Blondewithsomebrains Posted May 26, 2014 Share Posted May 26, 2014 My husband and I have been married for fifteen years. We have two children under twelve. My H has been a SAHD for most of our marriage. I have a successful business in which I work 60+ hours in a skilled trade. My H has been attending college at his own pace for ten years. He also has many hobbies. Think of the the movie, "Mrs. Doubtfire". Similar situation where I try to be more supportive (and attractive). Although I'm somewhat attractive (slim, feminine, etc) We also don't have sex much. Some of it is due to his lack of ambition. Some is my difficulty to want to be sexual with him because of his drive. I have contemplated divorce, but I am concerned. I would have to support him (I do and have anyways). What about child custody? I'm in a no fault divorce state. Am I destined to pay alimony while I continue to work my life away? And he gets the kids? Please share any thoughts you may find helpful. Thank you for reading this. Link to post Share on other sites
FredJones80 Posted May 26, 2014 Share Posted May 26, 2014 How is your relationship bar sex? You seem to mention nothing about the dynamic aside from the sexual aspect. How was sex at the start and middle of the relationship? It seems a shame to be contemplating divorce based solely on the sex issue if you could somehow work together to rekindle it? Maybe explaining how well your relationship outside of the bedroom is will help readers? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Blondewithsomebrains Posted May 27, 2014 Author Share Posted May 27, 2014 Thank you for your reply. I don't mind supporting financially for a few years. I don't mind at all. He has been battling depression. Has been on meds for that. Basically, I feel I have tried to make him happy, unsuccessfully. I feel like there are ever-present eggshells. He does as he please, just to lift his spirits. Regarding sex, he had ED for some time. I developed some self-esteem issues as a result. I'm now a fit, athletic, professionally successful woman. He can be there sexually but his libido is nill. I've tried to rekindle it. I've thought of outside-of-the box ideas. We have done some MC. It keeps everything in limbo. We live in an upper-income area. I've soldiered on for the sake of the kids. I wouldn't want to lose custody. Or at least, joint-custody. My husband being a SAHD, and myself as a provider, has affected the household dynamic. Co-parenting would be ideal. Is it do-able? Link to post Share on other sites
ashleyjohn Posted May 27, 2014 Share Posted May 27, 2014 So you want to stay together for financial reasons? Hardly a recipe for a happy family life. The courts will give you principal or at least joint custody and yes, you 'may ' have to pay him something for a few years but at least you will have your integrity and own life. My guess is that you will not have to pay anything if you get custody. An ideal situation is that you make an arrangement together. You get principal custody. He pays nothing and gets on with his life. You both continue as active parents. Fair point well made Claire! And "Blondewithsomebrains" , you need to discuss the matter with your husband and mutually decide what you want to do. Link to post Share on other sites
DivorcedDad123 Posted May 27, 2014 Share Posted May 27, 2014 "My husband and I have been married for fifteen years. We have two children under twelve. My H has been a SAHD for most of our marriage. I have a successful business in which I work 60+ hours in a skilled trade" H has been primary caregiver to the kids. You work 60+ hours per week. He's a SAHD,unable to support himself at the moment. Reverse the genders and what do you think the courts would do? Link to post Share on other sites
Decisiontomake Posted May 27, 2014 Share Posted May 27, 2014 Hi there My situation has some synergy with yours. I run my own business too and my husband was a stay at home dad for many years as I built that. I don't care what anyone says, but it does not work in the same way as a husband going out to work and the wife staying at home. It just doesn't. For me it eroded my respect in his lack of drive - it wasn't as though he ran the home in the way I would have done if I had been at home - he was simply physically there. He too began suffering from ED - I do think this has something to do with them feeling emasculated (sp?), as I see that thread in a lot of these similar situations. I've totally shortened the version of my story here to reply to yours directly, but there were many more facets that caused us issues. I love him, but have recently moved out - you can search for my old threads if you want to see more - which date back to 2008! It appears that women with drive outgrow men that don't have it a lot of the time - not always - but a lot. I'm sorry you're struggling with this. Link to post Share on other sites
Minnie09 Posted May 27, 2014 Share Posted May 27, 2014 So you want to stay together for financial reasons? Hardly a recipe for a happy family life. The courts will give you principal or at least joint custody and yes, you 'may ' have to pay him something for a few years but at least you will have your integrity and own life. My guess is that you will not have to pay anything if you get custody. An ideal situation is that you make an arrangement together. You get principal custody. He pays nothing and gets on with his life. You both continue as active parents. What is principal custody and why would OP get it?? Do you mean physical custody? There's legal and physical custody, and both are combined in one way or another during the D. And usually parents end up having shared parenting anyways. In op's case, why would she get the kids? She works 60+ hours and he's been the primary caregiver ....... And he has no income. Unless she wants to claim his depression to make him look like an unfit parent, I don't see why she'd get "Principal" whatever ...... Whatever you mean by that. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts