Niqunar Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 How do you get over someone that used you and abused you, cheated on you with his ex and put a hold on your life? How do you get over the fact that you sacrificed time and money in the relationship, that you wasted some of your most valuable college years, that you gave up jobs/internships, that you almost gave up on your dreams and wasted your life to be with someone? After a longterm relationship how do you pick yourself up when they kicked you when you were already down and sent you to the psych ward not once but twice and they let their friends and their ex bully you? How do you pull yourself together again and make sense of life when they tore you down so much? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 You get therapy. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 Im not sure that you do... but we should talk because sometimes it feels like Im the only person in the world that has suffered at the hands of one... he ruined my life in every way and my friends and families. Ive had counseling but I dont need to talk about it I need to undo the damage it has done to me and my trust in humanity. It is an extreme thing to go through people dont get it x 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Niqunar Posted May 25, 2014 Author Share Posted May 25, 2014 Aside from therapy talking about It helps. I tend to get hung up on the fact that I permitted his abuse and let him change me, I also get mad bc I let him get away with both mistreating me and dishonoring my father when he died. After we broke up he ran to his ex and slept with her and some other girl to tick me off. It's so easy for him to move on yet he brought me down so low I can't seem to rise from the ashes. I too have lost my faith in humanity but at the same time I try to remember that there is good in the world as demonstrated by my friends. My ex on the other hand was vile, I used to try to place the blame on his substance abuse but it seems to be his character. Link to post Share on other sites
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted May 26, 2014 Share Posted May 26, 2014 Are you sure he is a sociapath only they don't tend to abuse drink or drugs as they like to remain in control at all times? x it could be the substance abuse but that's still no excuse x chin up we will get there.. I hope x Link to post Share on other sites
Lp1 Posted May 26, 2014 Share Posted May 26, 2014 You move on& be Leary of anyone you meet in the future that displays sociopathic traits. Run from them. I am new to this forum & after reading my own post I am starting to question whether or not I was involved with a narcissistic sociopath myself. You can't regain the years lost but you can realize that the future can be a lot brighter than the past by not allowing this person to take advantage of you any longer . Move past what you have given up for him& work on self love. That's what I'm going to do. Good luck! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted May 27, 2014 Share Posted May 27, 2014 You need some help so you don't repeat your poor choices in life.. You need to seriously think before you speak... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted May 27, 2014 Share Posted May 27, 2014 How do you get over someone that used you and abused you, cheated on you with his ex and put a hold on your life? How do you get over the fact that you sacrificed time and money in the relationship, that you wasted some of your most valuable college years, that you gave up jobs/internships, that you almost gave up on your dreams and wasted your life to be with someone? After a longterm relationship how do you pick yourself up when they kicked you when you were already down and sent you to the psych ward not once but twice and they let their friends and their ex bully you? How do you pull yourself together again and make sense of life when they tore you down so much? you dont blame them for you staying........you realize you made the choice to stay ....realistically the good times must have been there for you to stay ....try to remember what you liked about them, see them for who they are not what you wanted them to be ....take it as a learning experience what you dotn want from a relationship........forgive them .....if your last day is spent in hate where do you go after? when there is no day to go to.......all you have left is what you have felt who you have felt for....dont go anywhere where you no longer have the chance to have a happy heart..........go forwards not backwards holding onto hate or resentment.......you cant take resentment with you when your days are gone......take your time to heal and pretend they are the stuffed teddy you lay into and tell off.then hug the poor teddy.....i have a duck.....it is very forgiving.........then let it go...... so you have your days to hope to find a love that is right for you........you cant find a true love with hate...hate distrust resentment are not good building blocks for a firm foundation.......know those feelings as a process not an outcome....... and let them slide away from you as sand would.....visualize that...sand is hate.....its not firm like love...was never meant to be firm or continuous.........love is always eternal...hate dies with you......good people will not remember hate......they choose to remember love when it is their time to go.......so get a speed up on that and let hate go... hate doesnt suit you physically emotionally or mentally.,.......love is universally suited to everyone.....hate is never beautiful......love always is...i have a strong desire to tell my elderly penguin people story, the cutest couple in australia...... but i will shut up now.......best wishes......deb Link to post Share on other sites
Hoosfoos Posted May 29, 2014 Share Posted May 29, 2014 Be kind to yourself, forgive yourself, and educate yourself on the effects of getting involved with someone who has narcissistic personality disorder. There is a lot of info out there both on the web and in print. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
me85 Posted May 29, 2014 Share Posted May 29, 2014 Im not sure that you do... but we should talk because sometimes it feels like Im the only person in the world that has suffered at the hands of one... he ruined my life in every way and my friends and families. Ive had counseling but I dont need to talk about it I need to undo the damage it has done to me and my trust in humanity. It is an extreme thing to go through people dont get it x I get it, as it was done to me. My ex had such a grasp on me. He caused so much damage that my spirit is completely gone. He broke me down in every possible way and I still struggle to stand. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted May 29, 2014 Share Posted May 29, 2014 No, this isn't about her partner but why she is attracted to a man with sociopathic tendencies. We don't know 'the partner'. We only know that the OP needs to reflect on her reason for making poor choices. If there is a substance abuser we don't comment on the supplier...we concentrate on the person with the drug habit...how to help him or her. No offence to you at all but you clearly havent been taken in by one, they do not have the red flags that most people have even those with personality disorders they are on a different level there are no red flags, nothing to even make you think for one second anything is wrong, infact they come across as more likeable, trustworthy and genuine that most x You cant spot them and that is why it stays with you and makes you doubt everyone x 4 Link to post Share on other sites
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted May 29, 2014 Share Posted May 29, 2014 I get it, as it was done to me. My ex had such a grasp on me. He caused so much damage that my spirit is completely gone. He broke me down in every possible way and I still struggle to stand. Me too I dont know how I can ever really have a healthy relationship again I dont know how to let go and believe in people again.. how long ago did it happen to you? x 1 Link to post Share on other sites
me85 Posted May 29, 2014 Share Posted May 29, 2014 (edited) No, this isn't about her partner but why she is attracted to a man with sociopathic tendencies. We don't know 'the partner'. We only know that the OP needs to reflect on her reason for making poor choices. If there is a substance abuser we don't comment on the supplier...we concentrate on the person with the drug habit...how to help him or her. I STRONGLY disagree. Have you experienced life with a sociopath? If not, then you can and never will truly understand how one gets emotionally manipulated and abused by one to the point where you yourself feel completely to blame by THEIR behavior or the grasp they have on you. Then, when you do finally see the light and realize how mental they are it's too late. They've already caused you long term damage by that point. You don't even realize they are doing it during the times they are doing it. THAT'S HOW GOOD THEY ARE AT MANIPULATING YOU. It's like how Ted Bundy faked injuries to capture his victims. I'm not going to the extreme by comparing it to Bundy either. Sociopaths fake pain to screw you up. They're liars. I am a very strong minded person who has survived a great deal of hardships in life, believe me. But dating my ex was the hardest lesson life had to teach me by far. Good people like myself who just wanted to help and love someone through their emotional breakdowns and help them become a healthier more rational person, (& wanting to be a healthier person myself) only led to ME hurting. Not them. BECAUSE THEY WERE NEVER REALLY HURTING LIKE I THOUGHT IN THE FIRST PLACE. & because nothing I did was ever good enough for them. Ever. Read up on sociopathy. These people have no empathy. No remorse. Very narcissistic. They simply do not care about anyone or anything other than themselves. Edited May 29, 2014 by me85 4 Link to post Share on other sites
me85 Posted May 29, 2014 Share Posted May 29, 2014 Me too I dont know how I can ever really have a healthy relationship again I dont know how to let go and believe in people again.. how long ago did it happen to you? x 3 years. I am not saying I was always a victim during that time, either. I did choose to still remain in contact with him. It was a codependency for both of us for sure. I got so used to the misery I actually felt like it wasn't that bad. Is that nuts or what??? I still can't fully process it because it was just such a messed up situation/RS. Honestly, I've exhausted myself trying to figure it all out. I truly loved him so very much but he just used me. BUT he was/is never in the wrong. He is perfect. He is flawless. Thank goodness he is another girl's problem now. I feel sorry for that girl. She's in for a world of manipulation. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Niqunar Posted May 30, 2014 Author Share Posted May 30, 2014 That's how I feel about my ex, you stay and accept the abuse bc you feel it's not as bad as it could be or it could always be worse. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Greentriangle Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 Step by step, slowly and steadily. Sometimes falling back but taking two steps forward. The time cannot be turned back but there is wisdom and intuition inside that can guide to heal. Healing may take lifetime and it will be a journey to go inside and learn to love that little scared child inside that deserves love respect and understanding. Link to post Share on other sites
Raena Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 You go forward... that's what you do. Learn from it, accept it and then let it go. Make new friends, make a new life for yourself. Don't give up hope because there are good people out there. Find them and keep them around. It's easier said than done, trust me, I understand it completely. It's easy to get sucked into believing that it's all your fault and in a sense, it is and then let that belief suck you down into misery. Don't take that personally because I'm not blaming you at all. It's what I had to do in my situation too. I had to realize that no matter what he did to me, he couldn't have done it if I didn't allow it. Understanding that you got yourself into that situation isn't placing blame, it's knowing that you didn't clearly set your boundaries and got swindled by a manipulative person. Learn from it and don't let it happen again. Look at yourself and say "I'm a good person and I deserve better" then go make it happen! Believe it! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
me85 Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 You go forward... that's what you do. Learn from it, accept it and then let it go. Make new friends, make a new life for yourself. Don't give up hope because there are good people out there. Find them and keep them around. It's easier said than done, trust me, I understand it completely. It's easy to get sucked into believing that it's all your fault and in a sense, it is and then let that belief suck you down into misery. Don't take that personally because I'm not blaming you at all. It's what I had to do in my situation too. I had to realize that no matter what he did to me, he couldn't have done it if I didn't allow it. Understanding that you got yourself into that situation isn't placing blame, it's knowing that you didn't clearly set your boundaries and got swindled by a manipulative person. Learn from it and don't let it happen again. Look at yourself and say "I'm a good person and I deserve better" then go make it happen! Believe it! I applaud this. If only we handed out awards on LS... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SomeHeart Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 Sociopaths are pretty detrimental people. Maybe you need counselling , there's no shame in seeking help for someone who has mentally brought you down. Don't let him take anymore of you. He's had enough of your time. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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