Another try, another breakup... (Updated)

[H245]

She did forgive me for what I did and said she had to put that out there because of what happened to her in the past. I understood why. Regardless, you are right I wasn't thinking straight and that I have no choice but to walk away. I won't acknowledge her unless I absolutely have to in a group setting where I would keep it very light.

[H245]

So in my efforts to keep NC, I have decided to cancel a 5K that takes place next week. I was going to run with some mutual friends (mainly my friends since I knew them before she did) but my ex will be running it as well.

 

I just found out from another friend that she plans to attend a FB event she wasn't initially invited to for 4th of July fireworks. She was added to the list by our one mutual friend that's close with her. My ex said she was not gonna go after our very last talk.

 

It's 3 weeks away and who knows how I will feel by then, but almost all of my friends are going and I'm not sure what the right call would be. I don't want to sit at home alone while everyone else is out.

 

I hate that fact that we have so many friends in common. I wish we would just disappear from each others lives.

[loversquarrel]

Live your life, they were your friends first so she has no business giving you a hard time over it. Do what you want to do, just stay away from her and ignore her completely. Show her that you are stronger than her and redeem yourself by not even looking her way. All it takes is strength.

[H245]

Hey everyone, I just wanted to update and vent a bit.

 

It's been 10 days NC since my incident with my ex. Over the past month since the breakup I've lost 15 pounds from eating healthier and doing a lot of walking down nature trails.

 

I try to keep busy as much as I can, some days are easier than others but that is expected. Yesterday a mutual friend posted a picture of them 2 out at a tiki bar. It hurt a bit, knowing that the mutual friend took her side and brushed me off. I set FB to hide all posts from the mutual friend moving forward. Today was hard and skipped work. I couldn't stop thinking of her last night and got little to no sleep.

 

I also firmly decided to skip the 5k I was going to run this weekend and also skipping our friends 4th of July festivities since she is going to both. I'd rather be on my own than to trigger feelings.

 

My birthday is coming up this Sunday and it saddens me. I'll be turning 31 and all I can think of is how she left me 2 days after my birthday last year. It was so out of left field when it happened and I was devastated. I keep trying to not think about it, but for some reason I can't help myself. My friends keep asking me what I want to do for my birthday and all I keep seeing is me sitting somewhere by myself because of this reminder of last year. I hope that I can snap out of it so that I can actually enjoy my birthday this year...

[loversquarrel]

Good for you on the NC. As for your birthday, I think it's good that your friends are asking what you are up to, and what you want to do. I think it's a good idea to hang out with them - it is far too easy to let these ill feelings consume you, it may ease the pain a bit. Just my .02.

[flitzanu]

Hey everyone, I just wanted to update and vent a bit.

 

It's been 10 days NC since my incident with my ex. Over the past month since the breakup I've lost 15 pounds from eating healthier and doing a lot of walking down nature trails.

 

I try to keep busy as much as I can, some days are easier than others but that is expected. Yesterday a mutual friend posted a picture of them 2 out at a tiki bar. It hurt a bit, knowing that the mutual friend took her side and brushed me off. I set FB to hide all posts from the mutual friend moving forward. Today was hard and skipped work. I couldn't stop thinking of her last night and got little to no sleep.

 

I also firmly decided to skip the 5k I was going to run this weekend and also skipping our friends 4th of July festivities since she is going to both. I'd rather be on my own than to trigger feelings.

 

My birthday is coming up this Sunday and it saddens me. I'll be turning 31 and all I can think of is how she left me 2 days after my birthday last year. It was so out of left field when it happened and I was devastated. I keep trying to not think about it, but for some reason I can't help myself. My friends keep asking me what I want to do for my birthday and all I keep seeing is me sitting somewhere by myself because of this reminder of last year. I hope that I can snap out of it so that I can actually enjoy my birthday this year...

 

 

gonna say dude, special days are tough. you have to go out and make NEW memory associations. i've been dumped on my bday AND on halloween, two of my favorite things, and it was rough as hell to break the association but you've just got to DO IT.

[H245]

Well, tomorrow's my birthday. Can't say it's been easy getting my ex off my mind this past week. Mainly remembering all the bad times and very little of the good times. I'm going out to see friends tonight and check out this new beer hall. I don't feel any joy towards my birthday nor do I feel sadness. I just feel blah.

 

Is this normal? It sucks I am feeling this way on my birthday when I should be celebrating. Sigh...

 

It's also been 15 days NC. Still fresh I guess.

[Griesfootball]

It should tell you something about her if you are mainly remembering the bad times

[Maverick1983]

Well, tomorrow's my birthday. Can't say it's been easy getting my ex off my mind this past week. Mainly remembering all the bad times and very little of the good times. I'm going out to see friends tonight and check out this new beer hall. I don't feel any joy towards my birthday nor do I feel sadness. I just feel blah.

 

Is this normal? It sucks I am feeling this way on my birthday when I should be celebrating. Sigh...

 

It's also been 15 days NC. Still fresh I guess.

 

It's called a break up because it's broken and like all things that break they're never quite the same again. This applies in your situation. Move on better yourself and find someone who is more compatible for you because she clearly isn't. Don't be afraid to go out and enjoy yourself life's too short

[JDPT]

I'm not certain this has been suggested previously, but I would cut down on the drinking. Drinking and breakups are never a good mixture.

[flitzanu]

Well, tomorrow's my birthday. Can't say it's been easy getting my ex off my mind this past week. Mainly remembering all the bad times and very little of the good times. I'm going out to see friends tonight and check out this new beer hall. I don't feel any joy towards my birthday nor do I feel sadness. I just feel blah.

 

Is this normal? It sucks I am feeling this way on my birthday when I should be celebrating. Sigh...

 

It's also been 15 days NC. Still fresh I guess.

 

normal to feel like life sucks after a breakup and you're miserable all the time? absolutely normal.

[H245]

I have no idea how many days NC at this point. It does get better here and there. My birthday came and went, I'm 31 now. Hurray me! Ended up losing a mutual friend that night because she bailed on my bday to hang out with the ex. I ended up telling her it hurt and how messed up it was. Stung like hell, but it had to be done. It was like a package deal with those two.

 

This past weekend was better. Saw friends and made plans for 4th of July weekend so I will not be alone. The pain is still there but it is slowly numbing away.

 

I decided to poke around match.com for fun to see what was out there tonight. Found my ex on there. Since I was told she was on Tinder previously, I decided to check out other sites I used to use. Yeah, she is everywhere on the net (PoF, Tinder, Match, OKCupid, Zoosk, etc...) I won't lie, it stung for about a minute and then I kinda laughed. This woman is desperate for a man and attention. Instead of focusing on herself and her own issues, she is trying to rebound (IMO). I also found my best friend's recent ex on match.com...that was disturbing.

 

All I know is that I have been focusing on me and on my closest friends that matter to me. I see my therapist every week and I have a better sense as to why I was clingy, possessive, overbearing, etc...a lot of it was a reaction to my ex when she would distance herself from me. Some of it is co-dependency. I finally see, I am a catch, a great person who would treat any woman like she should be. All I ever ask is to have that reciprocated. I will continue to work on my own issues and on my body to continue to lose weight. I have some great friends that back me up...even if it is just a handful.

 

Even though I ridiculously embarrassed myself with my actions initially post breakup, I think things are starting to click mentally. Am I ready to date yet? Not in the immediate future, but that's ok because I don't want my next love to deal with issues from my previous relationship. Unlike my ex who I feel for the poor soul that dates her in the immediate future.

 

Sorry for the rant and it probably does not make sense. I just needed to get my thoughts out there. Thanks to everyone here for the advice and support on this thread and on other threads I created regarding the same ex. I have appreciated it and I continue to read others stories and try to give advice where I can. I'll update this again once more time has passed.

 

~H

[H245]

Hi everyone. I wanted to post an update and get some thoughts out on here instead of potentially breaking NC. Over the past 2 weeks I have run into my ex 3-4 times. Once walking home from the train station where I didn't notice her until she walked right past me.

 

Two Saturdays ago, I ran into a few female friends at the usual pub and they told me they invited my ex out not knowing I was gonna be there (They knew since some friends of mine were already there and told them I was coming over). I left the bar with my 2 friends and went elsewhere. Later in the night another friend texted me as to why me and my usual friends weren't at the usual spot. I explained why and she said she would come by in a few. One of the friends I was with got a text that the other girl wasn't coming because she was out to hang with my ex. I felt lied to and blown off since this person was not upfront with me. As such I texted the friend back who said would come by and told her I understand she is friends with my ex and told her to not expect me to be good friends with her if this is how she is going to be with me. She never responded. I did receive a text from my ex the next day saying that her and I NEEDED to talk about the "ultimatum" I gave the girl that blew me off along with anyone else I may have given an ultimatum to. I never responded to her text and I don't feel my text was an ultimatum.

 

The next day I had a feeling my ex was going to show up at the weekly trivia meetup to hangout with the same girl that blew me off Saturday night. And I was right. She showed up, we saw each other, but never said two words to each other. I hung back and did my own thing with my buddy at trivia then said bye to everyone except my ex and left. At that point, I felt something was being purposely done here.

 

As such, this past Saturday I avoided the usual pub and did something different. I had a feeling my ex was gonna show up for whatever reason. During the days leading up this past Saturday, I learned through the grapevine that my ex now had a new boyfriend that has money. It did hurt, but I don't feel I regressed much in my healing. Once Saturday night came around, the friends I usually meet there texted me that she was there with a few girls and guys one of them being her new bf. I responded back saying I knew that something like this was going to happen and which is why I avoided the pub. The night ended without a problem for me thankfully.

 

Now here's my concern. I am not fully over my ex, but I do not want her back. All I feel is anger and hatred towards her. I hope in time that it goes away, but for now it's there. More so because I feel she is purposely showing up to things I normally do to intentionally hurt me. I have the terrible feeling that trivia this week she will show up with her new bf to introduce to everyone. I hope to be wrong, but so far the last 2 times I was right about my ex showing up.

 

To add more to my drama, I just found out tonight that one of my closest female friends that was on my side after the breakup is now hanging out with my ex like they are best friends. I felt betrayed that someone who took my side and would curse out my ex to me whenever I vented is now hanging out with her. I feel like my ex is slowly taking over all my friends that I worked years on.

 

Any words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated. I'm also curious to know. My ex started seeing her new bf about 2 months post breakup. Is that considered a rebound? I'm assuming it's not.

[samg313]

I think you need to stay away from these places you are going to like the pub and what not. I know it sucks but it might be something you might want to look into. That way you don't run into her all the time and see whatever she is up to or who she is up 2.

[NC-Thomas]

I felt betrayed that someone who took my side and would curse out my ex to me whenever I vented is now hanging out with her. I feel like my ex is slowly taking over all my friends that I worked years on.

 

This is how you get to know your real friends. Leave it and find new people to experience YOUR life with.

 

I have lost about 10/12 friends after my break-up. I tried to keep in contact, but I guess they were not such good friends as I thought. Thankfully I learn to know who my real friends were.

 

Stop going to those places. The more you face your ex, the more you will be hurt. And her "NEW" boyfriend? Dude. Im not sure how long you both were together but I think this is just a rebound (they may last forever or just a week). BUT the main thing here is: it doesnt concern you!

 

You are no longer part of her life, so tell me, why are you questioning things concering her life? Screw her man. Who cares if she has a new "boyfriend". It no longer matters. Just move on, Try not to care, fake it untill you make it.

 

Don't get me wrong here, I think of my girlfriend too (4 months post BU), but i choose to let it be passive and I do not activaly question myself or friends things that concern her life.

 

Be a ghost to her. You will heal the quickest. That means, no more texting, keep NC!!11

[H245]

This is how you get to know your real friends. Leave it and find new people to experience YOUR life with.

 

I have lost about 10/12 friends after my break-up. I tried to keep in contact, but I guess they were not such good friends as I thought. Thankfully I learn to know who my real friends were.

 

Stop going to those places. The more you face your ex, the more you will be hurt. And her "NEW" boyfriend? Dude. Im not sure how long you both were together but I think this is just a rebound (they may last forever or just a week). BUT the main thing here is: it doesnt concern you!

 

You are no longer part of her life, so tell me, why are you questioning things concering her life? Screw her man. Who cares if she has a new "boyfriend". It no longer matters. Just move on, Try not to care, fake it untill you make it.

 

Don't get me wrong here, I think of my girlfriend too (4 months post BU), but i choose to let it be passive and I do not activaly question myself or friends things that concern her life.

 

Be a ghost to her. You will heal the quickest. That means, no more texting, keep NC!!11

 

Wow, I just saw this post. I can't believe I missed it. Regarding my ex's life, I don't think I had questioned my friends about the details of her life. She just randomly comes up in conversation in a group as an example of things (usually negative) and that's how I end up hearing things about her life. It's pretty hard to avoid learning things about her through "the grapevine".

 

Regardless, I have been overall better about things now 4 months post BU. But I still feel a lot of anger and a desire for vengeance. I want her to feel the same pain I felt emotionally with what she did to me. I don't feel anything else such as sadness or longing. These feelings cropped up recently and I don't know why. I haven't seen her at trivia in almost a month. Maybe just going through a down period for myself emotionally?

[H245]

Hi everyone. I won't go into the full details of my breakup since there's a lot. I have a few threads I created explaining in detail all the different things I went through. I also didn't know if this belongs here or in the coping section.

 

4 months now post BU and it has been a slow process. At first, I would see my ex every week at trivia to see our mutual friends. Then she got a bf and stopped coming for some time. They recently broke up and she showed up again 2 nights ago. It was weird at first but I talked to some new people so I wouldn't see her. I was doing fine for most of the summer, but last week something triggered in my head and I've been a mess ever since.

 

I don't know what made me start to feel this way last week. I did not see my ex randomly pass by or anything of that sort. I did have a dream about her last week but that was after I started feeling really down. Last night, I had a really vivid dream about her and woke up shaking. The problem was that even after I went back to sleep, the dreams came back and picked up where they left off...

 

This is driving me crazy. I have no idea what my dreams mean. Do I subconsciously miss her? I think of all the things she did to me and I can't fathom why I would. Am I legit crazy? I see a therapist and he doesn't seem to think so.

 

I will be glad to write it down in detail my dream since it was really vivid. All I know is that seeing my ex 2 days ago didn't help me, but I can't keep giving her all the power and avoid my usual meetup spot.

 

Just really needing some support today and potentially for some time. I'll keep updating here moving forward.

[mightycpa]

Something like this happened to me. A song I hadn't heard for a long, long time triggered it. Made me feel like I was back at day one.

 

Maybe you did what I did, and buried your feelings, but not quite as deeply. If so, you need to embrace the pain, so that you don't bury it again, and you should do your damndest to avoid contact, even if that means skipping trivia.

 

Write it all down, and let it all out.

[h20-50]

Hi everyone. I won't go into the full details of my breakup since there's a lot. I have a few threads I created explaining in detail all the different things I went through. I also didn't know if this belongs here or in the coping section.

 

4 months now post BU and it has been a slow process. At first, I would see my ex every week at trivia to see our mutual friends. Then she got a bf and stopped coming for some time. They recently broke up and she showed up again 2 nights ago. It was weird at first but I talked to some new people so I wouldn't see her. I was doing fine for most of the summer, but last week something triggered in my head and I've been a mess ever since.

 

I don't know what made me start to feel this way last week. I did not see my ex randomly pass by or anything of that sort. I did have a dream about her last week but that was after I started feeling really down. Last night, I had a really vivid dream about her and woke up shaking. The problem was that even after I went back to sleep, the dreams came back and picked up where they left off...

 

This is driving me crazy. I have no idea what my dreams mean. Do I subconsciously miss her? I think of all the things she did to me and I can't fathom why I would. Am I legit crazy? I see a therapist and he doesn't seem to think so.

 

I will be glad to write it down in detail my dream since it was really vivid. All I know is that seeing my ex 2 days ago didn't help me, but I can't keep giving her all the power and avoid my usual meetup spot.

 

Just really needing some support today and potentially for some time. I'll keep updating here moving forward.

 

No I think it's normal. You may have suppressed some feelings and emotions that your subconscious handles while you sleep. I dream about my most recent ex from time to time, hell I dream about my ex from 7-8 years ago randomly.

 

Dreams are just your subconscious working things out, nothing to go crazy over. Does it suck, yes, but in time they will minimize and you will handle the situation. If you know she was unhealthy for you then you shouldn't worry about a dream. Focus on yourself and put one foot in front of the other. I guarantee she dreams about you from time to time but do you think they let her drive her crazy?? Dreams about ex's are natural, no matter how long it's been since you've broken up. Don't worry about it and don't let it get to you.

[SoThatHappened]

I'm with mighty and h20.

 

Funny to read this, as I just woke up from a dream about my ex. Well, actually 3 or 4 in a row (like you experienced).

 

I had the very vivid dream, then woke up, tried to shake it off, just to fall back asleep and have another dream about her.

 

I've found that I'm more likely to have dreams about her when I don't drink. If I drink, I can plow through 7 hours and not have a single dream about her. But, I have to deal with the hangover.

 

So, staying away from the booze as much as I can and just dealing with it.

 

You're not crazy. What you're experiencing is completely normal.

 

Also, I agree with mighty that you should probably stay away from trivia, even if it is your typical, scheduled, social outlet. Seeing her every week is probably slowing down your healing process. Actually, I know it's slowing it down.

 

You can go back to trivia after you're better or have a new flame. Until then, try to become a ghost (for your own good).

[H245]

I appreciate the advice. I feel very conflicted as to what to do. While being a ghost and avoiding trivia is one idea, I feel like I give her all the power by avoiding my usual hang out spots. It's not like she is avoiding places because of me. She's out there living her life, and I should be too. It would be so much easier had she not integrated herself so deeply into my social networks. It's inevitable that I run into her at group events not knowing she was invited.

 

I'm glad to know that my dreams aren't me being crazy. It sucks that I can't go to my friends about it because they are all now annoyed with me about the situation. To them, all I am told is to move on. Yet no one really knows the emotional trauma I suffered even though they know the details. I just don't know...

[H245]

Another dream last night...so frustrating I can't control this. When I get home later I'll post my dreams for interpretation of anyone's willing to read them.

[H245]

Since my last post, the following weekend I saw my ex at a brewery meetup. We ended up talking and being civil for hours. She told me she was meeting a guy after that she has been on a few dates with, but that she wanted to meetup with me after since I was going to be out already. She did end up meeting me late in the night at the bar and we were out until almost 4am. It was nice, but I was left confused.

 

To add to the confusion, we spent the next day together watching football and went out to dinner. Nothing happened, just talked and enjoyed our company. Then again we met up Monday night and were at the bar till 4am again. Since then we have been texting every day.

 

At one point this week she asked why I bother talking to her. In that moment, I stopped lying to myself and flat out said I still loved her. She said she still loved me too. We both have no idea what we are doing and last night we had a mini argument because her and her friend were talking things that semi set me off. Now we plan to talk tonight to try and figure out what we are doing here. She tells me she isn't exclusive with the guy as they only went on 4-5 dates. She hasn't outright said she wants me back, but the way we talk to each other certainly feels that way. We did agree we are each others kryptonite...

 

So basically...started talking with the ex, nothing's happened between us so far, we talk every day, neither one of us has any idea what we are doing.

 

Not sure what to think....advice?

[BC1980]

Since my last post, the following weekend I saw my ex at a brewery meetup. We ended up talking and being civil for hours. She told me she was meeting a guy after that she has been on a few dates with, but that she wanted to meetup with me after since I was going to be out already. She did end up meeting me late in the night at the bar and we were out until almost 4am. It was nice, but I was left confused.

 

To add to the confusion, we spent the next day together watching football and went out to dinner. Nothing happened, just talked and enjoyed our company. Then again we met up Monday night and were at the bar till 4am again. Since then we have been texting every day.

 

At one point this week she asked why I bother talking to her. In that moment, I stopped lying to myself and flat out said I still loved her. She said she still loved me too. We both have no idea what we are doing and last night we had a mini argument because her and her friend were talking things that semi set me off. Now we plan to talk tonight to try and figure out what we are doing here. She tells me she isn't exclusive with the guy as they only went on 4-5 dates. She hasn't outright said she wants me back, but the way we talk to each other certainly feels that way. We did agree we are each others kryptonite...

 

So basically...started talking with the ex, nothing's happened between us so far, we talk every day, neither one of us has any idea what we are doing.

 

Not sure what to think....advice?

 

You have to lay it on the line at this point. Tell her you want a relationship, and, if she says no, stop talking to her. She's either in or out. It's not rocket science.

[H245]

I agree with you. I just don't know how to word it. Last night she drove me home and we talked. She asked why things need to be all or nothing between us. I don't think she realizes how much it hurts to hang out while still not over her. And I've told her this.

 

Sometimes I wish I could just disappear into the wind...