How does a guy become interesting enough to women to get dates?

[Candy_Pants]

Already sold out? Bah. And I can't make AnimeExpo this year either.

 

Yeah it might be cool to meet up. Though for what?

This is your problem. Meet up with this person. No, he might not have tits, or be able to directly lead you to the candy factory(pussy), but he's making a bid to interact with you, and by saying "though for what" you are rejecting his bid. Once someone is rejected they RARELY make the effort to try again. Then there you'll be, 30 something with no friends because you can't respond in an inviting manner to people's bids to connect with you.

[sillyanswer]

People in this thread are literally suggesting you, as a 32 year old man, dress up in a costume and attend a convention. Am I reading this right?

 

Yes. People are suggesting that he does activities that he might enjoy (at which women may be present), rather than merely do things coldly calculated to find a girlfriend.

[Els]

Yes. People are suggesting that he does activities that he might enjoy (at which women may be present), rather than merely do things coldly calculated to find a girlfriend.

 

 

Exactly. Who the heck cares whether the odds of getting a girlfriend from comicon are 50% or 1%. It's fun and he'll meet people. And yes there are real girls there, lots of them!

[sillyanswer]

Bah, I blame it on the pictures. I really do look horrible in the vast majority of them I'm in.

 

You've said this before. Time to take action and get some better photos?

[xxoo]

Really dude? How common do you think that desire to "contribute to the world" actually is for the average man?

 

The vast majority of men just want to get paid and get laid.

 

The average man's ambition and concern for their community and the world is far more than zero. Some have a lot more than others, but to have NONE puts you in the "far below average" category.

 

I don't suppose you cAn manufacture drive and concern for others that doesn't exist, but things like this are exactly why you don't attract and connect with people in typical ways. It is less about you being interesting, and more about you lacking interest in the lives if those around you.

[thefooloftheyear]

Exactly. Who the heck cares whether the odds of getting a girlfriend from comicon are 50% or 1%. It's fun and he'll meet people. And yes there are real girls there, lots of them!

 

I hear what you guys are saying and I dont think its wise to become someone you arent, but there is a way around this..

 

I love hot and fast cars....When I was younger and stupid, I did dumb outlaw crap with this hobby/passion....Well some 35 years later, I never gave it up, just morphed it into something more healthy and age appropriate..I now restore and will race at times, but only at sanctioned tracks and such...And I meet and interact with a lot of great regular folks like myself and have a blast..There are still guys my age doing the stuff I used to do as a kid, but they are losers and nobodies..

 

In the case of this guy, I know nothing about gaming or anything of that nature...Maybe he doesnt have to give up his passions, but morph it into something that is more appealing and age appropriate..

 

Bad analogy perhaps as I am trying to get out of here this morning, but something worth considering...

 

TFY

[ASG]

Something tells me guys way outnumber women at these things too so somedude81's chances of meeting a girl to date there might not be so great....just saying

 

That's actually not completely true. Specially the Anime world, is very female dominated. The small cons I attend have a rough 50/50 ratio of male/female and bigger cons, like Dragon Con (not been to SDCC or any others though) have a 40/60 ratio of female/male.~

 

Gaming cons tend to be more male dominated, yes. But cosplay/anime and even regular sci fi/pop culture cons have a better distribution!

 

It's not that bad! And you find all sorts of people there.

[ASG]

I hear what you guys are saying and I dont think its wise to become someone you arent, but there is a way around this..

 

I love hot and fast cars....When I was younger and stupid, I did dumb outlaw crap with this hobby/passion....Well some 35 years later, I never gave it up, just morphed it into something more healthy and age appropriate..I now restore and will race at times, but only at sanctioned tracks and such...And I meet and interact with a lot of great regular folks like myself and have a blast..There are still guys my age doing the stuff I used to do as a kid, but they are losers and nobodies..

 

In the case of this guy, I know nothing about gaming or anything of that nature...Maybe he doesnt have to give up his passions, but morph it into something that is more appealing and age appropriate..

 

Bad analogy perhaps as I am trying to get out of here this morning, but something worth considering...

 

TFY

 

The thing is, conventions are not for kids. The largest percentage of attendees is over 30. This is a fact I have observed on my own, by going to about 4 or 5 cons a year!

 

In any case, I suggested this as a way to interact with people who have the same interests as he does (anime/japanese culture/gaming), since those seem to be the only things he's remotely interested in.

 

Now... I don't know if it'll work. Especially not if he will keep asking people "why are we hanging out for? Will there me women??". Because that will sound all the creep alarms and not only will he come out of those experiences with no friends, he'll also be "blacklisted" by most women.

 

SD - honestly, what prompted you to ask topaMAXX that??? What went through your mind? Honest answer, please!

[Els]

I hear what you guys are saying and I dont think its wise to become someone you arent, but there is a way around this..

 

I love hot and fast cars....When I was younger and stupid, I did dumb outlaw crap with this hobby/passion....Well some 35 years later, I never gave it up, just morphed it into something more healthy and age appropriate..I now restore and will race at times, but only at sanctioned tracks and such...And I meet and interact with a lot of great regular folks like myself and have a blast..There are still guys my age doing the stuff I used to do as a kid, but they are losers and nobodies..

 

In the case of this guy, I know nothing about gaming or anything of that nature...Maybe he doesnt have to give up his passions, but morph it into something that is more appealing and age appropriate..

 

Bad analogy perhaps as I am trying to get out of here this morning, but something worth considering...

 

TFY

 

 

Well, I don't know about age-appropriate... I suspect that what's considered 'age appropriate' changes according to the times (there was a time after all when it was considered age-appropriate for a boy to become a man and start working full-time at 13 ).

 

But I agree that broadening horizons and trying out new things (or new ways of doing things, like you suggest) is always good.

[thefooloftheyear]

Well, I don't know about age-appropriate... I suspect that what's considered 'age appropriate' changes according to the times (there was a time after all when it was considered age-appropriate for a boy to become a man and start working full-time at 13 ).

 

But I agree that broadening horizons and trying out new things (or new ways of doing things, like you suggest) is always good.

 

 

Like I said...I know nothing about gaming...I think the last time I played a video game was in 1983..Maybe it was Pac Man or a hand held Coleco football game..:laugh:

 

Anyway, one of my daughters friends fathers plays Minecraft every day after he comes home from work..He is in his early 40's...I guess with that game you interact with other users while you "play"..He will occasionally interact with his daughter and her friends(one being my daughter)...I dont like it and told her to block him out..All of the mothers are against it and think the guy is an idiot.

 

.I think he's harmless, but the point is that you kinda have to turn a page eventually on some of this stuff, especially as a man, but maybe I am just an old school type and need to get with the program....I dunno...*shrug*

 

TFY

[Iguanna]

I'm basically asking what I can do from a blank slate to be more interesting an attractive to women.

 

I'll tell you once again. You have to stop seeing women as a goal to reach and start considering them as human beings who have feelings, they want to be happy, they have insecurities, they worry, etc. Try to approach them like people first of all. Like potential friends. Try to show your true self and not one you think women will like. I know that men hear every day that women are attracted from the bad guys, but, between us, do you really want to be with such an immature woman? Mature and smart women will know how to identify the good guy and keep him.

 

I hope my post doesn't get thrown to garbage by you like all the others regarding this matter were:(

[Keenly]

Like I said...I know nothing about gaming...I think the last time I played a video game was in 1983..Maybe it was Pac Man or a hand held Coleco football game..:laugh:

 

Anyway, one of my daughters friends fathers plays Minecraft every day after he comes home from work..He is in his early 40's...I guess with that game you interact with other users while you "play"..He will occasionally interact with his daughter and her friends(one being my daughter)...I dont like it and told her to block him out..All of the mothers are against it and think the guy is an idiot.

 

.I think he's harmless, but the point is that you kinda have to turn a page eventually on some of this stuff, especially as a man, but maybe I am just an old school type and need to get with the program....I dunno...*shrug*

 

TFY

 

You really do. People in this thread are still stuck in the dark ages of gaming

The industry and target audience has exploded over the last 15 years. You can't really apply your social stigmas from the 80s to the present, especially when this generation has a majority of people who played games growing up.

[thefooloftheyear]

You really do. People in this thread are still stuck in the dark ages of gaming

The industry and target audience has exploded over the last 15 years. You can't really apply your social stigmas from the 80s to the present, especially when this generation has a majority of people who played games growing up.

 

But its not just me....EVERYONE other than him thinks its weird and creepy..Including even his own wife!....

 

 

Like I said, Ill accept the changes in the way people do things, but have a daughter and then tell me that when she is 11 years old that its acceptable to interact with a 42 year old "man" in any type of venue...It just isnt...

 

TFY

[Els]

But its not just me....EVERYONE other than him thinks its weird and creepy..Including even his own wife!....

 

 

Like I said, Ill accept the changes in the way people do things, but have a daughter and then tell me that when she is 11 years old that its acceptable to interact with a 42 year old "man" in any type of venue...It just isnt...

 

TFY

 

I agree that that's a problem that arises from the Internet era. But it isn't isolated to gaming, really. She could interact with a 42 yo man on internet forums, for instance...

[Keenly]

But its not just me....EVERYONE other than him thinks its weird and creepy..Including even his own wife!....

 

 

Like I said, Ill accept the changes in the way people do things, but have a daughter and then tell me that when she is 11 years old that its acceptable to interact with a 42 year old "man" in any type of venue...It just isnt...

 

TFY

 

 

You have a very distinct misconception of what these events are like.

[skydiveaddict]

 

I believe that one of the first things to get women attracted to me, and consider dating me, is to get them interested in something about me.

 

How do I do that?

 

I've told you all this before. Everything you are now, change it. Whatever you do now, do the opposite. Whatever you are afraid of, do that very thing.

[Under The Radar]

I've told you all this before. Everything you are now, change it. Whatever you do now, do the opposite. Whatever you are afraid of, do that very thing.

 

 

 

I generally prefer to lurk, but this brought me out temporarily ......

 

 

Yes, SD does need to make some changes, but "Everything you are now, change it and whatever you do now, do the opposite" ...... uh, no ...... just no.

 

 

In other words, SD should change the essence of what makes him SD.

 

 

SMH

 

 

*UTR goes back into lurk mode*

 

 

LOL

[carhill]

The product has value and quality but needs some tweaks in marketing.

[thefooloftheyear]

You have a very distinct misconception of what these events are like.

 

 

I'm crystal clear....Unless they are school teachers, ,medical providers, etc...Its inappropriate for a 40 something year old man to interact with minor children on any level...Period...I dont give a shyt what you or anyone else says...Thats why I am not the only one with the opinion..

 

If you like it, great...Enjoy yourself....I dont expect you or anyone else to like the stuff I might enjoy...But I dont need to validate what I do it as you are seeming to do...

 

TFY

[normal person]

Yes. People are suggesting that he does activities that he might enjoy (at which women may be present), rather than merely do things coldly calculated to find a girlfriend.

 

No need to paint me like I'm some villainous PUA artist. Far from it. But one thing I realized is that if I want girls (which SD does desperately) I have to give up a lot of things I enjoy -- because I want the girls more. It's a sacrifice, not a "cold calculation." I gave up playing video games probably around the time I entered high school. Other things are way more important. Studying, sports, socializing, etc were all better paths to success in life. Now the dividends have been paid and I'm doing better than anyone I know, but I'm real curious to hear how I should've spent my free time playing video games and watching cartoons instead. People want to have their cake and eat it too. They usually can't.

 

I'm not suggesting he go to PUA seminar or something like that. My point is that while this stuff he enjoys might be allow him to possibly meeting a like-minded girl once in a blue moon whenever these things go on, it's probably not at all conducive to him meeting a girl the other 99.9% of the time. And if he were to wear it like a feather in his cap when he's out at the bar ("I'm really into video games and costumes"), the average 30 year old woman isn't going to be as understanding. I'm not trying to offend people who do this stuff, but just because there are "a lot" of people who congregate at a convention once a year doesn't mean you aren't still just a very vocal minority. It doesn't mean it's SD's best path to success.

 

I'm 27 and I could only name two people I know who do anything like this. They're both 29+, live with their parents, and never had girlfriends. Granted, they're also obsessive about this stuff to the point where they don't know how to be actual adults, which I'm not accusing anyone here of. I'm sure most people can indulge in this and still maintain healthy professional and interpersonal relationships. However I think that if you've found yourself to be at a point where getting a girlfriend or wife is your biggest priority, maybe it's time to put down the controller and costume and reevaluate how you spend your time. That stuff makes you a passive observer in life, and really a big underlying theme of this thread is "how do I become an active participant?"

 

That'll make you interesting/attractive. And time is precious.

 

I knew my opinion would be unpopular. My advice is to make yourself as universally attractive as you can to cast the widest net the most amount of time. This will give you much better odds and numbers don't lie. There is a contingent of people here saying that you should indulge in your interests, regardless of what they are, and focus your efforts on the small amount of like-minded women that you're a lot less likely to encounter in real life. You can take whoever's advice you want SD (or neither). Which one do you think is more likely to work?

[Keenly]

I'm crystal clear....Unless they are school teachers, ,medical providers, etc...Its inappropriate for a 40 something year old man to interact with minor children on any level...Period...I dont give a shyt what you or anyone else says...Thats why I am not the only one with the opinion..

 

If you like it, great...Enjoy yourself....I dont expect you or anyone else to like the stuff I might enjoy...But I dont need to validate what I do it as you are seeming to do...

 

TFY

 

If you want to make stuff up to be afraid of, that's cool I guess.

 

Doesn't sound like you have ever been to any of these events or even know what goes on at them.

[Keenly]

No need to paint me like I'm some villainous PUA artist. Far from it. But one thing I realized is that if I want girls (which SD does desperately) I have to give up a lot of things I enjoy -- because I want the girls more. It's a sacrifice, not a "cold calculation." I gave up playing video games probably around the time I entered high school. Other things are way more important. Studying, sports, socializing, etc were all better paths to success in life. Now the dividends have been paid and I'm doing better than anyone I know, but I'm real curious to hear how I should've spent my free time playing video games and watching cartoons instead. People want to have their cake and eat it too. They usually can't.

 

I'm not suggesting he go to PUA seminar or something like that. My point is that while this stuff he enjoys might be allow him to possibly meeting a like-minded girl once in a blue moon whenever these things go on, it's probably not at all conducive to him meeting a girl the other 99.9% of the time. And if he were to wear it like a feather in his cap when he's out at the bar ("I'm really into video games and costumes"), the average 30 year old woman isn't going to be as understanding. I'm not trying to offend people who do this stuff, but just because there are "a lot" of people who congregate at a convention once a year doesn't mean you aren't still just a very vocal minority. It doesn't mean it's SD's best path to success.

 

I'm 27 and I could only name two people I know who do anything like this. They're both 29+, live with their parents, and never had girlfriends. Granted, they're also obsessive about this stuff to the point where they don't know how to be actual adults, which I'm not accusing anyone here of. I'm sure most people can indulge in this and still maintain healthy professional and interpersonal relationships. However I think that if you've found yourself to be at a point where getting a girlfriend or wife is your biggest priority, maybe it's time to put down the controller and costume and reevaluate how you spend your time. That stuff makes you a passive observer in life, and really a big underlying theme of this thread is "how do I become an active participant?"

 

That'll make you interesting/attractive. And time is precious.

 

I knew my opinion would be unpopular. My advice is to make yourself as universally attractive as you can to cast the widest net the most amount of time. This will give you much better odds and numbers don't lie. There is a contingent of people here saying that you should indulge in your interests, regardless of what they are, and focus your efforts on the small amount of like-minded women that you're a lot less likely to encounter in real life. You can take whoever's advice you want SD (or neither). Which one do you think is more likely to work?

No, we get it. Its not that we are not understanding what you are saying.

 

You are saying that you should conform to the world. Change yourself to please others.

 

 

That's cool if you want to let the people around you dictate who you are as a person. I mean it kind of shows that you are a walking piece of human clay, but if it makes you happy it makes you happy. A person with any form of self esteem or confidence wouldn't change themselves or the things they love because they are trying to win the approval of the people around them.

 

 

Sorry that the people you know that participate in these activities are complete losers, but its quite assinine to take your two anecdotal examples and apply them to a market of tens of millions as a whole.

 

 

Who are you to tell some one else what is important?

[hasaquestion]

No, we get it. Its not that we are not understanding what you are saying.

 

You are saying that you should conform to the world. Change yourself to please others.

 

 

That's cool if you want to let the people around you dictate who you are as a person. I mean it kind of shows that you are a walking piece of human clay, but if it makes you happy it makes you happy. A person with any form of self esteem or confidence wouldn't change themselves or the things they love because they are trying to win the approval of the people around them.

 

 

Sorry that the people you know that participate in these activities are complete losers, but its quite assinine to take your two anecdotal examples and apply them to a market of tens of millions as a whole.

 

 

Who are you to tell some one else what is important?

 

His point is people shouldn't complain about not getting dates/jobs/things that are externally conferred, if they aren't willing to adapt.

 

People put so much stock in "being yourself" like its this noble goal, and the alternative, to "conform", is wrong. I think that's ridiculous.

 

Adaptation is a beautiful thing. It gets you peacetime, new connections, bugs that have compound eyes.

 

Successful organisms adapt. Successful businesses adapt. That's the way of the world.

[clia]

It's not like I'd have to wear a costume every day....

 

Now this would be interesting!

[thefooloftheyear]

His point is people shouldn't complain about not getting dates/jobs/things that are externally conferred, if they aren't willing to adapt.

 

People put so much stock in "being yourself" like its this noble goal, and the alternative, to "conform", is wrong. I think that's ridiculous.

 

Adaptation is a beautiful thing. It gets you peacetime, new connections, bugs that have compound eyes.

 

Successful organisms adapt. Successful businesses adapt. That's the way of the world.

 

 

Precisely.....

 

Heck, its a lot more fun to sit at home, eat a bowl of Frosted Flakes and go out for a bike ride...but I got bills to pay and mouths to feed and people who count on me daily....Thats what being a man is all about...

 

For some, its not against the law to do this crap..So stay at home, smoke weed, watch cartoons, and play Minecraft....Just dont bitch about why you never get laid or that a good woman should just be willing to accept you as you are....because they wont...they have too many better options..

 

TFY