She wants to end the relationship

[bulbasaur]

I have been dating a single mom with a kid for 8 months. She divorced her husband due to cheating. We have known each other for almost 10 years but didnt talk and werent close untill we started dating.

 

We were going to get married. We went to look at rings awhile back and I bought the ring she wanted recently and was going to propose to her and she knows about it. We are a couple in are mid 20's. Im single and have no kids.

 

She got furious with me and irate because of this incident. Yesterday night in bed, she stated to me, "Your family doesnt like me right" "Your family doesnt like me right?" While she had 3 drinks of alcohol because she couldnt sleep.

 

She said that in a calm friendly manner as if I would of told her no it would be okay. My family loves her. I replied back to her " two of my cousins didnt initially like you" Then after that she got mad, upset, and irate.

 

She said "is it because im a single mom?" I told her in some ways thats true but it was mainly because of how I used to ask them advice on how to make her happy when she broke up with me awhile back due to my job when she was mad at me for no reason and they got tired of how she kept hurting and controlling me and thought she was borderline.

 

 

Now she has the perceptions that my family doesnt like her and that is why she never has met any of my family. She has met my parents and they love her but now she doesnt trust me at all and thinks im just saying that they love her but they really dont.

 

She says she doesnt want to be associated with anyone who has family like that who doesnt like someone just because they have a kid and think they are better.

 

Once my cousins told me they didnt initially think they liked her I did not associate with them and I shut them out of my life. They apologized to me and understanded that I love her and how I see her kid as one of my own. I still dont talk to them because of that incidient

 

I told her this and that there is nothing i can do, all that matters is what i think and feel and it doesnt matter if someone doesnt like you.

 

She wants to give up, this is scary because she has a kid and i cant think of how she can just leave me like this after i raised the kid for 8 months even though she has a father who she sees alot.

 

What can I do to show her that my family loves her?

What can I do to make her not mad at me? Its not my fault, I didnt do anything. I just told the truth and she doesnt trust me now.

 

I need your help quick its going to go down today

Edited May 27, 2014 by bulbasaur

[Eivuwan]

First, don't talk about serious topics when one of you are intoxicated. Second, listen to your family. They care about you and don't like her for a reason. Third, she does sound very insecure and not ready for a relationship. You have only been dating for 8 months. It sounds way too soon to get married. Did you date her soon after her divorce? I don't think she's over the problems with her ex-husband yet.

[bulbasaur]

No she divorced 3 years ago. My family loves her.

[dichotomy]

I suspect she is using this as an excuse - either standard normal cold feet over marriage, or real doubts.

 

Why not simply tell her "lets just take it easy for a while - you will see"

 

Another tack - how does her family see you? You could turn it around and ask her - if she says they do love you - ask her "well what if they did not?"

[Eivuwan]

I think whether or not your family loves her is not the real issue. I think she's feeling insecure about your love and is hyper-vigilant about any instances in which you seem to be siding with your family. Next time she asks about these things, just say that your family loves her, but no matter what they think you love her. If that's not good enough for her, then I don't know. It seems pretty extreme.