xxoo Posted May 28, 2014 Share Posted May 28, 2014 This thread has been eye opening. When someone can't get a date with "anyone", unrealistic expectations are a likely cause. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
sillyanswer Posted May 28, 2014 Share Posted May 28, 2014 And yet here you are trying to convince me to date women who I consider to be far below my looks. Look at the pictures I have in my album. Am I equivalent in looks to an obese woman? I suspect that trying to equate "looks" with "obesity" is a rabbit hole down which is is best not to go. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
fortyninethousand322 Posted May 28, 2014 Share Posted May 28, 2014 Sort of a pointless post, but I'm interested. Seems to me, when people on this forum (mostly men, but the occasional girl) tell us they just can't get a single date with ANYONE, they actually mean they can't get a date with anyone who fits their desired physical criteria. Mostly I hear about guys who won't date girls over a certain weight, no matter how nice the girl is. And about girls who won't date guys under a certain height, no matter how nice the guy is. There's absolutely nothing wrong with refusing to date people you find physically unattractive - but it's just not the same thing as not being able to get a single date. It reminds me of when I look in my cupboard and say "there's NOTHING to wear". Heck, that's not true. There's just nothing I want to wear. I'm still not going to be leaving the house naked today. So I'm interested. Are there really people on this forum who cannot get a date with any person? People who would honestly date any (sane and reasonably nice person) of any age/any weight/any looks/any race but who genuinely keep getting rejected by absolutely everyone? First of all, would a person date someone they thought was "settling" for them? If someone says "I have preferences of what I find attractive but I will literally date the first person who says yes", would that person have a lot of dates lined up? I can't imagine they would. I consider myself to be someone who has a hard time getting dates. Last date I went on was early May 2013, so a little over a year ago. I've been on dating sites of various kinds since 2010 so it's certainly not for lack of trying. Do I feel like I couldn't get a date with anyone? Some days, yes. But realistically I haven't asked out every girl on earth and probably won't in my lifetime. There are things I find attractive in a girl and things I find unattractive. At the end of the day I think the only "requirement" I have is that the woman I"m dating actually likes me. I'm still searching for that. I don't know if that answers your question though... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
sillyanswer Posted May 28, 2014 Share Posted May 28, 2014 Here's an example. Are you going to tell me you think she's too fat? Because if you do, you're crazy. That is to me, an example of a sexy women with a nice body. I can't say for sure, but i'd say chances are she's considered overweight on the BMI. http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/736x/db/3c/78/db3c7808ddddf31c941a82f2a12657db.jpg She's gorgeous. (and, yes, probably overweight) Link to post Share on other sites
sillyanswer Posted May 28, 2014 Share Posted May 28, 2014 Seems to me, when people on this forum (mostly men, but the occasional girl) tell us they just can't get a single date with ANYONE, they actually mean they can't get a date with anyone who fits their desired physical criteria. Yes, that seems reasonable. I wouldn't suggest that anyone dates people they aren't attracted to. So I'm interested. Are there really people on this forum who cannot get a date with any person? People who would honestly date any (sane and reasonably nice person) of any age/any weight/any looks/any race but who genuinely keep getting rejected by absolutely everyone? You're asking for that person to suspend their desires/preferences/expectations regarding the age/weight/appearance/race of their date. I'm guessing that, no, there's no such person on this forum. But... why conduct a thought experiment that involves someone dating someone they aren't attracted to? Successful dating involves mutual attraction. Link to post Share on other sites
AD1980 Posted May 28, 2014 Share Posted May 28, 2014 It's not a formula. It's just how nature works. People tend to match up with someone of similar attractiveness, It annoys me when people says this as if its such an easy matter of fact thing to know whos on your attraction level like people have attraction ratings on their head Unless a women looks exactly like me in a wig or osmething i have no idea lol Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted May 28, 2014 Share Posted May 28, 2014 I can envision the frustration regarding knowing one's attractiveness 'level' for someone who hasn't successfully dated anyone, since the baseline of such awareness comes from the realities of dating and relationships. I learned at a young age that dating attractiveness 'level' was much more than physical appearance, and turned also upon one's personality, one's family's social status and place in the community and one's prospects as a future partner. Learned that in private high school. Great life lessons there. Another, more recent, lesson has been to appreciate the opportunities that longevity provides, with the lesson being to grow one's own place in life and the universe and seek to maximize both longevity and the content one fills it up with. Dating and other people come and go. One has oneself for a lifetime. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
sillyanswer Posted May 28, 2014 Share Posted May 28, 2014 It annoys me when people says this as if its such an easy matter of fact thing to know whos on your attraction level like people have attraction ratings on their head Unless a women looks exactly like me in a wig or osmething i have no idea lol That's a good point. The best advice I can think of is to simply ask out the people you find attractive and don't worry about what their hypothetical rating would be or what they think your hypothetical rating might be. Since successful dating involves mutual attraction, if you're only asking out the people you find attractive then you've got half way there! Even successful daters won't know if the next person they approach will find them attractive. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ASG Posted May 28, 2014 Share Posted May 28, 2014 Yes, that seems reasonable. I wouldn't suggest that anyone dates people they aren't attracted to. You're asking for that person to suspend their desires/preferences/expectations regarding the age/weight/appearance/race of their date. I'm guessing that, no, there's no such person on this forum. But... why conduct a thought experiment that involves someone dating someone they aren't attracted to? Successful dating involves mutual attraction. I don't think that's what the OP is trying to say at all, though. For instance... I find pretty boys very attractive! Like the whole jock type, frat boy blah blah blah. Those guys. It has to do with how hot they are and also their fashion style, which tends to be mucht he same and I love it. Truth is, those guys will not give me the time of day. I know this for a fact, because I've struck out time and again. In fact, I've struck out every single time! So I know that, even though that is probably my "ideal" type, I will not be able to get it. Don't get me wrong... I've been with a few guys who were worthy of magazine covers (and one actually has been in several), but that is the absolute exception to the rule. All other guys have been a lot more average. That is not to say I wasn't attracted to them, though! I was! Maybe not at first sight, but by getting to know them, I grew attracted! Link to post Share on other sites
Potz4prez Posted May 28, 2014 Share Posted May 28, 2014 I can envision the frustration regarding knowing one's attractiveness 'level' for someone who hasn't successfully dated anyone, since the baseline of such awareness comes from the realities of dating and relationships. I learned at a young age that dating attractiveness 'level' was much more than physical appearance, and turned also upon one's personality, one's family's social status and place in the community and one's prospects as a future partner. Learned that in private high school. Great life lessons there. Another, more recent, lesson has been to appreciate the opportunities that longevity provides, with the lesson being to grow one's own place in life and the universe and seek to maximize both longevity and the content one fills it up with. Dating and other people come and go. One has oneself for a lifetime. Aaaaannndd that's the attitude you have to have to be successful at dating. Funny how that works. Link to post Share on other sites
sillyanswer Posted May 28, 2014 Share Posted May 28, 2014 I don't think that's what the OP is trying to say at all, though. Maybe I'm suffering from comprehension failure. Hopefully the OP will come back and clarify at some point. Link to post Share on other sites
R3d Posted May 28, 2014 Share Posted May 28, 2014 http://p.bfram.es/you-have-5-seconds-to-guess-which-one-is-a-millionaire.jpg Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted May 28, 2014 Share Posted May 28, 2014 My ex was more in this kind of range: Obese man And even though I wasn't attracted at first and am not generally attracted to obese guys, I couldn't keep my hands off of him while we dated (and for a while after we broke up!!) Well, that certainly gives new meaning to the phrase 'getting your panties in a twist'!!! :laugh: 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Imajerk17 Posted May 28, 2014 Share Posted May 28, 2014 (edited) So what is a guy who doesn't like bigger women supposed to do? Find a big girl who has a cute face, and put her on a diet and exercise plan? Even if that were to actually work, who's to say that she would stay with the guy when she does lose the weight and become hot? I dunno. What's an average woman who doesn't like the shorter men with less money who are into her supposed to do? Find a cute short guy and make him wear platform shoes when they go out so he looks taller (or better yet make him get screws in his legs to lengthen them), and put the whips to him so he works extra hard to make her more money? Even if that were to actually work, who is to say that he would stay with the woman when he does become taller and successful? /facepalm Somedude81, do you have ANY idea how you come across sometimes? I really wonder if this is a big part of your struggles, and NOT your looks or how "interesting" you are or even your career situation. Edited May 28, 2014 by Imajerk17 3 Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted May 28, 2014 Share Posted May 28, 2014 I dunno. What's an average woman who doesn't like the shorter men with less money who are into her supposed to do? Find a cute short guy and make him wear platform shoes when they go out so he looks taller (or better yet make him get screws in his legs to lengthen them), and put the whips to him so he works extra hard to make her more money? Even if that were to actually work, who is to say that he would stay with the woman when he does become taller and successful? /facepalm Somedude81, do you have ANY idea how you come across sometimes? I really wonder if this is a big part of your struggles, and NOT your looks or how "interesting" you are or even your career situation. Do you think any of this stuff is normal conversation for me? Link to post Share on other sites
PJKino Posted May 28, 2014 Share Posted May 28, 2014 I don't think that's what the OP is trying to say at all, though. For instance... I find pretty boys very attractive! Like the whole jock type, frat boy blah blah blah. Those guys. It has to do with how hot they are and also their fashion style, which tends to be mucht he same and I love it. Truth is, those guys will not give me the time of day. I know this for a fact, because I've struck out time and again. In fact, I've struck out every single time! So I know that, even though that is probably my "ideal" type, I will not be able to get it. Don't get me wrong... I've been with a few guys who were worthy of magazine covers (and one actually has been in several), but that is the absolute exception to the rule. All other guys have been a lot more average. That is not to say I wasn't attracted to them, though! I was! Maybe not at first sight, but by getting to know them, I grew attracted! Thansk for the honesty most women on here talk about how looks arent that important to them beasue they married a guy whos average or fat or whatever but truth is they did because they couldnt get a 9 or 10 if they could they would. Most people are as shallow as their options and care about looks as much as they can get away with Link to post Share on other sites
Anela Posted May 28, 2014 Share Posted May 28, 2014 Do you think any of this stuff is normal conversation for me? Do you think you could pick someone up, and then just put them on a diet? How would you feel if someone started to date you, but insisted that you did whatever it took to look (or be) taller? Thansk for the honesty most women on here talk about how looks arent that important to them beasue they married a guy whos average or fat or whatever but truth is they did because they couldnt get a 9 or 10 if they could they would. Most people are as shallow as their options and care about looks as much as they can get away with No, that isn't the truth! Not everyone likes Brad Pitt (he isn't my type), and the same can be said for anyone who's considered "hot" right now. Go to the IMDB website, choose a celebrity, male or female, and then visit the board on their page. You'll find posts from people who think they're the hottest thing ever, and others who will proclaim them to be ugly, aging badly, and so on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted May 28, 2014 Share Posted May 28, 2014 Do you think you could pick someone up, and then just put them on a diet? Of course not. That's why I pointed out how ridiculous the concept was. It's just a hell of a lot more realistic to date a woman I'm already attracted to, instead of hoping that I can change her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted May 28, 2014 Share Posted May 28, 2014 I suspect that trying to equate "looks" with "obesity" is a rabbit hole down which is is best not to go. For me, the only thing that can negatively affect a woman's looks is her weight. Women that are thin and actually have an ugly face are extremely rare, and are usually the result of some sort of disease or something wrong with her health. So for me, the heavier a woman is, in my eyes, the less attractive she becomes. Link to post Share on other sites
sillyanswer Posted May 28, 2014 Share Posted May 28, 2014 For me, the only thing that can negatively affect a woman's looks is her weight. Women that are thin and actually have an ugly face are extremely rare, and are usually the result of some sort of disease or something wrong with her health. So for me, the heavier a woman is, in my eyes, the less attractive she becomes. Fair enough, if that's your preference. Personally I see plenty of unattractive (even what I would think of as ugly faced) thin women, which I think just suggests that everyone has different tastes. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted May 28, 2014 Share Posted May 28, 2014 It annoys me when people says this as if its such an easy matter of fact thing to know whos on your attraction level like people have attraction ratings on their head Unless a women looks exactly like me in a wig or osmething i have no idea lol It's easy if you interact with a wide range of women over time. You don't even have to ask out all these women, but some will show more receptiveness, and others will show none. If you never chat up women your "level" because they are too ugly for you, it'll se like "no one" is interested. Basically, you would be avoiding finding your level. If you go years and even a decade wothout a date, most likely you are aiming too high for success. Link to post Share on other sites
AD1980 Posted May 28, 2014 Share Posted May 28, 2014 It's easy if you interact with a wide range of women over time. You don't even have to ask out all these women, but some will show more receptiveness, and others will show none. If you never chat up women your "level" because they are too ugly for you, it'll se like "no one" is interested. Basically, you would be avoiding finding your level. If you go years and even a decade wothout a date, most likely you are aiming too high for success. So youre saying how a women treats or reacts to you is dependant on how physically attractive she finds you Link to post Share on other sites
serial muse Posted May 28, 2014 Share Posted May 28, 2014 (edited) Thansk for the honesty most women on here talk about how looks arent that important to them beasue they married a guy whos average or fat or whatever but truth is they did because they couldnt get a 9 or 10 if they could they would. Most people are as shallow as their options and care about looks as much as they can get away with That is not really what she said though. She said that she did find those other guys attractive -- although not initially -- not that she was settling for them because she couldn't get a 9 or 10. She said that as she got to know them, they became more attractive to her. That's a very different mindset from settling, and is at the heart of this whole discussion. Settling implies deep-seated disappointment. It's a different thing from realizing that it's possible to find someone attractive through personality as much as looks, although it may take longer. It's relevant to the discussion because a lot of people who are fixated on "if I don't find this person attractive right now based on a fixed set of criteria, then I never will" fall into that category of people who "can't" get a date. In fact attraction is more fungible than that. Edited May 28, 2014 by serial muse 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Content Posted May 28, 2014 Share Posted May 28, 2014 It's easy if you interact with a wide range of women over time. You don't even have to ask out all these women, but some will show more receptiveness, and others will show none. If you never chat up women your "level" because they are too ugly for you, it'll se like "no one" is interested. Basically, you would be avoiding finding your level. If you go years and even a decade wothout a date, most likely you are aiming too high for success. I agree about the advice to guys struggling to try to be more flexible with attraction but dont agree with the advice to just seek out your "league" whatever that is. Theyres been women i wouldnt touch with a 10 foot pole who have said mean things to me about my looks and women i thought would never give me the time of day say im hot and everyhting in between theyres no rhyme or reason to attraction sometimes. Ime theyres been no correlation in terms of looks and level of atractivness with women who like me or dont like me its more to do with personal taste then leagues Link to post Share on other sites
topaMAXX Posted May 28, 2014 Share Posted May 28, 2014 Why? For stating the obvious? Most men are happily dating away except for the ones here who feel entitled. Don't you think that is odd? Most guys here who seem like they aren't entitled have break up issues or dating problems, not getting a gf at all problems. I feel entitled to girls that I think are hot. And I get them. Are you suggesting that men shouldn't date women they find attractive? Also, there are tons of average women here that only go for tall, dark, handsome, and rich. Stop being a misandrist. You know my statement is true. Link to post Share on other sites
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