Ordinaryday Posted May 29, 2014 Share Posted May 29, 2014 Thanks for the message. It's difficult to ignore her because I work at the school and she's studying at the school. I blocked her on Facebook and she ran into my office and got all upset and asked why I blocked her. She still has "in a relationship" on her profile last time I checked, she is making it difficult. you need to do the direct approach. dumpers are often confused about one point - they misunderstand that since you want to be in a relationship with them they often assume that you will welcome ALL contact from them. this is not the case. breadcrumbs are detrimental to healing, and I blocked my dumper on facebook and told her not to contact me - I dont want to see photos of her with a new guy, or hear about how she has a new boyfriend, that would only hurt me. Ignorance is bliss. the next time she contacts you tell her directly: "I don't want to be 'just friends' with you. Don't contact me unless the contact is about us getting back together". then ignore ANY and ALL contact from her unless she outright states she wants to talk about you two getting back together. once she knows where you stand she will either respect your wishes and leave you alone or not respect your wishes by continuing to hassle you which will just show you what a nasty person she is. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Medium.Lumo Posted May 29, 2014 Author Share Posted May 29, 2014 The problem is I don't know if I want to be in a relationship with her or not. She has good points but even more bad points. Part of me misses her of course, but I am trying to be logical. I think NC would help clear my head, but she is harassing me. you need to do the direct approach. dumpers are often confused about one point - they misunderstand that since you want to be in a relationship with them they often assume that you will welcome ALL contact from them. this is not the case. breadcrumbs are detrimental to healing, and I blocked my dumper on facebook and told her not to contact me - I dont want to see photos of her with a new guy, or hear about how she has a new boyfriend, that would only hurt me. Ignorance is bliss. the next time she contacts you tell her directly: "I don't want to be 'just friends' with you. Don't contact me unless the contact is about us getting back together". then ignore ANY and ALL contact from her unless she outright states she wants to talk about you two getting back together. once she knows where you stand she will either respect your wishes and leave you alone or not respect your wishes by continuing to hassle you which will just show you what a nasty person she is. Link to post Share on other sites
Ordinaryday Posted May 29, 2014 Share Posted May 29, 2014 The problem is I don't know if I want to be in a relationship with her or not. She has good points but even more bad points. Part of me misses her of course, but I am trying to be logical. I think NC would help clear my head, but she is harassing me. hey, I never said you would have to take her back!he beauty of the comment is that she will leave you alone and allow you to clear you head and then if she does come back you will have all the power because you will be able to decide what to do. and if she doesnt come back at least you will have healed. Link to post Share on other sites
jalfy Posted May 29, 2014 Share Posted May 29, 2014 Wait..from your previous thread..I thought you are the one who dumped her?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Medium.Lumo Posted May 29, 2014 Author Share Posted May 29, 2014 Wait..from your previous thread..I thought you are the one who dumped her?? Yes. But I'm still trying to get over her. She was my first girlfriend. I couldn't take her selfish attitude anymore. But I still love her. I'm trying to keep calm and get over her but it's so difficult. I can't keep NC. Link to post Share on other sites
Chocolat Posted May 29, 2014 Share Posted May 29, 2014 ML, just tell her you don't want to talk to her. Keep her blocked. NC is the only way through this so you can get to a point where you are thinking clearly. A nice girl will be nice all the time. Oh sure, you can have an occasional disagreement, but women who are sane, respectful, and nice are this way at their core. It's too soon for you to be dating maybe, but this is what you should be looking for in the future. Stay away from crazy chicks. No matter how hot they are (and honestly, this is NOT the most important thing in life), they will get you acclimated to crazy and next thing you'll be married to a crazy chick and having babies with her. Then you'll be forever trapped. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Medium.Lumo Posted May 29, 2014 Author Share Posted May 29, 2014 Good points... but it works both ways. If guys can't insist on hot girls neither should women be allowed to state there's no chemistry as an excuse for friend zoning. ML, just tell her you don't want to talk to her. Keep her blocked. NC is the only way through this so you can get to a point where you are thinking clearly. A nice girl will be nice all the time. Oh sure, you can have an occasional disagreement, but women who are sane, respectful, and nice are this way at their core. It's too soon for you to be dating maybe, but this is what you should be looking for in the future. Stay away from crazy chicks. No matter how hot they are (and honestly, this is NOT the most important thing in life), they will get you acclimated to crazy and next thing you'll be married to a crazy chick and having babies with her. Then you'll be forever trapped. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted May 29, 2014 Share Posted May 29, 2014 Good points... but it works both ways. If guys can't insist on hot girls neither should women be allowed to state there's no chemistry as an excuse for friend zoning. You can insist on 'hot' it's just that you will keep getting burned. It's yourself you end up hurting in the long run. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Medium.Lumo Posted May 29, 2014 Author Share Posted May 29, 2014 You can insist on 'hot' it's just that you will keep getting burned. It's yourself you end up hurting in the long run. My definition of hot isn't narrow... looking around at any particular place I see lots of hot women, it's not like I'm demanding models like one friend of mine does... In fact those models that he dates aren't as hot as normal hot women in my opinion. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chocolat Posted May 29, 2014 Share Posted May 29, 2014 My definition of hot isn't narrow... looking around at any particular place I see lots of hot women, it's not like I'm demanding models like one friend of mine does... In fact those models that he dates aren't as hot as normal hot women in my opinion. Great. Find one who's hot but not crazy. They exist! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted May 29, 2014 Share Posted May 29, 2014 Great. Find one who's hot but not crazy. They exist! Are you sure about that? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Medium.Lumo Posted May 30, 2014 Author Share Posted May 30, 2014 Great. Find one who's hot but not crazy. They exist! I know they do, but the problem is figuring out who they are. If you met my ex you'd think she's Miss Personality. I only realized she's crazy recently. We were friends for a year and I swore she was the sweetest girl I had ever met. Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 Sorry you're going thru this. It will get better with time. Did she give you your car keys back? Does jbelle need to be warned about her avatar? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 My definition of hot isn't narrow... looking around at any particular place I see lots of hot women, it's not like I'm demanding models like one friend of mine does... In fact those models that he dates aren't as hot as normal hot women in my opinion. The point being is that this appears to be the only thing you make your selection based on. Link to post Share on other sites
whatdreamsmaycome Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 I know they do, but the problem is figuring out who they are. If you met my ex you'd think she's Miss Personality. I only realized she's crazy recently. We were friends for a year and I swore she was the sweetest girl I had ever met. Lol... I feel like this is something my ex would say... and while I'm a fellow Love-Shacker and "on your side"... I have to say something about this. I am definitely a sweet girl. I bake for people, I volunteer, I am ALWAYS told I'm super sweet. My ex said that this is why he was attracted to me. But I do have a fiesty side... which makes the sex amazing, but stirs my passions and intensity within a dating relationship... which means other things are intense as well... and well, I almost always end up being called "crazy", but really I'm just passionate. I'm not excusing your ex, but I had to stick up for my fellow "lady in the streets, but a freak in the sheets" girls As for her breadcrumbs... Everyone is different, meaning her breadcrumbs could be her way of reaching out to you, her way of wanting to have sex, or her way easing her guilt. No one really knows except her. But if you are really interested in meeting the sweet-to-the-core girl of your dreams, I would say just ignore the ex and move on... because the more that you continue anything with this ex-girlfriend... well, the more it will continue, ya know? Good luck! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 and well, I almost always end up being called "crazy", but really I'm just passionate. I'm not excusing your ex, but I had to stick up for my fellow "lady in the streets, but a freak in the sheets" girls IMO if you keep getting called crazy, you need to do some soul searching. That seems to go beyond the 'lady in the streets, freak in the streets' premise. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
KaliLove Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 Good points... but it works both ways. If guys can't insist on hot girls neither should women be allowed to state there's no chemistry as an excuse for friend zoning. Chemistry is a real thing..people have to be physiologically attracted to someone in order to want to be with them. It's primal..we are naturally attracted to people who will give us the healthiest offspring..it literally has to do with body chemistry. That means that hot is completely relative. If you have chemistry with a woman, she will be hot to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Medium.Lumo Posted May 30, 2014 Author Share Posted May 30, 2014 Chemistry is a real thing..people have to be physiologically attracted to someone in order to want to be with them. It's primal..we are naturally attracted to people who will give us the healthiest offspring..it literally has to do with body chemistry. That means that hot is completely relative. If you have chemistry with a woman, she will be hot to you. I just find it hypocritical that women can say men shouldn't go for hot women but women are allowed to friend zone based on "chemistry" Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 I just find it hypocritical that women can say men shouldn't go for hot women but women are allowed to friend zone based on "chemistry" I don't know whether you are being obtuse but the point we are making isn't that you are going after what you fancy but that you are only picking based on looks. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Medium.Lumo Posted May 30, 2014 Author Share Posted May 30, 2014 IMO if you keep getting called crazy, you need to do some soul searching. That seems to go beyond the 'lady in the streets, freak in the streets' premise. Lol thanks for the laugh. Yes I think she should be warned for looking too much like my ex Kidding No... no keys yet 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Medium.Lumo Posted May 30, 2014 Author Share Posted May 30, 2014 I don't know whether you are being obtuse but the point we are making isn't that you are going after what you fancy but that you are only picking based on looks. I'm not. I understand what you are saying and of course agree. But there are a lot of instances where women have this double standard and don't find an issue with it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Medium.Lumo Posted May 30, 2014 Author Share Posted May 30, 2014 She has also suggested friendship now... but I don't know how feasible that will be with the awkwardness that is going on now... Link to post Share on other sites
KaliLove Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 I just find it hypocritical that women can say men shouldn't go for hot women but women are allowed to friend zone based on "chemistry" Nobody said that men shouldn't go for hot women. Where did you get that from? You obviously need to be attracted to a person in order to want to be in a relationship with them. I think what people are saying is that you're choosing women ONLY based on their looks. You keep talking about how hot your ex is and how you miss the sex, and you gloss over the fact that she's completely crazy and treated you horribly. You forgive and ignore too much because she's pretty. That's what happens when you base a relationship solely on looks. You should try getting to know a woman before you decide you don't like her. Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 Chemistry is a real thing..people have to be physiologically attracted to someone in order to want to be with them. It's primal..we are naturally attracted to people who will give us the healthiest offspring..it literally has to do with body chemistry. That means that hot is completely relative. If you have chemistry with a woman, she will be hot to you. There's a simple reason why men don't understand chemistry the way women do. Men feel chemistry for almost all attractive women. Women obviously are not the same. Of course that often leads to a situation where a guy feels chemistry with a woman, but she doesn't feel it on her end. This is confusing to men. When there are so many women who claim to not feel chemistry with him, he just starts to believe it doesn't exist. Link to post Share on other sites
whatdreamsmaycome Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 Lol thanks for the laugh. Yes I think she should be warned for looking too much like my ex Kidding You guys laugh, but you're obsessed Medium.Lumo All my exes have been obsessed with me too. If we're so crazy and awful why do you guys keep coming back... over and over and over Looks like I'm not the only one that needs to do some soul-searching. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts