Three weeks into separation - it's the right thing, but it's still hard!

[Decisiontomake]

So, I'm three weeks into living in an apartment, having moved out of my family home. I am a female, and been married for 20 years this year, together for 23 years. Two kids, nearly 19 and 16.

 

 

Problems had been present for a few years, but the decision to separate was no less difficult. I still feel it is the right thing to be doing at this time, for both of us to try and have some space and figure out what we want for the next 20 years, but the roller coaster of emotions are something I knew would come, but are so hard to actually experience.

 

 

My personality is such that I can usually find a "quick fix" to most situations -work or personal - and so to have to just "be" and try and let time help work this out is so incredibly difficult and against who I am.

 

 

I do love my husband - but it doesn't feel like it's the right kind of love anymore. I love him because he's a lovely guy, and I've been with him since I was 17 but I don't love him like a partner, a lover, a husband. It makes me so sad to say that because it would be easier if I did, and I question why I don't, but I just don't.

 

 

That said, it is such a tug to want to go home - to want to be in my familiar surroundings, with all the family. I would say I'm ok 70% of the time, but the other 30% is sheer hell! I'm finding it hard to concentrate at work (another strange thing for me), and I just don't want to do anything right now.

 

 

I started to share the journey when I first left, but it's been such an introspective path that I hadn't done so again until now. I'm not asking anything as such - although it would be nice to hear from anyone who knew it was the right thing to do but still had the feelings of love and the emotional angst that goes on top of that.