My MIL is sending annoying emails again should i tell my husband?

[down hearted]

I have not spoken to my MIL since November 2013 because she treated me like dirt disrespected me and i had it and cut her off ever since, not one word from e other than your son is fine every time she asked but since my husband is too lazy to answer her emails she starts emailing me again:

 

Title: From your INLAWS the PARENTS of your husband …the email starts, then she begins with TELL your Husband to call us since we have not heard from him, Also send me photos of your dog and photos of your husband! End of email!!

 

WTF……. how would you react if you read an email like this, gosh my puppy is worth more than i do.

 

I felt like replying with this:

 

From your Daugther in Law, the WIFE of your son,

I am doing Great thank you so much for asking about me and i will send you pictures of Me

Hugs,

daughter in law

 

but i feel that is a little too rude,

 

anyways my point is we have been together for 8+ years we have emailed back and forth in the past does she have to refer herself as my inlaws mother of my husband i find this rude and conflictive, is very demanding like what i got from that is her pretty much i am more important than you because i birthed him and now do what i tell you uh…no i don't think so. Also, she did obviously NOT learn her lesson, she does not regard me at all she does not take me seriously at all, i don't know until when this will stop.

am kind of angry i have to admit, my husband and i have had a gazillion fights because of his mother, should i tell him i don't know what to do, for now i just ignored that email and never answered her, but should i tell him? what should i do, any advice? how would you respond, would you even respond?

Edited May 28, 2014 by down hearted

[quankanne]

forward the email to him, and be sure to include MiL as a recipient, and simply say, "honey, your folks want to hear from you."

 

and leave it at that. He may bitch, but really, only HE is responsible for his relationship with his folks, not you. By tagging them on the email, you let them know you did your part by letting him know they wrote and that it's up to him to respond.

 

other than that, leave out all feelings, because trust me – in the long run, you're better off without having to deal with that garbage.

 

as for her treatment of you: Why wallow in the pit she's dug? Treat her with kindness and class, and let HER show her rear while you come out looking like the good one

[down hearted]

forward the email to him, and be sure to include MiL as a recipient, and simply say, "honey, your folks want to hear from you."

 

and leave it at that. He may bitch, but really, only HE is responsible for his relationship with his folks, not you. By tagging them on the email, you let them know you did your part by letting him know they wrote and that it's up to him to respond.

 

other than that, leave out all feelings, because trust me – in the long run, you're better off without having to deal with that garbage.

 

as for her treatment of you: Why wallow in the pit she's dug? Treat her with kindness and class, and let HER show her rear while you come out looking like the good one

 

Thank you quankanne, this does get under my skin because she always acts victim, she emailed my husband saying that they miss him and that his dad cried a little thinking about how much he misses him which is obviously A LIE she is so dramatic her husband is not like that at all, she is the one always crying wolf all the time. she just gets me so angry am tired of been used as just a messenger am worth more than that!

[bubbaganoosh]

Yeah you tell him. Just say, "Your mother, not mine e mailed me because she wants you to call. Your mother, not mine wants a picture of you and Rover. Your mother, not mine so get off your dead ass, call her and send a few pictures of Rover to her, not tomorrow but right now. I'm not your answering service."

[down hearted]

Great just received a second email:

 

From (her name) The MOTHER of your husband:

 

Would you be so kind as to tell me something about my son, we are worried we do not know anything about him thanks

 

Well at least now she said thank you,

 

ugh her emails are piling up and am just not in the mood of responding honestly, am so angry right now, but i know this will be another conflict with my husband. What about me, she could of easily said i have not heard from ou guys or something, i am worthless to her. She KNOWS our HOUSE number how hard is it for her to call wtf, she used to blow up the phone before when she would fight with her husband why can't she call now, she has to send me these emails !! am sorry am venting she just makes me so angry

[Eivuwan]

If I were you, I would just keep forwarding the e-mails to your husband and not bother responding. She's always going to be this way. It's just her issues. Don't take it too personally.

[Eivuwan]

What did your husband tell you to do in these situations? If he says to not respond, then just don't respond. You can't make him want to talk to his parents more anymore than you can make his parents stop bothering you.

[beach]

Since she's rude and insensitive - you could block her email.

[whichwayisup]

Tell your husband that you've received 2 emails from his mom and that are you forwarding them both to him.

 

Email MIL back, but don't stoop to her level. Tell her you've forwarded the emails she sent you to him and hopefully he'll reply back to her.

 

Put the ball in his court to deal with his parents.

[Snowflower]

Great just received a second email:

 

From (her name) The MOTHER of your husband:

 

Would you be so kind as to tell me something about my son, we are worried we do not know anything about him thanks

 

Well at least now she said thank you,

 

ugh her emails are piling up and am just not in the mood of responding honestly, am so angry right now, but i know this will be another conflict with my husband. What about me, she could of easily said i have not heard from ou guys or something, i am worthless to her. She KNOWS our HOUSE number how hard is it for her to call wtf, she used to blow up the phone before when she would fight with her husband why can't she call now, she has to send me these emails !! am sorry am venting she just makes me so angry

 

She certainly expresses herself oddly in emails, that is for sure.

 

However, why does this cause conflict between your and your H? It's not his fault his mother acts the way she does.

[d0nnivain]

If your husband is still deployed I wouldn't bother him with this petty BS.

 

Ignore the e-mail. Save it to a folder so you can give them all to DH when he returns but if she grates on your nerves that much (& of course she does if that is her usual tone), let him deal with it.

[hotgurl]

Why does this cause fights between you and your husband?

 

Just forward the emails. I don't understand why you have to be responsible for their relationship with their son.

[pink_sugar]

If I were you, I would just keep forwarding the e-mails to your husband and not bother responding. She's always going to be this way. It's just her issues. Don't take it too personally.

 

I agree. If you do respond, you can kindly say that you'd appreciate it if they'd contact their son directly if they'd like to hear from him or talk to him. They can pick up the phone. I know my husband doesn't always respond to emails right away to his relatives, but they contact him if it's regarding him only. Also, I would tell your husband the next time he speaks with his parents that he tell them the same thing...to contact him directly. It's not your job to keep them appraised to what he's up to.

[MissBee]

I wouldn't respond. I would forward the email to my husband and have him address it.

 

I'm not sure I could marry a man whose mother was rude and disrespectful towards me, as that isn't something I'm used to. My family is great and are always welcoming and respectful, even if someone wasn't their favorite, they are nothing but cordial and nice. Therefore it is hard for me to envision marrying into a family where this isn't standard. However my opinion on in-laws is that their child should be the one to set the tone for the relationship and be the primary one to deal with any conflict. That said, your husband should be the one to put his foot down and demand his family respect you and put them in their place if they don't. You shouldn't be the one dueling with his mother.

 

I would not be fighting and arguing with my husband's mother at all....a condition of me even marrying someone whose mother didn't like me would be that HE has to set the tone for respect and being cordial and HE has to be the one to deal with her primarily or address any slights. If he chose to ignore it, take a back seat or take her side and throw me out there to the wolves, then I'm not sure I'd marry him at all or if we were already married, we would perhaps need marital counseling to figure it out.

[pink_sugar]

I wouldn't respond. I would forward the email to my husband and have him address it.

 

I'm not sure I could marry a man whose mother was rude and disrespectful towards me, as that isn't something I'm used to. My family is great and are always welcoming and respectful, even if someone wasn't their favorite, they are nothing but cordial and nice. Therefore it is hard for me to envision marrying into a family where this isn't standard. However my opinion on in-laws is that their child should be the one to set the tone for the relationship and be the primary one to deal with any conflict. That said, your husband should be the one to put his foot down and demand his family respect you and put them in their place if they don't. You shouldn't be the one dueling with his mother.

 

I would not be fighting and arguing with my husband's mother at all....a condition of me even marrying someone whose mother didn't like me would be that HE has to set the tone for respect and being cordial and HE has to be the one to deal with her primarily or address any slights. If he chose to ignore it, take a back seat or take her side and throw me out there to the wolves, then I'm not sure I'd marry him at all or if we were already married, we would perhaps need marital counseling to figure it out.

 

This. I agree 100%. I think it's the duty of the son/daughter to handle his/her own family. This is why I do not get involved any longer with my husband's family issues. I allow him to choose how often he sees them and handle any issues. It's best that way. Years ago, he had an issue with speaking up to his relatives, so I would do it and it was a terrible idea. Things go so much better when we each handle our own family dynamics. The OP shouldn't have to fight with her husband over this. OP, what are your fights about when it comes to your inlaws?

[down hearted]

I wouldn't respond. I would forward the email to my husband and have him address it.

 

I'm not sure I could marry a man whose mother was rude and disrespectful towards me, as that isn't something I'm used to. My family is great and are always welcoming and respectful, even if someone wasn't their favorite, they are nothing but cordial and nice. Therefore it is hard for me to envision marrying into a family where this isn't standard. However my opinion on in-laws is that their child should be the one to set the tone for the relationship and be the primary one to deal with any conflict.

 

Unfortunately this happens most of the times after you get married when the inlaws start to realize they are no longer the first of their child's list and the wife is, so not marrying someone with inlaws like this is not really an option at this point, most of this sometimes happen with some after marriage not before. My inlaws before we got married were great excellent no complaints, but after wards is the whole jealousy i should come first kind of alpha behavior, i don't know if this makes sense?

 

pink sugar, i like what you said and i will do what you said to tell my husband next time to tell her to contact him directly instead of me

 

My husband has told his mom a gazillion times before if i don't call is not because i don't care am just busy or forget and am not the type to be on the phone 24/7, she does not get this through her head though. I have also countless of times told her, please email him directly to get information directly from him, it does not work. I did talk to him yesterday when he got home from work and i told him am upset and since i can not B*** out your mother am frustrated and he told me i understand but what do you want me to do. It is such a touchy subject that i am tired of it, i told him if you don't set her straight i will and you don't want me to. but he is just used to just ignoring her most of the time so he really didn't care much but damn it is nice for him to get used to me keeping her up to date am done, she is rude, she is nasty and i don't want to talk to her, i feel like saying something to her such as, since my husband won't tell you i will please in the future refer all concerns to him directly (which i have already and it has not worked), he knows you email him he is just too lazy to respond or something am tired of been in the middle and my husband not do anything about it, or he does she just doesn't listen she will stop for a month and then start again.

 

I really want to tell her something! As for the why does this cause fights, not always but sometimes it does since after all it is his mother and she is annoying as can be and i tell him to stop her and he does but she doesn't listen and i just feel he is not firm enough!

Edited May 28, 2014 by down hearted

[whichwayisup]

Don't be rude, as much as you want to tell her off, don't.

 

Be honest if you write her back but with respect (even though she gives you a hard time doesn't mean you have to back to her)..

 

"Dear MIL, I have forwarded your emails to XXXX and told him to write or call you back immediately. There's nothing more I can do. Emailing me and asking me constantly for him to contact you is frustrating and honestly this is an issue between you and your son, not me."

 

Or something like that.

[down hearted]

Don't be rude, as much as you want to tell her off, don't.

 

Be honest if you write her back but with respect (even though she gives you a hard time doesn't mean you have to back to her)..

 

"Dear MIL, I have forwarded your emails to XXXX and told him to write or call you back immediately. There's nothing more I can do. Emailing me and asking me constantly for him to contact you is frustrating and honestly this is an issue between you and your son, not me."

 

Or something like that.

 

I love this but the thing is i have told her nicely before please email him directly and she still emails me to tell him to call she just does not take me into consideration, she knows i am home all the time she will be so mad if i tell her i'll forward him the emails when i live with him and see him 24/7 that is why i feel stuck, she does not understand that no matter how many times i tell him call her he is a grown man and will do as he pleases and there is nothing i can do i can not force him to call her, and i shouldn't have to right? I have sent her emails in the past and she does not pay attention to them that is why i feel i should be more blunt this time i don't know in a polite way but blunt.

[whichwayisup]

I love this but the thing is i have told her nicely before please email him directly and she still emails me to tell him to call she just does not take me into consideration, she knows i am home all the time she will be so mad if i tell her i'll forward him the emails when i live with him and see him 24/7 that is why i feel stuck, she does not understand that no matter how many times i tell him call her he is a grown man and will do as he pleases and there is nothing i can do i can not force him to call her, and i shouldn't have to right? I have sent her emails in the past and she does not pay attention to them that is why i feel i should be more blunt this time i don't know in a polite way but blunt.

 

Okay, I can totally feel your frustration!

 

Email her back and say "I've spoken to him about this so I hope he gets in touch with you soon. I'm going to ask you not to email me again about this issue, I'd prefer you to contact your son directly." Maybe that will shut her up!

 

If she continues to email, ignore it. I don't know what else to tell you except your husband has to make efforts with her so she will calm the heck down!

[beatcuff]

From (her name) The MOTHER of your husband:

 

Would you be so kind as to tell me something about my son, we are worried we do not know anything about him thanks

 

<understood this is the second email>

 

sounds like a concerned mother who is FULLY aware of your dislike of her.

 

you have a choice: pour some gasoline on the fire OR put her mind at ease with:

 

"Kate, Bob is safe and doing well. I forwarded your email."

 

(obviously i made up the names).

 

And do that every time: cut and paste it.

 

seriously is this too much trouble? what parent is not concerned about their child, ESPECIALLY in a military situation.

 

you must realize that maybe some day he will reconcile with them so creating walls (blocking emails) is not a wise course. you need not enable them, but should not hinder them either.

 

good luck.

[Snowflower]

Unfortunately this happens most of the times after you get married when the inlaws start to realize they are no longer the first of their child's list and the wife is, so not marrying someone with inlaws like this is not really an option at this point, most of this sometimes happen with some after marriage not before. My inlaws before we got married were great excellent no complaints, but after wards is the whole jealousy i should come first kind of alpha behavior, i don't know if this makes sense?

 

 

down hearted, do you and your husband have children? If so, you might find yourself in a similar situation as your in-laws someday.

 

Sometimes, the new spouse (and usually it is the wife) wants to have exclusive "rights," forgetting that the spouse lived with and was loved by his parents for at least 18 years beforehand!

 

Yes, his mother sounds like an odd bird with the way she expresses herself in emails. But she is his mom and she loves him. What good would it do you (and your husband) to alienate his parents further?

 

So please, don't be jealous and mean-spirited. Respond to her emails with grace and politeness. Kill her with kindness instead. Just respond briefly and graciously saying that you will pass the message on.

 

Just some words of advice from someone who has a rather difficult MIL too.

[Ruby Slippers]

I've had relationships with guys with needy, overbearing mothers, and they handled it in two different ways.

 

One guy was never really able to work up the courage to stand up to his mother as a grown-up and keep her out of his and our business. I wanted to marry him, but I couldn't marry into that.

 

The other guy told her if she couldn't respect me and our relationship, he wouldn't have anything to do with her. She threw another tantrum in response to that, so he cut her out of his life for at least a year, and said he'd never been happier or felt more free.

 

Though it sucks to be married to a guy with such an awful mother, you've got the best possible situation, given the circumstances - your husband ignores and doesn't worry about her neuroses. That's really all you can do with a person like her. I suggest you do the same.

 

If I were you, I'd take the advice to forward the messages to your husband, copy them to his mother, then delete them. If he chooses to continue ignoring her, let it go. You fretting and arguing about his mother is just playing right into her craziness and stirring up trouble in your marriage.

 

An old family friend of mine has similar problems with her sons, and she's learned that the only way she gets to have anything to do with them, their wives, or the grandkids is if she plays by their rules.

[down hearted]

snowflower, beatcuff:

my MIL is overbearing, my husband has a relationship with her he just ignores from time otherwise she will drive him insane so he lets ME do all the work. My husband is fine, she knows it, if she was so worried why does she just not call the house to speak to him directly instead of sending me a bunch of emails every month? Seriously, she had no problem calling the house when she needed money, or when she was in a fight with her husband, so why can't she just call to talk to him if she is so desperate, she is just an overbearing dramatic lunatic who makes everyone miserable around her, she won't be happy even if she has my husband sitting next to her at night holding her for her to fall asleep she is that type of person not because she is worried about my husband and been military. Her own husband was military and gone for many years which she should get the idea by now, my own MOTHER is not this way with my brother, when i have kids believe me this is not how i will behave, when you are grown you have to let them BREATHE.

 

thanks guys, she is just needy needy and always has been but now is getting ridiculous and she disrespected me i was always kind sweet to her it was not always likes this and i always was there for her even at 3-4 in the morning That is how bad it was until one day i had it when she disrespected me and insulted me after how kind i was to her.

 

Guys i HAVE responded to her emails and she just Does not get it, My Husband has spoken to her and she continues these little remarks every month am growing tired, she is just needy and this is why i am frustrated already, i HAVE told her a gazillion times just call the house and talk to him whenever you want to talk to him, email him contact HIM and she still tries to be dominating with me to TELL my husband this and that when she can do it herself, my husband and her are fine and have a relationship she is just dramatic and i don't know how to make her stop with the emails she is so rude.

I never would stop my husband from having a relationship with her, but i will not tolerate her disrespect. So my husband can deal with her and for her to leave me out of it, but after a million times that i have told her email him call him etc she still emails me to tell him to call HIS mother like really>?

Edited May 30, 2014 by down hearted

[pink_sugar]

snowflower, beatcuff:

my MIL is overbearing, my husband has a relationship with her he just ignores from time otherwise she will drive him insane so he lets ME do all the work. My husband is fine, she knows it, if she was so worried why does she just not call the house to speak to him directly instead of sending me a bunch of emails every month? Seriously, she had no problem calling the house when she needed money, or when she was in a fight with her husband, so why can't she just call to talk to him if she is so desperate, she is just an overbearing dramatic lunatic who makes everyone miserable around her, she won't be happy even if she has my husband sitting next to her at night holding her for her to fall asleep she is that type of person not because she is worried about my husband and been military. Her own husband was military and gone for many years which she should get the idea by now, my own MOTHER is not this way with my brother, when i have kids believe me this is not how i will behave, when you are grown you have to let them BREATHE.

 

thanks guys, she is just needy needy and always has been but now is getting ridiculous and she disrespected me i was always kind sweet to her it was not always likes this and i always was there for her even at 3-4 in the morning That is how bad it was until one day i had it when she disrespected me and insulted me after how kind i was to her.

 

Guys i HAVE responded to her emails and she just Does not get it, My Husband has spoken to her and she continues these little remarks every month am growing tired, she is just needy and this is why i am frustrated already, i HAVE told her a gazillion times just call the house and talk to him whenever you want to talk to him, email him contact HIM and she still tries to be dominating with me to TELL my husband this and that when she can do it herself, my husband and her are fine and have a relationship she is just dramatic and i don't know how to make her stop with the emails she is so rude.

I never would stop my husband from having a relationship with her, but i will not tolerate her disrespect. So my husband can deal with her and for her to leave me out of it, but after a million times that i have told her email him call him etc she still emails me to tell him to call HIS mother like really>?

 

It looks like you will either just need to ignore her or start blocking her emails.

[whichwayisup]

It looks like you will either just need to ignore her or start blocking her emails.

 

Yup just don't reply to any more of her emails.