How does a guy become interesting enough to women to get dates?

[Keenly]

Precisely.....

 

Heck, its a lot more fun to sit at home, eat a bowl of Frosted Flakes and go out for a bike ride...but I got bills to pay and mouths to feed and people who count on me daily....Thats what being a man is all about...

 

For some, its not against the law to do this crap..So stay at home, smoke weed, watch cartoons, and play Minecraft....Just dont bitch about why you never get laid or that a good woman should just be willing to accept you as you are....because they wont...they have too many better options..

 

TFY

 

I know a few woman that live that lifestyle. Imagine that.

[somedude81]

I've told you all this before. Everything you are now, change it. Whatever you do now, do the opposite. Whatever you are afraid of, do that very thing.

 

That is the worst advice I have ever heard.

 

I thought you were joking the first time you said it.

 

Now I see that you're actually serious....

[sillyanswer]

That is the worst advice I have ever heard.

 

I thought you were joking the first time you said it.

 

Now I see that you're actually serious....

 

The part of it that suggests getting out of your comfort zone is probably good advice.

[sillyanswer]

So, Somedude, which meetup groups have you found in your area that interest you?

[thefooloftheyear]

I know a few woman that live that lifestyle. Imagine that.

 

 

And there are women that give 5 dollar blowjobs all day for drug money...Im trying to see the point here..

 

TFY

[KaliLove]

Precisely.....

 

Heck, its a lot more fun to sit at home, eat a bowl of Frosted Flakes and go out for a bike ride...but I got bills to pay and mouths to feed and people who count on me daily....Thats what being a man is all about...

 

For some, its not against the law to do this crap..So stay at home, smoke weed, watch cartoons, and play Minecraft....Just dont bitch about why you never get laid or that a good woman should just be willing to accept you as you are....because they wont...they have too many better options..

 

TFY

 

Oh come on. It's a pretty big leap to go from someone who enjoys gaming and costume stuff and cons and whatever as a leisure activity outside of their responsibilities to a total loser who can't hold down a job and sits around smoking weed and watching cartoons.

 

Your thinking here is a bit archaic. Video games and all that stuff isn't just for kids. In fact, a lot of it is most definitely NOT for kids..all those violent killing games..hell no. I wouldn't give those to an 11 year old. They're marketed towards adults, and it's one of the biggest industries out there..so you're definitely in the minority if you think adults shouldn't be playing video games.

 

Although I do agree with you that it's creepy for a 42 year old man to be intentionally interacting with 11 year olds online..but it would be creepy whether it was a game or a chat room or a tutoring site. It's your job as a parent to arm your daughter against pedophiles and to keep a close eye on what she does online..and it sounds like you're doing a great job of that already.

[clia]

So, Somedude, which meetup groups have you found in your area that interest you?

 

The anime group he linked above is meeting tonight.

 

Are you going to go, Somedude?

[normal person]

No, we get it. Its not that we are not understanding what you are saying.

 

You are saying that you should conform to the world. Change yourself to please others.

 

Because other people like SD have had so much luck waiting for the world to conform to them, correct? Maybe you're right, his future wife is going to suddenly drop all her standards, not care about any shortcoming, and fall right into his lap. Honestly, this is that self-affirming entitled mentality that so many people have today and wonder why they aren't successful with women. I feel bad for young people reading posts like that and thinking its good advice.

 

You act like "change" is a curse word, like we're all born perfect as is and any amount of effort to make yourself more appealing or improve your standing is some cultural blasphemy. Change and effort breed success and accomplishment. Getting what you want in life isn't easy. If by insinuating that I've "changed" myself and am therefore less likable, so be it. I "changed" when I studied hard to get into a top 50 school. I "changed" when I finished grad school at age 23. I "changed" when I went out on my own to start my own business and I "changed" when I got everything I wanted out of it and more. The thing that you can't see is that is that I changed to please myself, to get what I want, not someone else. That was a collateral affect -- exactly what SD is after. It wasn't a fun process, I didn't do it because I liked reading textbooks 3 hours a day for years. No it wasn't "who I am" in your definition. But it made me who I am now and that's what I was after all along.

 

 

That's cool if you want to let the people around you dictate who you are as a person.

 

Thanks, I needed a laugh. You seem to think I don't have individual characteristics or personality traits. And you know nothing about me. Really all I've alluded to is the fact that I typically don't spend time doing things that provide nothing but an escape from reality. If you need rationalize time wasting activities with "I don't let other people dictate who I am," then good for you. I don't do that stuff because it makes me feel like a waste of life, not because some guy on the internet thinks I don't have a mind of my own. My time is better spent improving my life, not simply passing through it. Whatever you want to do with your time is fine by me as long as you don't complain about how little affords you. Which is the case here.

 

I mean it kind of shows that you are a walking piece of human clay, but if it makes you happy it makes you happy.

 

If I'm a walking piece of clay -- one who manages to make mid six figures annually working from home doing what he loves in his sweatpants, dating dozens of beautiful, accomplished women -- then so be it. And yeah, it makes me very happy. This is exactly what I wanted. I'm one of the happiest, most satisfied people I know. Tell me again how the time I spent working towards what I wanted would have been better spent watching anime.

 

 

A person with any form of self esteem or confidence wouldn't change themselves or the things they love because they are trying to win the approval of the people around them.

 

Back to this again and your baseless assumption that anyone who wants to "change" or improve is doing so merely to "win approval" or isn't authentic. You know what creates self-esteem and confidence? Accomplishing things. Seeing the the blood, sweat, and tears you put into something come through and pay off. Getting the return on the investment you put in yourself. The reward you get for taking a chance. Giving up things you like for something better down the road.

 

Let's be real, as humans not all our indulgences are beneficial. You're assuming that everything that makes us "who we are" is inherently good. MUCH of the stuff we do is detrimental. Are you saying drug addicts shouldn't stop doing drugs because it's "who they are?" or that serial killers shouldn't stop killing people because it's "who they are?." If they want to keep living or stay out of jail, they need to drop that stuff and spend their time and money in more efficient ways. If SD or anyone else wants success, he needs to remove his lesser qualities and habits. Maybe you're perfect Keenly, but I'm certainly not. I needed to actually work to get what I wanted and give up time and things I liked. And I continue to do so. But you're right, despite any accomplishment in my life, I have no confidence and no self esteem because I willingly subtract frivolous things I enjoy on a visceral level in order to make tangible progress. Makes perfect sense.

 

Eventually if people want success they have to grow up and remove the things in their life that are detracting from their progress. I see video games and cartoons as a gigantic distraction and strike against most people over the age of 15 who want something they don't have. If you want to vilify me for that and suggesting people be who they are, go ahead. I don't live in a Disney movie where everyone meets the beautiful princess at the end through the magic of self-acceptance. A lot of people are being who they are and have no success to show for it. It's almost laughable that you denounce me for suggesting someone change when the title of this thread is a little more than "HOW DO I CHANGE?"

 

 

 

Sorry that the people you know that participate in these activities are complete losers, but its quite assinine to take your two anecdotal examples and apply them to a market of tens of millions as a whole.

 

That's not at all what I did. I mentioned quite clearly that I'm sure most people who do this stuff have no problem maintaining healthy professional or personal lives, but the person in question isn't one of them and that's where I drew the comparison.

 

Who are you to tell some one else what is important?

 

Isn't that what everyone does in a thread like this? Suggest what's important? Don't you do that by suggesting it's important to not compromise? It's just an opinion, I'm sorry if you feel slighted, there's no "right answer."

 

I'm curious to read what you have to say in response.

[organizedchaos]

For those of you who thinks it's not right for a 32 year old man to be playing video games, I give you the facts from the Entertainment Software Association (ESA).

 

59% of Americans play video games

Average age: 31

Average age for most frequent game purchaser: 35

48% of all gamer players are female

 

Read more here:

The Entertainment Software Association - Industry Facts

[Untouched]

I don't care if he plays video games or not. Just, everything that has created your life, Somedude81, seems to have not created what you are wanting. If you are not willing to make changes, I think it's safe to say that your life will stay pretty much like it has been so far in your adult life, because why shouldn't it be?

[thefooloftheyear]

For those of you who thinks it's not right for a 32 year old man to be playing video games, I give you the facts from the Entertainment Software Association (ESA).

 

59% of Americans play video games

Average age: 31

Average age for most frequent game purchaser: 35

48% of all gamer players are female

 

Read more here:

The Entertainment Software Association - Industry Facts

 

 

Well, you can look at that in two ways actually....

 

TFY

[clia]

For those of you who thinks it's not right for a 32 year old man to be playing video games, I give you the facts from the Entertainment Software Association (ESA).

 

59% of Americans play video games

Average age: 31

Average age for most frequent game purchaser: 35

48% of all gamer players are female

 

Read more here:

The Entertainment Software Association - Industry Facts

 

Great, then somedude should have no problem meeting women who share his interests.

[preraph]

One thing's for certain: You're not going to change if you never leave your house. So I'd say the suggestion to change everything up if it's not working for you is a very sound suggestion. You can't claim to be a satisfied homebody slacker and at the same time be militant that you can't attract women. I'm not saying the OP has exactly said this, but others have. If all you do is virtual stuff at home, you're not living a real life. You're playing games. Usually children mature out of this stage and want to get out and do actual real activities with real people and have a real life. If you don't, then you also can't whine you're not getting laid. You can be a hermit. You can't be a hermit + 1, unless that 1 is your mother.

[GravityMan]

You have to forget about doing interesting things with the GOAL of being interesting to women. You have to do things that are interesting to YOU, and the side effect of that will be that you attract women who find that thing interesting as well.

 

Follow your passions. People are attracted to passionate people.

 

Somedude and others that are in the same predicament as him oughta print out your post, blow up the font size and frame it on their walls.

 

Your insight goes beyond doing interesting things. It's just as true for things such as how one dresses, how a guy acts towards women, various life choices one makes, and so on.

 

Guys who make it a goal of being interesting or impressive to women are pretty much putting them on a pedestal. Those guys are shooting themselves in the foot.

 

If they would just be themselves and get to a point where they are happy with being themselves, then it's highly likely they will have a much easier time attracting women, especially those that have a decent chance to be pretty good matches.

 

In general, most people don't get attracted to others because those others tried to impress them. It's far more likely that they got attracted due to the way the other person lived his/her OWN life and the way he carried himself.

[somedude81]

Off topic, but still relevant.

 

I just submitted a fallow up application questionnaire to a IT networking internship that I applied to a couple of days ago.

 

Of course I'm going to keep looking for work as the most important thing to me right now is making money.

 

Right now my priorities are, believe it or not; get paid, then get laid.

[Untouched]

Are you finished with school?

[somedude81]

Are you finished with school?

 

Almost.

 

I'm taking two classes for the summer.

 

And then in the fall I need to get through...... calculus. *dies*

 

Just getting a D in calculus will be sufficient, but it will be the hardest D I've ever gotten.

[Teknoe]

And then in the fall I need to get through...... calculus. *dies*

 

Just getting a D in calculus will be sufficient, but it will be the hardest D I've ever gotten.

 

 

Be proactive. Find a strong tutor ASAP in calculus, and really devote yourself to your studies. You can pass the class with a much better grade than a D if you prepare yourself right.

 

Failing to prepare, I hate to sound cliche but it's so trie. is preparing to fail. You know this is a weakness, so it's time to get on it. If you devoted half the mental energy to calculus as you do on video games, the internet and how to attract girls, you'd passing calculus for sure.

[KathyM]

Too much time on video games, message boards, chat rooms and the like is time away from studying to make sure you pass your classes. It's also time away from actually meeting people and interacting with people. If your goal is to pass your classes and to date women, then more time studying and putting yourself out there to meet people and less time spent on video gaming would make sense. A lot of people spend hours a day on gaming, and what do they have to show for it? Nothing, really.

[normal person]

Too much time on video games, message boards, chat rooms and the like is time away from studying to make sure you pass your classes. It's also time away from actually meeting people and interacting with people. If your goal is to pass your classes and to date women, then more time studying and putting yourself out there to meet people and less time spent on video gaming would make sense. A lot of people spend hours a day on gaming, and what do they have to show for it? Nothing, really.

 

Much more concise than I was able to put it. I wish it wasn't such an unpopular opinion here. Sadly, Keenly may admonish you for suggesting SD not do these things because they're "who he is." The theme of a lot of these threads seems to be "how do I get what I want without having to do anything for it?"

[thefooloftheyear]

Much more concise than I was able to put it. I wish it wasn't such an unpopular opinion here. Sadly, Keenly may admonish you for suggesting SD not do these things because they're "who he is." The theme of a lot of these threads seems to be "how do I get what I want without having to do anything for it?"

 

Or more like "insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result..."

 

TFY

[KaliLove]

Too much time on video games, message boards, chat rooms and the like is time away from studying to make sure you pass your classes. It's also time away from actually meeting people and interacting with people. If your goal is to pass your classes and to date women, then more time studying and putting yourself out there to meet people and less time spent on video gaming would make sense. A lot of people spend hours a day on gaming, and what do they have to show for it? Nothing, really.

 

But there's a difference between gaming as a side activity and making it your whole life. It's similar to the difference between a person who enjoys an occasional drink and an alcoholic. This is an unfair stigma that is attached to computer games and not to other activities. Tons and tons of people meet through gaming these days..it's pretty much its own subculture at this point.

 

Why is it so wrong to meet people through a hobby you enjoy? Would you say the same thing if people were meeting through a shared love of photography (which is also something that tends to be a solitary activity)?

[KathyM]

Much more concise than I was able to put it. I wish it wasn't such an unpopular opinion here. Sadly, Keenly may admonish you for suggesting SD not do these things because they're "who he is." The theme of a lot of these threads seems to be "how do I get what I want without having to do anything for it?"

I'm not suggesting he give up video games alltogether, or message boards, etc., but just that he probably needs to cut down on those time wasters, and invest the time into things that will accomplish his goals. Like studying so he is able to pass his classes and finally graduate. And going out to meet people and investing more time in a social life through Meetup groups, interest groups, and other venues, rather than investing so much time in gaming and message boards where he will not be accomplishing his goals.