What new tactics is she trying? Breadcrumbs?

[Medium.Lumo]

Alanis Morrissette.

 

Lol. Wtf?

 

Sorry I wasn't alive in the 80s ... Please explain

[somedude81]

I can't even believe you just typed that. It's completely at odds with your views expressed before.

 

You know as a girl she could replace me tomorrow if that's what she wanted.

 

Your thought process is starting to frustrate me.

 

Don't forget that I was dumped by my only girlfriend. So when it comes to relationship matters, I'm mostly on the side of the dumpee.

 

I keep telling you over and over, that you need to figure out what you want.

 

Either try to get back with her, or leave her alone. Your choice.

[KaliLove]

Most importantly of all..Alanis Morissette was 90's, not 80's.

 

First of all..I really hope there weren't any children around in that movie theater..if there were, your ex is definitely a pedophile and should go directly to prison.

 

Second..lots of women are sexually adventurous..if you give them the chance. Getting a blow job in a movie theater really isn't all that amazing.

 

Third..stop making everything about sex!!! I know you're just a kid but get your brain out of your little winky and put it back in the head above your neck! Eventually you'll realize that there are other things that are just as important. Like sanity.

 

Also, just because someone is on loveshack with you doesn't mean they have to agree with you. If you're doing something dumb, people will tell you you're doing something dumb.

[Kizmet Fisher]

Lol. Wtf?

 

Sorry I wasn't alive in the 80s ... Please explain

 

No one ever gets my jokes

 

You're not familiar with the song 'You Oughta Know' by Alanis Morrissette? Huge song of the late nineties (!!!). It's basically about her being bitter with her ex-boyfriend who now has a new girlfriend. A pretty famous line of it is, "would she go down on you in a theatre?'

 

Seriously Lumo, you need to get past the sexual aspects of your relationship with your ex. Plus how hot you think she is. She was a psycho in your relationship, and would continue to be a psycho if you got back with her.

 

You need to realise that breakups always hurt (particularly first ones), even if the relationship was a terrible one. Don't let a knee-jerk reaction to actually having her gone override the very good reasons you ended the relationship for.

[Kizmet Fisher]

Most importantly of all..Alanis Morissette was 90's, not 80's.

 

First of all..I really hope there weren't any children around in that movie theater..if there were, your ex is definitely a pedophile and should go directly to prison.

 

Second..lots of women are sexually adventurous..if you give them the chance. Getting a blow job in a movie theater really isn't all that amazing.

 

Third..stop making everything about sex!!! I know you're just a kid but get your brain out of your little winky and put it back in the head above your neck! Eventually you'll realize that there are other things that are just as important. Like sanity.

 

Also, just because someone is on loveshack with you doesn't mean they have to agree with you. If you're doing something dumb, people will tell you you're doing something dumb.

 

Liked for having basic knowledge of popular music.

 

Have to disagree with you that Lumo's ex is a paedophile though. I think it far more likely that she ienjoys having sex in public places (probably gets off on the possibility of getting caught).

 

I agree with your other sentiments.

[KaliLove]

Liked for having basic knowledge of popular music.

 

Have to disagree with you that Lumo's ex is a paedophile though. I think it far more likely that she ienjoys having sex in public places (probably gets off on the possibility of getting caught).

 

I agree with your other sentiments.

 

That was a joke...

 

Although raping him in a swimming pool full of children is sick and disturbing and she actually should be arrested for that.

[LifeIsGreat]

Crazy in the head, crazy in the bed!! Been there, done that..... it's not worth it!!

[Medium.Lumo]

Crazy in the head, crazy in the bed!! Been there, done that..... it's not worth it!!

 

I didn't want her to go NC. I didn't want this to turn so ugly. She blocked me on FB. But I saw a comment on a mutual friend's page that was hurtful.

 

Someone rear ended me yesterday. Not terrible damage but still not pleasant to deal with.

 

My buddy made a comment and she replied:

 

Poor little rich boy. Karma is a b##ch

 

What kind of person does that considering a week and a half ago she "loved" me??

[mickleb]

This will sound harsh, but I don't meant it to be. I'm afraid you sound as naive about break-ups as you did about relationships.

 

Somedude has given you some terrible advice on this relationship but he's right about your inability to commit to your decision to break-up.

 

You knew breaking up was the right thing to do. You got the guts to do it. You did it. THAT MEANS IT'S OVER.

 

You should've have initiated NC at that point, so that you could recover from this awful mess of a relationship. You didn't and you've suffered because of it. Despite everything she's done, she has EVERY RIGHT to initiate NC for herself. There is no way in hell that anyone can break up with anyone else and then say 'But I didn't want her to go NC!' It's ridiculous.

 

You have ended it. It is over. It is your mission now to move on with your life as successfully as possible. You don't do that by wondering why your breaking up with a crazy person hasn't resulted in that crazy person begging for you back and changing their entire behaviour to become the perfect partner. This isn't Hollywood. And I don't think even Hollywood would buy this particular script.

 

Her FB comment demonstrates that she's hurt, which is fine. She's allowed to be. Alongside her behaviour towards you during the relationship, though, I'd take it as further proof that she never really cared for you at all.

 

You need to block her from FB. That way, you won't see any more comments from her. You need to delete her number and avoid all interaction with her at work. If you run into her, you keep it businesslike.

 

Your journey is without her now and NC involves accepting this. Every time you find out what she's up to, you pick the scab. You are healing from the breakup of an abusive relationship. That's serious stuff to deal with. Don't go sticking blunt objects into the wound.

 

Take care of yourself. She is not your problem any more.

 

I want to hear about what you've been doing to make yourself feel better. Get living and writing about it!

[Emilia]

Poor little rich boy. Karma is a b##ch

 

What kind of person does that considering a week and a half ago she "loved" me??

Trash, pure trash. You have to look out for class in the future.

[Medium.Lumo]

All you say is probably true but it's so complex because we are at the same school and have a lot of the same friends. Maybe those who say dating friends is a bad idea are correct after all.

 

But it's difficult to surgically remove her from every part of my life without friendships with mutual friends also suffering.

 

 

This will sound harsh, but I don't meant it to be. I'm afraid you sound as naive about break-ups as you did about relationships.

 

Somedude has given you some terrible advice on this relationship but he's right about your inability to commit to your decision to break-up.

 

You knew breaking up was the right thing to do. You got the guts to do it. You did it. THAT MEANS IT'S OVER.

 

You should've have initiated NC at that point, so that you could recover from this awful mess of a relationship. You didn't and you've suffered because of it. Despite everything she's done, she has EVERY RIGHT to initiate NC for herself. There is no way in hell that anyone can break up with anyone else and then say 'But I didn't want her to go NC!' It's ridiculous.

 

You have ended it. It is over. It is your mission now to move on with your life as successfully as possible. You don't do that by wondering why your breaking up with a crazy person hasn't resulted in that crazy person begging for you back and changing their entire behaviour to become the perfect partner. This isn't Hollywood. And I don't think even Hollywood would buy this particular script.

 

Her FB comment demonstrates that she's hurt, which is fine. She's allowed to be. Alongside her behaviour towards you during the relationship, though, I'd take it as further proof that she never really cared for you at all.

 

You need to block her from FB. That way, you won't see any more comments from her. You need to delete her number and avoid all interaction with her at work. If you run into her, you keep it businesslike.

 

Your journey is without her now and NC involves accepting this. Every time you find out what she's up to, you pick the scab. You are healing from the breakup of an abusive relationship. That's serious stuff to deal with. Don't go sticking blunt objects into the wound.

 

Take care of yourself. She is not your problem any more.

 

I want to hear about what you've been doing to make yourself feel better. Get living and writing about it!

[Medium.Lumo]

Trash, pure trash. You have to look out for class in the future.

 

Very upsetting though. I hope it was just a comment in anger and she did love me while we were together, and wasn't just pretending the whole time.

[Emilia]

Very upsetting though. I hope it was just a comment in anger and she did love me while we were together, and wasn't just pretending the whole time.

This is why NC is so important, Lumo. People say all sorts of things, sometimes to inentionally hurt, sometimes to save face. Likely she doesn't mean it but it still hurts. Some people calm down and apologise, others will resent you for the rest of their lives and will pick fights with you if you let them. You can't save yourself from this in any other way then by shutting her out completely. It's not like she is some level-headed chick that can handle things appropriately.

[clia]

I didn't want her to go NC. I didn't want this to turn so ugly. She blocked me on FB. But I saw a comment on a mutual friend's page that was hurtful.

 

Someone rear ended me yesterday. Not terrible damage but still not pleasant to deal with.

 

My buddy made a comment and she replied:

 

Poor little rich boy. Karma is a b##ch

 

What kind of person does that considering a week and a half ago she "loved" me??

 

God, what a sweet girl!

 

Does a sweet, kind girl act like that? It's great that you are finally seeing more of her true colors. The fact that she even mentioned your money indicates how important that was to her.

 

You know what this is? Bitterness. Bitchiness. Her effort to get under your skin. (Which worked).

 

Expect to see more of this type of trashy behavior from her. Do not let it phase you. She is trying to get a rise out of you.

 

Stay no contact. Nothing would please her more right now than for you to go crawling back to her. Then she would really have the power. If you think things were bad before -- wow, just wait!

 

You did the right thing. She wasn't right for you. It's totally normal to miss a person and to feel some regret in the immediate aftermath of a break-up. You will get over this. You will get through this.

 

But most of all -- you will find someone else -- and she will be much better than this one.

[martaldn]

if you feel so bad and sick then try to contact her again.

send messages on facebook or text messages or emails. if she doesnt respond then keep trying.. humiliate yourself, beg her to talk to you again if you think that MAYBE you made a mistake in breaking up with her. if you think that this MAYBE can be fixed.

but what if you didnt? what if you really dodged a bullet in giving up on her?

 

you will never know if you dont try at least for some period of the time to LIVE without her.

you are torturing yourself and its a pain to read your post because i can feel you are suffering but you need to learn from the past.

People dont change in 1 week..some dont change in an entire life and if you think that your relationship with her can be different now, well Lumo you are wrong.

[mickleb]

All you say is probably true but it's so complex because we are at the same school and have a lot of the same friends. Maybe those who say dating friends is a bad idea are correct after all.

 

But it's difficult to surgically remove her from every part of my life without friendships with mutual friends also suffering.

 

You know what? The complications you mention aren't that uncommon.

 

Sometimes people have to split up and, due to financial circumstances, have no choice but to continue to live with each other for some time. Imagine that! They can still follow NC to the letter. They avoid all contact with their ex and any unavoidable contact is kept businesslike. An absolute minimum, just sorting out any practical issues that absolutely cannot be avoided. You simply work at the school she goes to. It sounds to me that you can avoid her most of the time in that situation. You don't need to speak to her about anything relating to your job, do you? If you pass her in the corridor, avert your eyes and walk on. Just as anyone would have to do if they saw their ex in the street. Can you explain how often you see her, in what situations, at work so that we can offer any further advice you might need on maintaining NC at work?

 

How many couples split up who don't have a few mutual friends? Not many. It's always tricky. But your true friends will stand by you. They will respect the fact that you do not want to hear any news about her until you are healed. They don't have to pick sides. You just don't attend any functions where she might be, unless absolutely necessary (e.g. a friend's wedding or something). Have you asked your friends not to tell you any news about her? What other situations are difficult when it comes to mutual friends?

 

You cannot physically remove her from every aspect of your life. NC isn't about that. It's about AVOIDING as much contact with someone who has hurt you as possible.

 

Have you blocked her from Facebook yet? If not, why not?

[Medium.Lumo]

You know what? The complications you mention aren't that uncommon.

 

Sometimes people have to split up and, due to financial circumstances, have no choice but to continue to live with each other for some time. Imagine that! They can still follow NC to the letter. They avoid all contact with their ex and any unavoidable contact is kept businesslike. An absolute minimum, just sorting out any practical issues that absolutely cannot be avoided. You simply work at the school she goes to. It sounds to me that you can avoid her most of the time in that situation. You don't need to speak to her about anything relating to your job, do you? If you pass her in the corridor, avert your eyes and walk on. Just as anyone would have to do if they saw their ex in the street. Can you explain how often you see her, in what situations, at work so that we can offer any further advice you might need on maintaining NC at work?

 

How many couples split up who don't have a few mutual friends? Not many. It's always tricky. But your true friends will stand by you. They will respect the fact that you do not want to hear any news about her until you are healed. They don't have to pick sides. You just don't attend any functions where she might be, unless absolutely necessary (e.g. a friend's wedding or something). Have you asked your friends not to tell you any news about her? What other situations are difficult when it comes to mutual friends?

 

You cannot physically remove her from every aspect of your life. NC isn't about that. It's about AVOIDING as much contact with someone who has hurt you as possible.

 

Have you blocked her from Facebook yet? If not, why not?

 

I can't imagine still living with her but not being together. Would be very tough.

 

I've tried to avoid her at school and it's worked, but I've also had to avoid certain friends which is sad.

 

I haven't blocked her. She's blocked me.

[Medium.Lumo]

Thanks for the message.

 

After her comment I don't think it can be fixed but I think about taking her back every day, I miss her so much.

 

I just wish it could have turned out differently. This breakup just seems to be getting worse and worse.

 

 

 

if you feel so bad and sick then try to contact her again.

send messages on facebook or text messages or emails. if she doesnt respond then keep trying.. humiliate yourself, beg her to talk to you again if you think that MAYBE you made a mistake in breaking up with her. if you think that this MAYBE can be fixed.

but what if you didnt? what if you really dodged a bullet in giving up on her?

 

you will never know if you dont try at least for some period of the time to LIVE without her.

you are torturing yourself and its a pain to read your post because i can feel you are suffering but you need to learn from the past.

People dont change in 1 week..some dont change in an entire life and if you think that your relationship with her can be different now, well Lumo you are wrong.

[Medium.Lumo]

I've known her for a year and a half and I honestly would never have suspected she would make a comment like that. Totally out of character.

 

I hope I will find someone else but women around here are so picky

 

God, what a sweet girl!

 

Does a sweet, kind girl act like that? It's great that you are finally seeing more of her true colors. The fact that she even mentioned your money indicates how important that was to her.

 

You know what this is? Bitterness. Bitchiness. Her effort to get under your skin. (Which worked).

 

Expect to see more of this type of trashy behavior from her. Do not let it phase you. She is trying to get a rise out of you.

 

Stay no contact. Nothing would please her more right now than for you to go crawling back to her. Then she would really have the power. If you think things were bad before -- wow, just wait!

 

You did the right thing. She wasn't right for you. It's totally normal to miss a person and to feel some regret in the immediate aftermath of a break-up. You will get over this. You will get through this.

 

But most of all -- you will find someone else -- and she will be much better than this one.

[mickleb]

I can't imagine still living with her but not being together. Would be very tough.

 

I've tried to avoid her at school and it's worked, but I've also had to avoid certain friends which is sad.

 

I haven't blocked her. She's blocked me.

 

Well done for avoiding her at work. Sorry you've had to avoid some friends. Can you explain why that is?

 

If you block her, also, you won't see any more unwanted comments on friends' pages.

[Medium.Lumo]

I broke up with my girlfriend recently and I did NC for a while. Then I started doubting my decision and broke down and tried to contact her. This was after she started going NC on me. For the first few days she tried to contact me and even walked in on my job.

 

After advice here I went NC again but broke down crying last night. I don't cry often but I couldn't help it. What did I do? I miss her voice, she sounded like an angel, all I want to do is talk to her again.

[Emilia]

You are grieving Lumo. It's part of the process because you know it's over.

[mickleb]

Sorry to hear you're having such a rough time right now. If break ups were easy, there wouldn't be a very busy forum like this one on LS.

 

They're hard. Especially at first. But we can learn incredible stuff from them to improve our lives. Things do get better.

 

We cannot imagine feeling better when the situation is fresh. It's so overwhelming, so confusing and painful. But look at the stories of those who take the time to update others here about their progress. It's quite amazing.

 

It's okay to miss someone who has been an important part of our life. Even if their contribution was somewhat negative. It's completely normal to cry our eyes out. We can cry so much that we don't recognise our own faces in the mirror. It can be a very dark, tough time. And this can seriously affect our ability to function normally for a while. Most people find this very disruptive time doesn't last more than a few weeks. For some it's a few months. But allowing ourselves the time to process all this stuff, whilst keeping ourselves as healthy as we can (that includes maintaining NC), is all we can really do.

 

If you can do this, Lumo, you'll look back and see how important this time in your life was. You are growing at a huge rate. You're splitting your old skin, as it were. The one that became too tight for you. You'll be moving around and breathing so much more comfortably soon but you've just got to go through this process first.

 

You'll get there. You've already demonstrated your strength to is by ending it. That was brave. And we'll help you get there when you need some help.

 

Keep posting. Keep talking it through. Write stuff down somewhere else, too, if you like. Sometimes it's not always easy to write out everything you mull over on a public forum. Writing it down helps to move it from an emotional place to a logical one. This is the job of your brain, now. To sort out the temporary feelings from the reality. (Like your perception that she sounded like an angel. Did she sound like one to you when you read that Facebook post the other day..?)

 

If you're too exhausted to write, then just rest as comfortably as you can. When you've rested, get some fresh air, feed yourself well and then come back and tell us how things are tomorrow. You're not alone. You've just got to lose that old skin, remember?