pteromom Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 A "loving partner" IS what I want. But I feel like that's too idealistic. If I wait for love, I might be a virgin until I'm 25! And that definitely carries a stigma. But on the flip side, I'll also regret it if my first time isn't with someone I care about. So it's a no-win situation. :/ Who cares about a "stigma"? What is the worst thing that will happen? People will whisper behind your back that you are a virgin? So? Small price to pay for losing your virginity in the way you want to lose it. The truth is nobody knows you aren't a virgin unless you tell them. Not having much to say when people are sitting around talking about sex doesn't mean everyone will know you are a virgin. Maybe you are just a private person. Maybe you don't kiss and tell. Maybe your only sexual experience was a LTR. They don't know - and they WON'T know unless you tell them. Look... you can't live your life to try to impress other people. Five years from now, only a handful of these people will still be in your life. The ones you've made true friendships with. And those people won't care whether you are a virgin or not. As far as how you are trimmed or having red scars on your chest... these are actually good indicators for knowing who to run from. If a guy has very picky standards when it comes to how you are trimmed, he is going to have very picky standards about everything, making for a narrow experience of life with him. Find a guy who is open and free and will accept you for who you are, vs. expecting you to fit into his narrow worldview. Life is too short for that ****! Hold out for what is important for you. Don't worry about the judgment of others. If you lose your virginity when you are 25, and it's an amazing thing that leads to a lifetime of love, who cares? Think about you at 80 telling your life story. What is the story you want to tell? This is YOUR life, and you can make it the way YOU want it to be. Doesn't matter what the other college kids are saying or doing, or what other people would think about it. Be true to yourself. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 I'm a female virgin as well and am days away from becoming 18. Had my first kiss already as well, but never a relationship (the kiss was more a curious one and... well, at least the guy was hot ). I've been annoyed by the fact that unlike my friends I haven't had a relationship yet or aren't having one currently, but that feeling lasted only a few days. You know, what difference would giving your virginity away make anyway? Maybe shame if you've sold yourself below value, but other than that everything stays the same. I'm glad I'm living in a more conservative area in my country, and just because other people feel like being a virgin in an American college is a crime doesn't mean that you need to follow this ridiculous way of thinking. Only dead fish go with the stream. On another note, just because you're a virgin doesn't mean you have to wait for sexual experiences, *ahem. Perhaps that's just me but who knows, maybe your next BF would actually appreciate the idea of a kinky virgin. Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 Only dead fish go with the stream. I like this! You sound like you have your head on straight. Link to post Share on other sites
giblesp Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 A "loving partner" IS what I want. But I feel like that's too idealistic. If I wait for love, I might be a virgin until I'm 25! And that definitely carries a stigma. But on the flip side, I'll also regret it if my first time isn't with someone I care about. So it's a no-win situation. :/ Why is having a loving partner too idealistic? You'll see many around you. Whats the stigma that you are afraid of exactly? That you waited for someone special? Like I said, I've known girls that had their first sexual encounter without love and intimacy, and were affected by it afterwords. They ended up sharing their most intimate selves with idiots they didn't really care about and who didn't care about them. In later relationships, it was harder for them to open up, and really enjoy the loving sex they actually wanted in the first place. Not impossible, but harder. You want love, then wait for love. Yeah, you might have to wait till the ripe old age of 22 or so, or he might be just around the corner... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
giblesp Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 You know, what difference would giving your virginity away make anyway? Maybe shame if you've sold yourself below value, but other than that everything stays the same. You're clearly not ready for love and sexuality. Learn a bit more about life and don't have such a casual regard, for the most intimate act a man/woman can experience. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 You're clearly not ready for love and sexuality. Learn a bit more about life and don't have such a casual regard, for the most intimate act a man/woman can experience. Because I'm not throwing myself away just to get the virgin-stamp off? Okay. Link to post Share on other sites
Disillusioned Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 Because I'm not throwing myself away just to get the virgin-stamp off? Okay. ^^This.^^ I'm 46, male, and I still don't understand why being a virgin is about as popular as being a leper. Maybe non-virgins resent the fact that I'm happy I don't have the baggage that comes with sex??? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 I'm a freshman girl in college who has always been very academics focused and career ambitious. I'm also a virgin, and it's something that's been bothering me more and more as I grow older. I'm now 18. I'm picky when it comes to guys, and I only had one relationship in high school- pursued a guy all of junior year, and senior year we started dating but never had sex (he was also a virgin). He was, however, my first kiss. Looking back, the relationship was ridiculous because it was long-distance (we would see each other every month or so) and yet I was so crazy about him. It was difficult finding places to be intimate because we were mostly only able to meet up in public due to a number of reasons. At the end of my senior year, I was about ready to give up my virginity to him but he refused to drive 3 hours to my senior prom (he may not have thought I was serious about having sex with him). We broke up shortly after, when I found out he'd been making out with a girl friend, told her he loved her (never told me that), and literally said he didn't care about me. Like I said, in hindsight it was ridiculous how infatuated I was with him, the evidence being he's probably the only guy I've ever been willing to lose my virginity to. At the beginning of summer, I contacted a guy 4 years older than me that I hadn't spoken to since we had gone to high school together (when he was a senior and I was a freshman). I knew he had been attracted to me back then but never made a move, and so I went out on a limb and we arranged to meet up. I think I gave him the impression that we would have sex, but though we met up twice, I could never bring myself to go all the way. The farthest he got was taking off my bra. For the rest of my 4 month long summer, I had a blast hanging out with two platonic male friends (separately) and traveling around the world with family and by myself. I was like, who cares if I'm a virgin when I'm having the time of my life right now? I also had 3 good friends who were all virgins, and who were also very successful people, so I felt better about myself. In college, I had promised myself beforehand that I would keep my priorities straight by getting good grades and winning competitions while not worrying about guys. I pretty much stuck to this, partying only rarely and studying really damn hard (I go to one of the most academically rigorous colleges in the US). I made out with two guys, and that's it. In college, virgins are the minority, and now I feel like I have to hide my status for fear of being called a "prude" behind my back, especially by the large number of frat guys I have to interact with on a regular basis (due to activities I'm in). I haven't told anyone here I'm a virgin, and no one has asked, but maybe people who are around me long enough suspect that I am. I can't believe I'm writing a post on LoveShack about this, but an incident today really made me feel bad and begin questioning my decision to stay a virgin. I went to dinner with 3 people who live in the same dorm as me. I invited them all, and we're not really friends, but we get along and know each other from living nearby. At dinner, Mia asks us all, what's the craziest thing you did in high school? I answered first, and said I went streaking with some friends. Jake answers by saying he had a 5(!) person orgy. This leads to Jake and Mia talking about their exes, first loves, what it means to be in love, having sex with their current SO, having 5 person orgies, etc. I just kinda laughed and made little comments at the right time, while Sara did the same thing. I was thinking, great, I'm not the only virgin here, until she whispers to me that her appetite has changed since going on birth control. I sensed that none of them suspected I was a virgin (probably because of the streaking thing), which I was relieved about, but their conversation made me feel uncomfortable and like I was hiding something. Okay, so, why am I a virgin? There are a multitude of reasons. I was raised in a very conservative household, I have acne on my chest, I don't know if my pubic area is trimmed to a guy's liking, I am strangely fascinated by people like the Duggars who wait until marriage for sex (though I am not religious and not strictly opposed to pre-marital sex), and most of all, because I've only been in one relationship. I have always been 100% sure that I want my first time to be while I'm in a serious relationship, because I know that I'm a person who will get emotionally attached. I've turned down all the guys that have hit on me at college because I know I won't be ready to have sex with them until much later than they're used to, and also because I'm super busy with schoolwork. In an environment where no one talks about sex, I'm perfectly happy waiting until I've found "the one." But in college, where everything seems to revolve around sex, I'm faced with a dilemma. I can hook up with some random guy and feel terribly used but also emotionally attached to him later, or I can keep waiting but have to hide my virgin status. The ideal is that either I make peace with myself being a virgin, or enter a serious relationship (which I hardly have the time for). I also have not met a single person who I could see myself in a serious relationship with. Any advice? Why care what other people think? Why care what horny frat boys think? Of course, they want you to have sex (with them). I personally had a boyfriend most of the time I was in college. If I could go back, I maybe would have stayed single and focused on my studies. IMo you're on the right track. "I don't have time to be in a relationship" is such a goofy line. It really does not take that much time to be in a real relationship. Relationships take a lot of time especially for busy people. Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 You're clearly not ready for love and sexuality. Learn a bit more about life and don't have such a casual regard, for the most intimate act a man/woman can experience. Intimate? We all know dern well most sex is not intimate. Let's not make bumping uglies into more than it actually is. Link to post Share on other sites
mr_dave Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 Intimate? We all know dern well most sex is not intimate. Let's not make bumping uglies into more than it actually is. Well for some people it is the most intimate thing you can do with another person. For others it's like shaking hands... What is intimate to you then? Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 Well for some people it is the most intimate thing you can do with another person. For others it's like shaking hands... What is intimate to you then? Well, for some people, but it's probably not for those horny frat boys. Real talk. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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