What new tactics is she trying? Breadcrumbs?

[Medium.Lumo]

My ex has sent me messages!

 

She says she misses me and still loves me, and is sorry that things didn't work out and that she knows she acited badly at times.

 

I unfortunately didn't take the advice in previous threads and broke NC.

 

I really just wanted to know one thing. Why she was so sweet to everyone and then treated me so *****ty when we were alone.

 

We got into a long conversation but in the end it went nowhere and I ignored any further messages.

 

My question is ... what does this mean? Is she really trying to patch things up? Or what is she doing if not that?

 

The truth is I miss her like crazy. I thought the biggest thing would be no sex, but that isn't what I miss. I just miss talking to her, the smell of her, just chilling with her. It feels like there is a huge pit in my chest that I can't get rid of no matter what, it's there 24/7 and I can't stop thinking about her

[jbelle6]

Don't beat yourself up, those were some huge breadcrumbs. I think I'd have been tempted and I'm at 3 weeks no contact no problem. My breadcrumb was just "I miss talking to you" and I wanted to cave 2 days after the breakup but I came here and posted and was convinced not to.

 

If you get another one just come here!

 

I miss head pets and cuddles and calling me pretty baby and all that cheesy stuff that when other people do it make you want to barf LOL.

Those are the things that make me cry and make me jealous he might do them with someone else.

[elseaacych]

Nothing is as it seems. Actions speak louder than words. If she hasn't come pounding down your door, ask yourself why. Why does she "miss you", but not act on it? No, it's NOT FAIR to let her toy with your emotions like that.

 

As for missing the quality time: there are lots of other people who will give you quality time, without ditching you.

 

Stay strong. You can do it.

[Medium.Lumo]

We've had full on 2 hour text conversations after the breadcrumbs, but they end up in a stalemate that is emotionally exhausting.

 

She starts off admitting she did wrong a lot of the time in the relationship but as the conversation progresses she ends up turning it around and saying I overreact to everything.

 

BTW it's not your fault but your profile pic reminds me of her a lot so that depresses me thanks for the sentiments though. I hope you do better with NC than I have!

 

Don't beat yourself up, those were some huge breadcrumbs. I think I'd have been tempted and I'm at 3 weeks no contact no problem. My breadcrumb was just "I miss talking to you" and I wanted to cave 2 days after the breakup but I came here and posted and was convinced not to.

 

If you get another one just come here!

 

I miss head pets and cuddles and calling me pretty baby and all that cheesy stuff that when other people do it make you want to barf LOL.

Those are the things that make me cry and make me jealous he might do them with someone else.

[Ordinaryday]

My ex has sent me messages!

 

She says she misses me and still loves me, and is sorry that things didn't work out and that she knows she acited badly at times.

 

Translation: I feel bad about hurting you and am feeling guilty, and even though I don't want you back, please ease my conscience and make me feel better about myself by sending me a text back telling me you are okay and there are no hard feelings between us, so I can have a clear conscience and then go and hook up with a new boy and never give you another thought again.

 

seriously... do you really want to give her THAT?

[Ordinaryday]

She starts off admitting she did wrong a lot of the time in the relationship but as the conversation progresses she ends up turning it around and saying I overreact to everything.

 

Translation: to sleep easy at night I need to make you out to the bad guy and me the good guy, and the only way I can do this is by attacking you for supposedly over-reacting to everything, and by doing this I can be the good guy and you will be the bad guy.

 

seriously, delete her.

[Chocolat]

Sorry this is happening, ML.

 

It is pretty much par for the course, though. She may well want to get back together; she had a good thing going on: a guy who doted on her, supported her financially, and put up with her crap.

 

As you've seen from her texts, nothing has changed. And, in fact, it is way too soon for anything to change. The amount of introspection and growth that needs to occur within her before she can be a healthy partner can't occur in a matter or days or weeks.

 

Hang tight. Resume NC. This too shall pass.

[Emilia]

She starts off admitting she did wrong a lot of the time in the relationship but as the conversation progresses she ends up turning it around and saying I overreact to everything.

And this is what would keep happening in further conversations and if you got back with her. She simply doesn't have the maturity or the will to see your point and to be honest, she isn't a nice enough girl. The two of you are not compatible OP.

[Grumpybutfun]

Nothing she says will make things as you need them to be for reconciliation. She has a lot of work and as chocolat says introspection before she can be healthy in a relationship. You sound like a really decent man so you deserve better than someone who doesn't respect you and treats you poorly.

Delete and block communication. Anything from here on out is just white noise, it will only serve to distract you from moving on.

Best of luck,

Grumps

[H245]

Nothing she says will make things as you need them to be for reconciliation. She has a lot of work and as chocolat says introspection before she can be healthy in a relationship. You sound like a really decent man so you deserve better than someone who doesn't respect you and treats you poorly.

Delete and block communication. Anything from here on out is just white noise, it will only serve to distract you from moving on.

Best of luck,

Grumps

 

I needed to read this for my own situation as well. Thank you...

[Medium.Lumo]

Thanks for the messages guys. It is so difficult. I'm not usually emotional but I've cried a few times since this break up.

 

I have deleted pics of her and tried to block her from everything but I keep re-adding her.

 

Then even in this thread jbelle's profile pic reminded me of her. It's all the small things that I wouldn't usually notice, now I associate random things with her which makes me incredibly sad.

[Emilia]

Thanks for the messages guys. It is so difficult. I'm not usually emotional but I've cried a few times since this break up.

 

I have deleted pics of her and tried to block her from everything but I keep re-adding her.

 

Then even in this thread jbelle's profile pic reminded me of her. It's all the small things that I wouldn't usually notice, now I associate random things with her which makes me incredibly sad.

What you are going through now will give you the incentive to be more selective next time for a relationship and to pull the trigger sooner if necessary.

[Medium.Lumo]

What you are going through now will give you the incentive to be more selective next time for a relationship and to pull the trigger sooner if necessary.

 

Well, as selective as a guy van possibly be in this area, lol.

[Emilia]

Well, as selective as a guy van possibly be in this area, lol.

One thing somedude was right about is that now you know women better. As you gain experience it becomes easier to talk to girls.

[Medium.Lumo]

One thing somedude was right about is that now you know women better. As you gain experience it becomes easier to talk to girls.

 

I agree it has helped a bit with confidence but I think I'm just in a bad city to meet women.

[Chi townD]

Translation: I feel bad about hurting you and am feeling guilty, and even though I don't want you back, please ease my conscience and make me feel better about myself by sending me a text back telling me you are okay and there are no hard feelings between us, so I can have a clear conscience and then go and hook up with a new boy and never give you another thought again.

 

seriously... do you really want to give her THAT?

 

 

THIS!!!! Exactly this is what's going on! Read it a few times over.

[somedude81]

Dude, this is your opportunity to take charge.

 

She obviously wants you back.

 

Set some ground rules and stick to them.

 

Of course don't bother if you feel that you'd just bend over backwards with her.

 

IMO the worst mistake you did, was let her move in with you.

[Medium.Lumo]

So say it was a mistake... how do you go backwards and have less of a relationship by living apart after living together?

 

Anyway ground rules won't help... she'll just push and push as usual... even her breadcrumbs are pushy. I don't think we're really compatible.

 

Dude, this is your opportunity to take charge.

 

She obviously wants you back.

 

Set some ground rules and stick to them.

 

Of course don't bother if you feel that you'd just bend over backwards with her.

 

IMO the worst mistake you did, was let her move in with you.

[somedude81]

So say it was a mistake... how do you go backwards and have less of a relationship by living apart after living together?

Simple, you just do it.

 

You'd tell her that it was a mistake for her move in with you so soon and you'd just date her like normal. The only difference is that she has to go back home.

 

When I was with my ex, she only stayed with me for three days a week, then she was at her parents for the rest of the week. Having her move in with me was never even a question.

 

 

Anyway ground rules won't help... she'll just push and push as usual... even her breadcrumbs are pushy. I don't think we're really compatible.

If that is how you feel, then you need to go no contact with her and cut her out of her life.

 

Tell her that you are moving on and will no longer talk to her. Then you need to stick to your word.

[Medium.Lumo]

Well her behaviour with her ex before me was really strange... He basically just met up with her for sex and then left. She complained he never wanted to go out with her or they made plans and he flaked. They never actually went out in public but stayed together for months.

 

At the time all of our group of friends told her to dump him and eventually she did but geez. She stayes with him for a long time.

 

He was also unemployed and didn't have any ambition. At the time I was like wtf but now I realize she's just not wired normally.

 

Simple, you just do it.

 

You'd tell her that it was a mistake for her move in with you so soon and you'd just date her like normal. The only difference is that she has to go back home.

 

When I was with my ex, she only stayed with me for three days a week, then she was at her parents for the rest of the week. Having her move in with me was never even a question.

 

 

 

If that is how you feel, then you need to go no contact with her and cut her out of her life.

 

Tell her that you are moving on and will no longer talk to her. Then you need to stick to your word.

[somedude81]

Sounds like her ex just thought of her as a booty call. Is that why she wanted to move in with you?

 

Either way dude, what do you want?

[Medium.Lumo]

Sounds like her ex just thought of her as a booty call. Is that why she wanted to move in with you?

 

Either way dude, what do you want?

 

Ideally I'd want her to change, to treat me the same in private as she did in public.

 

I still love her... but she just was a bad match for me.... I want a good girl who is always sweet. She was sweet sometimes and selfish sometimes.

[somedude81]

Ideally I'd want her to change, to treat me the same in private as she did in public.

Do you think she can change?

 

You really need to think things through.

 

Everything that happens now is up to you.

 

I still love her... but she just was a bad match for me.... I want a good girl who is always sweet. She was sweet sometimes and selfish sometimes.

ROFL!

 

No woman is always sweet.

 

All women are sweet sometimes and selfish sometimes.

 

Women aren't dolls who perfectly behave themselves. They are people. You will never find a woman who will never challenge you and try to do things her way or never make you uncomfortable.

 

How you react to what she does is what defines you as a man.

[Grumpybutfun]

My wife is pretty much always sweet to me. Even if she is annoyed or frustrated or overwhelmed, she never takes it out or makes it about me. I know she is special and a doll but she isn't the only woman I've been with who was calm and kind to me. They are out there. Don't settle for less if you need more. Like you said, you simply aren't compatible. First breakups are hard, but you did the right thing by releasing yourself from someone who just wasn't kind to you. The focus should be on finding someone who compliments your life, makes it richer and more.

Best,

Grumps

[Medium.Lumo]

Thanks for the message.

 

It's difficult to ignore her because I work at the school and she's studying at the school. I blocked her on Facebook and she ran into my office and got all upset and asked why I blocked her. She still has "in a relationship" on her profile last time I checked, she is making it difficult.

 

My wife is pretty much always sweet to me. Even if she is annoyed or frustrated or overwhelmed, she never takes it out or makes it about me. I know she is special and a doll but she isn't the only woman I've been with who was calm and kind to me. They are out there. Don't settle for less if you need more. Like you said, you simply aren't compatible. First breakups are hard, but you did the right thing by releasing yourself from someone who just wasn't kind to you. The focus should be on finding someone who compliments your life, makes it richer and more.

Best,

Grumps