Is it weird to go to the bar alone?

[SpiralOut]

I was talking to someone about dating and he advised me to go to a gay bar by myself and sit down to relax with a drink. I'm curious about women, hence the gay bar advice, though I think a regular bar might be good too since I'm pretty much straight.

 

I have never done this before. I've always been worried about looking weird, drinking alone. Is it considered normal for someone to do that? How would I even occupy myself while remaining approachable? Do I just stare into space? People watch? Bring a book with me?

[d0nnivain]

Going to a bar alone doesn't guarantee success. Most people have better luck with a wing person.

 

If you do want to venture out alone go to the bar where your target market is. If you want straight people go to a regular bar. If you want gay people go to a gay bar.

[organizedchaos]

I was talking to someone about dating and he advised me to go to a gay bar by myself and sit down to relax with a drink. I'm curious about women, hence the gay bar advice, though I think a regular bar might be good too since I'm pretty much straight.

 

I have never done this before. I've always been worried about looking weird, drinking alone. Is it considered normal for someone to do that? How would I even occupy myself while remaining approachable? Do I just stare into space? People watch? Bring a book with me?

 

You're pretty much straight? What does that mean? And why would you go to a gay bar if you're curious about women?

[amaysngrace]

Are you male or female?

 

My mom says it's okay for a man to go to a bar alone but not a woman. It's some kind of double standard apparently but my mom is a very classy lady so I'm passing on her advice.

 

You're welcome.

[Potz4prez]

The most interesting people I know, I have met while alone at a bar. Go for it. You may not pick up a girl, but you'll definitely meet new people. Hell, you could probably show up alone and find a wingman at the bar

[mammasita]

I go to Happy Hour alone alot......I see nothing wrong with that.

[preraph]

How can anyone answer that if no one knows what sex you are? As a woman, I find going to bars at all awkward unless there's a band I want to see. And I'm someone who goes all over the place alone, including overseas without problems. I just feel it's too awkward to sit in a bar for no reason with no one to talk to. Better to go somewhere that involves an interest, museum, band gig, sporting even alone.

[clia]

There is nothing wrong or weird about going to a bar alone.

 

If you feel awkward about it at first, go on a night when there is a game on the TV to watch, or go there to eat dinner.

[amaysngrace]

No! Don't go to a bar alone!

 

Please.just.don't.

 

You will have nobody to watch your drink if you have to pee :/

[Potz4prez]

How can anyone answer that if no one knows what sex you are? As a woman, I find going to bars at all awkward unless there's a band I want to see. And I'm someone who goes all over the place alone, including overseas without problems. I just feel it's too awkward to sit in a bar for no reason with no one to talk to. Better to go somewhere that involves an interest, museum, band gig, sporting even alone.

 

Channel that awkwardness and spark up conversations! You never did that while overseas? ESPECIALLY in Europe, I could spark up a conversation with anyone at a bar if I was alone. Once I establish a friendly rapport, I typically get invited into their group of friends. It's a blast. I do the same thing at concerts.

 

No! Don't go to a bar alone!

 

Please.just.don't.

 

You will have nobody to watch your drink if you have to pee :/

 

That's why you finish it first... or take it with you.

[Minnie09]

Watch her drink???

Paranoid, much?

Your mother is wrong btw.

I'm pretty classy myself, and I do it occasionally, esp if I have to travel by myself. Big deal......

 

I believe spiral-out is female, but still.....

Do what you're comfortable with. There are no rules. Whether or not you feel awkward about anything only depends on your attitude.

If you feel so awkward that you don't know what to do with yourself while at the bar BY yourself, you probably shouldn't go. You're wayyyyy overthinking it.

Most people check their e-mails or read the paper or text or stare.

Who the **** cares??

[amaysngrace]

Watch her drink???

Paranoid, much?

Your mother is wrong btw.

I'm pretty classy myself, and I do it occasionally, esp if I have to travel by myself. Big deal......

 

No offense but maybe you don't see yourself as bait which is fine but I'm going to give my daughter the same advice although she probably knows about being preyed upon and wouldn't do something as risky as going to a bar alone.

 

We see the heads turn and them staring so she knows even at 16.

 

Spiral do you see yourself as bait? If you do go by yourself just please be careful.

[Minnie09]

No - definitely not as bait.

 

I see myself as a human being with equal opportunities and rights. And I'd teach my daughter these values also. No victim mentality. It'll develop into a self fulfilling prophecy, if anything.

[amaysngrace]

No - definitely not as bait.

 

I see myself as a human being with equal opportunities and rights. And I'd teach my daughter these values also. No victim mentality. It'll develop into a self fulfilling prophecy, if anything.

 

Meh....kind of funny how it's the girl alone in the bar or at the party who ends up being raped though, isn't it?

 

It's not the one in the group.

[amaysngrace]

Here Spiral. Please read this before you venture out to a bar alone:

 

 

7 tips to lower your chance of becoming a rape victim - ABC15 Arizona

 

Thanks!

[KaliLove]

Come on..this Victorian mentality is silly. Girls get raped in school bathrooms more often than they do in public at a bar..should they be accompanied there too? Yes, I agree that you shouldn't leave your drink unattended if you're alone at a bar but that doesn't mean you shouldn't go to a bar alone. I do it and I'm fine. I've even made some friends that way.

 

Instead of terrifying your daughter and making her completely dependent on other people, why not teach her how to defend herself, and how to be smart (i.e. wearing her purse across her chest, and not leaving a drink alone)?

 

She's not an adult yet but she needs to learn how to handle herself when she becomes one. Pretty girls will always get attention. She should learn how to deal with it, not to run away from it.

[Minnie09]

Thank you! Somebody with a normal attitude. So refreshing!

 

I'm so tired of the paranoia. People are evil and stranger danger. Ugh.....

 

Anyhow.....OP should go if she's comfortable. Only she can tell.

It's got nothing to do with dangerous.....

Unless she has no common sense.

[ThatMan]

No - definitely not as bait.

 

I see myself as a human being with equal opportunities and rights. And I'd teach my daughter these values also. No victim mentality. It'll develop into a self fulfilling prophecy, if anything.

Umm... What?

 

Obviously people don't need to avoid bars altogether just because they don't have a friend with them. It's stupid, short-sighted, and just plain naive to think watching your drink is some wild and crazy paranoia.

 

Are you one of those people who takes offense for being told to avoid the more dangerous parts of town? You can scream equal rights as much as you want. Taking a leisurely stroll down Kensington, alone, and in the dark is unsafe. Everybody, absolutely everybody I've ever known had no problem watching their own drinks. You're also supposed to refuse drinks from strangers and only accept a drink if it came directly from the bartender. If anybody here has a normal attitude, it certainly isn't you, unless you're twelve. KaliLove has the right idea and these simple acts aren't even a passing thought, fear, or concern for just about anyone.

[ThatMan]

I think the question was less about fear-mongering and more about whether or not it's awkward to hit the bars alone. Plenty of people have no problem going to a bar by themselves and nobody thinks twice about it. The only thing that might be awkward is questioning your own sexuality. I'm sure SpiralOut doesn't have the nativity of a twelve year old and is fully capable of being safe without even putting thought into it. All you need is common-sense, really.

 

Go to a happy hour sometime.

[d0nnivain]

My mom says it's okay for a man to go to a bar alone but not a woman. It's some kind of double standard apparently but my mom is a very classy lady so I'm passing on her advice.

 

In an era when women didn't go to bars at all, my mom went alone all the time. It's not going to the bar or staying home that makes you a classy lady, it's HOW you act in public.

 

As others have said, there are ways to protect yourself if you go out alone. I would never leave a drink on a bar & return to it but you can finish a drink, go pee & come back to get another drink.

 

How you act once you get there will depend on what you want. Reading a book or even playing on your phone says leave me alone. Making eye contact, smiling & saying hello is an invitation to conversation. Gyrating on the bar is a whole other animal.

 

Depending on the bar the bartender can be your best ally. On a cruise a few years ago I went to the sports bar alone because I wanted to watch the game. None of my travel companions wanted to come. I wore my team's colors, ordered a drink & asked the bartender a Q about the game & whether there would be food. Then I razzed some other passangers who were in the other team's colors. It was pretty clear that I was there as a sports fan. At some point the bartender asked & I told him my friends were in another part of the ship. When some guy hit on me & I couldn't shake him, the bartender helped run interference.

[KaliLove]

In an era when women didn't go to bars at all, my mom went alone all the time. It's not going to the bar or staying home that makes you a classy lady, it's HOW you act in public.

 

As others have said, there are ways to protect yourself if you go out alone. I would never leave a drink on a bar & return to it but you can finish a drink, go pee & come back to get another drink.

 

How you act once you get there will depend on what you want. Reading a book or even playing on your phone says leave me alone. Making eye contact, smiling & saying hello is an invitation to conversation. Gyrating on the bar is a whole other animal.

 

Depending on the bar the bartender can be your best ally. On a cruise a few years ago I went to the sports bar alone because I wanted to watch the game. None of my travel companions wanted to come. I wore my team's colors, ordered a drink & asked the bartender a Q about the game & whether there would be food. Then I razzed some other passangers who were in the other team's colors. It was pretty clear that I was there as a sports fan. At some point the bartender asked & I told him my friends were in another part of the ship. When some guy hit on me & I couldn't shake him, the bartender helped run interference.

 

This happened to me too. I was at a game during football season and some rude monkeyfaced butthead wouldn't stop pestering me so the bartender kicked him out and gave me a free drink.

[hotpotato]

Well, I go drinking alone.

 

I go out late at night alone.

 

It might be weird, but I don't care.

[SpiralOut]

Watch her drink???

Paranoid, much?

Your mother is wrong btw.

I'm pretty classy myself, and I do it occasionally, esp if I have to travel by myself. Big deal......

 

I believe spiral-out is female, but still.....

Do what you're comfortable with. There are no rules. Whether or not you feel awkward about anything only depends on your attitude.

If you feel so awkward that you don't know what to do with yourself while at the bar BY yourself, you probably shouldn't go. You're wayyyyy overthinking it.

Most people check their e-mails or read the paper or text or stare.

Who the **** cares??

 

That's right I'm female.

Lol I like your attitude. I don't know anyone who goes to a bar alone for a drink. It is always going to the club in a big group and getting drunk and dancing, or bringing drinks to someone's place. I go to coffee shops alone all the time and it's no big deal. I guess I could try a bar.

 

I think the question was less about fear-mongering and more about whether or not it's awkward to hit the bars alone. Plenty of people have no problem going to a bar by themselves and nobody thinks twice about it. The only thing that might be awkward is questioning your own sexuality. I'm sure SpiralOut doesn't have the nativity of a twelve year old and is fully capable of being safe without even putting thought into it. All you need is common-sense, really.

 

Go to a happy hour sometime.

 

Yeah I'm not concerned about my safety. I know how to look after myself. And I do feel awkward about seeking out women. I don't know what I'm doing and my "gaydar" is non-existent.

 

I think I will try it within the next couple of weeks. I'll come back and post afterwards.

[hotpotato]

Do you have any lesbian bars around you?

 

Im sure there must be meetups and things like that for LGBT? Maybe try that.

 

Or online dating.

 

Good luck.

[d0nnivain]

If you are bi-curious, which is how I'm reading your last post, you should assume that any women hitting on you in a gay bar is a lesbian. In a regular bar, it's unlikely that women will talk to you. If one does, the more touching, the more likely she is not straight but that is a very basic stereotype.

 

Before you go if safety is a concern, make a plan. Don't drink too much. Have a safe way home. Make sure somebody knows where you are going & what time to expect you home. Do not leave a drink unattended.

 

Have fun & remember to smile.