MassiveAtom Posted February 10, 2005 Share Posted February 10, 2005 Would you look at that!! I actually feel liberated today. As one wise woman put it, "Freed from a loveless one-sided situation" I'm actually starting to appreciate that now. Yeah, I know the downtime may return, probably right after my girlies leave this Sat afternoon and I start finishing the first floor bathroom. But I gotta say I feel like I CAN do this. A few days ago I doubted that I had the stregnth to pull myself through. But today, I feel like I WANT to. What's more, and I hope digger reads this part, I have finally accepted that my ex was being unrealistic about what she wanted in a relationship. No she wasn't a monster, or even evil, just selfish, inflexible and spoiled. I realize that I married her because of her potential to become something powerfully good in my life, only to find that she had NO potential for that at all. There ARE people in this world who lack the capacity to truly give to another, I got one of them. Ah well. I actually pity her now because I know so deeply that she's making a very bad mistake. I don't want to even shield her from it. It's HER life. I am HER LOSS. To me she's just another liability. One day she'll wake up after making yet another bad choice and realize what she's done. Here and now. But there'll be no coming back, because I am worth so much more than she'll ever have to offer. And even if she never realizes it and goes on to lead a charmed fulfilling life with the likes of George Clooney. It was still a very bad mistake, and it's hers. Not mine. Why should I feel sad? No reason at all. Wait. It's over. I don't want her back anymore! It's a GOOD thing she's gone. Hell, It's a great thing she's gone. Wait, it's that storm again! At last the changes are coming!! I've made it one more step!! IT"S OVER!!! YAAHHOOO!!! Wow, Guys, yeah, I made it. I'm actually happy she's gone. :) YES! Oh this is better than sex! edited to add: well maybe not better than sex.... Link to post Share on other sites
bluetuesday Posted February 10, 2005 Share Posted February 10, 2005 YEAH!! "go atom, go atom." we're all rooting for you man. Link to post Share on other sites
KANSAN Posted February 10, 2005 Share Posted February 10, 2005 Good for you M.A. it looks like you're gonna make it. Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted February 10, 2005 Share Posted February 10, 2005 MA- Sounds like you are having a wonderful day! I'm proud that you're making such progress. Now, capture this feeling and recall it when you're having a not so good day. All your comments were right on the money. I say this to some of my girlfriends all the time YOU ARE THE PRIZE Remember it, own it! Pix Link to post Share on other sites
Author MassiveAtom Posted February 10, 2005 Author Share Posted February 10, 2005 Originally posted by Mz. Pixie MA- Sounds like you are having a wonderful day! I'm proud that you're making such progress. Now, capture this feeling and recall it when you're having a not so good day. Oh yeah, it happened during lunch! THIS is the feeling that I want to carry with me forever. I am absolutely OKAY! She sent me an email today about how bad It was that I was sharing with her that I was making progress in healing and that we might actually be able to have a friendly co parenting relationship, she told me to "cut this sh|T out" I laughed at it and thought, "oh your poor thing, you don't even realize what you haven't realized yet!" All your comments were right on the money. I say this to some of my girlfriends all the time YOU ARE THE PRIZE Remember it, own it! Pix I sent my girls valentines day cards, today. I thought about sending her one too. But why waste the 1.50 plus postage? to you too, Pix Like never before, MassiveAtom Link to post Share on other sites
digger Posted February 11, 2005 Share Posted February 11, 2005 i read you atom and thank you. Read my reply to a reply to a reply in todays letter and know why im feeling that it wasnt/isnt me after all.. Thanx Link to post Share on other sites
Yikes Posted February 11, 2005 Share Posted February 11, 2005 Good stuff MA, Bookmark this page, just in case you need a reminder about today's liitle breakthrough. Y Hey how about this one: http://www.dont-touch-her-with-a-10-foot-pole.com Oh that would be sooo much fun. Gotta find the humor. Link to post Share on other sites
Devildog Posted February 11, 2005 Share Posted February 11, 2005 Great to see you getting over that hump MA. See, your friend Jim Beam doesn't have all the answers! It is such a liberating, wonderful feeling isn't it? From my experience the healing goes alot faster once you reach this step. Soon you too will feel like you can stop the bullets. Keep hanging in there buddy. Yikes, I am amazed those websites aren't already taken. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MassiveAtom Posted February 11, 2005 Author Share Posted February 11, 2005 Dd, I've talked to Jim beam, Johnny walker, AND Jack Daniels! None of them provide any answers but they all make me feell kinda dumb. Sometimes just plain dumb is what I gotta be though. It's like that breath Neo takes when he realizes he's The One. Whoa nellie, I'm stronger than I ever imagined! Link to post Share on other sites
Devildog Posted February 11, 2005 Share Posted February 11, 2005 It's a great feeling isn't it? To finally see your strength again? To finally rise above all the pain and suffering and doubt that she inflicted upon you. To realize you have the power to control your life and situation. Load the jump program!!! Link to post Share on other sites
jade_nc Posted February 11, 2005 Share Posted February 11, 2005 ok - now that you've made that first great step...... copy your post, print it out and hang it in the bathroom, the kitchen, your car, next to your pc, everywhere. if the "i can't do this" feeling comes back - read it to yourself over and over, until it sinks back in! have a great time sat!! Link to post Share on other sites
Lil Honey Posted February 11, 2005 Share Posted February 11, 2005 Sending you an Atta Boy . . . Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted February 11, 2005 Share Posted February 11, 2005 I love you guys- can I say that?? Of course, I don't know you but I'm feelin ya on so many different levels. See, THIS is the kind of discussion that women are looking for- trust me!! I had a bit of a setback on Wednesday. I got a e mail from STBXH where he says he misses talking to me etc. I started to cry at work. I felt guilty. We e mailed back and forth a bit that day and it was painful. One of my dearest friends works for/with me and is gay. I love talking to her and she has a awesome sense of humor. She slapped some sense back into me. He had communicated to me he was in counseling- and I'm glad!! I said perhaps that will help him move on. She said, "Oh no honey, he moved on a long time ago- while you were sitting on your A at home every weekend while he was out doing whatever he wanted to and coming home expecting you to have your legs at 10 and 2. Now he's got his parents powdering his rear everynight and putting a big red bow around his unit and suddenly you think this is all your fault?" BF says that I'm so quick to discount what STBXH really did that made me want to leave him after all those years of trying. I think that is because to everyone outside of this I am the villian. My dad was like, "I had no idea that it was this bad, honey, why didn't you tell me?" Well, because I'm not a whiner! I stuck it out until it almost killed me! I grew up with a mother who should have left my stepfather and threatened to do it hundreds of time and never did. After about the fifth time I was rolling my eyes, I knew she would never do it. Plus I didn't want to complain about him constantly to my dad because that would change the way he felt and then what if I decided I could stay for the kids? Then I would have had to listen to "Well you should leave him" yada yada. Only two or three people knew how unhappy I was- perhaps that was a big mistake. If I'd been hollering all those years perhaps someone would have taken my side in all of this??? Link to post Share on other sites
Yikes Posted February 20, 2005 Share Posted February 20, 2005 Originally posted by Mz. Pixie My dad was like, "I had no idea that it was this bad, honey, why didn't you tell me?" Well, because I'm not a whiner! I understand exactly where you are coming from. It was the same for me. My dad was alway saying how proud he was of us on how well that we worked together. He didn't know the half of it. He had know Idea just how much that I was struggling and the more that often that he would make those comments, the more that I would just suck it up. The last thing that I wanted to do disappoint him and feel like I was total failure. When I found out about my wife's affair, I didn't want to tell my parents. (at least not right away). I wanted to see if this was something that my wife and I could work out without having to say anything. My sister said that they would be more hurt if they found out later wondering why I didn't tell them. I couldn't even get the words past my lips. My sister sat them down and told them. I felt like such a failure. Why in the heck did I feel like a failure? I was honest, faithful, hardworking, a good father and husband. To this day, I don't know why I did and in a lot of way still do feel like such a failure. I find that the self esteem bruises heal VERY slowly for me. I don't want the fact that my wife pounded my self esteem into the ground screwing up any new possible relationships. I guess I have to do some hard work in the confidence department. I have said it before, I get mad at my ex for making me feel this way, but I get even angrier at myself for letting he make me feel this way. Does that make ANY sense at all? Link to post Share on other sites
Author MassiveAtom Posted February 20, 2005 Author Share Posted February 20, 2005 Perfect sense Yikes. It makes perfect sense. Link to post Share on other sites
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