a sad fact of life, and try not to be overprotective, but not disinterested.

 

My daughter told me she'd seen him kissing her in a local car park outside a fast-food joint in his luxury Buick sedan parked up - and neither seemed to care that people were going past.

 

From what I've heard, my daughter was the one who initiated it, not him, instead of the usual scenario of married-man-seduces-woman. She didn't even know he was married, and he never told her [according to my daughter].

 

She did all the running not him [so I've been told].

 

It's worrying me a lot, and i've taken to overeating to cope. I don't know why she's doing it, but she has few girlfriends, let alone friends, so that could be why but Im not sure.

 

This is a tough problem for me. I want to ensure my daughter lives a full and happy life and is an adult, but also avoid her getting into serious trouble - something she's avoided most of her life.

 

Apparently this MM has actually left his wife for her now, and said he only married her "to fulfil a family business obligation that his dad had with another businessman" (that's what my daughter has told me that he'd said to her, and that he didn't really want to marry her, but his dad forced him to and he had to put on a front of happiness so played at being a dutiful husband and dad when really he liked my daughter !)

This man has left his wife and kid - how sick is that, abandoning your own kid?

 

I love my daughter and want her to be happy, but this situation is stressing me out a fair bit. Now our daughter's talking of moving in with him in 2 years time, but can we really stop her?

My husband is really, really furious about this and says he can't ground her, she's a legal adult, and he disagrees with it, but says he's powerless to stop her really. Here's the irony... our daughter wants us to meet her boyfriend, in a month, no less!

 

Isn't this odd, a MM actually leaves his wife for his lover? Most of the time they say they'll leave but don't, but is this just something you see on The Real Housewives etc.

 

Now she's talking of moving in with him, which I am not happy about, not at all.

If they do move in together and he leaves his wife, what issues is she going to face?

 

Dealing with washing his dirty underwear and socks??

Seeing him in his undies night after night?

Bad habits (smoking/drinking etc.)??

Other issues??

Bills??

Arguments??

Day-to-day life?

Buying the cereal, shopping, etc. ?

 

Isn't she stuck in the affair bubble thingy you mention on here? When it does go out of that phase, won't things get worse?

 

Where do we go from here next? Their relationship just plain wrong but will it last? What if it does last, what about the son the man already has [who he's had no contact with since], sorry, for all the questions, but I need help!!

 

In this sort of situation, what would you do about it?

 

How many MM's have actually gone off with the OW and coped with day-to-day life?

 

I do worry for my daughter and just am not sure how to deal with it.

 

 

 

Are you the girl's mother or are you her father? It's hard to tell since you talked about your wife and then later talked about your husband.

[beach]

Teach your daughter how to do laundry and how to shop at the market.

 

Looks like she needs to learn how to be sufficient while not with you.

 

You can't control her. So teach her how to be independent.

 

If she can learn how to do hair - she can learn to be in her own.

 

 

If this is real - I think laundry and shopping wouldn't have been your questions.

 

She will do what she wants - she's an adult. Stop keeping her young and incapable and start teaching her about life/boundaries/honesty.

[BetrayedH]

Are you the girl's mother or are you her father? It's hard to tell since you talked about your wife and then later talked about your husband.

 

Hey, maybe the original poster has a husband and a wife. Did you ever think about that?! Huh?!