Girlfriend of 5 years cheated [6 month NC update]

[realfriends]

For those of you who dont know my story, I will link it here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/450079-girlfriend-5-years-cheated

 

TL;DR: Highschool sweetheart of 5 years cheated on me right before the final semester of college and completely devastated me.

 

So I'd like to share how things have gone these last 6 months as I know this was the hardest thing I have gone through in my life and I know my story, although not complete, might give people so hope and some insight.

 

Month 1 NC: I reached a point where I had enough. My heart was completely shattered and she was not fighting for me no matter what I did. Every ounce of effort I did, she shot down. I decided enough is enough and went into NC ( at the time I also went into it because she said we should try it out and I read how it might bring her back). Lets just say the first month, I can't remember a day when I didn't cry and wasn't depressed.

 

The only time I heard from her was for Thanksgiving and Christmas

 

Month 2 NC: Still, things were not getting a lot better. School was starting up, the final semester, and I no longer had my best friend along side. Things were hard. Hard to study, concentrate, have motivation. I actually would walk unnecessary pathways to try to bump into her at school because I missed her so much. Luckily I never ran into her. I became close with an old friend of mine who I had neglected over the years and came friends with his 5 roommates. They were all into sports, which I had lost over the past 5 years, and decided to do intramural sports with them.

 

No contact from her

 

Month 3 NC: Things started to get a little better this month. Mornings were still hard sometimes. I would call my mother every now in then at 6AM but not as often as I used to. School was still a little hard to concentrate on but with the IM sports and classes, at least most of the time I had something to take my mind off of things.

 

No contact from her

 

Month 4 NC: This is where I started to realize that she wasn't coming back. That NC is for me. For me to heal. Not a game anymore. I realized that she should know the consequences of her actions and if she truly wanted another chance, she would have to move mountains, which I know she could do. This month, I started to focus on me. This is when I really got sick of all of the bs and wanted it to be done. I now avoided where she worked on campus like the plague.

 

She congratulated me on my acceptance into Graduate school. That was all.

 

Month 5 NC: School was ending this month. I slacked a bit and didn't do as well as I typically do but I was accepted into graduate school and everything now was done. She left me a note on my car one day at my house and texted me about 4 times because she was leaving to go down south. TL;DR: she was pretty much saying sorry. She was saying she had faced a lot of rough times this semesters and can only imagine what I had to go through. She said she understands that Im trying to live my life without her and that she respects that decision but hopes if we ever cross paths again that id be open to talk to her (I believe she thinks we can be friendly which we can't). She also told me about her acceptance to the same graduate school as mine and wished me the best of luck in everything I do. I decided to break NC after 5 months and just say congratulations on your acceptance. This sparked two responses from her but none from me. During commencement ceremonies, I actually didn't see her walk or hear her name. I must of been busy talking to my friends but on my way to my car, she was parked two spots over and she was in the car. I just waved and smiled at her. I dont even know what she did because I didn't pay much attention to it. She also sent me a text saying how happy I looked on stage and how she was very proud of me.

 

Month 6 NC:I finally am starting to see the light. Im starting to miss the way I used to feel because I know this means I'm moving on. Ive gone on a date with a girl, nothing serious, as she is also moving and realize that I will find someone great in the future. Ive worked hard on bettering myself and being more confident and outgoing. I no longer think about her, only sometimes at night (I play music to cancel those thoughts). I know the future holds many bright things ahead for me and I'm ready for the challenges I will face along the way. I have learned a lot about myself and about love over these last 6 months that I never would of without this breakup. "If you never break, you'll never know how to put yourself back together". Im taking the positives about the end of this relationship and doing my best to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

 

No contact from her

 

 

I know healing for everyone is different. It might take me a year to say I'm completely over it. You might be at 5 months still feeling like ****. Just know that it gets better if you keep chugging along and taking the advice that the people on LS repeat over and over.

 

I only expect to hear from her once more in my life as my birthday is in about a month or so. That will probably be the last time I hear from her ever and I can say I am ready.

[Omei]

Sorry to hear about your story!

 

The best part is you stuck to your studies and came out of the breakup with a large circle of friends!

 

job well done!

[realfriends]

Thank you. I always look at it like this,

 

"Life is like a game of cards. The hand you are dealt is determinism; the way you play it is free will." - Jawaharlal Nehru

[Spectre]

Well you dodged a bullet I would say. As sweet as she might of been..she showed you her true colors. I also had the misfortune of being cheated on by a girl you would of never thought would do it. It is shattering, but trust me when I say it gets better, you are just 6 months in and you relationship was 5 years so I think you have a bit more time until you are 100% healed.

[realfriends]

Well you dodged a bullet I would say. As sweet as she might of been..she showed you her true colors. I also had the misfortune of being cheated on by a girl you would of never thought would do it. It is shattering, but trust me when I say it gets better, you are just 6 months in and you relationship was 5 years so I think you have a bit more time until you are 100% healed.

 

I agree. I have a lot of time left until I am fully healed. Sometimes, I like to think that I have dodged a bullet but I can think back about our relationship now and still think highly of it and smile.

 

A saying that I go by until it proves to be wrong is

Im not getting over it, just getting used to it

 

6 months of not hearing or seeing someone really does something to you. Same thing happened to my father when he and my mother divorced. I have learned life lessons with me that I will take with me to the grave and all I can do is hope she has too.

[ja123]

Thanks for sharing your story, OP.

 

 

You've got a great attitude. It's inspiring!

[mangetout]

Good for you OP

[realfriends]

Thank you guys. It means a lot to me. Ive worked really hard on this process just as everyone on LS is doing, and I can finally see it starting to pay off.

[krooton25]

I feel like those loyal people who LOVE so much always get hurt and find people who will in turn betray them.

 

I was in, and it had been a long winded nasty story before i came to realize that the guy wasn't for me. He cheated and left me for another girl, and once you cheated, you don't go WAITING for him to come back. That instantly tells you that this person loves himself (and his own needs) more than you. You deserve better.

 

Why do you have to wait of 6 months? You should've started dating and forget about her.... right away. Try NOT to look back and don't think of her. You deserve better than being cheated on. People change, yes, but when they cheat, IT IS a choice and they chose to disrespect you and the time you shared together.

Edited May 28, 2014 by krooton25

[realfriends]

I feel like those loyal people who LOVE so much always get hurt and find people who will in turn betray them.

 

I was in, and it had been a long winded nasty story before i came to realize that the guy wasn't for me. He cheated and left me for another girl, and once you cheated, you don't go WAITING for him to come back. That instantly tells you that this person loves himself (and his own needs) more than you. You deserve better.

 

Why do you have to wait of 6 months? You should've started dating and forget about her.... right away. Try NOT to look back and don't think of her. You deserve better than being cheated on. People change, yes, but when they cheat, IT IS a choice and they chose to disrespect you and the time you shared together.

 

You dont have to wait 6 months. Each person is different. i just didn't feel ready to "date" till just recently and it was more of a friendly thing.

 

I dont know your exact story but it sounds like you have been hurt as well recently. I know when this first happened I had serious trust issues that I thought I would carry with me for awhile. I have worked hard on regaining trust in people. I have a thread on it if you want to read about. it.http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/cheating-flirting-jealousy/472024-trust-jealousy

[Trufita]

It must have been very hard for you, I'm glad you are doing well. Five years was a very long time, so don't get upset if it seems like it's taking too long to get over her. It took me 2 years to be completely over my first love (3 years together). It was other circumstances, though.

[realfriends]

So this month has been....weird.

 

Its only a month until I start graduate school (i.e die). Ive still been looking for places to live and people to live with which is new for me as Ive always had people to live with. Funny thing is, she's going to the same school and she's probably doing the same thing that I am doing.

 

I recently visited the campus and it made me a little sad that I will be experiencing it on my own. I will be exploring everything by myself and what not.

 

This month my roommates have not been here so the feeling of loneliness has been a struggle for sure. Me in my apartment without a job sucks. I do a lot to get out of the house when I can.

 

My birthday is coming up in a few days. Who knows if she will say anything. Ive already decided I will respond with a thank you. I dont know. Im just kind of sick of things. Im not hoping to open up a line of communication but this time, if it happens, I think I'm ready for it.

 

Its all still kind of surreal to me.

 

I still listen to music to help me sleep at night.

 

I try not to come on LS much because a lot of stuff I see seems to make me feel down, esp everything in the cheating section.

 

I'll keep putting one foot in front of the other and putting myself in a position to prosper.