boyfriend doing questionable stuff on facebook....

[calmbeforethestorm]

Me and my boyfriend have been together almost 2 years. We live together, we have a dog, and share pretty much everything. I say this because I want people to know I am Not a snoopy jealous b***h who goes hunting for problems in my relationship. I've googled this issue to no avail, and really need some perspective. So like I said, we share stuff, like my laptop. So lately I've been doing some research on an item I want to buy, and I was trying to remember what site I had found some info on, so I thought duh, technology, I'll look through my history and be able to find all the websites I was looking at last week. Well I also found all the websites that my boyfriend had been looking at too. And he seems to really enjoy getting on facebook lately, for someone who claims to not use or care about it.

 

I don't use facebook, and when we first got together he was on his like all the time and i got kind of annoyed, like you'd rather spend your time looking at s**t other people are saying than with the person who's sitting right next to you? Well, when he moved in and broke his cell phone he pretty much stopped using it. Which I was like really stoked about, because it meant I had his attention, not the phone.

 

Anyways back to the point, he's on facebook recently. Which is obviously not my business, and he can do whatever he wants, I know this. But he was hiding it from me, which in my book is not ok. He'll wait until I'm in the shower to log on, and as soon as I walk in the room he logs out and shuts the computer. Or, he'll wait until I'm fully engrossed in doing something else to log on, and claims to only talk to his cousin and guy friends. Which is again, none of my business, and I don't care, I'm glad he's catching up with people he cares about. But then again, there's nothing ok with lying about who he's talking to.

 

In my history it clearly shows he was talking to his ex, and logging on regularly to check the messages between them, but when I checked there was only a message from her to him, and not any sent back from him. But why would he keep logging in to check his messages if he already knew what it said? Unless he's being sneaky is deleting them, but then why wouldn't he delete all of them?

 

He's also hidden his activity on facebook so that you can't see he's looking up girls on his page that he's said previously, are "only friends" or exes. Why is he looking up s**t like titty sprinkles? A page that posts offensive jokes and pictures of scantily clad "perfect" women with huge tits. I am small chested and he is aware of how self conscious it makes me. He frequently reassures me that he actually hates big breasts. But I highly doubt that.

 

I am at a complete loss. I don't know what to say to him. I can't bring this up without a fight erupting, and I just can't do the fighting anymore. We live together, and I just can't pretend like I don't know this. He knows somethings up, because I really haven't spoken to him today. He left for work really pissy, and not speaking to me.

 

I know I have to talk to him about this at some point, I just don't know how I'm going to.

 

Advice?

[Keenly]

It doesn't really sound like he has done anything wrong.

 

 

Also, the fact that you are small chested, and him looking at offensive jokes that involve scantily clad women is something you are going to have to work on. Self esteem is the responsibility of the self.

[cupic]

I dont really see anything out of the ordinary either. Ok, so he logs in to facebook, he does it when your not around,he's not taking time away from you to do it. I would be concerned if he was communicating with his ex, but if the messages dead end, then something probably isnt happening. He may be ashamed of his habit of checking facebook which is why he does it when your not looking. If he wanted to hide it, however, he would be deleting his history.

 

Also, regarding him looking up smutty stuff. It doesnt sound like he is digging into hardcore porn or anything (you may want to elaborate if you consider looking at porn cheating or not).

 

I think you may be overly self concious about the chest thing. He is with you for who you are. All men will fantasize about being with different women (big chest or small, blonde and brunette). Dont get too hung up on it. Accept who you are.

[rester]

I agree with the others. It sounds like you have other issues in your relationship and are looking for something to get mad at him for.

 

I googled titty sprinkles and it looks like it was from an episode of South Park.

[veggirl]

WTF @ he's not doing anything wrong. If he's not why is he hiding it and deleting messages from his ex? OP I'd guess he's deleting the messages and keeping just one cause it's either his favorite OR he wants it to look like she messaged him and he didn't respond. He's up to something. When people start acting sneaky out of the blue, it's for a reason.

 

How often does he cyber stalk his exes? Huge red flag. The occasional look (like, once a YEAR) is understandable but on a regular basis? Big problem.

[calmbeforethestorm]

WTF @ he's not doing anything wrong. If he's not why is he hiding it and deleting messages from his ex? OP I'd guess he's deleting the messages and keeping just one cause it's either his favorite OR he wants it to look like she messaged him and he didn't respond. He's up to something. When people start acting sneaky out of the blue, it's for a reason.

 

How often does he cyber stalk his exes? Huge red flag. The occasional look (like, once a YEAR) is understandable but on a regular basis? Big problem.

 

This is completely out of the blue for him. That's why I find it odd. and I guess I failed to mention that this isn't the first time this has happened. it happened a few months ago but I let it go after talking to a friend about it.

it started again, and it's scaring me. why does he feel the need to look at her page and messages all the time? is he not getting something from me? is he missing her? I feel like I'm a good girlfriend, I do everything, I cook, clean, drop him off and pick him up from work, I do his laundry, I'm not the kind of girl who tells him no all the time when it comes to sex.

 

he also been doing things like blatantly stare at the waitresses ass when were out at dinner. or wearing a shirt that says, BOOBS proof men can focus on two things at once. out in public when we're supposed to be on a date

 

he's been acting weird lately, he's said **** like, other girls I've been with have been so tight I could barely get it in there when we're talking about the topic of sex. I wasn't sure what he meant by this, because we don't have an issue getting his inside of mine, so is he saying mine is loose, thus unsatisfying? He really hurt me when he said that but I didn't have the guts to say anything because as always I'm afraid of starting a fight. I just feel it's inappropriate to say that to me because I have NEVER talked about the size of my previous partners or anything of that nature with him. I've said whether or not I was satisfied or general comments about previous experiences, but not dirty details like that.

[rester]

Like I said previously, you have issues in your relationship that go beyond what he is looking up on the internet. He's being a jerk and you're taking it because you are afraid of upsetting him. He will continue this until you make it clear it needs to stop.

 

For instance, refuse to go anywhere with him unless he changes his shirt. He can go wherever he wants by himself with it, but you will not be seen next to him unless he changes it. Put your foot down. He's being an ass.

[mrs rubble]

This is completely out of the blue for him. That's why I find it odd. and I guess I failed to mention that this isn't the first time this has happened. it happened a few months ago but I let it go after talking to a friend about it.

it started again, and it's scaring me. why does he feel the need to look at her page and messages all the time? is he not getting something from me? is he missing her? I feel like I'm a good girlfriend, I do everything, I cook, clean, drop him off and pick him up from work, I do his laundry, I'm not the kind of girl who tells him no all the time when it comes to sex.

 

he also been doing things like blatantly stare at the waitresses ass when were out at dinner. or wearing a shirt that says, BOOBS proof men can focus on two things at once. out in public when we're supposed to be on a date

 

he's been acting weird lately, he's said **** like, other girls I've been with have been so tight I could barely get it in there when we're talking about the topic of sex. I wasn't sure what he meant by this, because we don't have an issue getting his inside of mine, so is he saying mine is loose, thus unsatisfying? He really hurt me when he said that but I didn't have the guts to say anything because as always I'm afraid of starting a fight. I just feel it's inappropriate to say that to me because I have NEVER talked about the size of my previous partners or anything of that nature with him. I've said whether or not I was satisfied or general comments about previous experiences, but not dirty details like that.

Ughhh, he sounds awful!!

Real men DO NOT talk to or treat women like that.

In my experience men like this never change, nevermind what he's doing on facebook. Don't be with a man who puts you down! This is emotional abuse.

[Clockwork]

Put it this way, if I saw a guy in public anywhere (bar, restaurant, etc.) wearing a shirt that said: "Boobs, proof that men can focus on two things at once" I would automatically think he was a douche. And as a guy, we have a knack for being able to tell when another guy is a douche before the girl does. It is a natural instinct a guy has the second he meets one. No guy with the slightest bit of manners wears a shirt like that. You are automatically a douche if you wear that shirt, and especially on a date. What is worse, is if he thinks there is nothing wrong or embarrassing by wearing it.

 

Look, in my experience, that high school mentality some men have never change. He sounds immature. Because in reality it should embarrass him if his mother or sister or girlfriend or, heck even a waitress at a restaurant, saw him with that shirt.

 

You've told me all I need to know about this guy just from that. You see the red flags now, so you can't complain that you didn't know.

[ExpatInItaly]

This is completely out of the blue for him. That's why I find it odd. and I guess I failed to mention that this isn't the first time this has happened. it happened a few months ago but I let it go after talking to a friend about it.

it started again, and it's scaring me. why does he feel the need to look at her page and messages all the time? is he not getting something from me? is he missing her? I feel like I'm a good girlfriend, I do everything, I cook, clean, drop him off and pick him up from work, I do his laundry, I'm not the kind of girl who tells him no all the time when it comes to sex.

 

he also been doing things like blatantly stare at the waitresses ass when were out at dinner. or wearing a shirt that says, BOOBS proof men can focus on two things at once. out in public when we're supposed to be on a date

 

he's been acting weird lately, he's said **** like, other girls I've been with have been so tight I could barely get it in there when we're talking about the topic of sex. I wasn't sure what he meant by this, because we don't have an issue getting his inside of mine, so is he saying mine is loose, thus unsatisfying? He really hurt me when he said that but I didn't have the guts to say anything because as always I'm afraid of starting a fight. I just feel it's inappropriate to say that to me because I have NEVER talked about the size of my previous partners or anything of that nature with him. I've said whether or not I was satisfied or general comments about previous experiences, but not dirty details like that.

 

What in the fresh heck? What was the context of that comment? Ugh, what a turn-off. Also makes him sound like an arrogant, self-important simpleton. OP, you need to strengthen your backbone and use it - tell him such comments are hurtful. You don't have to make like everything is dandy when you're actually hurting.

[d0nnivain]

If you have issues with him looking at porn or quasi porn, you get to object to that. You do need to discuss it with him. He may or may not stop. Sadly porn is everywhere.

 

I too am small busted & had an EX who loved the sites where the women practically had watermelons for boobs. It made me insecure for a while but eventually I got over it.

 

As for the FB thing. . . if he was just on the site alot playing Farmville or Mafia wars . . . catching up with old friends, I'd say be happy he does that when you are otherwise engaged. Steady contact with an EX is a problem. While it doesn't appear that he has done anything wrong yet, it's a slippery slope. You need to talk to him about how much time they spend together & why you are upset by the idea. He should back off her. If he doesn't you may want to start considering when your lease is up, whether you can afford your rent on your own & who gets custody of the dog.

[preraph]

I can't believe anyone is saying he did nothing wrong. He is totally lying to you! That's always a BIG problem. It's not even a red flag. It's the result of what you might have seen coming that started out as a red flag. He's sneaking around behind your back flirting with probably both new and old women on Facebook. The really insidious thing is that first he tried to SHAME you off Facebook! He did that so he could be on there undetected. None of this is okay. You need to air this out with him or just pack it up and leave before he replaces you and leaves you out in the cold. Because he's looking.

[veggirl]

Wow your bf sounds absolutely awful.

 

The comment about his exes tightness? Sooo disrespectful...are you kidding me!!! I would have walked right out of the house if my bf said something disgusting and PURPOSELY hurtful like that! And the BOOBS shirt, ffs how old is this loser????

 

Set this douche free so he can ogle all the women he wants and hunt down all the exes (that probably dumped his loser as$)

 

The fact that you are AFRAID to tell him how you feel because you don't want to start a fight speaks volumes. This is NOT an even, healthy relationship. Your bf is in 100% control of YOU! He has you so walking on egg shells and now he can get away with whatever he wants and he KNOWS it.

[HappyLove]

Your bf is a piece of work! The real question here should be, why do YOU allow such disrespect? He's so used to disrespecting you that he now even uses your personal computer to do it. Why are YOU with a man like this? What are his great qualities that make this behavior acceptable?

[me85]

Yikes. I've been in your shoes before honey and I feel for ya.

 

Good luck!

[Keke1]

This is completely out of the blue for him. That's why I find it odd. and I guess I failed to mention that this isn't the first time this has happened. it happened a few months ago but I let it go after talking to a friend about it.

it started again, and it's scaring me. why does he feel the need to look at her page and messages all the time? is he not getting something from me? is he missing her? I feel like I'm a good girlfriend, I do everything, I cook, clean, drop him off and pick him up from work, I do his laundry, I'm not the kind of girl who tells him no all the time when it comes to sex.

 

he also been doing things like blatantly stare at the waitresses ass when were out at dinner. or wearing a shirt that says, BOOBS proof men can focus on two things at once. out in public when we're supposed to be on a date

 

he's been acting weird lately, he's said **** like, other girls I've been with have been so tight I could barely get it in there when we're talking about the topic of sex. I wasn't sure what he meant by this, because we don't have an issue getting his inside of mine, so is he saying mine is loose, thus unsatisfying? He really hurt me when he said that but I didn't have the guts to say anything because as always I'm afraid of starting a fight. I just feel it's inappropriate to say that to me because I have NEVER talked about the size of my previous partners or anything of that nature with him. I've said whether or not I was satisfied or general comments about previous experiences, but not dirty details like that.

 

Sounds like he's taken you for granted and getting tired of you IMO.