Teacher using parent, concerns

[Minnie]

I have known my child's coach for years and we recently went on school trip with child's teacher. He knows I appreciate his efforts and have even written commendations he has been awarded raises on over the past years. He is single and young and it has been fun to watch him grow up over the past 5 yrs. Have always cared about him. More of a parenting thing I guess. I have seen him grow up over the past years and we are very proud of all he has accomplished as a teacher and for our kids. Solid teacher and personally care about him.

 

Well recently 2 things have happened. We just came back from a long school trip.......here he is on the trip dating his student teacher, age 20. as in just finished her internship and she is not even out of college yet. They were more than holding hands on this trip and he talks about it in class when the kids ask. Is it none of my business? I guess on one level we are happy for him but it sets a not so easy example for these Hs kids. Age difference, beside the point, 8 years at least. On one hand I am happy for him but on the other hand.....it was awkward.

 

On top of that Ijust before we left he rolled some costs onto me he should not have w the trip. She came along and at the last min he asked me to pay my flight ticket even though I was the only attendant chaperone. The other 3 adults were other teachers and going to seminars and she was technicaly done with her internship and no longer a part of the school. I was the only one watching the kids. I would not be surprised if it was her flight ticket I ended up paying for. Day before Chirstmas eve no less.

 

How do I bring this up to him? Sure I paid it. I did not know better that week not to. I did not know who was slated to go nor how much the school board had decided to pay. We are back now and yes, she makes him happy. I am tired of caring and being walked on. Is my assessment accurrate? Did not need the extra expense at the last min but was dumb not to be direct and question it right then. It was Xmas week and I had too much on plate at the time.

 

So then we get back and he asks me to write admin a nice note about how wonderful the exp was for the kids. Good grief. My husband is very upset we had to pay anything. School covers these experiences completely. Only reason he did this was cause I am far to easy, care far too much and have been his right hand for years. Sure I will write admin and gush about the experience we did have a wonderful time and was rewarding.......but it seems something is not quite right.

 

Please advise. How do I set a teacher straight and remain friends and caring parent. Or is it just too late. Should we take them out to dinner and bring it up there? Besides, I do miss him. He is good guy. Maybe I am wrong and should just leave this alone. I am sure he thinks I am easy and love him and will do whatever. Meanwhile, I do want to get past this awkwardness and have years ahead of good rapport.

 

Should I make him feel guilty?

[seera]

The only thing I have to go on is what you have typed here, so here goes.

 

The first thing I think that should be done is you should contact the school system and see just why you were required to pay for your flight....maybe with this trip it was required....or then again, maybe what you think.. is the reason (her ticket). After that my advice would be to just let it go...and learn from it. In the future either get the full facts of these trips or just don't go if informed of last minute changes that you can't handle.

 

If you don't mind, just what kind of trip was this? Why were teachers going to seminars when there were students on this trip? Why were you the only chaparone?

 

What concerns me about this post is the way you wrote it. I have read through it a couple of times and each time I have had an uneasy feeling about it. No disrespect, but, it sounds like there is more to this then having to pay for your ticket. It sounds like there could be some deeper feeling on your part for this coach and I don't mean as a close friend either. It reads like you are upset that he brought a woman along on the trip instead of you being upset that you had to pay for the ticket. Maybe you should stop and think just whatreally is bugging you about this.

 

I apologize if I am way off base here, but again, I can only go by what you have written.

 

 

seera

 

 

"Your just jealous that the voices only talk to me"

[bluechocolate]

A very strange way to put it.

 

She came along and at the last min he asked me to pay my flight ticket

 

That is too weird. These things are usually highly organised way in advance with all info up front, especially to the parents and, one would think, to a parent who was involved to the point that you were. What kind of school is this?

 

If you have a valid parent/teacher relationship with this man then this would almost be a non-issue, but the truth is you don't. Do you?

 

Minnie, given your other posts, I would say you are seriously obsessed with this guy.

 

Perhaps it's time to seek professional help on this one?

[Minnie]

Interesting.

 

Actually most schools had their teams attend without funding. We were very lucky.

 

Turns out the submitted request turned out to be for the team and chaperones inclusive of the coach. Current coach and assistant, one parent. Past assistant not covered. By arranging the rooms all were covered for hotel space. One flight was not. Coach and assistant went to conference. Fees covered. added cost and timing was annoying. It would have been easier to know earlier up front. Chalk it up to learned lesson and need to get all in writing ahead of time. And insight into character.

 

Likely I am too close anyway.

[Mz. Pixie]

Minnie,

 

My BF is a coach and a teacher. He has to travel out of town sometimes for sporting events.

 

The school doesn't cover the costs for parents to go ever. They cover the coaches or teachers expenses/room/food and the kids- but it's held to a very tight budget ($15.00 a day for food) etc. Recently he went on a trip and some parents went. They all needed to go a day early for practice but the school didn't want them to- so he asked parents to give a little so that they could go up a day early. Most of them that could did. Otherwise each girl would have had to foot the bill for their room etc that day.

 

BF is very close with three of his students and their families- he has had them all through school. He has been divorced for a while and the girls have babysat for him, they are thrilled to see him so happy. I have met most of the parents who have shown up for games, we hosted a Christmas party at his home for the kids- I made food and helped him with it. They all know me and joke around with me.

 

That being said, it would be very inappropriate for me to attend a trip like this ( I never would) and it was inappropriate in this case. I was asked by one of the parents why wasn't I going on the last trip because it was going to be so much fun. My answer "That wouldn't be a good image to present for the kids" If he were married to this young lady then I say that would be okay, but they are not. It doesn't present a good image to the kids- and he shouldn't want to do that anyway. For her to attend and them to stay in the same room and be physically affectionate with each other on a school sponsored trip is beyond inappropriate! Did the school pay for his room???? Of course they did. She is also a student teacher???? WHAT???? Does the principal of the school know that? That is inappropriate as well! He could be dismissed for that probably.

 

It seems like you're upset about the relationship, not that you paid for your ticket. If you're having some feelings for this guy you need to get some counseling and back away. Unless there is something going on between the two of you???

 

Get some perspective but if it's his conduct that's upsetting you take it to the principal.

[Minnie]

Agree completely.....I appreciate your perspective.

 

When we are all close and it is really from year to year it is hard sometimes to get perspective.

 

You are right. Aside from the cost it is an ethical thing. I do think I should distance myself. My own fault for being so intwined and dependent. As my husband says --he would have addressed it right away early on. We both care about this guy, it has nicely evolved --we expect it to last many years to come.

 

Thanks.

[Mz. Pixie]

Okay........now I'm confused- you adopting this guy or what??

 

If you're kids are out of school and you're not a teacher why would you need to keep up a relationship?

[Minnie]

No not really. younger kids in school system at least for years to come. may or may not be on the team.

 

Friends before he was coach to the kids. Co-teacher, similar line of work, in other district near the city. shared circle of friends, some happenstance and some work related.

 

Sometimes life is like that. Know folks from various community ties. Even up in years my parents are still friends with some of my past school teachers. That is even decades later. Community members and shared experiences. Who teachers your child one day may be your patient or neighbor down the road....and vice versa.

[Mz. Pixie]

So, this person is just a friend then??

 

Perhaps you need to gain some perspective. I have a close friend who's gotten so involved in my divorce situation I've had to step away from her because it's impacting her emotionally too much and she's being too vocal about my actions she doesn't agree with.

[Minnie]

No --I know it is confusing. Our child has been one of his primary best team members for over a few years and so I am first a parent, then a team parent then a friend and a past coworker. So there is history. We are all glad he has someone wonderful in his life.

 

And have many years ahead as we have younger ones likely to follow in their siblings footsteps. Unless we move we are supportive. We were on council years ago together and totally have watched him grow up in his profession. People change a lot from 21 to 30.

 

Have to take a few steps back. Likely friendship will last. We did find out that the school covered all expenses. So am getting fees back. I chose to go and support my child and went on the trip as a parent chaperone and watched all the kids while teacher and assistant teacher and past assistant teacher literally had a vacation. ah well.

 

As I said before. We let it happen. Love the kids and probably care way too much for this guy. As for the ethics. He did not start seeing her till AT gig all done. She is just young and should have paid her own way but it is none of my business.

 

Best to just bring it up directly to him off campus. Either he thinks I was so blindly generous to not notice...or he thinks I do not care. That is why it is so confusing. He is used to us being very caring and like relatives.

[Fuzzy Chickens]

Okay, I'm confused... who's banging who here, and why is it a problem?