It seems like this is leading somewhere...

[DeluxeYou]

First post, I’ll try to keep this short.

Background: I’m 30, he’s somewhere30-35. We are both professionals with high paying jobs living in neighboring countries. In our culture, long courtships, engagements are VERY unusual.

 

I’ve known the guy for a few years now, about 5/6 years. He’s in my circle of church friends, we’re not that close. He’s kind of close to my family but because I do not live with my family I get to see him only once in a blue moon.

 

About 2 years ago, I was visiting with my family and over a period of like 2 months, and he kept asking me when I would be free so he could come over to the house/ go out with me. My assumption was that he was trying to spend some time with me.

 

The first time he asked me, I had to turn the offer down coz I was totally unprepared and I really had something to do that day.

Fact is, after that, he was never around when I told him he could come over/go out with me. He kept asking me day after day and promising he’ll come over but he never did. He was a medical student doing his internship at the time so I kind of understood it was difficult for him to find time to spend with me.

 

I thought I got too excited and since we never got to spend any time alone, I was really disappointed. Plus, I had sent him an email to which he replied about 2 months later. One day I remember answering him in a quite harsh manner when he asked me again coz for me he kept asking but would never make any effort or time to see me. I felt as though he liked me but he was too busy to invest himself to start anything.

 

I have strong abandonment issues and things like these tend to affect me badly. I decided that he was too busy with his studies and work to give me the type of attention I WANTED. I decided that being so busy all the time would equally make him emotionally unavailable and I did not NEED that at that time.

 

Fast forward to a year after. I received and email from him in which he was asking for my help with a problem he was having. I TOTALLY ignored him coz I was so mad at him, and at that particular time I was madly in love with another guy (that never ended in a relationship though). I just did not feel like minding him ever again. After a long while, I felt bad and wrote to apologize and gave him a fake excuse. Bad, I know. In between, he got the help he needed for his problem.

 

Fast forward a year later. It’s my turn to ask for his help for a problem I’m going through and wow, I’m surprised by his reaction.

He replies my emails as soon as he can, he replies my text messages instantly despite a very busy schedule, he told me on the phone that he wanted to keep in touch with me and he sounds very nice, kind and considerate. He’s been helping me tremendously with my problem and in a very mature manner. Maturity for me is crucial. In his mails, he insists I get in touch with him when I’m in town so we could meet.

 

I’ve gathered that he’s done with his internship and now doing his specialization towards his PhD. I’m guessing that, he liked me as I assumed, and still likes me. BUT he didn’t want to rush into a relationship as he knew would take too long, since at that time he was doing his internship and he was yet to start with the specialization, which is 4 years.

 

In my culture we don’t do long courtships and engagements. So maybe that was the reason restraining him from taking any step towards me.

 

I’ll be visiting with family in about two weeks and I’ll be seeing him there. The anticipation is killing me. How do you thing I should behave in his presence? I know I have to keep things light, for sure. But I’m stressed out and I don’t want to scare him with a weird attitude. I want to keep it friendly but how?

 

Please help me with suggestions.

Edited May 25, 2014 by DeluxeYou

[StrongLass]

Be VERY, VERY careful about the expectations you've been building in your head this whole time.

 

You're interested. He MIGHT be interested. Fact is, you DON'T KNOW what's been going on with HIM this whole time. For all you know he's been in a secret relationship for years that he wants to ask you advice about how to break it to his family since you're an old family friend.

 

Stupid? Stranger things have happened.

 

Point is, keep it light & simple and avoid building any lofty expectations about this meeting. (You seem to be filling out a marriage checklist after every scrap of contact with him, yeesh!)

 

I highly recommend not putting all your eggs in one basket.

[DeluxeYou]

Hi SL Thanks for your input. It's true that I'm getting infatuated too soon and I desperately need someone to be brutally honest with me so as to keep me grounded.

 

A few points of correction however...we are not friends, I wouldn't describe our relationship like that. So we are certainly not old family friends.

 

He told me the nature of his problem, and it isn't anything of the sort.

 

Also let me repeat that in between, I fell in love with someone else, for the past 2 years so it's not as if I've been building expectations over him for the past two years. It's in fact quite new to me to have his attention and my post was about that.