What reason are in NC with your exAP? Who initiated it? Do you or they break NC?

[ConfusedMarriedOW]

I was asked to give space. I am doing my best. I am suffering. I would love to hear other people's NC stories.

 

1. Who initiated "No Contact" and why?

2. Do you plan on ever breaking NC?

3. Do they break NC with you?

4. If they initiated NC did they ever show regret later down the line?

[Goodbye]

1. I initiated NC in 2013 because the "trickle truth" I was getting from exMM was becoming more and more apparent...he wasn't undergoing a divorce, and his W didn't know squat about the situation.

 

2. No, I don't plan on it. I'm done.

 

3. My ExMM broke NC throughout 2013...in all forms. He finally left me alone for 3 months and I was healing and then he sent a letter my home. Stupidly I read it and it was MORE of the same bullsh*t. That set me over the edge and I sent a letter to his W which triggered a chain of events but I haven't talked to exMM again. It has been a few weeks since the last contact from the W and I am once again moving on.

 

4. At one point when I was pressuring my exMM a bit, while we were still in the R and I wanted some sort of timeline, he got overwhelmed and said he needed "space." So NC started which he broke after a few weeks.

 

I think the only thing my exMM regrets is getting caught.

[Lostinlife4now]

I was asked to give space. I am doing my best. I am suffering. I would love to hear other people's NC stories.

 

1. Who initiated "No Contact" and why?

2. Do you plan on ever breaking NC?

3. Do they break NC with you?

4. If they initiated NC did they ever show regret later down the line?

 

 

Hi Confused....

 

I INITIATED NC. WHY? I was sick of being the OW.

 

NO....NEVER

 

NOPE

 

HE will never call me again.....that was over a year ago....after I called him a few choice words....and they were not nice words either.

 

He is JUST so thrilled to have never been caught!

 

Personally...I think he is a FRAUD!:sick::sick:

[veritas lux mea]

I was asked to give space. I am doing my best. I am suffering. I would love to hear other people's NC stories.

 

1. Who initiated "No Contact" and why?

2. Do you plan on ever breaking NC?

3. Do they break NC with you?

4. If they initiated NC did they ever show regret later down the line?

 

1. We never really had formal NC as talked about here. I blew our affair up by confessing to my H. I stupidly told him so he didn't throw me in front of the bus he drove the bus over me.

2. We have no nC to break. I have talked to him in person and via catfish to find some things out.

3. He initiated contact with me wheb we ended up at te same place.

4. He doesn't know what being sorry means. I regretted putting the naisl in the coffin of my affair for a time I don't regret it is over anymore. But I only regret how i went about those nails.

[Lucygolds]

I was asked to give space. I am doing my best. I am suffering. I would love to hear other people's NC stories.

 

1. Who initiated "No Contact" and why?

2. Do you plan on ever breaking NC?

3. Do they break NC with you?

4. If they initiated NC did they ever show regret later down the line?

 

1. Well his W found out and we had always said this was the only way we would part so he sent a lame goodbye email (I assume it was so lame because his W would most likely see it) and asked me not to reply (again I assume because his W might see it)

 

2 & 3. I have seen him twice, it has been a month since d day, at the gym where we met. The first time he came at a time when it was likely I would be there. He said he would be going later in the day so we did not run into one another and he has a membership to another gym through work. We only made eye contact. I mostly hid and almost left the gym 3 times. So, I don't know if this is considered as him breaking no contact. The second time I ended up at the gym later than usual. Again eye contact but no talking. I want to say hello so bad......I don't know if he hates me or maybe he thinks I hate him for forgetting to delete emails and letting his W find my pictures, that he promised me would always be safe. It is all so confusing. I know I wont email him even though I think about it every day but, I am seriously trying to convince myself to say hello if I see him again.

[ConfusedMarriedOW]

1. Well his W found out and we had always said this was the only way we would part so he sent a lame goodbye email (I assume it was so lame because his W would most likely see it) and asked me not to reply (again I assume because his W might see it)

 

2 & 3. I have seen him twice, it has been a month since d day, at the gym where we met. The first time he came at a time when it was likely I would be there. He said he would be going later in the day so we did not run into one another and he has a membership to another gym through work. We only made eye contact. I mostly hid and almost left the gym 3 times. So, I don't know if this is considered as him breaking no contact. The second time I ended up at the gym later than usual. Again eye contact but no talking. I want to say hello so bad......I don't know if he hates me or maybe he thinks I hate him for forgetting to delete emails and letting his W find my pictures, that he promised me would always be safe. It is all so confusing. I know I wont email him even though I think about it every day but, I am seriously trying to convince myself to say hello if I see him again.

 

I completely understand your confusion and pain over this. The no resolution, the not knowing what he is thinking. Just eye contact and no talking. How painful.

 

I would assume if he wanted to resolve these issues he would contact you or at least give a sad look? But since you are left in the dark you are only left wondering. I too am left wondering.

 

Ultimately it comes down to the fact that he is still married and so are you. From what I could tell from what you told me, it seems likely that you would love to be just with Him in a partnership, but at this moment in time, it isn't going to happen.

 

You would benefit from IC and MC and perhaps consider going down the road of healing or parting with husband. I too am on this road. I am choosing to try heal my marriage because I am with a very good man despite some shortcomings. You are so unhappy. You need change. I am crossing my fingers for you.

 

He asked for space, continue on giving it. My xMM also asked for space. As hard as it is, I am attempting to do the same. The one time I faltered , he ignored me. I am much more pain because of that.

[jwi71]

CMOW-

 

You made the comment, and I can't find it to to reply there of course, that this pain is the worse you have felt.

 

Virtually ALL AP's report this.

 

Why do YOU think this hurts so badly? What is it about the end of an A that hurts WORSE than the end of a BF (and some have reported its worse than the end of a M)...

[ConfusedMarriedOW]

CMOW-

 

You made the comment, and I can't find it to to reply there of course, that this pain is the worse you have felt.

 

Virtually ALL AP's report this.

 

Why do YOU think this hurts so badly? What is it about the end of an A that hurts WORSE than the end of a BF (and some have reported its worse than the end of a M)...

 

I can only speak for myself, I am sure others feel differently. My comment was on a different NC thread that is why you can't find it here.

 

Why my pain is worse with this breakup than any other:

1. I will never know what it is like to truly be with the person I have fallen madly in love with and know all the little every day intricacies of who he is.

2. Regardless of how he told me he loves me, he didn't love me enough to try to be with me. I would have chosen him.

3. I feel lost now that I realize the person I love is and will always be untouchable.

4. The way he made me feel: adored, desired is gone forever.

5. He was a friend and a support system and because he cannot contact me and work on his marriage. So I lost a very good friend (a best friend)

6. I will always wonder how it would have been to make love to him after us sharing our most inner secret preferences, his desires matching mine and a deep wish to do anything for each other. All of my sexual fantasies are around him now and no one can compare to them and I can't climax without thinking of him.

7. I won't know how he feels about me now because we can't talk, but I assume he doesn't feel as much pain as I do, or else he would be calling me right now. So I am utterly heartbroken. I cry often knowing he didn't choose me.

8. Because no matter how much I didn't believe in cheating (even in an emotional affair) I wanted him so much I sacrificed my beliefs for him and as far as I can tell, so did he.

9. Because in the end he was a good enough of a husband to not sleep with me even though he wanted to and even though I pushed him to. He is a good guy and I am the bad girl and he looks even more dashing to me and I feel like a loser and rejected.

10. Because he will always look upon our connection with regret and I will always look upon him as someone I love

[Nofoollikeanoldfool]

I am sorry, I can hear such awful pain in your post. Not easy being the other OW/OM always waiting and hoping. Hope you are able to move forward.

[RickFox]

I was asked to give space. I am doing my best. I am suffering. I would love to hear other people's NC stories.

 

1. Who initiated "No Contact" and why?

2. Do you plan on ever breaking NC?

3. Do they break NC with you?

4. If they initiated NC did they ever show regret later down the line?

 

After dday we saw each other for a bit more then she turned on me and told me to never contact her again. A year later she messaged me through fb, she later denied it was her, I call bs. She always looked away from me after that, as though I.didn't exist, I baited her on Facebook, thinking she was looking at my page, she was and I dont remember what happened now but I wrote about it here. Last summer I left her a message in my profile pic and she responded and we spoke a bit before I got the cold shoulder and treated like I didn't matter so I just up and walked off. She never asked why or seemed to give a crap so I finally stopped giving a crap. I won't ever break nc again. Some tell me she will, but I can't worry about that anymore

[herself]

I am a mow, he is a mom, 13 year EA though not all of those years were a full blown EA.

When we got the closest, after about a year the roller coaster of hot cold on his part began and he regenerating of guilt, more for his children.

After he dropped off for about 5 days straight, I questioned him on it and he used it as a way off walking off, saying he's done, like he was looking for a reason to walk.

It was mind numbing pain.

We didn't speak for about 4 months by he broke NC to wish me a happy birthday.

 

Then back to NC and he started up low contact after 4 months.

Now it's a good friendship albeit a slippery slope in which I would not recommend for anyone.

Reason is the question is always there when he will walk away again.

 

If u can stay NC and block all means of 're entry to your life, there will be no way of knowing if they have or haven't tried to reach you or what they would say or if one or both of you would fall back.

 

My break up from the EA was WAY more painful than a previous divorce, and in that full block mode, I was shocked that I did find healing.

 

In the end for me, 13 years was too much to let go completely and I am over joyed we were able to find friendship again but I will say, it's rare, and highly NOT recommended. I still debate how I could be 100% free from a man who took a friendship with me, and I with him to total head over heels full blown love...and reduced it to nothing like trash....I always wonder if he deserves the honor of my loyalty.

 

Don't do the same.

[Charlie Harper]

1. Who initiated "No Contact" and why?

 

We spoke twice about ending it because, the logistics of D for both of us was so complex, and she has a very explosive/violent H... same here so, after talking it that we were way to deep in love and for too long, the only way to end it was by N.C., she did it and I called her twice and hung up and never called back, so I took it as a sign that we had broken the A

 

2. Do you plan on ever breaking NC?

 

No we have bumped into each other a few times, it has been great, no regrets, no complaints

 

3. Do they break NC with you?

 

Yes She did, twice, for daily related stuff, then I broke it to call her for her birthday after 9 months, and it was good ! we love each other too much, but we know we can't be together.

 

4. If they initiated NC did they ever show regret later down the line?

 

I guess we will always love each other, if fate give us the chance maybe she we are free of family obligations, MAYBE, but we are both with our feet on the ground and pragmatic about it, but my A was so wonderful that even with all the suffering I would do it a hundred times.

[ConfusedMarriedOW]

I am sorry, I can hear such awful pain in your post. Not easy being the other OW/OM always waiting and hoping. Hope you are able to move forward.

 

Thank you. I know you can relate. Truthfully, I find the fact that you took love seriously enough to move forward with things unlike most married men to be much more noble than all of these wimpy guys claiming to love their OW, stringing them along for years, but never having the courage to really go through with anything.

 

I hope with time I can forget this man.

[Nofoollikeanoldfool]

Thank you. I know you can relate. Truthfully, I find the fact that you took love seriously enough to move forward with things unlike most married men to be much more noble than all of these wimpy guys claiming to love their OW, stringing them along for years, but never having the courage to really go through with anything.

 

I hope with time I can forget this man.

Maybe noble but now I have the pain and what if's while I wait to see if MoW does the same. I truly believe she loves me but there are no guarantees that will be enough. Any way just trying to cope with NC at moment. No idea what I will do if AP is all she can offer, can we really live like that indefinitely. Maybe be better than the alternative.

[Hope Shimmers]

CMOW-

 

You made the comment, and I can't find it to to reply there of course, that this pain is the worse you have felt.

 

Virtually ALL AP's report this.

 

Why do YOU think this hurts so badly? What is it about the end of an A that hurts WORSE than the end of a BF (and some have reported its worse than the end of a M)...

 

The pain of the ending of my A made the pain of the ending of my 16 year marriage feel like a cakewalk.

[DKT3]

Marriages tend to run their course and when they end it can be a relief. Most A's end not because the AP's are sick of one another but because they got caught. Then add in that whole "we were kept apart" element.

[Lucygolds]

I completely understand your confusion and pain over this. The no resolution, the not knowing what he is thinking. Just eye contact and no talking. How painful.

 

I would assume if he wanted to resolve these issues he would contact you or at least give a sad look? But since you are left in the dark you are only left wondering. I too am left wondering.

 

Ultimately it comes down to the fact that he is still married and so are you. From what I could tell from what you told me, it seems likely that you would love to be just with Him in a partnership, but at this moment in time, it isn't going to happen.

 

You would benefit from IC and MC and perhaps consider going down the road of healing or parting with husband. I too am on this road. I am choosing to try heal my marriage because I am with a very good man despite some shortcomings. You are so unhappy. You need change. I am crossing my fingers for you.

 

 

He asked for space, continue on giving it. My xMM also asked for space. As hard as it is, I am attempting to do the same. The one time I faltered , he ignored me. I am much more pain because of that.

 

Well, the first time I saw him, when we made eye contact he looked like he wanted to cry and I am sure I did as well. I left before him and was sitting in my car trying to calm down. When he came out I saw out of the corner of my eye that he came very close to my car. I almost thought he was coming up to it but I kept my head down. My friend tells me that I made it look as if I wanted nothing to do with him. Knowing him, I can see him thinking I hate him. Also, he came to the gym at a time that was likely for me to be there. He could have come later or gone to the other gym he has a membership to. I have to think he wanted to see me. The second time I was at the gym later then usual and when we made eye contact I could not read his face. We were very close to one another a few times and when I left I had to pass him and I could tell he was trying to keep his head down and not look at me. I know that I should not try to talk to him at all. No good can come of it and I need to focus on my life and figuring out if my H and I can work things out or if we will separate. I have gone to one MC, alone. I am hoping my H will join so we can figure out what direction to take. It is hard because I fell in love with this man. I assume he is trying to R with his wife and I don't want to mess with that but my feelings have not gone away and I know he loved me as well so I assume his feelings are still there as well. I know we were in a bubble and never showed our bad sides. There is still a part of me that wishes we had a chance to have a real relationship and truly know one another but I know now is the wrong time. I am so confused about my life right now. CMOW, I have my fingers crossed for you as well. I am sure we can both get through this one way or another. Hang in there, hun.

[Popsicle]

1. I am in very Low contact, but the motivation for LC is different for the both of us. He probably thinks we are in LC to keep me on the line for when he is ready and can get away from W for sex on demand with me. I won't let that happen though. I also flatter him, which he seems to really love, and probably makes him feel alive. I am keeping LC because he's an interesting person to know, and I want to keep the line open in the event that he ever ends up divorced and I am still single. (**** happens)

 

2, 3, 4. N/A, but I may go NC at any point.

[Popsicle]

CMOW-

 

You made the comment, and I can't find it to to reply there of course, that this pain is the worse you have felt.

 

Virtually ALL AP's report this.

 

Why do YOU think this hurts so badly? What is it about the end of an A that hurts WORSE than the end of a BF (and some have reported its worse than the end of a M)...

 

I wish I could understand this too. My divorce and even other relationships ending were more painful than this.

[P1nginLOVE]

1. Who initiated "No Contact" and why?

I did. I did. I did. I did (4x) Why? Bc he's a married man.

 

2. Do you plan on ever breaking NC?

This time? NOPE!

 

3. Do they break NC with you?

He did, in the 1st one. Then I did. I did.

 

4. If they initiated NC did they ever show regret later down the line?

Nope. And when I broke NC, he never did complain.

 

GUess...still wanted him...but then again, he's married! (Yay!)

^^ j/k

[ConfusedMarriedOW]

Well, the first time I saw him, when we made eye contact he looked like he wanted to cry and I am sure I did as well. I left before him and was sitting in my car trying to calm down. When he came out I saw out of the corner of my eye that he came very close to my car. I almost thought he was coming up to it but I kept my head down. My friend tells me that I made it look as if I wanted nothing to do with him. Knowing him, I can see him thinking I hate him. Also, he came to the gym at a time that was likely for me to be there. He could have come later or gone to the other gym he has a membership to. I have to think he wanted to see me. The second time I was at the gym later then usual and when we made eye contact I could not read his face. We were very close to one another a few times and when I left I had to pass him and I could tell he was trying to keep his head down and not look at me. I know that I should not try to talk to him at all. No good can come of it and I need to focus on my life and figuring out if my H and I can work things out or if we will separate. I have gone to one MC, alone. I am hoping my H will join so we can figure out what direction to take. It is hard because I fell in love with this man. I assume he is trying to R with his wife and I don't want to mess with that but my feelings have not gone away and I know he loved me as well so I assume his feelings are still there as well. I know we were in a bubble and never showed our bad sides. There is still a part of me that wishes we had a chance to have a real relationship and truly know one another but I know now is the wrong time. I am so confused about my life right now. CMOW, I have my fingers crossed for you as well. I am sure we can both get through this one way or another. Hang in there, hun.

 

 

Ugh. I don't envy your scenario at all. All I can say is I am proud of you for being so strong and respectful for not breaking NC regardless of every cell in your body wanting to. My xMM asked for space over and over and I didn't give it because the pain was too strong and he resenting me for that. I think as painful as all of this is, it's true , we are married, they are married, we have to sort this out one way or the other.

 

I really do hope your husband goes into counseling with you. Even if counseling leads to divorce, you can at least know you did everything you could to try to save it and then have someone there to make divorce smoother and safer.

[ConfusedMarriedOW]

Maybe noble but now I have the pain and what if's while I wait to see if MoW does the same. I truly believe she loves me but there are no guarantees that will be enough. Any way just trying to cope with NC at moment. No idea what I will do if AP is all she can offer, can we really live like that indefinitely. Maybe be better than the alternative.

 

In either case. At least you have moved to the point closer to being where you need to be. I suppose there are no guarantees if she will leave her husband and I am curious how you will hold up being just the AP after leaving your wife.

 

But I think that out of this you were able to move on from a marriage that wasn't working for you at the time. regardless if you end up with this married woman, If all was perfect in that marriage you would still be in it.

 

Either you get this woman or you end up with someone better matched for you. Growing pains. Growth time. All very hard but I see a light at the end of the tunnel with you ending up in a relationship that satisfies your needs more.

[Lucygolds]

CMOW-

 

You made the comment, and I can't find it to to reply there of course, that this pain is the worse you have felt.

 

Virtually ALL AP's report this.

 

Why do YOU think this hurts so badly? What is it about the end of an A that hurts WORSE than the end of a BF (and some have reported its worse than the end of a M)...

 

For me this is the worst pain. It is way harder. The idea of my H and I getting a D is not nearlyaas painful. At the point that my exMOM's wife found out and we had to part.....our feelings were getting so hard to ignore. We both had been dancing around saying the "L" word for months. He had recently let it out in an email and I reciprocated. We had both admitted that we were terrified of our feelings and what was happening. It was getting harder to hide we were together while at the gym. People asked about my "husband" when he was not with me. When others would talk to us he always told them how amazing I was, pertaining to working out. The last time we were together working out, we high fived. We did not let go but held hands for a few seconds and stared into each others eyes. Then bam it is over. He did send a goodbye email but I did not get to say goodbye. We did not get to really talk about what happened. It is just done and now I am to pretend he never ment so much to me. He has no idea my H knows about the A. I have no idea if he hates me or if he thinks I hate him. We did not part because one of us wanted to end the relationship but because we had to. To try to save our families. If his W did not find emails and pictures then we may very well still be together. Also, there is this longing for a real relationship with this person. Something I know we never would have had but would have loved to experience anyway.

[Mickey1982]

For me this is the worst pain. It is way harder. The idea of my H and I getting a D is not nearlyaas painful. At the point that my exMOM's wife found out and we had to part.....our feelings were getting so hard to ignore. We both had been dancing around saying the "L" word for months. He had recently let it out in an email and I reciprocated. We had both admitted that we were terrified of our feelings and what was happening. It was getting harder to hide we were together while at the gym. People asked about my "husband" when he was not with me. When others would talk to us he always told them how amazing I was, pertaining to working out. The last time we were together working out, we high fived. We did not let go but held hands for a few seconds and stared into each others eyes. Then bam it is over. He did send a goodbye email but I did not get to say goodbye. We did not get to really talk about what happened. It is just done and now I am to pretend he never ment so much to me. He has no idea my H knows about the A. I have no idea if he hates me or if he thinks I hate him. We did not part because one of us wanted to end the relationship but because we had to. To try to save our families. If his W did not find emails and pictures then we may very well still be together. Also, there is this longing for a real relationship with this person. Something I know we never would have had but would have loved to experience anyway.

 

 

You will see that over and over on previous threads....it is because the affair ended NOT due to a lack of compatability, or abuse or more importantly---a lack of love.

 

It ended beacuse it was forced to end whether it be due to a d-day or one of the APs having to stop for a reason other than what usually occurs in a 'normal' break-up.

 

When you are FORCED to remove the one from your life who you've loved more than anyone else -ever- it hurts lke h**l!!!!!!!

[lovinDKT3]

For me this is the worst pain. It is way harder. The idea of my H and I getting a D is not nearlyaas painful. At the point that my exMOM's wife found out and we had to part.....our feelings were getting so hard to ignore. We both had been dancing around saying the "L" word for months. He had recently let it out in an email and I reciprocated. We had both admitted that we were terrified of our feelings and what was happening. It was getting harder to hide we were together while at the gym. People asked about my "husband" when he was not with me. When others would talk to us he always told them how amazing I was, pertaining to working out. The last time we were together working out, we high fived. We did not let go but held hands for a few seconds and stared into each others eyes. Then bam it is over. He did send a goodbye email but I did not get to say goodbye. We did not get to really talk about what happened. It is just done and now I am to pretend he never ment so much to me. He has no idea my H knows about the A. I have no idea if he hates me or if he thinks I hate him. We did not part because one of us wanted to end the relationship but because we had to. To try to save our families. If his W did not find emails and pictures then we may very well still be together. Also, there is this longing for a real relationship with this person. Something I know we never would have had but would have loved to experience anyway.

 

Lucy, I was where you are today. The AP filled in where my husband was weak. Because of that I felt that divorce wasn't that scary. I was finally getting the things that I had been missing and it felt good. Whenever I was with AP I was happy and didn't have to deal with the shame and guilt that I did when I was with my husband. Unlike you I hadn't confessed but my husband knew. I remember thinking I wanted to stay married but if it ended it wouldn't be so bad.

 

As my husband became more distant and cold I blamed it on him being into his assistant who was a young really sexy girl that looked a lot like me. This made me feel less guilt for what I did and more open to divorce.

 

Then one day at work I got served with divorce papers and my whole world crashed. I threw up, I was a bawling mess. I rushed home and confessed my affair in a effort to fix things. His response in a very cold manner "its too late, I hate you for what you've done to us, to the kids and to yourself. I'm moving out today". What happened to my confidence? What happened to the idea that divorce wouldn't be so bad? It snapped me back into my reality I had ruined it, with this man I had loved since I was 16 years old. He hated me and told me the only thing he wanted in his life that reminded him of me was the kids.

 

I'm not saying that this will be you, what I'm saying is when we get involved with other men our true and real feelings can be overshadowed as we get caught up in how good we feel with this other person because they fill in the gaps of what's missing or what we've gone so long without.

 

After 5 years of IC, fixing my sh8t my now ex husband gave me a second chance.

 

Maybe my message won't reach you, maybe its misplaced. Just please make sure.