Dissappointments during your affairs...

[Realist3]

tsk tsk. thats not nice. and certainly not true. Is your OW #10? the OW is usually moved up to #1 just not 100% of the time.

 

It was probably a little harsh, I agree; but it is the truth in most cases.

 

MW is about #4 and I'm probably about the same with her. But my situation is different since we were on the same page from the beginning. I didn't have to lie to her to get her into the A.

[goodyblue]

I was never treated any less than the absolute first priority. He knew I would never put up with being anything but first.

[Mickey1982]

It was probably a little harsh, I agree; but it is the truth in most cases.

 

MW is about #4 and I'm probably about the same with her. But my situation is different since we were on the same page from the beginning. I didn't have to lie to her to get her into the A.

 

Inaccurate to make a blanket statement for all situations without EVER knowing EVERY situation.

 

Every relationship is different and to assume the AP is always below #1 on the list all the time is completely unfair.

[Sub]

I don't mean to speak for Realist, but I believe that's why he said "in most cases".

[Snowflower]

It was probably a little harsh, I agree; but it is the truth in most cases.

 

MW is about #4 and I'm probably about the same with her. But my situation is different since we were on the same page from the beginning. I didn't have to lie to her to get her into the A.

 

Inaccurate to make a blanket statement for all situations without EVER knowing EVERY situation.

 

Every relationship is different and to assume the AP is always below #1 on the list all the time is completely unfair.

 

I don't want to interject where I am not welcome but Realist has a point. Of course there are no absolutes in any situation but posters like Realist3 do offer a unique perspective...as the MM. We get to hear it straight from the horse's mouth so to speak.

 

It seems like a lot of time on this forum (and on Infidelity) it is often a lot of women squabbling back and forth from their respective positions as the OW and the BS.

 

We hear little from the MM point of view and even less from the WH because those posters are easy targets and often run off.

 

Sure, we can disagree with what a MM like Realist is saying but as much as we don't like to hear it sometimes, it can be the truth.

 

Do I like to hear that MM such as Realist treat their wife in such a way, with such little respect? No, of course not. But other perspectives are valuable too and I've learned a lot from them.

 

Just my .02

 

Carry on

[Mickey1982]

I don't mean to speak for Realist, but I believe that's why he said "in most cases".

 

 

My comment was based on Realist's comment below. I don't see a reference to 'in most cases"......

 

You aren't #1, you are #3 at best. You are a diversion, despite what you might be told by MM.

Edited May 29, 2014 by Mickey1982

[Sub]

My comment was based on Realist's comment below. I don't see a reference to 'in most cases"......

 

You aren't #1, you are #3 at best. You are a diversion, despite what you might be told by MM.

 

Sorry, I was confused because you quoted his "in most cases" post.

[Mickey1982]

My comment was based on Realist's comment below. I don't see a reference to 'in most cases"......

 

You aren't #1, you are #3 at best. You are a diversion, despite what you might be told by MM.

 

 

My bad---I quoted his follow-up but was referencing his earlier comment. Sorry about that.

[Realist3]

Just for clarity. I'm not an absolutist. Yes, I am very aware that there are many shades of grey(sometimes up to 50, so I hear). I am not in any way trying to paint every single situation as the same. With that said, there is no ignoring the larger trend. This is where it gets tricky. I would bet dollars to donuts that most single OW's want like everything to believe their situation is the exception, not the rule. But over time they begin to realize their situation is more like the rule than they would like to admit.

[Realist3]

And speaking of disappointments in the A. I don't have enough fingers or toes to count. But undoubtedly the biggest is the MW's inability to be even keeled. And I don't know if I would even say it is a disappointment, but more something I see as continuing issue that causes unnecessary drama within the relationship. She can't compartmentalize very well. I don't blame her for it, but it just gets tiresome. That particular issue has nearly ended the A several times.

[Mickey1982]

Just for clarity. I'm not an absolutist. Yes, I am very aware that there are many shades of grey(sometimes up to 50, so I hear). I am not in any way trying to paint every single situation as the same. With that said, there is no ignoring the larger trend. This is where it gets tricky. I would bet dollars to donuts that most single OW's want like everything to believe their situation is the exception, not the rule. But over time they begin to realize their situation is more like the rule than they would like to admit.

 

 

Apologies to you Realist---as I said to Ailsa in another post, I am still trying to wrap my head around this mess I have made of myself even after four months of NC.

[Realist3]

Apologies to you Realist---as I said to Ailsa in another post, I am still trying to wrap my head around this mess I have made of myself even after four months of NC.

 

No apology necessary. I'm sure it is very very confusing and heart wrenching. I in no way wanted to come across as making light of that.

 

Once you have been on this board for awhile there is a recurring theme, and I apologize to anyone that may have deemed my comment as flippant.

[WasOtherWoman]

Just for clarity. I'm not an absolutist. Yes, I am very aware that there are many shades of grey(sometimes up to 50, so I hear). I am not in any way trying to paint every single situation as the same. With that said, there is no ignoring the larger trend. This is where it gets tricky. I would bet dollars to donuts that most single OW's want like everything to believe their situation is the exception, not the rule. But over time they begin to realize their situation is more like the rule than they would like to admit.

 

This exactly.

[ConfusedMarriedOW]

And speaking of disappointments in the A. I don't have enough fingers or toes to count. But undoubtedly the biggest is the MW's inability to be even keeled. And I don't know if I would even say it is a disappointment, but more something I see as continuing issue that causes unnecessary drama within the relationship. She can't compartmentalize very well. I don't blame her for it, but it just gets tiresome. That particular issue has nearly ended the A several times.

 

Hahahah are you sure you aren't my xMM?

 

I just don't see how these OW can stay even keeled, affairs are damn stressful.

[tornado]

I have to agree with Realist3...

 

The MMs are definitely manipulative and OWs are quite naive... Even more when the MM is older than the OW.

 

The good point is when the OWs open their eyes, they have learned something about men. Always find something positive from the experience.

Edited May 29, 2014 by tornado

[goodyblue]

I have to agree with Realist3...

 

The MMs are definitely manipulative and OWs are quite naive... Even more when the MM is older than the OW.

 

The good point is when the OWs open their eyes, they have learned something about men. Always find something positive from the experience.

 

What? That is not what most OW say. I hear a lot take responsibility for the decision to have an affair. I wasn't naive in the slightest and it's condescending to say such.

[Realist3]

Hahahah are you sure you aren't my xMM?

 

I just don't see how these OW can stay even keeled, affairs are damn stressful.

 

lol Yes, it is stressful. I often marvel how MW deals with everything going on with her full plate, much less adding the A into the mix. I am mindful of how stressful it is to her.

[MatchStick]

Just interested in knowing if you felt quite often that your MM disappointed you on many occasions.

 

I just wrote a huge amount about my disappointment in my xMM. And then....I discovered I was no longer logged in. Bummer. So I'll just say that his character and lack of really consciencousness in making decisions about 'us' quite the disappointment. And only did so once the W found out and when he stood the chance of becoming separated. It was like he was coming at me with this emotional agenda, swinging 'sincere', (lie...just manipulative). Ok, we are only in a new EA after 2.5 years. To make it worse, I told him that if he and W were going to get back on track, I (the one he had three days prior professed love to, later then said he lied about it, and then said he was attracted, and more) was going to move on. Ok he is on internet lock down, wants to write from work (we are across the continent) and wants to see 'how I feel about that' when he comes back into town and meets me for a cup of coffee. And not me and H. And the reason he is going to get it together with W (or separate as W threatened...a common thing) is that he was responding to his Code of Ethics. Unbelievable. Ok, we are done. Part of his goodbye is writing this "I wish you my best in...and in the years to come" and listed some common activities. He doesn't get that! Ok, over NC, I find out after counseling, three weeks later, he and W run off to Hawaii for a couple of days, and one month later, for Valentines, run off to a cute Bed and Breakfast for an overnight and dining experience. After that, we was scheduled (business) to come back into town. Did he try to contact? I think so. I can't be sure, but I got a call from a missed call from an ID I recognize as his, and then a day later, a missed call from a landline at the local airport. Damn coincidental. He had his shot at a friend, nothing else until we were single. Too weird, and disappointing he felt he could be so emotionally indulgent. That is in part my disappointments.

[cocorico]

I was never treated any less than the absolute first priority. He knew I would never put up with being anything but first.

 

I was prepared to concede first place to his career, because we all have to earn a crust, and I needed to prioritise my career too. But he saw it differently - I was his top priority, even above career demands.

[goodyblue]

I was prepared to concede first place to his career, because we all have to earn a crust, and I needed to prioritise my career too. But he saw it differently - I was his top priority, even above career demands.

 

Yes, but they make a great career because they love and want to provide FOR US. I don't see that as being second. I see that as working his butt of to be a good guy for our family. For me.