Thinking about leaving a married man

[Monicax]

Seeking advice, not judgement...

 

I've always considered myself a good person until I got involved with a married man

 

I never planned it. I met him at work and we've had great fun conversations since day one. He is a charming man and he is 20 years older than me. (I'm over 30).

 

Aft the beginning I enjoyed talking to him and I thought he was a charming harmless older gentleman in his early 50s and I treated him a bit as if I treated my father. I had confidence that he would never behave in an inappropriate way.

 

We chatted more and more and after some time I noticed he was treating me differently to other woman at work (yes, much younger women as well).

I started going to work to be able to have our daily chat on our lunchtime.

 

I have to admit that at the beginning I didn't know if he was married, divorced or widowed as I didn't consider him as a dating material and I didn't pay attention if he had a ring or not. But after I realised that he likes me more than other women at work and after I realised, to my surprise, that I like him a bit in that way too, I noticed a ring on his finger. (He's wife is 7 years younger than him).

 

Still, at that time I would never thought I (or we) would want to take it to another level so I wasn't bothered at all. After all, I wasn't planning on doing anything wrong. But than I started to enjoy our conversations even more and I haven't even realised when I started to fantasize about him.

 

Still, it was only fantasizing at that time and I was telling myself that he is just being nice to me (as he had never done or said anything inappropriate, not even gave me a hint he would want anything from me) and I was beating myself up for having these thoughts about him. Especially that I was sure it's my imagination and he wasn't really interested in me in that way.

 

Anyway, one day it happened that I was tired of our short conversations that were always interrupted by other people coming and listening to us and after we were interrupted again I decided to be "brave" and invited him out for coffee on our lunchtime to be able to for once have a conversation that is not interrupted by our colleagues. I was telling myself he would say no, nevertheless I decided to do it. At least I would have a clear picture of the whole situation if he said no and I could move on and stop fantasizing about him.

 

But he said YES! I was shocked as I was prepared to hear NO.

 

We went out or that coffee and we had the greatest conversation ever. We laughed a lot but everything was maintained in a professional manner.

 

Since then we started to meet for coffee more often and weeks later he admitted he would have never made that first move as having a wife and being much older he didn't want me to think he is some perv or sth but at the same time he wanted to see me.

 

So this is how it started.

 

For the first few months I we were going out for coffee, dinner, walks but I was still believing that I would never do anything sexual with him. But then I fell n love with him and it happened.

 

We've been seeing each other for 7 months now and it's great... apart from my huge remorse. Of all the guys I ever dated I know that he is the one most compatible. But he is taken :-( I know that if he was single, I would have wanted him for the rest of my life but he has a wife and will never leave her for me. We understand each other so well and have great time together. But I know that if he's lying to his wife, he must be lying to me. Not that I'm the one who's innocent here but after all, he convinced me so well that he is just a nice older man who would never done anything that is not right.

 

What I want? I wish he was single (yes, he has kids too). I wish we could be together for ever as a husband and wife. But he is not and the whole situation makes me feel sad. I know I'm doing a bad thing so I should end it asap. But I can't. I love him. I know it will end sooner or later but I just can't finish it. Reason tells me I should have never started it and I should end it right now so that I, we, don't hurt other people any more but I can't just yet.

 

I suffer too as he is with his wife most of the time plus holidays, weekends, etc. but I don't want to tell him it's over because it doesn't work between us because it does. When my other relationships ended it was because we had arguments, we were hurting each other, we didn't love each other any more, ect. It doesn't apply here.

 

They say don't try to fix something that is not broken. Well, our relationship isn't broken... it's just it shouldn't have happened in the first place.

 

Is there anyone who can relate to this and give me an honest advice?

 

Thanks.

[Scorpio Chick]

Oh man, can I relate to it. I haven't posted my 'story', it's not much of one, but it's similar to yours, at least as far as how you're feeling. SOOO painful.

 

The EA I got involved in, I decided to cut ties with him after only about 3 months of 'involvement', it never went physical because we live in separate states. But I wanted it to, badly. I felt like I needed it to. It got to be almost all we talked about, sexted. So naturally, I wanted to be with him like that, I could almost not stand it, not being able to.

 

To be brutally honest, and at the risk of everyone having the right to call me a slut, the reason I finally cut ties (I had only considered really cutting them twice before I finally did it) wasn't based on the 'right' reasons.

 

The reason I cut ties was based on something he said, actually, about two things he said in the one and only phone conversation he and I had, and then not very long after that one phone call, a text that went unanswered. Without going into the specifics, suffice it to say that the fact that the text went unanswered, coupled with something he said in our only phone conversation, made the real, REAL, reality, REALITY, of what the situation was hit me like a ton of bricks. I consider myself lucky that I sobered up emotionally much quicker than a lot of sad folks on here that rode the extreme roller coaster of emotions involved with an affair.

 

Everything I just said was meant for you. It's not just me writing about my experience. I understand exactly what you're feeling. I graduated from high school with the man I'm talking about, we've known each other a long time, although only in the past few years had some interaction, online only. We did see each other for the first time since our graduation about five years ago. I had a major crush on him for a few years in high school that went unrequited. But I felt so drawn to him again at the reunion, but I knew he was married. I didn't tell him then about my crush. Because he was married.

 

But after some banter, etc.. through FB, he always was liking my posts, commenting a lot, my attraction grew. I should have not friended him. I knew how I was feeling. THEREIN lies our mistake. I see in your post, you kept doing stuff. You didn't think he'd go to coffee, yet you asked. I'm not judging you. Hell, I COULDN'T judge you, I'm just as guilty!

 

Anyway, I KNEW, on the surface, and at the bottom of my soul, if I didn't cut ties, that it would be wrong, plus, my feelings wouldn't dissipate. Just the opposite. I wanted to be with him so bad I thought my brain was going to implode. Literally. It was painful. Of course, I'm a Scorpio, and we're supposed to be all about sex, so maybe that's why. LOL.

 

I will say this. It's been 7 weeks since I cut all ties. I even got off FB just because I find it's a time waster and I've got a lot going on, a lot of big changes in my life, blah blah blah. But with his unanswered text, and what he said, PROVED to me, our continued interaction would solely be on HIS schedule, HIS timetable. He didn't care about me, one bit. I can see that now, because now I have some perspective and because I think I took the bold step that, even though it makes me sad, it emboldened me to see the real picture. That step benefited me, even though I didn't want to have to do it. I was being tough on myself and I'm glad I did it.

 

There's so much more I could write about it, but I wanted to share with you some of my experience. I can tell you're heartbroken. It sucks. I don't care how nice he seems, (of course he's nice, etc...you wouldn't get involved with a creepy seeming guy), he's not going to think about you. With the guy I was involved with, he's got 3 nieces he's crazy about. I often wonder, would he want his niece's husbands to go behind his niece's backs and sext with another woman? I don't think so. Yet he was willing to do it with me. We got along great. But that doesn't mean he gives a rat's a$$ about me. Because he couldn't have. I could argue it successfully in a court of law that he didn't care about me, as a human being, as anything.

 

Then there's the wife. There's you. There's the wife. I thought about that too with this guy. They don't have any children. While I wouldn't accept a dime from him, he never offered, I never asked, wouldn't ask, my experience did make me stop and think about how mistresses, or so the lore goes, used to be supported or given money by the husband. That makes sense to me. Because if I had continued, what would I really get out of it? While he's building up retirement money for a wife he's not going to leave, there I am, wanting him, and not even being able to sleep with him, or get ANY of MY needs met. I'm NOT a stupid person. The way I see it so crystal clear now, and I'm speaking only about women, any woman that engages in an affair with a married man, is such a complete fool. And don't think for a minute, that somewhere, maybe not consciously known to him, that the married man doesn't see you as a fool too.

 

My advice, run, don't walk away from him. He's wrong for what he's doing. He knows it. And I wouldn't bet that he has never done it before. It doesn't matter. Think about you and only you. Your heart will break, but it's breaking now, isn't it?

Edited May 26, 2014 by Scorpio Chick

[Hope Shimmers]

I would encourage you to read a lot of the stories around here.

 

You seem to understand that he is not going to leave his wife for you - so ask yourself, what do you envision happening in two years? Five years? Ten?

 

From experience, I can tell you that he won't leave his wife and kids so that one of two things will happen:

 

1) You will end up in a very long-term affair with him and as time goes on, you will be less and less content with the fact that you do not have 'all' of him and you have sacrificed your ability to marry and have your own family; or

 

2) He will end it because he either gets tired of the double life, has guilt, or else his wife finds out.

 

In fact, in a lot of those cases, both things happen. How will you feel five or ten years down the road if you have given up everything for a man who belongs to someone else and then he ends it and tosses you aside?

 

Now is the time for you to get out. It does not get easier - only infinitely harder.

[ConfusedMarriedOW]

The reason you will likely hear to run from even OW is because most of is know from both reading and experience that the men usually never leave the wife.

 

For whatever reason men just stay with wife. It is baffling but true. Perhaps it is out of fear, safety or whatever. But most don't. Odds are you are setting yourself up for a long term pain ride all ending with you wasting your important youthful and child bearing (not sure if you are planning on children) on a man that will never give you what you want.

 

If he tells you he will never leave the wife, believe him.

 

Of course there are rare cases where they do leave their wives, but him? Does he even seem remotely interested in exiting the marriage?

 

If so, my suggestion is that you end it saying the following "I am in love woith you, but I deserve someone single, do not talk or contact me until you are divorced" and then, no matter how hard it is, stick to it. No contact, no games, high walls and self work. Move on until he is ready to commit. Being a mistress is being second best. If you are already in pain, you will be absolutely frantic down the road.

[ConfusedMarriedOW]

Aaand I say all of this while drinking my wine to try to cope with the pain of healing from the end of an affair. The pain of this situation is abundant. I see only horror stories from both sides in this forum and from reading. Actual relationships are rare.

[Monicax]

I've just read all your replies and all of you seem to be of the same opinion.

 

That I should run away from it as fast and as far as I can.

 

The think is I know it as well but it's easier said than done. I know it will only get worse but I think I'm lying to myself trying to convince myself that at least I will get another week, another month of being with him.

 

We do spend time together, do different things and it is lovely. I enjoy it so much and that's why I am so reluctant to end it when I care about him.

 

People at work know about us...I mean they see us together so they would have to be stupid not to understand that we are more than friends, even though we are acting in a professional manner at work. I thought, mostly for his sake, that we should make sure no one knows it but he keeps saying he's proud of people seeing him with me.

 

He is caring and loving to me. He writes to me all the time, every day, even if we don't see each other.

 

I'm so confused.

 

I keep telling myself just one more week, just one more month. That if it's supposed to end it will end anyway so I don't need to finish it just yet when everything seems to be so good.

 

He never disappointed me or anything, the only reason why I'm getting sad is because he is not mine.

[Monicax]

What if I wait a bit longer and see what happens? I mean, it's still quite fresh.

 

Can I just try to enjoy what we have right now without worrying too much about the future?

 

Maybe things will surprise me in a good way?

[ConfusedMarriedOW]

What if I wait a bit longer and see what happens? I mean, it's still quite fresh.

 

Can I just try to enjoy what we have right now without worrying too much about the future?

 

Maybe things will surprise me in a good way?

 

It's really up to you. I understand your desire to do just that and I wouldn't push you to do something prematurely. Only you can determine at this point and time how dedicated he truly is to you. But at the same time, if you also put up your boundaries and show strength, it may be the only way he actually leaves the wife for you. Or...perhaps you need to invest more time into it? Really noone here has a crystal ball.

 

What IS certain is that he also has practical life things that come into play. Retirement, a house, potentially children.

 

I would say, if you are already asking questions you are already feeling pain. The likelihood it will end with him with his wife with a small chance he will leave her for you. Have you ever had this conversation with him? It has been seven months of sleeping together already. In normal relationships it would already be a commitment.

[ConfusedMarriedOW]

Also, as monstrous as it seems for these men to cheat on their wives, they do often still love their wives and would feel terribly guilty leaving the mother and best friend in the dust. I haven't a clue what this guys relationship is with his wife however, and he may even say things are worse than they are to not feel guilt, but when push comes to shove, he may deep down love her. Has he professed otherwise?

 

He may even being going through some sort of mid life crisis...you ARE younger, he may be fearing age and the second part of life and you are the exciting bandaid that is distracting him from the downward spiral of age.

 

Who knows? He may not even know.

 

Sigh.

Edited May 26, 2014 by ConfusedMarriedOW

[Nofoollikeanoldfool]

What if I wait a bit longer and see what happens? I mean, it's still quite fresh.

 

Can I just try to enjoy what we have right now without worrying too much about the future?

 

Maybe things will surprise me in a good way?

Yes you could wait and one of two things will happen, either he will be one of the rare men who will take a chance on love or you will subject yourself to a deeper pain. As others will testify the pain of a failed A is worse than a divorce.

At the end of the day it's your life and you have to live with the consequences so listen to the advise but then make your own decision. Good luck!

[jwi71]

Seeking advice, not judgement...

 

Fair enough

 

I've always considered myself a good person until I got involved with a married man

 

And you judged yourself in the second line

Actually, you judge yourself several times in your post.

 

We've been seeing each other for 7 months now and it's great... apart from my huge remorse.

 

Contradiction.

How can it be great and you have remorse?

 

...and for what are you remorseful?

 

What I want? I wish he was single (yes, he has kids too). I wish we could be together for ever as a husband and wife.

 

Ok...you have identified a goal - to be M to him.

How can you achieve this goal and what steps can be taken to get there?

 

I suffer too as he is with his wife most of the time plus holidays, weekends, etc. but I don't want to tell him it's over because it doesn't work between us because it does. When my other relationships ended it was because we had arguments, we were hurting each other, we didn't love each other any more, ect. It doesn't apply here.

 

If you think on it - you might agree that you don;t have those R ending issues - because your time is limited and precious - it is filled only with the good things...essentially, its stolen moments of good which do not allow for the "bad" to percolate to the surface.

 

They say don't try to fix something that is not broken. Well, our relationship isn't broken... it's just it shouldn't have happened in the first place.

 

Contradiction.

Above you said it was great.

Devoid of the R killing "issues" that ended previous BF's.

 

And then you say you are remorseful - that it "should end"...that "it never should have happened in the first place".

 

Is there anyone who can relate to this and give me an honest advice?

 

Confused.

Aware your behavior is wrong - and those are your words as synopsized above - yet you continue. And the conflict of what you want and what you believe to be right is difficult.

 

Either alter your perception of right and wrong or end the A.

[ConfusedMarriedOW]

She is simply looking for sympathy in a very painful scenario. You might afford her that. But, no, judgment rules your comments. I find it interesting how many BS's come on here to dole out judgement and never reflect on the fact that their crappy attitude may be what got them to be single to begin with. All coming in with hellfire and brimstone from a pulpit.

 

She is in pain and asking questions which is MORE than most OW do.

 

Fair enough

 

 

 

And you judged yourself in the second line

Actually, you judge yourself several times in your post.

 

 

 

Contradiction.

How can it be great and you have remorse?

 

...and for what are you remorseful?

 

 

 

Ok...you have identified a goal - to be M to him.

How can you achieve this goal and what steps can be taken to get there?

 

 

 

If you think on it - you might agree that you don;t have those R ending issues - because your time is limited and precious - it is filled only with the good things...essentially, its stolen moments of good which do not allow for the "bad" to percolate to the surface.

 

 

 

Contradiction.

Above you said it was great.

Devoid of the R killing "issues" that ended previous BF's.

 

And then you say you are remorseful - that it "should end"...that "it never should have happened in the first place".

 

 

 

Confused.

Aware your behavior is wrong - and those are your words as synopsized above - yet you continue. And the conflict of what you want and what you believe to be right is difficult.

 

Either alter your perception of right and wrong or end the A.

[Monicax]

Contradiction.

How can it be great and you have remorse?

 

...and for what are you remorseful?

 

Ok...you have identified a goal - to be M to him.

How can you achieve this goal and what steps can be taken to get there?

 

If you think on it - you might agree that you don;t have those R ending issues - because your time is limited and precious - it is filled only with the good things...essentially, its stolen moments of good which do not allow for the "bad" to percolate to the surface.

 

Contradiction.

Above you said it was great.

Devoid of the R killing "issues" that ended previous BF's.

 

And then you say you are remorseful - that it "should end"...that "it never should have happened in the first place".

 

Confused.

Aware your behavior is wrong - and those are your words as synopsized above - yet you continue. And the conflict of what you want and what you believe to be right is difficult.

 

Either alter your perception of right and wrong or end the A.

 

The time we spent together is lovely. I don't feel bad all the time, only sometimes when I haven't seen him for a few days and this makes me realise that if he was single, we could spend that time together.

I told him about how bad I feel sometimes but he said that I shouldn't feel bad for being a caring and loving person. (As I am very much like this to him).

 

Sometimes I feel guilty because I was brought up believing that being with a married man is wrong and somehow I ended up like this. Yet, I DO love him.

Nothing is black or white... Should I listen to my heart or reason?

 

Right, my time is limited... but would I rather be married to someone only because the clock is ticking or would I rather spend less time but with a person whom I deeply love and feel happy around?(yes, I am happy when I'm with him).

 

The reason why I'm saying I know it should have never happened is because of moral issues, not that I regret having met him and falling in love with him. He showed me so much, he made me enjoy my life. I'm learning so much from him and I'm giving him much in return.

 

If I did as you suggested to either alter my perception of right and wrong wouldn't mean that what I'm doing is right. At the same time, if I ended the A wouldn't mean that I don't love him any more and don't want to be with him.

 

That's why I suffer.

 

I know seeing a married man is wrong yet I love one.

I know it would be better for everyone to end it now but I can't as I love him.

[Hope Shimmers]

I know it would be better for everyone to end it now but I can't as I love him.

 

Okay... then what do you hope to gain from posting your thread? How can we help you?

[Monicax]

She is simply looking for sympathy in a very painful scenario. You might afford her that. But, no, judgment rules your comments. I find it interesting how many BS's come on here to dole out judgement and never reflect on the fact that their crappy attitude may be what got them to be single to begin with. All coming in with hellfire and brimstone from a pulpit.

 

She is in pain and asking questions which is MORE than most OW do.

 

I'm not looking for sympathy. True, I am in a painful situation and it's mostly the result of my choices but the reason why I've started this post is because I wanted to see if there are any other women in a similar situation and to find out if any of these stories had a happy end. Happy for OWs, that is.

 

As I said in my previous reply, I'm suffering because I don't know if I should follow my heart or listen to other women's experience.

 

 

That's why I'm here. To see what other OWs have to say from their own experience and if there is a tiny chance that this could work, I would fight for it as I DO care about him a lot.

[Nofoollikeanoldfool]

The time we spent together is lovely. I don't feel bad all the time, only sometimes when I haven't seen him for a few days and this makes me realise that if he was single, we could spend that time together.

I told him about how bad I feel sometimes but he said that I shouldn't feel bad for being a caring and loving person. (As I am very much like this to him).

 

Sometimes I feel guilty because I was brought up believing that being with a married man is wrong and somehow I ended up like this. Yet, I DO love him.

Nothing is black or white... Should I listen to my heart or reason?

 

Right, my time is limited... but would I rather be married to someone only because the clock is ticking or would I rather spend less time but with a person whom I deeply love and feel happy around?(yes, I am happy when I'm with him).

 

The reason why I'm saying I know it should have never happened is because of moral issues, not that I regret having met him and falling in love with him. He showed me so much, he made me enjoy my life. I'm learning so much from him and I'm giving him much in return.

 

If I did as you suggested to either alter my perception of right and wrong wouldn't mean that what I'm doing is right. At the same time, if I ended the A wouldn't mean that I don't love him any more and don't want to be with him.

 

That's why I suffer.

 

I know seeing a married man is wrong yet I love one.

I know it would be better for everyone to end it now but I can't as I love him.

This is the dilemma all us OM/OW face, my situation is slightly different I left EW and got divorced but now with MOW. It's tough, but we do it because we genuinely love our AP, I like you never thought I would get involved with a married partner but life's not always simple. Sure there are good days and bad but personally can't imagine ever settling for anyone else. If it works for you and you can manage the guilt then enjoy the love.

[bentleychic]

You need to decide if you're okay being the OW forever. Do you want more than that? Do you want to marry, perhaps have children of your own? That will not be possible if you continue "just" being the OW.

 

Basically, the longer you wait, you are just postponing the inevitable. If you aren't already experiencing pain, hurt, anguish, sadness, loneliness...I'm surprised, but it comes to most OW at some point.

 

If I could give anyone advice before becoming an OW/OM, I'd say DON'T DO IT. I'm almost 2 years in and yes, walking away is WAY easier said than done. WAY WAY WAY easier said than done. Especially when love is involved.

[Monicax]

Okay... then what do you hope to gain from posting your thread? How can we help you?

 

Please see my reply I just posted.

 

I would like to find out if it is possible that such relationships have future and if they could work.

 

I know the title says I'm thinking about leaving him... maybe I should have ask my question differently... although when I started writing it that's hat I wanted to ask about.

 

Anyway, I do love him, I care about him a lot and I would like him to be only mine. If I knew it could work, I would like to try. But if there's no one who can tell me if could end the way I want it, I think I would need to find strength to leave him.

[bentleychic]

Has he ever given you any indication that he might be willing to leave his W?

[Hope Shimmers]

Please see my reply I just posted.

 

I would like to find out if it is possible that such relationships have future and if they could work.

 

I know the title says I'm thinking about leaving him... maybe I should have ask my question differently... although when I started writing it that's hat I wanted to ask about.

 

Anyway, I do love him, I care about him a lot and I would like him to be only mine. If I knew it could work, I would like to try. But if there's no one who can tell me if could end the way I want it, I think I would need to find strength to leave him.

 

If he has not given you any indication that he is unhappy in his marriage and intends to leave, then there is almost no chance that he will.

 

Even in situations where they want or intended to leave, it usually doesn't happen.

 

Believe me, I understand how hard it is. My affair lasted many years and when I first started seeing him, he was separated and divorcing. We loved (still love) each other very much. We planned on being together forever. But he ended up going back to his wife for a multitude of reasons too detailed to get into here.

 

If I could spare even one person going through the horrible pain that I went through, the devastation and self-destruction that accompanied losing the person I loved more than I have loved any other man... that is why I post here.

 

If he isn't telling you he plans on leaving, he isn't leaving.

[Monicax]

Has he ever given you any indication that he might be willing to leave his W?

 

Hmm... at the beginning he said he wasn't going to leave his wife and kids after seeing me for a month. That was after a month only and I didn't ask him to leave. It was just he could see that I wasn't feeling good about seeing a married man, especially that I was still fighting with myself to not to do it.

 

Later, he did imply he might do it. He never said it though, he never promised anything. He's just saying he loves me and that he is happy to have met me and that he doesn't ever want to lose me.

[bentleychic]

I'd just keep in mind what someone above said (sorry I forgot who!), not many men leave their wives for their OW, even the ones that say they will. Yes, some do in rare cases, but it IS rare. If you're willing to be the OW indefinitely and you're happy being the OW, that's fine. If you're unhappy and don't want to be that forever, that's another matter.

 

Maybe it's time to have a heart to heart with him about it all?

[Monicax]

If he has not given you any indication that he is unhappy in his marriage and intends to leave, then there is almost no chance that he will.

 

Even in situations where they want or intended to leave, it usually doesn't happen.

 

Believe me, I understand how hard it is. My affair lasted many years and when I first started seeing him, he was separated and divorcing. We loved (still love) each other very much. We planned on being together forever. But he ended up going back to his wife for a multitude of reasons too detailed to get into here.

 

If I could spare even one person going through the horrible pain that I went through, the devastation and self-destruction that accompanied losing the person I loved more than I have loved any other man... that is why I post here.

 

If he isn't telling you he plans on leaving, he isn't leaving.

 

He is unhappy in his marriage. He keeps telling me he's wife wouldn't even sleep with him (that was even before he met me). I can see how happy he is when he's with me. He's writing to me all the time when we don't see each other. He writes to me to say good morning before work, he picks me up and we go for a walk before work, we see each other every day during lunch, we go out after work. Not until late though as he has to go back home.

 

He writes to me all the time. Even after we spent the time together at work, he writes to me in the evenings, we chat until late every day. then, as I said before, he writes to me first thing in the morning. he tells me he loves me an how happy he is with me.

 

Several times he told me he would like to be a father of my child. He was even thinking what our child would look like. He said he didn't want to have more kids but now he would love to have a child with me. I asked him if he wouldn't mind changing nappies again and not sleeping at night and he said he could do that.

 

Sure, it was just a talk as he is still with his wife so he won't get me pregnant but still, it felt nice at the time.

[Monicax]

 

Maybe it's time to have a heart to heart with him about it all?

 

Yes, I'm thinking about it. But once I have this conversation, there will be no coming back and I'm not sure I'm ready to leave him if he says he won't leave his wife... and if he says that, I will have no choice than to leave.

[Speakingofwhich]

Monicax, I've been an OW twice to the same man. He seems to be the most wonderful man in the world and treated me like a queen. I honestly believe I had a fairly cushy experience as OW, from what I read on here.

 

HOWEVER, it was still a very painful experience at times. It was also isolating.

 

I also will say that although I'm in NC with my XMM, I believe he may very well leave his W as that is his plan and he's in IC. But, even though he plans to do so it doesn't necessarily hold that he'll follow through. And I really didn't want to be the cause of him leaving her.

 

If he had told me he wouldn't leave her, I would have believed him.

 

Since you say you feel you can't leave him I'm not sure this post will be helpful to you. But, if at any time you feel you may be able to put your affair behind you and move on, I would tell you to go for it!

Edited May 26, 2014 by Speakingofwhich